Chapter 115: Chapter 115

Tears start to fall down from my eyes and soaked my cheeks. I smile in tears but also cry in pain. How could I disappoint my family and not giving them what they wanted. My family gave everything to me and I never had a chance to repay their kindness. Life is not always fair, I had a nice rich family and I disappoint them. Some of us in this world are struggling for living because they’re not born from the affluent family. Same as Lena, she struggled since she was a kid.

“I am so grateful that I had you as my sister…” I sob as tears start to fall down and soak my cheeks. “And I thank you for being the sister that you are. You’re amazing, you’re understanding and I know… that if nobody in this damn world loves me, I know you love me… And I never have to look for love” I end as I wipe my tears. “You soaked me huh? Now I had waterfalls soaked my eyes” Rosa chuckles through the phone. “Hehehe” I laugh softly.

“Please tell Ben that I don’t want to see him for a moment… He doesn’t even answer my phone either so it’s doesn’t work if he comes here to explain everything to me, I need time for being alone” I demand. “Okay, Maia… I will tell him, I promise” Rosa says. “How about you and Lena? You talked to her?” Rosa asks. “No… We’re not talking, not even for seconds” I respond. “So I called the man, who’s his name? I forgot!” Rosa asks.

“Dmitri?” I respond. “Yeah, that one! We’ll meet this weekend and talk about Lena” Rosa says. “W-what?! So you guys will meet?” I ask excitedly. “Yes… he says he will tell everything to us” Rosa responds. “Oh, God! Thank you so much, Rosa… You’re the best!” I hum with smiles on my face, I am so happy for it. My mood suddenly goes up to the sky, crashing the clouds to the stars and blow up making little stars in the dark empty sky.

“You still love her, huh?” Rosa suddenly asks me that kind of question. I guess she knows how my feelings were. “I…I…” I stutter as I point my gaze to the ceiling and lean on the prison wall. “I don’t know what to say… but… my heart still loves her…” I heavily sigh. “Oh, let me clear things up once again” I start. “I didn’t end my relationship with Ben because of Lena or somebody...” I start. “I just think this is not gonna work out for me anymore!”

“I mean, I’m in prison and I will be here for almost half of year. I don’t want Ben to wait for me to out! I want him to build his good life without me… without this fucking psycho bitch who still can’t get over her lesbian narcos ex-girlfriend… I want to set him free” I end. “Wow, what a bold move, Maia” Rosa quips. “So you didn’t believe me, huh?” I heavily sigh as I lean my head on the wall. “It’s your choice for not believing me...” I say.

“But I don’t see Lena and I could be together anymore” I sigh. “I don’t see that she wanted that thing to happen like I do” I whoosh my breath softly. “I trust you, you’re shifty psycho bitch” Rosa laughs through the phone. “Thank you so much, Rosa… I don’t know if I didn’t have you as my sister, I maybe will end my life in this terrible place one night after I got here” I chuckle as I close my eyes in relief and smile.

“You've always got my back Maia, don’t worry” Rosa smiles. “Okay, I should go! There are a lot of people’s lines behind me, it’s nice to hear your voice Rosa” I state with smiles on my face. “It’s nice to hear your voice too, Maia” Rosa responds. “Tell baby bear I love her” I chuckle. “I will tell her, she keeps asking about you, and I told her that you’re having a nice vacation outstate” Rosa laughs softly. “How dare you lied to my little Ali” I chuckle.

“Well, I guess that's good for her, I mean… don’t ever tell her that I’m in prison” I end. “I would never, Maia” Rosa laughs softly. “Okay, I should go now! Bye, I love you” I kiss her through the phone and hang the phone. “Sorry, it’s my sister” I chuckle and place the phone back. “You should rent all these entire spots in a day and place a sign so we’re not wasting our time to wait in line, princess…” A woman behind me just talked rudely to me.

I quickly out and make my way full speed to my block, the woman is so rude. I never meet someone rude in here like her before and I wish I never see her again. “Jeez!” I mumble as I open my room and quickly throw myself to the bed. “What a pathetic damn life!” I groan, my face planting to the pillow as I held it. I turn around and sigh then I point my gaze to the prison ceiling and wail out.

I saw Lena today, I cut my relationship with Ben without gave him the reason why I’m doing it. I ruined my life and disappointing my family. “I wish I never born to this damn world” I sigh as I keep pointing my gaze to the ceiling. “Knock! Knock! Knock!” My prison door sounds. “Ughhh… what now?!” I groan and up from my bed to open the door. “Hey, you’re here!” It’s Z, she came to my block. “Come in, please…” I demand her to in as I get into my room.

I sit on my bunk and Z follows me after, she sits on my bunk next to me. “What happened, Maia? Why you leave my room?” She asks. “Mmmm nothing happened Z” I grin with a big uncomfortable smile on my face as I look at her. “Lena and friends came to my room and say sorry, it surprises me at first but I know they mean it...” Z explains. “Good for them” I reply briefly. “How about your arm?” I place my hand on her arm and caressing it gently.

“You felt better now?” I ask. “I’m good, thanks to you” She chuckles. “Hahaha thanks to me?” I chuckle as I raised my brow. “I mean… you taking care of me very well and thanks, Maia…” Z caresses my hair lovingly with smiles on her face. I know this girl likes me a lot, no matter how much I lie to her, she still had that part in her eyes and I could see that in her eyes when she looked at me. I reach over her hand and smile.

“That's how it works” I chuckle. “Maia, I have to tell you something…” Z heavily sighs and she made me freeze. “Yeah?” I reply tensely. “Ummm never mind” Z laughs softly. “What?! Tell me Z! You're making me curious as fuck” I laugh, my cheeks change to the magenta color as I look at her. “You know what… I wish I could tell you that I really into you” She starts. “But… I don’t want to have a relationship with someone who never sees me”

“I mean… you know… you were a wonderful friend. You taught me how to love before you broke my heart and I hated you then” She chuckles, her face gazed at me with teary-eyed. “I never thought I’d say this, but I want you to be happy wherever you are. I understood, just like love, even heartbreak doesn’t last long” She ends. “Z…” I reach over her hand as I gazed at her. “I am so sorry…” I say with a slight of grief in my voice.

“You know how hard my life was… you know how complicated my love stories were. I don’t want to hurt you and I don’t want to hurt more people…” I caress her hand and look at her. “But it doesn’t mean that I didn’t like you! It doesn’t mean the entire thing we’ve done is not a thing” I explain. “I like you Z… and I appreciate everything good you have done to me and I’m so grateful that I had you in my life” I smile as I look at her.

“But how can I start a new fresh relationship if I didn’t throw and cut all the burdens in my chest and lie to myself, to you!” I end. “You look sad lately, I just want to make sure that you’re okay and I think it’s time for me to release all the burdens in my chest after a long time ago I kept them...” Z says. “I know you like me Z and I like you too, I swear… I mean it” I respond. “But I’m not ready now… maybe you can call me after we’re out so we can talk” I chuckle.

“What the hell! Hahaha” Z laughs. “Mmmm but for sure” She gives me a smile. “You had a good sense of humor, Maia” She chuckles as she gazed at me. “I’m not kidding! I mean…” I laugh softly. “If the universe brought us to be together again, we cannot do anything” I end. “Wow… that’s… I don’t know what to say…” She chuckles. “But you know what...” Z starts. “If maybe oneday you’re ready for it, I will always be there for you…” Z reaches over my hands and holds them.

“It’s your decision to start forward, or getting back to your past…” She ends. A pain stabbed my heart as I heard her words. I felt my head drowned underwater and drown my face so I lose my breath and dies. I fall down to my knees and it hurts my heart as swords stab my chest. Right now, I’m getting killed by my own mixed feelings, my love for Lena, my guilt for Ben, and my urge to move forward and start a new fresh life after I’m out of prison.

I love Lena and I still cannot remove her from my heart and brain. For millennia, Lena held a special place in my heart. I kept this special place just for her, as a reserved sign on a quiet corner table in our favorite restaurant. Despite the fact that I was sure I’d never see her again. And then all of sudden, the universe brought us together and we meet again after a long time not seeing each other’s face.

She came back a completely different person, she didn’t see me like she used to. She didn’t have the same feelings as I had for her. A new cold look, a new damn cold soul, I feel like she’s not my Lena anymore. The woman that once cared too much about me and everything, no longer cared at all. I wish I could see my old Lena anymore, even though for seconds. I really want to see my Lena again, the love of my life.