Chapter 52: Chapter 52

It’s been a few days since I met Richie mostly because I haven’t left the house since that time. I am pretty grateful about that, mainly because I'm not sure how to act around him right now. Before, I always felt angry and felt like ruining his life in a way he that he will regret ever existing but now I don’t feel that way. Honestly, I don't even know how to feel. I am still hurt by his actions but I’m not as hurt as I was before. My emotions are all over the place and seeing him would only worsen matters because then, I wouldn’t know how to react and I will start feeling confused, anxious, and even a bit guilty about my feelings. I just think it’s best if I take some time to myself to figure out what I really want and need right now.

I blow out a breath and try to push Richie out of my mind as I check my reflection using the full-length mirror in my room. I look a bit drained, probably because I haven’t been getting enough sleep, my messy bun seems to be a lot messy today but that’s okay, it’s just me and Rebecca at home. Taking in my reflection, I walk out of the room.

As I enter the living room, I see Rebecca sitting on the couch, snacking on popcorn and watching Friends. I can't help but think that my love for the show might have influenced her to watch it too. I sit next to her before I speak, "You love the show, huh?"

"Yeah, It’s pretty interesting and funny." She responds not sparing a glance at me. She looks completely absorbed in the show. I smile to myself, happy to see her enjoying it so much. This is the first time Rebecca has enjoyed it even like a show I suggested.

My attention shifts to the TV, and I chuckle at a passing scene. I remember when I first watched this episode, it had me in stitches. "This episode of the party just gets funny and funny," I comment, popping a piece of popcorn into my mouth.

"I know right and speaking of parties how would you like to come with me to an office party." Rebecca says as she puts the show on pause.

"Am I your only option?" I ask

"No."

"Well, there you have your answer."

"Come on, don’t say that. You gotta come with me.

"No, I don’t want to why can’t you go with someone else."

"I have no one else to go with." She says

"How about David, you can go with him." I suggest

"He works there, I can’t go with an employee" She says

"How about that other guy?" I inquire not able to recall his name nor his face. I don’t even know if there is another guy, Rebecca doesn’t go out with different guys like she does before. I guess she’s serious about David.

"There is no other guy and come on you have to come with me, you didn’t go to the club with me to celebrate my promotion. You gotta come with me now, you owe me one."

"But-"

"You’re coming." She says cutting me off

With a sigh, I give in "Okay, fine."

"That’s more like it." She says and then presses the ‘play’ button on the remote. I rest back and continue watching the show with her. Even though I’ve watched this episode before, I find it as funny as I did the first time I watched it, maybe even funnier.

***

Later in the day, I finish getting ready for the party. I take a look at my reflection one last time before heading out of the room. I am wearing a form-fitting dress that hugs my curves in all the right places. It is a deep red color that complements my skin tone and makes me feel confident. The dress has a plunging neckline that shows just a hint of cleavage, and a thigh-high slit that exposes my leg. I paired the dress with strappy heels and statement earrings. My whole look isn’t my choice but Rebecca’s. She says I have to dress up all sexy. I don’t care if I dress up sexy or not, I just don’t want to draw unnecessary attention to myself. It’s bad enough the paparazzi are still on my neck, I don’t want to attract any more attention than I already do.

"Rachel, are you ready? We are getting late." Rebecca calls out presumably from the living room.

"Yeah, I’m ready. I’ll be out in a second." I say. I hate the idea of going to this stupid party but I guess it’s better than staying home and thinking about myself. I hate it when I think about my life, it always makes me feel bad about myself.

I step out of the house and got into the car. The ride from home to the event venue was a long one but thankfully Rebecca had the perfect playlist ready to go. Even though I am not in the mood, I sing along with Rebecca when she played my favorite song. The ride goes by in a flash, and before I know it, we arrive at the venue.

Rebecca and I walk into the ballroom and the first person to approach us is who I assume is David. He greets Rebecca with "la bise". Leaning and kissing her on the cheek. "You look fabulous." He says to her.

"Thank you." She responds, smiling. This is the first time I’ve seen Rebecca smiling like this.

David turns his gaze to me "You must be Rachel." He says in his French accent. He also greets me with "la bise".

"Becca has told me so much about you." He tells me.

"Becca." I state smiling and gazing at her. None of Rebecca’s ex has ever called her Becca. This is new, I like it.

"Yes, she said so much nice things about you."

"Really, I never knew Rebecca had nice things to say about me."

"Believe me, she definitely does. But, I apologize for my lack of manners. Let me fetch some drinks for you lovely ladies."

"I’ll come with you." Rebecca suggests

"Sure, an extra hand is always helpful!" He says. As they walk away, Rebecca turns and wink at me; I smile in return. This is the happiest I’ve seen her, she really does like David, I hope love treats her better than it does to me. Rebecca deserves all happiness in life.

While Rebecca and David are away, I find myself with nothing to do, so I take a seat and start scrolling through Instagram reels to pass the time. I scroll through the endless stream of videos, laughing at the funny ones and ignoring the boring ones. Before I know it, minutes have passed and I'm still glued to my phone screen, completely engrossed in it.

I realize Rebecca isn’t coming back anytime soon so I decide to get myself a drink from the bar. I get to the bar and run into some of Rebecca's co-workers, both the pleasant and the annoying ones. Kennet; one of the co-workers offers me a seat on the long bar and I decide to take it and do a little chit-chat with them. Rebecca has warned me about most of them so I know which to ignore and which to speak to. Soon enough, the bartender gets me a glass of wine.

"You are exactly what Rebecca claims you are. Funny and adorable." Kennet says

"Thank you." I smile at him

"So. Rachel, why don’t you tell us something about your job? Where do you work at?" He asks taking a sip of wine

"Well, I use to work with Maranzano Ventures but not anymore." I respond

"Why what happened? Did you get fired?" Michelle ask me

"No, I didn’t get fired. I left due to personal reasons."

"Ohh I see. You know I once left a good company because of a personal issue." She says. Rebecca is right about her, she likes to make things all about herself.

The conversation continues while I sipped on a glass of wine. Eventually, I excuse myself from the small group and I walk over to the restroom. Only an hour into the party and I already feel the urge to pee. That's what drinking a lot of wine does.

After leaving the restroom, I find a secluded place to sit alone for a while before going back to the group. I am really regretting agreeing to come here if I had stayed at home, I wouldn’t be bored as hell. And I certainly won’t have felt out of place, I mean, I don't know anyone here and the only person I know is too busy talking to other people. I feel like I'm wasting my time and energy by being here.

After a few minutes, I decide to go back to the bar where Kennet and Michelle are.

"Hey, Rachel is back." Kennet says as I approach them.

"What took you so long?" Michelle asks

"Nothing, just doing some thinking and taking a little break." I respond.

"Ohh nice. Speaking of breaks, I remember this incident..." Michelle as usual makes it about herself. She brings up an incident related to breaks, and everyone's attention is drawn to her. She starts discussing a work-related topic, and as the others become more engaged in her conversation, I start to feel left out.

I walk away from them and sit on the barstool far away. I tell the bartender to get me five vodka and it takes no time before he does. I take a shot and gulp it down, it burns my throat but I like it; burns are like pain, I’m used to it and now I crave more before I know life will give me as much even if I don’t want it.

As all my emotions suddenly rush through my mind, I take in the next four shots in less than a minute. Even though I'm not alone, I feel lonely because my heart is empty. I wish I can just forget about everything and enjoy the moment, but it's hard to do that when my mind is drawn away.

I let out a sigh and look around the room. Everyone seems to be enjoying each other's company. I'm feeling a bit out of place, but I try to keep a smile on my face. I look around the room and my gaze lands on a couple who seem to be very happy together. They're holding hands and laughing with each other, and I can't help but feel a bit envious; I wish I have that kind of love in my life.

"Five more shots please," I tell the bartender. He brings the shot in a minute and I gulp them all at once. As I observe the people around me, I can't help but feel like I'm the only one who is struggling. Everywhere I look, some couples seem to have found their soulmates, and I can't help but think that I'm cursed when it comes to love.

Maybe I’m not destined to be happy, I guess that’s why I fell in love with the wrong guy. Maybe this is what I get for taking a step backward and not fulfilling my purpose.

Speaking of purpose, I don’t have one anymore. I don’t have anything, every single thing I thought I have left me, now it’s just remaining Rebecca. I squint around and find Rebecca laughing and chatting with David. Seeing her so happy makes me wonder if she will eventually forget about me.

I sigh letting my head drop. My eyes start to tear up and I feel like the faucet for my tears is about to burst. The Alcohol in my system messes with my mind and makes me think of all sorts of it things that I couldn’t contain my tears.

"Get me more shots." I tell the bartender

"That won’t be necessary." I hear Richie’s voice from behind me. What is he doing here? Why is he everywhere I go?

"Rach what’s all this, why are you drinking too much?" He asks

I inquire, "What brings you here?" while hastily wiping away my tears.

"I have a partnership with the company so I had to come but forgot about me." He walks closer to me and stands next to the stool I am sitting on "What’s going on with……. Wait a minute, are you drunk?"

"I’m not and even if I am. It’s none of your business." I say

Richie begins to speak, but he quickly clamps his mouth shut when he sees the tears in my eyes. His expression shifts from one of sadness to concern in an instant.

"Rach, what's wrong? You're crying," He asks with concern. I don't reply, feeling the intensity of his gaze upon me.

Silence hangs heavily between us for a second as I struggle to compose myself. I can feel Richie's eyes on me, and I know that he's waiting for me to say something but I won’t.

Richie's voice is filled with concern as he asks, "Who hurt you, Rach? Please tell me, I want to help you." His eyes are fixed on mine, and I can see the sincerity in his gaze.

"You." I blurt out "You hurt me." I feel a tear threatening to roll down but I struggle to keep my emotions in check.

Richie's expression softens, and I can see the regret in his eyes. He opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off before he can speak. "I don't want to hear it," I say, my voice choked with emotion.

"I’m sorry." He sighs letting his head drop.

"Just go away." I attempt to push him away, but my hands feel weak and powerless, I guess this alcohol really works well, I barely can feel any of my body parts.

"Rach, I really wish I can make things better. I know you’re hurting and I too am."

"What? Why are you hurt? You’re not the one who’s an orphan, you’re not the one who's been raped, you’re not the one who’s alone and sometimes has to cry herself to sleep. You’re not hurting Richie, I am." I grip the bar table to steady myself as I stand up. "Do not fucking say you’re hurt Richie because you’re not. You have everything you need in this life."

"Except you." He says quietly. He lifts his gaze and his eyes meet mine; they are filled with a torrent of emotions. "I want you but I can’t get you. You think it’s easy for me to watch you hate me?" He inquires; his voice a bit loud and hefty with emotion. Richie shakes his head and says "No, Rachel it’s not. It hurts, it hurts a lot and you may not know that because you have no idea how much I love you."

As he speaks, the entire room falls silent. My heart begins race as Richie takes a step closer to me, his eyes, his lips, his body, every single thing about him makes me lose myself for that moment; I am unable to look away. I don’t know if it’s the alcohol in me or not but something feels different about Richie and I hate to admit that I like it.

Releasing a breath, Richie speaks "I really love you, Rachel, you are the love of my whole existence and If there is anything I ever want in life is to be with you but I can’t because you hate me and I know I deserve it."

I feel a sharp pain in my chest as Richie's words hit me like an arrow. I used to hate him, but now I don’t feel that way anymore. My eyes wells into his as I see the pain etched on his face. I wish I can tell him that my lost hatred towards him has long been replaced with butterflies.