Chapter 61: Chapter 61

Athena’s P.O.V.

Hours went in a blur as time flew so fast. I wasn’t able to track that one month had already passed. And tonight, I would have no other choice but stick to the plan. I couldn’t walk out without breaking Cristoff’s heart.

The past month was irrefutably torture. No, it was actually three months overall. I always forced myself not to speak up with Cristoff, but it was only a front—a fake façade to cover the truth.

When he wasn’t looking at me, God knew how much I always stared at him; that every time I pretended not to mind him during our group discussions, I always longed for him, and my hands were even aching because I wanted to touch him.

How I wished I had eyes on the back of my head so that I could still see him whenever I walked away. I always imparted through my actions that he was the reason behind it. The truth was I couldn’t take my eyes off him, and I wouldn’t want any single time that I wouldn’t be able to see him.

Every time his back was facing me, my adrenaline was urging me to hug him from behind. Whenever I avoided him, I would love to go back, wrap him in my arms, and never say goodbye.

I used to throw away his letters, but when no one was around, I would go back there, dig into the trash can, pick the letters up, and read them word-per-word. There was one time that even though his Christmas card already stinks since it came from the trash bin, I would still put it on my chest to feel the genuine love of Cristoff.

Hand-written letters were indeed romantic, but what did I do? I threw them all away to hurt Cristoff when he hadn’t even done something wrong. I didn’t mind his efforts.

Cristoff didn’t even know the fact that I was only hanging out with Brent so that Daddy would think we were not really together anymore—that Cristoff and I were already over. Little did he know how much I loathed Brent for working in cahoots with his mother and my father. For what? For money? For his tuition fees? How horrible!

“Don’t worry, I’ll just study with him.” I remembered I told Cristoff one time inside our classroom.

It was even earlier than our harrowing corridor scene. It was when Brent asked me to study with him in the library to discuss our Physics project. That nasty Fil-Am even asked me for lunch, to which I rejected. There was only one guy I would have ever wanted to share my lunch with, and it wasn’t Brent.

Those words were exactly meant for Cristoff because I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea that I would choose Brent over him. But then, what was the point? I had to suck it up. I had to act otherwise, and pretending was where I was good at.

“Really, Helena? Promise me that—”

Cristoff immediately turned his head on me—only to find me talking to my cellular phone. It felt like he was full of anticipation; however, he was immediately cut off after seeing that I wasn’t wearing our supposedly couple ring on my finger. But I shouldn’t let him know the real reason.

“Yeah, sure thing. I’ll text Ricardo as soon as Brent and I finish our report. Bye, Dad! I love you,” I disguised. I only used my phone as props, but there was no caller from the other line. If only Cristoff knew that he was the one I was telling the words ‘I love you’ with, would everything change? Everything already hurts way back then, and now, I am entirely suffering.

I ended the fake call, rose to my feet, and strode towards the exit without even glancing at him. I couldn’t stand to see how Cristoff was hurting all because of me. How I wished he could also feel that every time I evaded him, I walked like my limbs didn’t belong to me, and it was strangling me so badly.

Fast forward to the recent month of unending my cold and heartless stance, I even changed seats with a random girl from the back. I tried not to be affected by Cristoff’s presence, but what he didn’t know was the fact that I watched his swimming competition where he won the first-place award.

If only I could shout there and inform everyone how proud girlfriend I were of him, I already did that. Too bad, for I was a coward.

The recent month of waiting was burning me up. It was a month of planning how could I tell Cristoff a lie that all I wanted was to break up with him, but in all honesty, I couldn’t afford to end our relationship. I was sure I didn’t deserve a selfless guy like him, but I couldn’t bear to lose him.

It was a month of preparing myself to tell him that I didn’t love him anymore, but the truth was if not with him, then it would be better for me to stay as an old maid forever. I was certain that I would never be able to love again. I would never find the same love I had with him ever again.

Now, I wouldn’t be able to stop the time. I had to bravely face Cristoff, and as I had promised way back, I would talk to him and clear things up. But up to this day, my heart and my mind were still battling. Half of me wanted to stay, but the other half wanted to walk away.

Because walking away would be for his own good. Walking away would spare him from so much hurt.

“Remember what I said, Athena. End everything quickly. Our flight will be tomorrow morning, so you better go home early. Ricardo will stay at the parking lot, so he could easily see you.” I was touching the silver ring that was currently placed on my left ring finger when Daddy spoke.

What he said dragged me away from a deep trance. It was then I realized that Ricardo had stopped the car in front of the venue of our J.S. Prom.

Tired of having another argument with him, I just nodded at Daddy before getting out from the latest model of our car. It was just the latest release from Delgz Limousines, but it was already admired by everyone. Our sales were at peak compared to other car manufacturers not just here but in all parts of Europe and America.

It was what brought us more income, making Daddy one of the richest CEOs in the whole world. But little did people know that he was a vile CEO, who never cared for his daughter.

When Daddy and Ricardo left, Cristoff rushed to approach me. Since this would be our last night together, I might as well spoil the moment with him. That was why I immediately looped my right hand on his left arm. If only I could not remove my eyes off him, I would have already done that. He was undeniably handsome.

I wanted to have as many memories with him as much as possible. I would use them as provisions because our future would bring me far away from him—too far that I wasn’t even sure if we would see each other again—too far that even our time zones were different. I wanted to remember his angelic face, his mesmerizing hazel brown eyes, his pointed nose, and everything he had that made me fall for him.

This is the last time I’ll be with him, so I’m going to spend every second of it worthwhile…

Before I break his heart tonight.

Cristoff said that he missed me, but I endured the pain of not answering him. I didn’t say a word, but it was only temporary. I was still trying to resist the feeling, but when we were already seated, I just couldn’t help it! Not with this striking man in front of me.

Before I could restrain myself, I already grabbed his hands on the table and began squeezing mine over his while saying that I missed him too. Even the texture of his hands, I wanted to remember it all—that even though those were not even soft, there would be no pair of hands that I would ever touch and hold—only Cristoff’s.

I couldn’t help but smile, most especially when he cared so much about me. Cristoff was so cute because he would even spoon-feed me. If not, he would make sure that I would eat comfortably by cutting his rough beef brisket and interchanged our dishes.

After dinner, he asked me for a dance, and I let him lead me to the dance floor as I responded to him. “Yeah, sure… m-my handsome Cristoff!” I stuttered because the night would soon end up slapping me with the truth that he wasn’t really mine. The love song that was playing suited our relationship together, but unfortunately, our fairytale would end tonight.

The love song represented our inner feelings together, but I guessed that there would always be restrictions:

If only I could give him all of me…

If only I was brave enough to fight for him…

If only I could risk everything just to be with him…

But I wasn’t… and I couldn’t!

When your insides were too drenched with unshed tears, and the words wouldn’t just escape past your quivering lips, you would be lost. And that was what I exactly felt right now, even when we were together.

While we were still dancing, I completely hugged Cristoff and leaned my face on his shoulder. I just wanted to stay by his side for a little bit more. I obviously didn’t want to end this night and be miserable for the rest of my life.

But what else can I do? The two of us will only suffer by the end of the night. Are we free to love each other if he will know the damn truth? That my name wasn’t really Helena, but Athena Cari Delgado?