Chapter 55: Chapter 55

Chapter 53: The bitter

She flinched each time Thomas fondled her breasts. She tried to suck it in and be strong but it was unbearable. They were so sensitive from any touch even if it were soft. They felt... like balloons.

"Are you alright?" Thomas questioned.

"...I'm fine...I just haven't been feeling too well." She expressed.

"We don't have to make love, I simply love playing with your breasts that's all and oddly enough. I do not know if it's my eyes deceiving me but they look bigger than usual." Thomas snickered with excitement like a teenage boy.

"They're really painfully sore, I must have slept on the wrong side of the bed." Merri expressed.

"I suppose so." Thomas replied.

"I have been having cramps too but I will be alright."

"Being a woman is tough!" Thomas chuckled. Merrigold smiled caressing his jaw and the little goatee on his chin.

"Yes, it's awful." She replied thoughtfully. "I hardly do any physical work but I'm having back pain. I might have a fever or so. I can't keep any food in, I do not have appetite for anything except... watermelons. I hated the smell of cigarettes but now, i hate it even more than I used to. It makes me so sick, I always almost throw up."

"I reckon it must be hatred for him."

"Very true, plus I always feel so tired and fatigued. I want to get better already. I'm tired of being sick."

"I pray you get well soon, do not worry too much. Before you know it, you will be back to your normal self."

Merri smiled. Thomas kissed her cheek. Noticing that even her cheeks had gained a bit of fluff. He smiled. "I'm glad you've started eating, you seem to be gain your weight back."

She was appalled. "Excuse me?"

"Your breasts are bigger so are you cheeks. It's adorable."

"No, you said I'm gaining weight."

"Which is a good thing, is it not?"

Merri pursued her lips.

"You're not fat Merri, all I'm saying is you're putting on a good health amount of weight."

Feeling emotional, Merri felt her tears right below her eyes as she quivered. "I hardly eat anything, how could I be gaining weight. Please Thomas, tell me this is all a banter?!"

"You're beautiful Merrigold, all I meant is you've always been a slender petite woman with a great figure but now you're uhm... even better." He was finding it hard to look for words that would not offend her. She seemed hurt judging by the look she was giving him. A frown on her face, fumbling with her fingers. She was nervous, for many reasons but Merrigold brushed it off.

"You're not fat, Merri." Thomas added when she did not reply.

"It's alright." Merrigold smiled.

"You sure?" He questioned giving her another kiss. She closed her mouth, until he pulled away then smiled at him. The exchange of saliva seemed disgusting to her. As of recent...

"Yes!" She faked a smile.

Her walk back from the commune was exhausting. Her feet swelled up, it was in the early hours of the morning. After sleeping over at Thomas, she was afraid of what Austin would do. She heard he had arrived from his visit to the Gallagher's.

Taking his coffee he did not spare her a glance when she passed by. Merrigold felt more self conscious. She had always always caught his attention but now she didn't. Was she really not as appealing to the eye anymore. Was she really...fat...? Merrigold asked herself why she was yearning for his attention anyways. They had both decided to forget anything ever happened. Austin seemed to be well composed, Merrigold on the other hand was struggling. It had been her idea but she was failing. How could she erase the thoughts of everytime they spent together? How could she when she'd see him more than she'd like to?

"Lilacs?" Austin questioned. It took a moment for her to realize he was not speaking to her.

"Master Austin, I reckon daisies are prettier." One housekeeper giggled.

"Roses seem more romantic?" The other housekeeper added. Merrigold asked herself since when did he make conversations with housekeepers. He had always treated them like no bodies with no compassion. Merrigold did not know if she should greet them or not.

At the sight of her, Austin immediately gulped down his coffee.

"I will send them all, suppose I was never a good picker but thank you girls." Austin added speaking of the flowers he wanted to send to Jane Kennedy. He knew was was happily married but he simply wanted to apologize. Knowing how it feels to be rejected, he could not imagine how that must have felt for her. Even though time had flew by, he thought he owed her an apology. The two housekeepers grinned and walked away. As they walked away they giggled at each other. Excited that he had spoken to them.

When it was just the two of them.

"I spoke to Pastor Richardson. Faith expressed to me how Thomas wanted to ask for my permission but he was afraid I'd say no."

Merrigold was bewildered.

"Oh..."

"Yes, he agreed to wed you both."

"Oh!" Merrigold muttered again.

"Wed us? You and I?" She questioned.

"Quit being ridiculous, you and Thomas for Christ sake!"

"There was really no need for that..." she refused to say Master Austin.

"It's the least I could do." Austin smiled at her. "Now you have an opportunity to make up for lost time and have another child."

Another child?

Merrigold thought of the nun.

"Thank you, I suppose." She added fumbling with her fingers, she could not look him in the eye. Thomas had not asked her thoughts regarding any of this.

"You're welcome."

Deep down she did not want the conversation to end.

"I counted the stock and—"

"Good." He said dismissively.

"Please do not cancel their pay..."

"I thought we had already discussed this. I'm going to implement the changes, I see fit for the plantation. It has nothing to do with you or what we did."

"What we did?" She repeated.

He ignored her foolery. "I've hired new overseers and some other people. I advised Grover to take some months off work, as he is well deserving of it. File up and leave the books on my table. They will start this Monday."

"That is absurd!"

"I'd rather pay white people who need the job, white people who I can personally trust than waste money on niggers who're supposed to be working for free."

"...But Austin..." he immediately gave her a hard hit on her right cheek leaving her distraught.

"Can we not have problems with such simple straight forward formalities... I'd hate to discipline you every time."

Merri was still in shock and there it was the tears. Austin assumed she would hit him back like the first time but she....cried?

"It's Master Austin, do not forget that next time."

"We're alone, I don't see a reason for this..." Merrigold mumbled wiping her tears.

"It's Master Austin, be it we're alone or not. It's Master Austin be it we're working or having sex."

"I will not have sex with you, you're mistaken if you assume you can treat me this way and still—"

"We will see about that Merri."

"We won't see anything, I refuse to ever give you my body again."

"Stop saying again, there is no again. We decided to forget about it therefore let us pretend that 'again' you speak of never occurred."

"But it did." She said helplessly trying to stop this awful crying.

"If it's pity you're looking for with those crocodile tears then you're barking at the wrong tree. You look ridiculous. Do not attempt to disgust me..."

"You claimed to love me but—"

"Merrigold please, can we forget about it like you solemnly begged for. You're beginning to become a nuisance."

"I—" she stuttered not being able to speak because of her tears.

"Do yourself a favor and get some friends. Thomas is not your friend. Your brother is not your friend. I'm certainly not your friend. Get yourself some friends girly, you're pathetic!"

Merri broke into muffled tears. She could not Fine the right words to articulate herself. Her feelings were all over the place. She did not feel in control.

"Well there's Faith..." Austin said cheerfully. "Well Faith would you like to be Merri's friend. She is lonely and cries like a toddler at every single thing. You will love her."

"Master Austin..." Faith felt uncomfortable.

Embarrassed, Merrigold ran off to her room and locked herself inside. She had always been one with an attitude and feared nothing but she was changing. She did not like any of this. She felt vulnerable. Any small words could quickly trigger her.

Shaking his head. Austin muttered. "Pathetic isn't it?"

Faith nodded, a small smile tucked under.

"She thinks she is the Queen of England when really she is a washed out rug."

Faith nodded.

"It's time, she realized she is not special and that she is a nigger like the rest of you."

"Certainly Master Austin."

"She has had too many privileges."

"Very true, Master Austin."

Austin loved the validation he was receiving from Faith.

"She really thinks, I will never touch her again. I will otherwise there is no other purpose for her residing in this house."

Faith nodded.

"I will whip her because of that nasty attitude one of these coming days."

"She really needs that, Master Austin. She is very disrespectful towards you and everyone can see that. When she is disrespectful she is giving others the right to disrespect you. Master Austin you must set an example on her. She thinks she is all that because she can read and do math..."

"You're right Faith, she is pushing for punishment."

"Certainly, Master Austin. You're a good person, I could never understand why she is ungrateful. You do so much for her ungrateful arse."

"I know right?" Austin said thoughtfully.

"Yes! Not many slave masters take their slaves out of the plantation. You even allow her at the table. Yet she treats you as if you're her little puppet."

"That ratchet hussy!" Austin added becoming angry.

"A slut!" Faith added dusting around. It seemed maybe Austin was not as scary as she thought he was. They had found a common ground.