Chapter 122: Chapter 122

(Dmitri’s Thoughts) (A Day Before The Big Event)

My head is still spinning from drinking too much, and when I open my eyes, I am in a familiar place, Avery’s apartment.

“Ugh,” I groan as I try to sit down on this couch. Then a bag of ice hits me from the side, “Fuck!” I blurt out.

“Fuck you, too!” a feminine voice of a man speaks with so much annoyance in it.

“Hey, what are you doing here? And what this?” I ask while holding the ice pack.

But instead of answering, his annoying attitude takes over. He ignores my question and won’t even talk to me.

“Hey! What’s wrong with you?” upset of his treatment, I yell.

“Liar! Why would you even lie to me, dickhead? Office? Work? Then, tell me, since when did a bar filled with alcohol and dancing ladies become your workplace, huh?” now his voice is higher than mine.

I look away, “I just met a friend at a nearby coffee shop, that’s it,” I make an excuse.

“Yeah right! Coffee shop, your ass! Bullshit!‘ he rebels.

“Hey, I was telling the truth, I was at a coffee shop, and then–”

“–Then you ended up in a bar and I had to carry you out and pay for all the drinks you drank, is that right?” he complains.

“You did?” I act surprised.

“Of course, as if I left you there. Thank goodness I called, because if not, you might have ended up in jail and would be sleeping in prison by now,” I see him massages his temples in between his drinks.

“Why? What did I do?” I put the icepack on my head to lessen my headache.

“Well, damaging properties and asking for a fight. My goodness, Dee. Since when did you become a brawler, huh! What the hell happened to you, and who did you meet?”

I couldn’t answer any of his questions. All I remember is that after Kendra’s confrontation, I went to a nearby bar and drowned myself in alcohol. I stayed there until a restricted number calls me out, and it turned out to be him.

“So, are you telling me or not?” he impatiently throws the baton at me.

I sigh, “Someone knew about what I did…” I start with a calm but sad voice.

“Did what?”

“The accident… The night when I killed two innocent people,” I bury myself on my palm.

He sits beside me, and comfort me by patting my back, “Hey, you know you didn’t kill them, right? It was an accident!”

“But, it was because of me. I was driving drunk when it happened,” I argue.

He takes a deep sigh, “So, who knew about it? Did you meet that person earlier?” he asks.

“Yes, I met with her. And she’ Avery’s bestfriends. She knew the truth, and she wanted me to stay away from Avery, what should I do?” my voice quivers.

“What else did she say?” he asks.

“That I don’t deserve her, that deserves someone better. That I was the cause of all her pain, that it is better not to love her anymore,” I continue with my painful experience.

I look at him, “Don’t I really deserve her? Didn’t I suffer enough? Every night, I dream of them, I already said sorry multiple times. And–and, wasn’t I forgiven yet?” tears begin to fall.

“I don’t know, Dee. But one thing is for sure, she deserves to know the truth, Dee. About everything, everything in your life, she needs to know that,” he says with his sad eyes.

“What if I lose her completely? And I’m not even sure of myself?” I confess.

“Isn’t sure of what?” he raises his brows on me.

“Whether I can fully commit myself, whether I could fulfill the promise of not hurting her, whether I could be totally honest with her, whether I deserve her or not. I couldn’t even give her a straight answer when she asked me if i could marry her,” I continue to share my thoughts.

“Sooner or later, you two need to decide, and whatever it is, don’t worry, I’ll support you, Dee,” then he smiles at me.

“Thank you,” I express my thanks to him for listening to my problem. When I feel a little better, I stand up and head outside.

“Where are you going?” he worriedly asks.

“Home, I am going home,” I simply answer.

“But you are drunk!” he warns me and offers me to stay here instead.

“Don’t worry, I don’t drive drunk, not anymore. I’ll just call an UBER or maybe ride a cab at the entrance,” then I left.

Before he closes the door, “By the way, one will come ever tomorrow, hope you don’t mind?”

I raise my hand as a sign of approval and come back home.

When the elevator door opens, Avery’s face shows up. My heart beats fast, and I almost panic. I stutter while saying my greetings, “A-avery? What are you doing here?”

She lifts her head, “Dee. I’ve been waiting for your call, thank goodness you are here. I’ve been meaning to tell you something important.”

She steps out of the elevator and she’s on her way to her unit when I block her way, “Uh, have you eaten dinner? Why don’t we talk over some snacks.”

She frowns at me, “Dee, it’s already midnight. And besides, my apartment, I mean your apartment is just over there.” She taps my shoulder and passes by me.

I bite my lips and really begin to worry. So I pass by her again and blocks the door awkwardly putting my hand on the wall, “Hmm, then, why don’t we talk in my penthouse? It’s been a while, right?”

But she just wouldn’t back down, “Dmitri, remove yourself in front of the door, or I’ll kick you out myself. Remember, I havne’t signed the last paper, so it’s still mine, apparently,” she crosses her arms and waits for me to move.

I intentionally knock on the door by hitting it with my shoe sole aloud. And I pretend to mistakenly press the doorbell to give him a heads-up.

I smile at Avery who’s been glaring at me, “What are you doing really? Step aside Dmitri, I need to get some documents in my room.”

“In your bedroom?” my eyes widen, and I gulp. My mind is blown away right now.

Then she immediately tap her keycard and enter the passcode, so I open the door and laugh aloud, “I’m back again, Avery, what would you like to have?” I announce, and look around hoping he gets to hide in time.

Avery looks at me badly, and she goes straight to her room, and I follow her around. I followe wherever she goes and it kind of pisses her off.

“Dmitri! Will you just stay over there, please? You are acting so weird right now, you know that, now you are making me regret my decision,” she says annoyed.

So I do what she wants and just stay seated on the couch, hoping she didn’t find him there.

Sweat accumulates on my forehead and all ove rmy body, so I turn up the airconditioner.

A few minutes later, she comes out of the bedroom. I stare at her face and observer whether she has any violent reaction. Fortunately, she doesn’t. It means we are still good.

Then she puts down the documents on the table in front of me, then warmly smiles at me. But what surprises me is what she did next.

She removes her engagement ring, and she sits on my lap like a kid. Then she wraps her arms around me and announces,

“Dmitri, I know what I want now. I want to be with you. I don’t care if we get married or not, I just want you by myside.”

Hearing what she said pulls me back to the reality that I must face the biggest dilemma I have right now, and that’s her.

I scoff at her words, “I–I don’t understand, w-what doyou mean?”

The she traces my face with her two warm hands and cup my cheeks with it, then she pecks my lips with hers, “I’m breaking up with Jeff. I’m calling off the engagement, Dee.”

In disbelief, I couldn’t respond at her words timely.

“Dee, I said I’m calling off the engagement. Aren’t you happy? We can be together freely,” she claims excitedly.

Her words put an indescribable feeling in my heart, but at the same time, Kendra’s words weigh much heavier.

I put her on the couch, “Avery, I–I don’t know what to say. I really don’t know,” I look away, and I avoid her eyes.

Because I know myself, if we even once lock eyes, I won’t be able to stop. And, I know now, I know that I don’t deserve her, or her love.

She’s as astounded as I am, “W-What do you mean you don’t know? Dee, I’m here, and I’m choosing you. Is there anything that’s hard to comprehend on that statement. I love you! And I want to be with you,” her words are firm and full of conviction.

I step back, further and further away from her, while I look at her excited face turn into one wearing despair.

“I’m sorry, Avery, I can’t tell you what I did, I can’t be honest with you, therefore, I don’t deserve your love, your pure love,” I say to myself.

And as I utter my next word, tears automatically flows from my eyes.

"I can't love you anymore, Avery, nor I can be with you!" my voice and words echo and resonate inside the four-walled apartment.

It pains me to say those words, but it kills me to hear what she says next, "Tell me you don't love me anymore, tell me I am not worth your time. Tell me all the things we shared, the sex, the touch, the kiss, the precious moments, tell me those are all nothing, tell me!"

What she’s asking me to do, is something I can’t do. My spirit and soul break at the same time as I let my body succumb from too much sadness, to the point that it brings my knees on the floor.

Listening to her quivering voice, watching her heartbreaks onc again because of me, my heart pounds, and I hear her pants while saying these, catching her every breath, "If you knew how to move on, if you learned how to completely live without me, please, I am begging you, help me, teach me, for fuck's sake tell me how not to love you. Because clearly I tried, but I failed."

And I watch her fall before me, I hear her heart break before me, but it’s the only thing I could do. How can she love a murderer like me, a person who killed her parents. She wouldn’t be able to handle the guilt. It is better this way, I am sorry.

***

And yet again, I ask her walk out of my life, but this time is different, this time it’s for good, this time, I sent her away, forever and ever faraway from me, who made her an orphan and made her life a miserable hell.

As Nik takes her away, as she walks with him out of this apartment, I gasp for air, it feels that I can’t breathe, I extend my hand to reach her, but her image gets blurry and the only thing I could say is,

“Goodbye, I will forever love you, Avery Anderson, in this lifetime, and beyond.”