Chapter 62: Chapter 62

Chapter 60

As Alpha Greyson informed me all that had transpired, my heart broke even more.

"After the Rogues attacked the South White Pack, I began investigating the people around me because it was unusual for Rogues to attack the pack without the guards noticing them, so from that event, I know that someone is betraying me, but my attention is diverted when you come along. I found my mate, and it was what the entire kingdom has been wishing for since I sat on my throne, but everyone suspects you as the Rema Kingdom's spy because of your features. I... I had the same thought... I had no idea you could be Princess Harper of the Rema Kingdom, which I had saved years ago. I only recently discovered that you are Princess Harper after having investigated and discovered that you have amnesia. I chose to keep it that way, but Dylan... returned and attempted to murder you. That's when I recognized something was wrong with Beta Miguel..." he played with my fingers while telling me everything he knew.

"He started acting strange, which made me suspicious of him. I secretly investigated him... I didn't even know you were also investigating him. I acted like they could control me. I acted like I didn't know a thing. I acted as if I trust them more than I trust you because I don't want them to hurt you anymore. If they find out that I know something about their plans, they will have even more control over the opinion of the entire kingdom against me. That's why I waited for the appropriate moment and opportunity, but I didn't anticipate Mrs. Clea to be used. I'm sure they're doing it to play on your emotions, especially because you're pregnant. But they threatened Mrs. Clea, which is why she declined my offer to help with her escape. So, I devised a strategy. My men will rush to arrest Beta Miguel and Elder Mateo on the day of the execution, but I did not expect you to go there. And this causes them to attack as well..."

My tears are still falling. Everything Alpha Greyson did after that was for me. But I was there doubting him. I had my doubts about him! I did not understand him!

"I'm sorry... I should've told you everything..." he said, clutching my cheek and looking me in the eyes. I averted my gaze because I feel too guilty that I can't even look at him straight in the eyes. As I felt the ice inside me, I swallowed hard. He took care of me and our child while I did nothing. Why am I such a fool? Why do I always seem to lose everything I care about?

"I-I want to be... alone..." I said, my voice trembling. I can't stand being around him any longer. The closer I feel his presence to me, the more I despise myself. I'm in a lot of pain. I feel so regretful that I want to be alone and cry silently and blame myself more.

"Please..." Alpha Greyson gripped me tighter, but I pushed away. I lay on the bed and turned away from him. As tears rush down my cheeks, I tightly close my eyes. When I heard the sound of his footsteps going away from me and the door closing, my tears began to pour like rain.

I did everything hastily. I hadn't even considered my situation, my child. All I did was cry, question Alpha Greyson, and despise everyone around me. I'm sure Alpha Greyson hates himself for not saying anything to me, but as his wife, Luna, and Queen of this kingdom, I should've understood him better. I should have been more aware of his concealed plans. But instead of believing in him, I put myself and our child in danger, and now... it's gone.

I cried myself to sleep for hours. When I awoke, I felt a thick arm wrap around my waist. I raised my head and noticed Alpha Greyson fast asleep. It's already 2 a.m., according to the wall clock. I can't take my gaze away from him. He seemed to be at ease. He's very attractive. I can't help but imagine what our child would look like if he ever lived. Will he resemble Alpha Greyson? Will he get his blue, gorgeous eyes?

I averted my gaze and began to back away from him. Alpha Greyson doesn't deserve me. Alpha Greyson deserves more. Why would the Moon Goddess mate a worthless woman with someone great like him? Isn't it unjust? Would Alpha Greyson be content if he married another woman? Will their marriage thrive? Will his life be different?

"Moon Goddess... why are you being unfair to him?" I mutter under my breath as I stare at his serene face. I took a deep breath and got out of bed. I went to the balcony and noticed the sun peaking behind the huge mountain from a distance. It appears to be beautiful. It appears to be nice and comfortable, but a worthless and useless lady like myself does not deserve such warmth and serenity. I deserve to be trapped in the darkness, grieving alone. I don't deserve to be happy in this world.

I am the one who killed Alpha Greyson's child. I looked down from the terrace and realized how high I was above the ground. I took a deep breath and gently stepped up onto the railing. My eyes welled up with tears.

This is what I deserve. To die quietly. I have sinned against Alpha Greyson's son. That is why it should be my fate to die as well. As I stared down at the ground, my palms trembled. It makes me shudder just thinking about it. On the ground, I could envision myself soaked in my blood. I swallowed hard and was about to let go of the railing and fall when someone grabbed my hand and wrapped his arms around me tightly. And I immediately recognized him by his scent.

“FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!" he yelled as he wrapped his arms around me. I noticed his arms trembling. I pushed him away slightly. My mind was haywire. I'm having trouble thinking coherently. I simply want to die! Why is he stopping me? It is what I deserved!

"Let me go..." I pleaded, pushing him away. He forcefully gripped my shoulder. I can see his face well now. His bloodshot eyes took me aback. I could see his fear, which is unusual for him. My tears ran down my cheeks.

"No! What the fuck are you thinking?! Why would you... damn it!" his tone was a mix of rage and anger, fear and nervousness, and I attempted to push him again, but his eyes became slits.

"What are your plans? Attempt suicide?! What for?!" he inquired, irritated. I clenched my teeth and threw him a lethal gaze.

"Because I deserve this! I deserve to die! I killed your child! So, let me go!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I'm sure the guards can hear Alpha Greyson and me screaming here, but no one dares to enter.

"What the fuck are you talking about?! You can't just kill yourself for something like that! I promise... Everything is going to be okay! Yes... We lost our child, however... we can... start all over again... Amara, please... Don't do this," he urged softly, even though I knew he was equally outraged at what I was doing.

My tears poured out of my eyes like a faucet. How can he say we can start over?

"You mean we'll forget about our child and have another child, Alpha Greyson?" my tone became icy. He didn't say anything. He simply stared at me. I gave him a piercing stare. I hate him. I hate myself. I hate everything!

"No! Don't fucking say it like it's just a toy that we can replace over and over! You don't understand me! You don't! So, let me go! Let me die!" I screamed.

"How about me?" something pricked my heart as I heard him say that. Our gazes were riveted. The tears became heavier. I could see the pain in his eyes.

"I'm also hurting... Amara; we lost our child; I'm also grieving... sorrowful—"

"Isn't that why I deserve this? I'll pay for what I've done!" I came to a halt as he threw dagger eyes at me, as if he was about to physically harm me, and I felt terror because it was the first time, he looked at me like that.

"But I'm trying to move on, Amara! I'm trying to be okay... for you! I'm blaming myself! It's my fault! It's my fault that you're blaming yourself like this! You think you don't deserve to live after we lost our child... but how about me? You don't even think about me... I can't live without you, Amara... so please... stop blaming yourself already... and come back to me..." he pleaded and embraced me like I am his dear life he doesn't want to let go.