Chapter 38: Chapter 38

I didn’t know how fast the days would go but it was already Thursday, One more week to go before spring break would come. I looked up to see my calendar and March 17 was circled on it. I was anxious and desperately needed the time to relax. Diego had made sure to keep me busy these past two weeks and he had insisted on taking me to Spain for spring break, but I wasn’t too keen on the idea. So here I was sitting down on my desk my students had gone to a presentation and I was glad I didn’t have to be there. I took out the list from my purse and began to read it. It took me back to when Diego and I had decided it was time to put things down in writing detailing a list of how I would learn to be a Dom/Sub. He first insisted that I understood that I should become submissive before I would become a Dom. He wanted me to understand it in detail. I had already learned the hard way of seeing how strong and demanding he could be. I looked at the list again. We had already scratched out two of them but I debated that it was three. I counted the hand spanking in my party to be one we could scratch but Diego insisted it wasn’t. I was just surprised that he had wanted to add twenty numbers on it but yet it was only six on the list so far:

Blowjob, bondage/spanking, Hand spanking – still working on it, body temperature changes, collar leash, and sex swing. I heard someone coming and I quickly put the list away in my purse. I saw Sara coming in with a flower arrangement in hand. “Those are beautiful, who gave them to you,” I said to her. “Aren’t they, but I can’t say they are for me. These are for you.” She said. “For me?” I thought about who could be sending me flowers. I knew that Diego didn’t seem the type to send them. I took the small envelope and opened it up and it read: Thinking of you, Fred. “Oh, my God, these are from Fred.” Saying it out loud. “I thought he would have taken the hint.” “I guess he hasn’t, so what are you going to do.” “Stay away from him, that’s what.” “Okay, Fio tell me something how did all these men find you so interesting?” I looked at her trying to figure out her comment. I had thought that we had become friends again and here she was being spiteful. “I’m sorry Sara, what do you mean by that?” “Well, what makes you better than me. I mean look at you. You are short, men don’t usually go for short girls.” Saying it like I wasn't going to feel hurt or thinking differently about it. My anger rose but I knew better not to get down to her level. If I did things would become pretty awful between us, so I breathed in and made sure she didn't think it bothered me. “I don’t think my size has anything to do with it, but maybe it’s something else.” Playing it cool. “Well, what then, because all this time I am thinking that Diego should have been with me not you.” Truth out. “I’m sorry you feel that way, Sara but I think Diego was looking for something more.” I told her “Now if you don’t have anything nicer to say, I think I have other important things to do.” I told her. I hadn’t realized that I wasn’t sitting anymore. I was in the defense now. I sat down on my chair and looked at my laptop. I didn’t acknowledge her anymore and she got the hint. She left and slammed my door. Melba opened the door. “What the hell happened? Sara looked upset" She started but then quickly changed the subject when she saw the flowers on top of my desk. "Did Diego sent those?” "No" I handed the card to her. As she read it but placed it down as soon as I went off. “I can’t fucking believe it” Saying it with anger in my voice. Melba went back to make sure the door was closed. “She came in here telling me I wasn’t good enough for Diego.” “What?.” Melba stammered. “Not in those words, but yeah.” “I knew she wanted him but she told me like what does he see in you.” I can’t fucking believe it. Here I thought she was a friend.” “She’s just jealous, ignore her. So why can't Fred take the hint you aren't interested?" Our conversation died right there my students had just opened the door and began spilling inside the room.

I noticed that Diego's new van wasn't on his parking spot as usual also he would leave near eight in the evening every other day. I knew better not to ask. I didn't want to get to acknowledge that I cared about him. But Diego was different, he made sure to visit me before he left. It was if he needed to. I wasn’t happy at first because it felt like a booty call instead of him teaching me, but he assured me it wasn’t and it would be over once that pressing thing he had would come through, and then we could spend more time with each other. I didn't give myself away knowing that I was looking forward to it. Diego had been prompt on coming over around six in the evening, I made dinner for both of us before we started on our sexual experiences, but it was already past seven and Diego hadn’t arrived and I had yet to get a text message from him. I had promised myself I wouldn’t worry about Diego that our relationship was not the caring kind, but deep down I began to worry. I knew he was covering the border area. I would listen sometimes when Steven would call him and they would say things like the river, border, and crossing but I never thought of asking since it wasn’t my business. I made sure to stay out of his and have him stay out of mine at least the ones that gave me bad dreams. It was getting late and Diego hadn’t shown up so I figured I’d start on my dinner when the doorbell rang. I opened the door with a big smile on my face and then I realized standing in front was not Diego but Fred. “Hey, Fred!” I said to him. “Hi yourself, Fio I hope that smile was for me.” Oh, shit I knew I couldn’t be rude. “Sure, I always have a smile for a friend.” I said. “So what can I do for you?” I asked him. “May I come in?” he asked. I was debating whether to let him but since he was nice. I opened my door. He noticed that I had a plate on my table. “Oh, God Fio I interrupted dinner, I am sorry.” “I just sat down, would you care to join me. It’s nothing fancy, it’s Mexican Mole. Don't know if you've eaten it before? ” I asked him. “I have and would love to, but I don’t want to intrude.” “That’s okay, I am not expecting anyone and I did make a bit more than I should, please come and join me.” Then I remembered about the flowers. “It’s the least I can do after you sent me those beautiful flowers.” Fred sat down. I went and took out a plate and served him rice, beans, and chicken with mole sauce. I placed two corn tortillas and a coke. I sat in front of him. “So what brings you here.” I said to him. “Just wanted to catch up on things.” He started as he started up on the meal. “Fio, this is delicious. You are a good cook. Is there anything you can’t do?” “What do you mean?” “Well, you are a teacher, a wonderful singer and by the taste of it a good cook.” “Ah! Fred thank you.” I said whole heartily. We continued eating in silence for a brief minute or two. “So why are you here Fred.” I asked him. He looked at me for a while. “I just wanted to apologize for the way I acted on your birthday.” “Fred that was a while back I could have used that apology then.” I said. He continued eating. I didn’t know Fred, but I was kind of good at reading people. “There is more, Fred, why are you here.” I asked again. “Fio, there have been things happening around our bridges. I know you like to go to the club Border, have you been lately?” “No Fred.” “Well don’t go, it’s getting dangerous out there.” “What do you mean?” “We’ve been hearing rumors that the Zeta Cartel is starting something up again.” “Do you remember I said something about one of the top leaders being prosecuted in our Federal Court?” “Yes, I do but you said not to ask questions.” “Yeah, you’re right Fio, sorry.” “What does this have to do with the safety issues on our bridges.” “They plan to attack soon at least that’s what the rumors are saying.” “There is also some talk about some reporters trying to cross the river to go to Cereso II.” “You mean the prison?” “Yes” “Why would they want to do go there?” “Why else Fio-for a story.” “These fools think they could get an exclusive talking to one of the cartels would make their ratings higher. Go figure or making yourself famous. I don't know.” I thought for a minute but knew that couldn't be true. “I don’t think that’s why?” “You don’t think, what do you know.” “I don’t I mean who is that stupid to go across that river and head out to danger.” I said. “I don’t know but some idiots that are starting to piss some people off and possibly start another spill over into the border.” He picked up another spoonful. “Do you think that’s going to happen?” I waited for him to swallow his food. “I don’t know.” My mind began to think and try to figure out things, but I just couldn't think of anything. “By the way where is your boyfriend, I haven’t seen him around today. He seems to be gone every night.” Saying it with no care in his voice. “What are you saying?” I questioned. “Think about it Fiorella, where does he go.” I stood up and looked at Fred. “You don’t think it’s him, do you? ” “I don’t know what to think. Fio do you even know him that well?” I didn’t like where Fred was going with this and it made me feel uneasy and I needed him to leave. “Well, Fred I don’t know and frankly I don’t care, but I feel that you should be leaving.” Fred stood up and looked at me. “I am sorry if I said something you needed to hear, Fio but if it is him. It’s not going to go well for him.” “I’m pretty sure Diego isn’t stupid, Fred. You don’t know him.” I remarked defensively. “Do you Fiorella, do you even know who Diego is?” He said it in an icy voice. “Goodbye, Fred and thanks again for the flowers. “No, Fio thank you for the meal, I’ll be seeing you around.” He said and walked out the door. I locked it behind him. I went back to my kitchen and began to wash the dishes. I began to think about it. I had heard Diego mention the river, crossing, and border. He had even said how fieldwork was in his blood. Was Diego that stupid to try to cross it and go to prison? What did he think he would accomplish? No, it couldn’t be him, maybe Fred was saying it for me to give him a chance, but then my conscience started to think that maybe he was right. The next time I would ask Diego about it, that was if he would come back. My stomach began unsettled as if I wanted to throw up and made me alert that something didn’t feel right. I didn't hold it and ran to the bathroom to throw up. My hair went up and behind my head, I hadn't realized that someone was there with me in the bathroom. Fear began to arise and made my body tremble. I remember I had locked the door. In instinct, I scrambled to the side of the commode to avoid an impact of some sort. “Hey, easy Fio. It’s only me.” My focus was unclear at first and then I realized by his voice it was indeed Diego. I looked at him for a long time. I don't know how I looked but he held his hands up. “Fio, it’s me.” He kept saying it. I stood up and went to the basin and began to rinse and brush my teeth. “Sorry!” I turned around and looked at him and before he could say anything I had to ask. “How did you get in? I locked the door.” Looking at him now. “Don’t get upset okay, but I made a copy of your key. I asked your friend if I could borrow it from her.” “You did what?” “I made a copy of your key, Fio” “Why would you?” I started to get upset. “In case you needed help or something.” “Okay, Diego don’t you remember what I said about giving me space.” I wasn’t angry when I should have been but in my mind, I couldn’t forget what Fred had said. “Are you feeling sick again?” He asked. “It’s just something I heard that upset my stomach that’s all.” “What did you hear and by whom?” I didn’t want him to know that Fred had been here, so I didn’t say anything. “Nothing, are you hungry?” I asked him. “Yes.” I served him and allowed Diego to eat. I was determined to ask but then thought about it. I didn’t want to know because it would only make me worry and I didn’t want this relationship to mean anything. I was a teacher and student thing. I had vowed not to feel anything for him. I didn’t think I could take another blow in my life. I went over to him and reached for his plate I had seen he had finished. In doing so I pressed my hand on his shoulder and noticed he made a face as I touched him. I placed the plate down. “What is it?” I asked. “Nothing just fell on cactus.” “Cactus?” “Yeah, I think I have the needles in me.” “Oh, Diego let’s go to my room, I’ll get my makeup light and tweezers.’” He did as I told him. Diego sat down on the bed and he pulled off his shirt. I didn’t need the light to see that Diego was covered in cactus needles. It wasn’t bad but he had some long and thick ones that were already oozing blood. I grabbed the bag with the gauzes and my ointment. I began to do the task of getting the needles from his forearm. I pressed into him moving about Diego touching me as I did. I was getting turned on, but I knew I had something far more important than having sex. All the while I was plucking off the needs the conversation I had had with Fred began to play in my mind. Was Diego the reporter causing trouble? Was he the one trying to cross the border? I knew then that I needed to ask. I had already pulled the thick ones and I started on the smaller ones. I tried not to touch them or I will be ending on having some on me myself. I looked carefully to see that I didn’t leave any in and was sure I didn’t. I turned off the light and placed down my tweezers. Diego pulled me towards him. I pushed back. “What’s wrong Fio?” he asked. I looked at him and wondered whether I wanted to know and if I did what would I do about it. “Diego, where were you tonight?” I looked at him. I saw it in his face, he wasn’t going to tell me, I knew that face because I so often did it myself. “Diego!” I said more strongly. I decided on using the voice I used with my students. “I need for you to tell me where you were?” Diego looked at me. I had turned the tables on him. I was role-playing and now I was in control. He was now my student. “Don’t Fio you shouldn’t know.” I took a step back trying to focus. I had already heard that from Fred. My stubbornness made me press on to the want to know so I continued. I breathed in and asked the question I dread. “Diego were you trying to cross the border and go to the prison.” Diego looked at me quickly and that was when I knew it was true. He then hid it quickly bringing up his demeanor face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Fiorella.” He said. “Don’t give me that, Diego. You’re indeed trying to go to the prison, why?” I asked him. “Where did you hear that from?” I don’t know why I said it but I was beginning to get upset as well and then it just came out. “Fred was here and he told me about reporters causing trouble trying to cross the border.” I hadn’t expected his reaction. He stood up and grabbed my arm. “What the hell was Fred doing here, I thought I said no other men for you, Fio.” That just got me pissed, I hadn’t gotten pissed the way I did tonight since one of my students had pushed my buttons. “Don’t fucking say it that way, I didn’t fuck him!” I said angrily. “Well, you just might have.” “What the fuck does that mean.” “Why did you allow him in here, Fio.” He said in a sinister tone. “Don’t Diego.” “Don’t what Fio?” “Don’t fucking change the subject.” “Is it true, you are trying to get across the river and into that fucking prison.” I said screaming it out. “What if I am Fio?” “My job has nothing to do with our arrangement.” Our arrangement, why did he have to say it that way. I was just a fuck to him but he was right I was just a fuck because that was what I wanted it to be too. I looked back at everything we had gone through and yes it was an arrangement but an arrangement I wasn’t willing to take on anymore because I couldn’t live knowing that Diego might not come back anymore. I knew I couldn’t handle it. I had never said I loved him in truth I didn’t know how I was feeling about Diego. I had promised myself I couldn’t and wouldn’t love anyone else, because they would just leave. I closed my eyes and I knew I had to let Diego go. If I broke this arrangement as he had verbally said then I would be able to live with whatever would happen to him. I knew I needed him out of my life. “Fio,” he started. I put up my hand and opened my eyes. “I need for you to leave Diego.” “Let’s talk about this.” “No Diego” “I can’t do this anymore.” “What are you talking about?” “Fio, it’s my job, I don’t go into your job and tell you how to teach your kids. I don’t expect for you to tell me mine.” He said. “I can’t do this, Diego.” “I can’t…I can’t…” I kept repeating. He came towards me and I pulled back. “Fio, don’t.” He grabbed me and pulled me into him and kissed me, but this time I didn’t respond. He kissed my neck and began to fondle my breasts, but yet I stood there not moving or allowing myself to feel. He looked at me. “What’s wrong, Fio.” “Don’t you see Diego, I was becoming to get worried that you hadn’t arrived. I told myself that our arrangement as you called it didn’t allow me to worry at least that’s what I told myself. I can’t do this to myself again. I’ve been hurt too often by it and now that I know that you want to go across the border. That is a breaking point for me. I’ve already lost three people because of the border. I don’t think I could go through it again. I told myself not to care about this arrangement because I knew you were going to leave. I was just hoping you were going to leave alive, but if you want to go and kill yourself then I don’t want any part of it.” “Nothing..” I stopped him there. “Don’t say nothing is going to happen to me. I’ve heard that too much and I’ve said it to myself too, Diego.” “I don’t know what it is that you were thinking of finding at that prison. It’s nothing but a joke, prisoners that have the run of the place, prisoners who have parties with their families, a prison that doesn’t even feel like a prison or even looks like one.” Diego looked at me. “You’ve been there?” I have forgotten that I was talking to Diego, this was something I didn’t want to tell him. “Please Diego I need for you to leave.” “No, Fio I don’t think my leaving will help both of us.” I looked at him. I had never asked a man to do something for me and I knew this was a long shot because Diego didn’t have to do it for me. “Will you stop trying to go across the border Diego?” He looked at me. I don't know what he saw, but the words that came out of his mouth were just what I was expecting. “I’ am sorry Fio but that is something I can’t promise you. Our arrangement doesn’t interfere with our jobs.” I heard his tone, I had offended him and he was acting so much his age. Those words were the ones I needed to hear. I knew I could give up on him. “Thank you, Diego. I needed to hear it those words will make it easier for me to know no matter how much my body needs you I will always keep those words with me and make it easier for me to forget how you made me feel.” “Fio don’t I need you, you need me. You can’t just push me away.” “I didn’t you did that on your own.” Diego pulled away and looked at me for a while and brushed his hand on my cheek. He came closer to me and whispered in my ear. “We aren’t done Fio.” He turned around and walked out of my bedroom. I heard the sound of a key being dropped on the mantel and the door closing behind me. I went out and made sure my door was locked. I placed my back to my door and swore I would never allow Diego into my life again.