Chapter 51: Chapter 51

"Get up, get up, get up," Rebecca says pulling my arm and making me sit up. With a groan, I glare at her. This is the perfect time to miss the hospital, no one wakes me up this way.

"What do you want?" I groan slamming my head back on the pillow.

"Come on, get up."

"No," I say into the pillow.

"Fine." She gives in and suddenly, she jumps into the bed and pulls me up to sit "I have good news."

"What time is it?" I say rubbing my eyes. It seems a little dark to be morning.

"Four am."

"You’ve gotta be kidding me." I groan slamming back into the pillow.

"Come on, wake up this is important." She says

With a sigh, I get up. I’m gonna kill Rebecca if this isn’t important "What? What is it?" I yawn.

"Take a guess." She says grinning

"A guess? Girl, I thought you said it’s important."

"It is now take a guess."

I sigh. Seriously she wakes me up by four am and then asks me to take a guess? She’s gotta be kidding me.

"Take a guess." She repeats

"You won a lottery or something?" I say the first thing that comes to my mind.

"No, not even close. Take another guess."

I groan and collide my head with the pillow. "God! Please take me back to the hospital at least there, I don’t have to take guesses in the middle of the night." I say into the pillow

Rebecca takes the pillow off me before she says "So you’re not guessing, are you?"

"No."

"Fine, I will just tell you. I got a promotion." She states, excitedly.

"Oh wow! Congratulations that’s really nice, now can you please let me sleep." I fall back onto the pillow

"Really, that’s it?"

I hmmm my response which makes Rebecca gush, she spanks my ass and gets off the bed. "I hate you." She says exiting the room

I lightly laugh against my pillow. She’s such a wally, though I am glad she’s taking life seriously now unlike before when she parties all day and lives life with zero consequences. Not that I’m saying partying all day is a bad thing but come on, we all know how Rebecca can be.

I slowly draft back to a blissful sleep only to wake up by the first rays of sunlight that creeps through the curtains; gently illuminating the room. I start to stir from my slumber, and my body slowly stretches and flexes, like a cat preparing for an adventure. I yawn, taking a moment to savor the comfort of my cozy bed and the softness of the blankets enveloping me like a warm embrace. I so much love how comfortable my bed feels unlike that of the hospital.

I take the cover off and head into the bathroom to take a shower. I turn on the water from the bathtub before going to brush my teeth and fix my hair. My reflection in the mirror catches my attention as I lean against the sink. I appear neutral, maybe even happy but I’m not. I’m not feeling myself anymore, I’m not thinking like I used to, I don’t act like I use to and it’s so hard, sometimes I feel like I lost, I feel like I have no purpose anymore and it hurts more because it’s true.

Everything is just too hard. Way too hard for me to keep acting like I have no feelings for Richie and that I regret it because I know I don’t but I should. He shot her, he killed that one person in my life that can’t be replaced. Broken hearts can be filled, love can be replaced, but parents cannot. Life gives you only one parent and once you lose them you become a broken piece; at least that’s what I thought when I witnessed my mom's death. I never thought I could get any more broken until I realized my love for Richie.

With a sigh, I take off my clothes and step into the bathtub. The warm water loosens my strained muscle and with a deep breath, I bury myself in it. I don’t feel so good, I just don’t know but something about today is off, I feel like it’s gonna be one of those kinds of days. I already hate this day.

After taking a shower, I wore a pair of blue jeans, a brown shirt, and white sneakers. I style my hair into a ponytail before I head out of the room.

I step into the kitchen and see Rebecca sitting across the counter with a bowl in front of her and a box of cereal beside her bowl. "Hey girl, what are you eating?" I ask, approaching her

Rebecca turns to look at me, she spares a glare before she speaks "None of your business."

I pick the cereal box and read the name "Oh hey, you got the name of the cereal wrong, it’s not none of your business it’s honey nuts cheerios."

She rolls her eyes making me laugh "Congratulations on your promotion." I say wrapping my arms around her.

She hummed her response shoveling a spoonful of cereal. I take my hands off her and say "Hey, I just said congratulations you shouldn’t still be mad at me."

"I should be, you didn’t care at all when I told you."

"That’s not true, I cared. I just didn’t show it at all because you woke me up at four am. Also who sends promotion emails by that time of the day?"

"My boss is not in town so I guess the time here and there is different."

"Make sense. Anyways, I’m so proud of you. We are gonna celebrate tonight right?"

"Hell yeah. Call it for a club?" She suggests

"I don’t know."

"Come on, it’s gonna be fun."

"We will see about that, now where is the car keys?"

"On the living room center table. Why did you ask?"

"I’m going to the store to get some tampons?"

"Ohh but why didn’t you ask me if I have some tampons, you don’t know if I do?"

"I know you don’t," I say

"I actually do, I have one left."

"You had one but not anymore, I’m using it."

"You’re a bitch." She says

"I know." I slightly laugh as I head out of the kitchen. I grab the keys from the table before I speak "You need something from the store?" My voice is a bit loud so she can hear me.

"Yeah, a bottle of champagne would be nice."

"Got it."

I head out to the house and drive to the nearest store. As I go there, I take a cart and did a little shopping of mine, I got Rebecca the champagne she asked for and then I head to the sanitary section.

Trying to find Lola tampons on the shelves, I hear a calm voice call my name. My feet stop momentarily as my heart follows it before it suddenly begins to ponder like a thunderstorm. Why is Richie here? What is he doing here? Without taking a turn, I sigh and continue to walk.

"Look, Rach, I know you don’t want to talk to me." Richie says following me behind

"And yet you are here," I grunt as I walk around the shelves, I look at what's on display. It’s bad enough that Richie is here, but worse that he is here when I want to get a tampon.

"Rach, I’m really sorry." He says but I don’t respond. He speaks again and yet again, I ignore him as I try to walk a little faster so it will be easier for me to overlook him.

"Rach?" He calls out but Ignores him. Releasing a breath; he speaks "Rach, come on, I know I messed up and I’m sorry, I just want to fix things."

I scoff turning around to look at him "Like it’s that easy, you think you can fix things?"

"I can try."

"No, you can’t. You can’t fix what’s dead Richie. You shot her and it’s over." My voice comes out louder than intended

Richie releases a heavy sigh as his eyes fill with sympathy; I’m not falling for them. He looks like he’s about to speak but before he could, I walk away.

"Rach, wait please." He holds my hand making me turn to look at him. I immediately tug my hand away from him.

"What!" I yell at him

"I just wanna talk." He says; calmly.

"Why? What do you want to say? You want to say that you’re sorry? That you want to make things better? Is that what you want Richie?" I scoff shaking my head "This is not about you Richie, it’s about me. I can’t do this, I can not be with you as much as my heart desires, I can’t do it and it hurts me, it really does and it only gets worse when I see you because then I remember how unfortunate I am when it comes to love."

"I’m sorry Rach. I rea-"

"No," I say cutting him off. "Don’t do that. Just… just don’t." I release a deep breath seeking a relief that never came "I hate doing this; I hate thinking that it’s all gonna be fine when we all know that it’s not."

"Rach-"

"Don’t say a word, Richie. You’ve done your part now please just let me be." I turn around to leave. I closed my eyes, and let the tears fall. The grief, pain, and screams all at once returned In droves. I hate myself right now. I hate myself for everything I do. I just hate the fact that I fell in love with Richie.

Wiping my tears, I walk out of the store only to see a bunch of paparazzi presumably waiting for my arrival. They surrounded me like a shield and begins to ask me questions about my relationship with Richie. I couldn’t respond to them nor could I get away from them. I feel choked and stranded, feeling like I’m not getting enough oxygen.

"Did you and Richie fight?"

"Tell us what happened. Did he try to harm you?"

"Did you two break up?"

"What happened between you too?"

"Do you want to get back together with him?"

"Are you and Richie Maranzano planning on getting back together?

"Tell us, Rachel Green. Tell us."

So many questions pours into the air and it only got worse when the tears in my eyes caught their attention; which prompted them to ask more questions. I have never felt this uncomfortable in my life. I try to walk away from them but with each step I take, they walk closer. I couldn’t figure out what to do. I know for sure that responding to their questions isn’t an option because the more I respond the more the questions. It never ends.

Their questions dance in my head and suddenly I feel a warm hand slipping into mine. I turn to see Richie standing next to me with two bodyguards behind him. Richie leans closer to my ear and mumbles "I just wanna help."

As much as I don’t want Richie to help me, I can’t refuse his help right now. With a sigh, I give him a reassuring nod and the guards clear the way for us. As we walk towards his car, his hand abruptly slips from mine, and punches a paparazzi. My eyes widen as I look at Richie holding the paparazzi with his shirt collar "You wanna talk shit about me, you say it but never about her." He points at me with his gaze still on the paparazzi. "No one, absolutely no one talks shit about my fiancé in front of me." He harshly releases the guy’s collar and without saying a word to me, he pulls me towards the car.

"Get in." He commands.

"What?" I question.

"Rach please get in the car, I’m dropping you off." He says. I am about to remark on what he said but before I could I immediately changed my mind and got into the car not wanting the paparazzi to catch up with me.

The ride home starts quietly. Richie appears to be really upset, so I assume that's why he remained silent. After a couple of minutes, Richie decides to break the ice.

"I’m sorry you had to see that. I didn’t mean to create such a scene." He says

I release a sigh but don’t respond.

"He said horrible things about you and I couldn’t stand there and let him." He explains

"People like him say all sorts of things but that doesn’t mean anything and it shouldn’t have bothered you."

"It should, it did and it always will. It bothers me a lot because no lady should be called a slut, not you especially."

Emotions wash over me as he says that. I have no words. Richie is a great guy and I know my heart desperately wants to be with him but I can’t do that. He did all sorts of things for me without thinking twice, he risk his life for me, and he always stands up for me. Sometimes I feel guilty for that because I don’t want him falling too hard for me because then he will get hurt and I don’t want him to.

"Thank you." I say quietly

"For what?" He asks

"Standing up for me."

"You don’t have to thank me, Rach, I will do that every time."

"No, you don’t have to. I can handle myself:"

He releases a breath "Rach, I know things aren’t going well with us but I will always be there for you whether you want me or not"

I smile awkwardly knowing that it’s true. I know Richie will be there for me but I don’t want him to. It’s hard enough that I can’t stop thinking about him, and all my mind can think of is him and how much my heart hurts not being with him.

I take a look at him and as our eyes meet, the world seemed to fade away leaving only the two of us in a sea of pure, unbridled emotion. I wish I can stop this and go back to hating you, Richie. It’s easier to hate than to love someone because if you hate someone you don’t think about them all day but when you love someone you don’t think of anything or anyone other than them. You choose them over anyone and when you can’t be with them, it hurts more than anything. Love is a hurting feeling, it makes you cry, it makes you smile, It's just as crazy for others as it is for me.

"We have arrived at our destination, sir." The bodyguard in front says pulling me out of my thoughts. I look through the window to see we are parked in front of my apartment.

I turn my gaze to Richie and thank him. As I reach to open the door, Richie speaks "I don’t like this Rach. I wanna fix things, I want to be with you."

"We can’t be together Richie" I say.

"We can. I can make things better."

"I know but I don't want you to do that," I say and then climb out of the car. Opening the front door, I see Rebecca standing behind it, with a single look at me, she wraps her arms around me. I sigh as tears roll down my cheeks, I let out my pain to a level of warmth and embrace. I needed to cry, to really cry, and get the gift of her just being there for me as I did is a precious treasure.

Rebecca rests her palm on my back and rubs it slowly for comfort. I try to control my tears but couldn’t, It feels like my emotions are constantly at war with each other, and I'm stuck in the middle, trying to keep the peace. It's like I'm fighting a never-ending battle against myself, and I don't know how to make it stop, I don’t know how to stop the tears. Sometimes when I think about it, I wish I never agreed to marry Richie in the first place. Maybe, just maybe if I didn't think of revenge I might not fall into this deep shit everyone calls love.