Chapter 31: Chapter 31

: making up

****

Pamela turned in bed searching for her husband with her right arm, the empty bed greeted her in his place.

She opened her eyes and scanned the room, he was getting for work and already had on a blue and black pinstripe suit.

"Good morning" She called out gingerly.

"How was your night?"Christopher asked in return.

Pamela's answer was a shrug and a long puppy face. "Its just 6:30 where are you rushing to so early?" Worry lines creasing her brows.

"Work"

"Are you avoiding me?" She asked again, this time pulling her bottom lip in and biting gently.

"No!"

"Okay then are we going to talk about last night?" She asked worriedly.

After the couples fight last night, Pamela fell asleep crying but woke up sharply to her husbands cry.

He had a nightmare again last night!

She knew he had coped with so much years before they met but he always refused to talk about it. He had a long curved scar on his back from a car accident he was in with Nina's brother David but that was all she knew.

Last night was worse! He kept shouting "No, No" as tears streamed down his face. She had tried to comfort him but he wouldn't even let her touch him.

He has been hurt so many times over and over that Pamela hated the way he looked at her last night! It was almost as if he didn't believe her or trust her, he thought she will knowingly hurt him and that hurt.

Silence stretched between the couple.

"Can we not talk about it now?" he asked breaking the Ice.

"Then when?" Pamela asked in return crossing her arms over her bosom.

"How about never, just like the way you did not tell me about contraceptives or maybe the children are not even mine that's why" He replied hotly.

The moment the statement left his mouth he regretted it but regretted it more when he saw how glassy her eyes were.

Pamela bottom lip quivered and she dragged it back in and bit more forcefully controlling the tears that threatened to fall.

"Temi" He called softly, not knowing what to say. He really did not mean it.

This was the major reason he avoided angry situations he knew how hurtful he could be.

"So that's why you wouldn't let me touch you last night? Okay then go on" She said and slipped back under the covers.

He stood there for some minutes feeling like shit for allowing this matter to extend to this, saying what he did, and creating an even bigger gulf.

Christopher raked his hands in his hair confused whether going to her was the best option or leaving her alone, He choose the later.

He walked out and closed the door softly behind him, he needed to take a drive or a drink or a joint, or throw punches, or talk to a friend, something anything!

Years ago he would have chosen the drug way out, but that's what got him in the mess anyway! He wasn't ever going back there.

Christopher walked over to the garage and picked the fastest car keys, as he buckled in. One name reverberated in his head.

David!

Today was the anniversary of his death and he missed him so fucking much.

Did he deserve to miss him, after all he was the one who killed him!

Jesus Christ!

Gunning one of the empty lanes in Lagos, he could call Nina or Francis; My friend who I met at Nina"s dinner part 13 months ago. We had kept in touch as we were all friends with David although David and I were closer.

Moses; The psychologist Temitope recommended to me after Christiana's death was also an option.

Or your wife!

His subconscious choice was appealing if he did not just make everything worse before leaving home.

Chris drove around for a while aimlessly finally and to the office.

The unlocked office door caught his attention as he stepped out of the elevator. The man at the other side of his desk made matters worse.

His father was here!!

******

Pamela trudged down the stairs with eyes red and blotchy. It was not hard to know that she has been crying.

She made her way to kitchen Island to get something to eat before her mum came down. Her mother and sister were supposed to go back to Ibadan today, If only she could go back home with her, sit beside her father and play chess or listen to her brothers rambling and the familiarity of your home.

There is something they don't prepare you for when you get married as a lady; how much you will miss your family.

"Kaaro o(morning o)" Iya Temi's voice drawled out smoothly.

Pamela jumped back a bit startled after being abruptly cut out of her thoughts.

"Mummy you scared me"

"kpele o(sorry)" She replied raising her brow in a questioning manner.

"Good morning ma" Genuflecting a little as was the Yoruba custom.

Her mother gave her an answering nod and made to pour her cereal.

She collected the bowl and brought out a cartoon of milk from the fridge that stood left of her kitchen.

Pamela ate in silence, hiding her face from her mothers prying eyes.

"What happened between you and your husband?" Iya Temp asked quietly and firmly.

"Kosi ma (nothing ma)" Pamela answered swallowing a huge lump that settled in her throat.

"Do I look like a Small Child to you?" She asked rhetorically.

"Mummy!!!!" Pamela called out as tears welled up again. She wasnt a crier naturally it was told her that as a child she hardly and rarely cried.

Her mothers arms wrapped around her, she buried deeper into the hug and cried repeating the words "I really didnt mean to" over and over.

Minutes later as she settled down and her cries turned to sniffle. Iya Temi asked worry shining through her eyes "Does her make you so unhappy?"

"No mummy not all. I am the one who did something wrong and I don't know how to make it right" fiddling with her fingers as she spoke.

"What did you do then?"

Pamela refused to answer the question. Adults were good in solving marital problems but not in all cases.

The moment her mother knows about it she will definitely speak to all parties and bringing her mother into it will worsen the matter with her husband.

"Ill solve it myself ma" She replied quietly.

"Okay then! I respect that. Communicate with your husband don't let matters complicate more and more. Respect him, Ayo doesn't strike me as a man that will maltreat you but if he does don't hesitate to speak up. Now go on take a long bathe, wear something nice for his return and cook him something. Don't be strong all by your self or make choices on your own anymore you work as a Team since the moment you were declared married."

It was funny how without telling her, her advise hit straight home. Its true what they say mothers are walking angels.

"Shotigbo (have you heard)" she reemphasized drawing her ears slightly so that her message got the desired impact.

*******

The load was loaded into the trunk by the driver and my husband drove in.

At least he knew he was supposed to see them off.

Worry lines were etched on his forehead and my heart clenched, I knew last nights lack of sleep was also a factor.

We all said our Goodbyes and I felt like going home with them so much my eyes watered again.

Damn this pregnancy hormones also making it worse.

I waved till the car drove out of the gate and after that wrapped my arms around my body.

"You can go with them you know" Chris suggested slightly.

"You aint getting rid of me that easily"

A small smile graced his lips, it was so small that if Pamela didn't know the curve of his face and was used to his facial expressions she would have missed it.

"I have to go back to work" Scratching his beard lightly.

The situation was awkward but not so tense. So she walked closer to him tiptoed and kissed his cheek "Alright Ill wait for you here in our home."

Pamela walked back in scared but ready. Ready to face it, ready to fight for her babies and her home.

Chris stood rooted to the spot his hand gently caressing where her lips were moments ago.

God! He missed her.

As her fingers reached the door knob to turn it open he took large heavy strides and hugged her from behind.

His arms curling over her tummy and neck nestling in the crook of her neck his favourite spot in the whole world.

"Im sorry for what I said this morning I really did not mean it" he mumbled out.

"I know! It hurts like hell but I know you didn't. Just please don't do it again" she pleaded folding her arms around his on her tummy.

The couple stood there for few minutes basking in the completeness of being together. Then she broke the silence "lets talk now"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

The couples walked hand in hand to their bedroom with yoghurt and ice cream in hand, was time to end this.

Pamela and Chris sat on the floor center rug in their bedroom.

She watched her husband lick his Ice cream slowly and meticulously. Her yoghurt lay forgotten as she drank in him.

His concentration on the blue tube that sat in between his legs as he looked out of place with his suit pant, black shirt and tie askew.

"Take a picture it will last longer" He said smirking arrogantly, and she did just that. She picked his iPhone that sat near his legs and clicked away. Taking random shots as he posed eating and making funny faces.

The pictures stopped abruptly and Pamela had a serious look on her face.

"I didn't tell you because I did not know how. I am the kid that took all life decisions her self, I wasn't sure you'll understand why but I see now going on this journey alone isn't worth it. I am sorry for not coming to you with my fears, you are my shield, the better part of me!

I still am not sure if I'll be a good wife talk less a mother. I felt I was too young to be a mother! See me Ayo I am the flawed lady married at 24, how can I do this now? how sure am I that I wont do something along the way to break off the entire journey? then bringing kids into this world how do I look at them if I'm not sure I am worthy?

I have you and sometimes am not sure how I got to be so lucky.

Most especially you keep me here in this house, I know you have money but I want to work, I haven't got a suitable Job and I don't want to get one based on your connections or family wealth. At that time I felt like bringing children into the world that was closing the door to a future career.

Also, I was selfish and there is no excuse for that, I know that now.

Believe me Ayomi I really didn't know I was pregnant, sometimes when we close our mind to stuff even when the truth is right in front of us we don't see it.

I wouldn't ever abort without telling you, please believe. " she stretched out her hands that she fiddled with throughout her conversation and held his.

"I love you and am so sorry, I love this children also and I am grateful for them" she added.

Chris kept quiet for a while not responding and the silence between the Couple grew heavy and laden with tension.

Pamela stood up and moved to walk away then her husbands firm grasp on her hand made her tumble down into his laps. She let out a shriek in surprise then buried her face into the familiar warmth of her husband shirt.

He was her safe haven! After being apart for just a short amount of time, Pamela knew what it meant for two souls to be connected one part longed for another.

They stayed their in each others embrace, silence speaking in volume; one's regret and the others acceptance.

"Talk to me always Ill try to do the same. I want to tell you about those nightmares and I will. They are memories I etched deep down, hard and painful to recall, but ill like for you to come along as I go back to therapy. You hurt me Temitope! This last few days have made me understand how much you own me. Lets not do this anymore. I miss you so much I'm not so sure I can take it.

I will never stop you from having a career, what you do is too important, your light is too bright. I know we talked about it during courtship and I am so sorry for not making it feel like getting a Job for you is not important.

What I absolutely cannot do is watch you struggle for positions, I know you did not marry me for my money you don't need to prove it to anyone, not yourself not me.

Send in your applications, I'll support you as hard as I can and try not to meddle." He spoke over her head kissing her forehead lightly.

Pamela's stomach rumbled loudly after that letting them both know food was needed."

"Can we just order in" she pleaded not wanting to cook anything or get up from his arms.

"Nah!!! Ill cook something for my baby mama"he replied with a knowing smirk.

Pamela smiled widely as a goofy feeling enveloped her she loved that name "baby mama".

She loved this journey with him.

Chris scooped her in his arms and carried her down the stairs to the kitchen.

As she sat on the other side of the kitchen Island, Pamela saw the assurance burning through her lovers eyes and she knew instantly without any word spoken

She was safe!

This answered all her fears.

*****