Chapter 53: Chapter 53
Richie takes a step closer to me, his eyes never leaving mine, he tugs a strand of hair behind my eyes. "Do you remember the time I told you that I can read your eyes?" He inquires. Lost in his gaze I slowly nod, I recall that day, it was when he proposed to me.
"Well, I read them now and it says you wish the same thing I do. You want to be with me as much as I do." He says; his breath brushing against my face.
Richie is right, I do. I really do want to be with him and If there is anything in this world that bothers me the most is not being with him. I never thought I will ever say this but it’s true. I feel lost when I’m not with him. It’s almost like a part of me is missing, and I'm wandering aimlessly through life without a clear sense of direction. I wish, I just wish I can fill that missing part and roll the past off my back but I can’t do that. It hurts as much as it’s hard to just forget about everything and move on. I don’t think I will be able to do that even when hell freezes over.
My eyes still locked on Richie’s. I try to hold back the tears that threaten to spill from my eyes. I’m sorry Richie but it’s not that easy. I wish to be with you till my lungs give up, I wish to make a life with you but I can not do that. Some wishes aren’t meant to be fulfilled.
When I look back at my past and all I have done, everything I did involves taking my revenge. I invested my time, my energy; every single thing. I can’t just move past that because it’s not just about me, it’s about my mom. She nor I won’t want me to end up with her murder. I mean, It’s bad enough I broke the only promise I make to my mom. I don’t want to disappoint her anymore.
The glimmer in Richie's eyes draws my thoughts back to him. His eyes are bursting with emotion and it was clear that he was struggling to keep his composure.
I release a heavy breath. I wish things could have been different between us, Richie. I wish we could have found a way to make work things out. I tried to do that; let go of the anger and find a way to forgive but whenever I think about it, I hate myself more. My mom has done so many things for me, she gave me the best of the best memories. I can never forget how she saved my life when we got attacked. I can not be a terrible daughter and I can’t just move on without giving her closure.
There is no doubt that I love Richie but sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes, life gets in the way, and we have to make choices that break our hearts. In my situation, I have to make a choice and I did. I can’t be with Richie because I think it’s better to get hurt than regret loving the person you’re with.
Richie takes another step closer to me, he gazes at my eyes as if he’s searching for something. His eyes are sparkling and I can feel my heart flutter. There's something about him that draws me in, that makes me want to take a chance. But I'm scared. Scared of getting hurt, scared of making the mistake, scared of losing myself to him. This isn’t about revenge anymore, it’s about love and I hate that I have to lose Richie to love him.
Richie leans in to press his lips against mine and at that moment, I get caught up with his action, I feel like drowning myself in the bliss of his lips and feeling the warmth of every angle of his mouth. But before I could, I shrike back to reality as a feeling of fear and confusion wash over me. I take a step back and take a deep breath, trying to process what was about to happen.
I look at Richie as I try to find the right words to say, "I…. I can’t do this." I say softly.
Richie’s eyes drown in the gloom as a hint of sadness reflects them. He sighs letting his head drop. "I’m sorry, Rach. I didn’t mean to….. I just felt like..…. It just." He rambles not knowing what to say
"It’s fine." I caught off his ramble. An awkward silence takes over for a moment and I decide to just leave. I have had enough fun for today. As I turn around to leave, a sudden wave of nausea hits me. I quickly grip the table beside me trying to hold it back, but it's no use- it just makes it worse.
"Are you okay?" Richie asks, concerned
Unable to speak or hold it in, I rush to the bathroom and empty my stomach into the toilet. This is what I get for drinking too much.
Richie must have followed me behind because he is here, pulling back my hair and rubbing my back.
"Are you alright?" He asks, concern.
"Yeah, I’m fine." I respond standing up shakily, I walk over to the sink.
"Are you sure you’re fine? You don’t look okay, do you need medicine?" He follows me behind
"No, I’m fine. You don’t have to worry about me." I switch on the tap to rinse my mouth.
I lean over the sink, rinsing my mouth with water and feeling the cool liquid wash away the remnants of my vomit. As I reach for a towel to dry my face, I catch a glimpse of Richie's reflection in the mirror, his eyes fixed on me. I pause for a moment, wondering what he's thinking.
"What?" I ask wiping my mouth "Why are you staring at me."
"Nothing, just thinking about something."
"Well, can you think outside? I need some time to myself." I say
"Yeah, sure. I will be outside if you need me." He says before walking out of the bathroom.
Once Richie closes the door, I release a deep breath as I lean against the sink just staring at my reflection. I don’t know how I feel right now and I don’t think I want to know. I’d rather just not begin with the thinking because if I do, I might end up with tears and I don’t want that.
This night is a mess, I wish I didn’t come; staying home and overthinking my problems would have been far better at least, there I wouldn’t be smelling like vomit. I sigh and check the time on my phone, it’s almost eleven pm. It’s high time I leave this place, I take the phone and message Rebecca to tell her that I’m leaving.
After texting her, I make my way to the door. As I open the door, I see Richie standing in front of it. Just as I'm about to ask him to move, he speaks up, his voice low and serious. "I have something to show you," he says, "But you have to trust me." His words hang in the air, and I can't help but feel a sense of unease.