Chapter 26: Chapter 26

NATHAN'S P.O.V

I stand helpless as I watch Lunar drive out of the parking lot and probably out of my life.

It never occurred to me that she would leave.....And that it would hurt this much.

The past week was amazing, and everyday....every second I enjoyed it with her, more than I thought I would.

The move was quick...but it was a good decision, and the ultrasounds, hospital trips, everything drew me closer to her.

And now she was gone.

I sigh as I head back up and into my apartment. The minute I open the door, I feel her absence instantly.

The wardrobe is open and the space where her clothes hung is empty. Her pictures are gone, and her books and shoes....everything.

But her scent still lingered....that sweet scent of Lunar that was like lavender. I walk into the bathroom and realise her shampoo is still there, along with her bubble bath wash and even her shower cap.

Back in the bedroom, the huge shopping bag from 'Baby Hall' catches my eye and sit on the bed and I pick it up and empty the contents.

The soft fluffy baby socks, beanies, onesies, all fall out and I hold them close, breathing in the baby scent....wishing that they still had a purpose.

And there...in the silence of my room, I let the sadness consume me. I sit there, regretting, wishing, wondering.

We were going to have a baby...

We were going to move....

And now not only have I lost the baby....but possibly Lunar too.

After a while of sitting alone in silence....I finally get up and take a bit of liquid soap, adding it to the bowl of water Lunar got last night.

And then I kneel in front of the couch and scrub.

And scrub.

Until the blood is gone.

And the evidence of the pain.....washed away.

*********

LUNAR'S P.O.V

The drive back home is long and thoughts of Nathan run through my mind.

The look on his face when I left.

Why did he have to look like that?

Like I was breaking his heart?

Didn't he know I was breaking my heart too?

That I had to make us go through this pain.....so he could have a happy life?

So I don't jinx him?

Everything I did and every decision I made was for him....I just want him to be happy.

He has done so much for me and I just keep bringing him pain...it was better this way.

Apart.

Where I could figure myself out....before I got us anymore involved.

By the time I park the car into the driveway, it's almost noon. The house looks strange....like I haven't seen it for years, even though it was just a few months.

The inside is not even close to being dusty but I know have to clean...yet I wander around the house.

Memories dancing in my thoughts.

Like the day I finally spoke after Logan's death and we all went out to dinner.

The day I got an admission to college.

The day mum and Elena left for their flight...And she left me a list of groceries to buy on the coffee table.

The day their plane crashed....And dad broke the tv.

The day we went to the supermarket and dad beat up the lady that told him I needed another mother.

The day he got arrested.

And tried.

And sentenced.

And I didn't attend the last court sitting because I knew he would be guilty...And I didn't him to see the look on my face when he left me.

It dawns on me now, that this house holds more painful memories than good ones.

Or maybe it's just me.

Maybe I'm not trying hard enough.

I sit on the floor now and force the memories to come, the good memories....

But they never do.

Only tears.

They say time is supposed to heal everything. With time wounds will heal.

But being here, after all the time that has passed with years...the pain still felt new.

Still hurt.

I reach down now and pull the locket out from where it is tucked in my shirt.

Then I open it and stare at the pictures...of me and Nathan. The selfies we took with my phone in his apartment.

I wish we could be like that always. Happy and sure of the world and confident.

But now it has changed...we've faced a certain loss.

A loss we have to deal with separately.

A loss that came from me.

A loss that would cause us more pain if we kept staying in that apartment together.

Without me there...we would heal. My absence would heal us.

If not, then time. Time will do the trick for me and Nathan.

It would help us heal...even if it didn't work for my family.

Or maybe it was the space...the distance that would heal us.

Something had to work....if not for me, at least for Nathan.

NATHAN'S P.O.V

I stare at the missed call from Fred and I hope it's his last.

But my phone starts ringing again.

God, I can't do this. I don't have the strength to face him now.

I know we agreed to meet today...But that was yesterday.

We made that agreement yesterday.

Yesterday when the world made sense.

Yesterday when everything was in perfect balance.

Yesterday when Lunar was seated right here on the bed and begging me not to leave.

Yesterday when we had a plan and we were so sure about our baby.

Yesterday when we didn't question our future.

And everything had crumbled last night.

And this morning, she was gone.

The phone stops ringing, displaying over 6 missed calls from Fred.

I know that if I don't make an attempt to pick the call or go and see him, he'll come here instantly.

I grab my keys now and leave the apartment, heading for my car.

On the drive to Fred's place, I let my thoughts wander to Lunar.

What is she doing now?

Is she okay?

Is she still crying?

For the 100th time I stop myself from calling her.

I just hope all this time and space between us won't make her decide otherwise.

"Hey! I was beginning to worry about you." Fred says, walking out of his house as I park the car.

"Sorry about the delay." I say as I walk towards him and he pauses, observing me.

"Are you okay?" He asks and I sigh,

"Not exactly." I admit and almost instantly, Emily runs out with Betty on her heels.

"Lunar! Lunar! See what I...." she trails off when she sees only me.

Betty pauses too.

"Fred, I thought you called to let Nathan know about lunch." She says.

"Yeah, where is Lunar?" Emily pouts, and I sigh and squat to her level.

"I'm afraid she won't come for lunch, Emily."

"What about dinner?" She insists.

"Em, why don't you give me and Uncle Nate some privacy?" Fred asks, coming to my rescue.

I watch Emily groan out loud but still comply and leave with Betty.

Fred turns to me now.

"What happened?" He asks.

"She left this morning." I say and he frowns slightly.

"Left?"

"Yeah, she went home."

"Home? Because of the pregnancy?"

"That's the thing. She's not.....She's not pregnant." I say, realising how unsteady my voice sounds just from mentioning it.

The wound was too fresh...so much that it hurt to talk about it.

"She's not?" Fred asks, confused and I sigh.

"Not anymore. We lost the baby last night...she had a miscarriage. That's why she left." I say almost remotely, observing the shock on Fred's face.

"Oh, my goodness. I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" He asks and I shrug.

"I've had better days....but I'll be fine." I muster out.

"Is she okay?" He asks and memories flash through my mind of Lunar crying last night in pain while bleeding.

Lunar crying when she lost the baby.

When we got back and she was cleaning the blood.

And this morning when she left.

"No...no she's not okay. She's far from okay, Fred and she's gone. She won't even let me hold her or talk to her. She thinks it's all her fault and......she left." I say and Fred sighs.

For a couple of minutes, he's staring at the ground frowning. Then he looks up,

"Maybe, if you--"

"Maybe nothing. It's done, Fred.  She's gone." I say already shaking my head.

"Nathan, hear me out--"

"It won't change anything. Can we just go inside?" I ask already moving past him, but he places a hand on my shoulder, holding me back.

"You're not listening. We can--" he starts and I turn around to face him.

"I lost a baby!" I yell, unable to hold the anger now.

"I lost a baby, I lost Lunar. There's nothing that can be done! And I'd rather be alone but I came all the way here to talk business! Can we do that?!"

He holds both my shoulders.

"Nathan. Calm down." He says and I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to even my breathing.

I want to punch something so bad.

"I know you're angry. You're confused and you're sad but you have to remain calm." He says calmly.

I open my eyes and look at him.

"Remain calm? How? You weren't there Fred. You weren't there when she woke up in pain, crying. When she was hurting and bleeding. When she kept calling me....calling my name over and over and I wanted to do so much for her. I wanted to take away the pain, I wanted to revive the baby, I wanted to assure her nothing was wrong and I couldn't even do that. All I could do was take her to the hospital and they won't even let me go inside the room with her." I say, the memory clouding my mind.

"And she begged me. She begged me not to leave her and all I could do was tell her she was going to be fine. Over and over, I promised her she'll be fine."

I look down now.

"And I couldn't even keep that promise. And now she's gone." I say and Fred surprisingly hugs me.

Then he pulls back to look at me.

"I'm not going to lie and say I know what you went through. I don't. I can't imagine the experience and pain you guys had to face last night. And I know the baby is gone....but Lunar isn't. And it's not too late...Okay?" He asks, finally letting go of me and I nod.

"Good. Let's go inside." He says and I follow him into the house and to the kitchen where Betty is setting lunch.

Emily is at the far end of the table, sadly poking at her sandwich. Then she sets eyes on me and her face lights up instantly.

"So is Lunar coming?" She asks and I sit next to her.

"Not today, Tinkerbell." I say and her pouty face returns.

"I never even got to show her my colouring." She says and I smile at her.

"You can show me." I say and she sighs.

"Okay." She says and leaves the kitchen. Then she returns with a paper in her hand.

Emily displays the paper filled with colours on the table.

"See? That's you and that's Lunar at the ice-skating rink." She says pointing to two figures holding hands at the top of the paper.

And her colourful narration follows to me and Lunar at the burger restaurant, and then me and Lunar having dinner with them. Then me and Lunar at thanksgiving dinner....And the last one...

"Is you and Lunar getting married." She says pointing to figures in a field, holding hands and I can't help but chuckle.

If only it were that easy....as effortless as a colouring album....with no tears.

"And I'll be the flower girl." Emily says proudly and I smile at her.

"That's beautiful, Emily." I say and she smiles.

"That's why she has to come back....the story isn't complete without her." Emily says and I look at her.

"What did you say?"

"The story. It won't be complete without Lunar." She says and that's when it hits me.

What I have to do.

"You're a genius, Emily."