Chapter 62: Chapter 62

Athena’s P.O.V.

Cristoff kissed my forehead as the love song ended. It was a genuine kiss that I would crave for as long as I lived.

He even asked me if we could now go back to our seats, but I refused and only spoiled myself by hugging him tightly. For one last time, I wanted his smell to soothe my nostrils. I wanted to feel his skin and his lips so close to me.

My heart was screaming in torture, and I didn’t want to let him go. I could now feel that almost everyone was staring at us, murmuring about us, but I didn’t care anymore. I just didn’t fucking care at all!

When everyone was okay, here I was—totally disturbed. Anxiety came like a tornado in my brain that, honestly, was too painful. It was different from a simple headache, and it felt like more than an intense sorrow—a sort of panic that would make me run but would soon make me realize that I had nowhere to go.

This is it! The moment you have to break his heart is finally here, ready to wreck yours as well. You should not look at his eyes and do not let your guard down, Athena. Stick to the plan, even if it will hurt you a lot!

My whole body was now trembling—I could fall to the ground, so I was actually leaning to him for support. When everything appeared to be moving in slow motion, I felt his body slightly flinch the moment I spoke.

“I wish we could stay this way forever. You and me, forever… but it looks like we’re only really up to here. If given a chance, I would love to stay, but I can’t. I love you so much, Cristoff—so much, it hurts both of us. You’ve taught me the real definition of love, and you’ve made me feel how to be special. Until the end, I will always love you. But now, I can no longer fight for you. I’m sorry because I have to let you go.”

Words are powerful enough to either make or break a person. But at this time, my intention was to shatter Cristoff. I felt so sorry for him, but I didn’t know what to do anymore. I felt pity for myself too, because my future would live forlorn in just a matter of seconds.

The agony was like a knife slowly cutting my gut. I then removed Cristoff’s arms away from me as I started to sob. The feeling was awful—like I was being torn apart.

“Wait, Helena. W-What do you mean? We were just happy a while ago, right? We’re even dancing our hearts together. Now, w-what are you talking about? I’m not even leaving, so why do you have to let me go? I’m confused.”

I could clearly see the questions in his eyes as light tears began showing up. He was willing to wipe my tears, but I didn’t allow him to do that. I jerked and shoved his hands away—the same hands I would have ever wanted to touch and comfort me. The same arms I would like to wrap around me.

But I had to be realistic. I knew that what I would say next would break Cristoff into tiny pieces, but I still have to say it. I had to, even though it would also crush me in return. That way, Daddy would stop destroying him in just a snap of his fingers. Cristoff would never have to taste the wrath of my father.

My heart was pounding intricately. I had to hurt Cristoff so that he could move on with his life suitably. I had to ruin him because it would be the only chance for him to be whole again. It was funny to say that I had to do all these to protect him.

“I’m breaking up with you. Let’s end our relationship, Cristoff!”

Pained beyond what was happening around us, I didn’t know how I had the courage to say those words to him. But still, I managed to utter those words as cold as ice. I knew that Cristoff would be hurt a lot right now, but he would definitely get better over time.

Time heals anyway—it would surely free and untie him. Well, it was what I wanted to believe in.

The only thing that mattered to me at the moment was for him to live normally again, and his future would not be ruined all because of me. We were still young and imprudent. Maybe now, we would cry over our breakup, but as the years go by, I was freaking sure that we would just laugh about it, as if nothing had ever happened.

Like we had never met.

“W-What did you say? Is this even real? Y-You’re breaking up with me?” Cristoff’s eyes narrowed when he almost whispered those words to me. I was confident as hell that he heard every word I told him, but he just didn’t want to agree. He refused to accept the fact that we were only up to here, and I didn’t want to do anything with him.

Gloomy, I swallowed the lump on my throat because it was stopping me from speaking properly. Please, Cristoff. Don’t make it even harder for me…

“I’m sorry… but you’ve heard it right, Cristoff. During the last three months that the two of us were not able to talk, I realized that even though we still love each other, we are not going anywhere either. You know what? We’re still teenagers. We can still love at the right time. Right now, yes… we will be hurt, and we will cry. However, our pain will end here, and we will be healed over time—”

Trying to convince him, I stopped when he suddenly cut me off. Cristoff held my forearms like he always did when he used to plead for me—when he always begged for me.

“No, Helena! Please, don’t do this to me! I love you so much, and I can’t afford to lose you! Please, don’t break up with me. Hmm? If I did something you’ve never liked, I would change it. If I did something wrong, I would correct it. Tell me, what did I do wrong? I’m willing to change, just don’t leave me! Please…” Cristoff started to cry, and the struggle of seeing him was like a spear stabbing my chest. I was bleeding in and out. I never expected to be bound by love. But right now, I had to show my iron heart.

Cristoff was a good man, and I didn’t deserve him. I hated to see him like this, but I was the one who caused him to be like this. He hugged me, but I managed to escape from him. The problem was me and not him. He had done nothing wrong, and he had nothing to change.

He was perfect in every way, and I would never find another man like him. Cristoff only had to accept the vicious fact that we could no longer continue this relationship.

“Do you want to know where you went wrong, Cristoff? You’ve made a mistake of loving me when I don’t even deserve you!” I tried to raise my voice. It was a good thing that the rock music was playing again, and the people around us were busy with their different ways of jamming, so they were too giddy for them to notice us anymore.

“It was never a mistake to love you, Helena… and I don’t regret loving you, even for once. We have been so happy together, and I believe that we truly deserve each other. You know that!” Cristoff cried.

“My decision will never change, and you have to accept it.” I wanted to say that I was only pretending to pull this kind of shit. I wanted to hug and reassure him that we could soon get through it all together, but I chose to turn my back on him.

It felt like my whole world was falling in front of me. It was like being stabbed over and over again. God knew how much I loved him, but I had to do what I knew was the right thing. I had to stay away from him to make him live… and to make sure that he would continue living his life at peace. Not in the hell where I was living in.

Just when I started to walk away from him, it seemed like the disk jockey had enjoyed so much to pull a trick of playing a heartbreaking song that suited Cristoff and I’s feelings:

Show me the meaning of being left alone

Do you think that my destiny is to walk away from you?

What is the reason why I can’t be where you are?

Don’t you feel something in your heart?

There’s nowhere to run, I wanted to go with you

I tried to fight with all my heart and soul

How could you say these things,

When you love me in the first place?

Is fate playing with us to get damned?

What is the reason why I can’t be where you are?

And before I could finally proceed with my decision to run, I just found myself being caged again in Cristoff’s arms.

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Author’s Note: The song lyrics of ‘Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely’ by Backstreet Boys were intentionally changed due to copyrights.