Chapter 64: Chapter 64

Without seeing anyone's face, I go to the bus stop, the night is dark and cold, I take out my mobile and call an Uber, when it arrives, I rush to get into the car that was waiting for me.

“Where?” The driver question

"Where can you let me die in peace?" I look at him.

"It can't be your house, they know where you live."

Taking off my earrings and necklace, I throw them out the window, Kahin put GPS on all my clothes, that's how he found me the day they abused me.

***

"Precious, are you sure you want to be alone?" I look at Randon and affirm his question.

"Take me to a hotel and remember to be quiet, I don't want you to tell anyone where I am."He nods and leads me, advising Kahin not to follow us.

Arriving at a seedy hotel on May 5, a long way from home, Randon accompanies me.

"I'm going to stay with you, I can't leave you alone, not right now,” he says.

I lie down on the bed and I let myself cry with all the pain in my soul, my friend hugs me and I allow it, I need it, I want support right now.

“You need to speak it, you must or it will consume you inside,” he says to me.

I know he's right, but I doubt the tears and pain will let me do it, but I still try, “Randon, it hurts a lot, I felt bad because mom and Kahin weren't getting along, I swear I thought it was all because of their differences and because mom couldn't bear the idea that I was bought for helping her, but it wasn't like that. They lied to me and hid something from me that they shouldn't have.” My friend combs my hair.

“Can you tell me they hid you?" Creating a gasp of pain to remember my mother's words, I begin to tell what they told me, “now I understand and although Kahin didn't tell you anything either but  don't you think he was a victim too? Think beautiful, he did not say anything because your mother asked him to do so, he only took care of you and was worried that you would hate your mother.”

I look at him somewhat annoyed, “Randon, there's only one victim here and it's me, I hate to accept it but it's the reality, if Kahin had loved me like he says, he would have told me everything no matter what my mother had asked him. Don't you think he would have tried to explain everything so that things really weren't that bad?  But no of course, he listened to my mother, I can't believe she wasn’t able to carry a baby just because it was a crazy night and that's it. How can a woman be like this? Killing an innocent person for their misdeeds” panting I add, "God ... My mother was going to have a child with Kahin."  —Without stopping crying and feeling worse than before, I vent, my friend comforts me even though that is something impossible.

Kahin and my mother lied to me, I don't know how to react and I don't know how I'm going to overcome that, my heart belongs to him, my mother, she brought me into the world and raise me to the size that I am now. I have never felt such intense pain, I have never seen the world in such a sad way as I am seeing it now, my body even with the pain that I have it simply feels empty, my mother, Kahin the two in one bed, a chill runs through my body.

I can't shut my eye, my friend stays lying down from listening to me cry so much, taking my mobile I do what I have to do, this pain that I now feel is something I cannot bear. Daylight appears through the window and I continue to sit on the bed, silent tears run down my cheek and even though I don't scream and pull my hair, as I do internally, I feel just as suffocated as my interior.

"You haven't slept at all, have you?" Randon asks getting up.

Wiping my tears, I try to smile and then look at him, “I just woke up,” I'm lying, my friend stretches out on the bed.

“You are terrible at lying, precious you have puffy eyes and one can tell that you haven't slept at all.”

Erasing the fake smile, I look away, “I'm going to Italy, I've already bought the ticket."

Randon is instantly sit up, “ are you crazy? Marilí, you can't do that, your life is here, in Panama, surrounded by your friends, family and compa ...”

"And pain," I shout interrupting him, “don't you understand that if I stay here, I'll have to live knowing that the two people I love the most in the world have cheated on me?"

My friend shakes his head over again, “the pain is making you act this way, you are more sensible than this Marilí, I know what you are going through and it is hard. But can't you live your love! For the love of God woman, your mother with Kahin was something that came out of a night of alcohol and nothing else .”

Getting up I smile, “and that fun thing led to an abortion."

“An abortion that your mother committed without Kahin's consent, you can't blame him for that, the only mistake he did was not telling you the truth in time, but what you've told me indicates that he wanted to do it and abstained from telling you at your mother's request.,” his words hurt me, “I know that now you're very hurt and you think you'll never get out of this, but it's not like that ... Marilí you love that man, you can't suffer more than you will, if you leave you would lose everything.”

Without saying anything, I go to the shower, the flight leaves at night and if I miss it, I would have to wait eight more days. In the shower, I think about what Randon told me, he may be right, at the moment I cannot believe that my life is fixed and that this intense pain disappears from me, I do not think I will forgive my mother or Kahin, I could not live together with them, not when knowing that I slept with a man my mother also slept with. I never thought that suffering in this way would be because of a lie, because of something that my own mother would hide from me.

When I get out of the shower, I run immediately because of the urge to vomit, the tension from everything that is happening to me, I feel it in my stomach, I come out of the bathroom and see my friend sitting on the bed looking at the floor.

"I didn't think my decision would affect you that much,” I sit next to him, “Randon, I just ask you to support me in this, I need to get out of here, I need to recover and try to forget everything.”

He snorts, "I already ordered breakfast, I'll go shower, I need it." Without saying anything else, he goes to the shower and I take the opportunity to get dressed. Breakfast arrives, but I have no appetite, Randon wants to force me to eat and it is impossible, nothing is wrong with me, having a broken heart for a man is one thing, but having it broken for the love of your life and your mother is a matter of a master level, it's horrible.

"Where is she?" I hear Kahin's voice, my heart start racing and more when I see him enter with Malcolm, my mother, Carla, Lourdes and Loan, “you can't do this to me, you can't go, Marilí!" He yells, glaring at my friend, he shrugs.

“I couldn't allow you to leave, not without first listening to them, you can't let yourself be carried away by pain,” Randon says and leaves the room. I stand in front of the people who created my distrust, I only trust my friend and I only allow her to approach me.

"You can't leave me skinny," she says sobbing, "you can't leave me alone ...what would I do without you?"

When I look at my friend crying, I can't tolerate it anymore and I do too, "I have to do it Carla, I need to do it." My friend hugs me more and lets out that cry that lowers my defenses, "you should calm down, I don't want you to cry." She ignores me and continues, I swallow the urge I have to cry with a feeling just like her, I just let the tears escape in silence.

"Come on daughter, let them talk," my friend is separated from, forced by Loan and my aunt to leave me alone with my mother and Kahin.

I sit on the bed, "I'm only going to listen to you because I can't go like this, I need to know everything in detail,” I look at my mother, “you have been the one who has done the worst, you start.”

My mother looks at me, her eyes are pained, just like mine, “it was never my intention to hurt you like this, I thought waiting for the right time ...”

"And you think that the right time was when I was already so in love?" I interrupt and my mother looks down.

"Of course not, darling you were happy,” she looks at me, “if I treated Kahin badly, it was because I thought he was taking revenge against me, as I already told you, but I also knew that if I told the truth you would be unhappy and you would hate me,” she wipes away her tears.