Chapter 45: Chapter 45

On day Ashy has no choice but to visit Paul at their house. He doesn't answer her calls and texts..he's obviously angry. It was not be a surprise. She do understand that and she is willing to do her explanations.

She didn't know how to start with the explanation ahe would make, but she had to try. Height turned down everything that she was about to say but she will not stop.

She quickly got dressed.

"Are you sure what you're going to do? Are you really going to see Paul? What if he doesn't talk to you? What if he hurts you? How sure are you that you can make it on your own?" worried mom, as she watched her down the stairs. Getting herself ready to leave.

Later, she also noticed Jem sitting on the sofa, and she seemed to be the target.

"Jem, is here Ashy." her mom make her noticed her friend.

"I know, I can see. I really don't know why she's here. I don't know any reason for her to come here. Unless we have a destination that only she's the one to know." She looked to the friend as if she was being persecuted.

"Ash she entered in this house as human, Please also face her as a man," begged her mother, who was still holding her hand.

"Why, did she think of me as a human being when she betrayed me to Storm? She already knew I was a fool, they made me look so stupid," she added.

"I'll leave you first so you can talk properly." The mother said goodbye so they could talk about the misunderstanding between the two of them.

Ash walked into the living room. It remained standing while watching the then-silent friend.

"Ash, please ... talk to me. I know what I did was wrong. Maybe I assumed too much ..."

She didn't continue what he was going to say because Ashy ordered it.

"You all assumed that what you did was just a joke. That you feel like we are high school students and that things like that will make us giggle. You know, you people are smart, but I didn't think you would be that superficial. It didn't help Jem, it just made it even more confusing. And I have to fix that tire now. Its a mess."

"Ash, please, let me help you. I'll go with you to Paul to make him believe that I didn't like what happened. That we just wished for you. " she begs Ashy to forgive her and grant her request.

"Don't worry Jem, Paul might not believe me even more when one of you is with me. I don't even know if he'll trust me. I don't even know if he still wants to see me. Because you made me broken. " her statement that it does not force itself to calm down.

He sat down on the chair and leaned her body on the chair. She was a mess at those times, too. She didn't even know how to start explaining it to Paul once she saw him.

"Didn't that help Ash? In the few days you've been with Storm, hasn't anything changed? Has nothing changed in your decisions?" She looked at her friend as if she knew what she was feeling.

"If anything has changed, maybe it's the fact that Storm and I can't go back in time. If anything has changed, maybe it's our acceptance of the fact that we can never be." Her bold answer.

She stood up and head to the door.

"If you have nothing to say, you can leave. I'm still going somewhere and I don't have time to talk to you." Ashy pointed the way out to the friend.

Jem did nothing but go out. She could not refuse because it was really their fault. So she just followed.

Later, Ashy also went out to visit Storm. She couldn't quite fathom what could possibly have happened when she saw him.

When Ash arrived at their house, she hesitated to ring the doorbell. she was afraid that Storm might be inside and that something else might happen.

She took a deep breath before she hit.

Soon the maid came out and opened the gate. She let her in.

"Is Paul there?" She asked as they entered.

"Yes ma'am, he hasn't left the house for almost a week." Their maid replied.

When the door opened, she saw Paul sitting in the living room watching.

He just looked at her and turned his attention back to the spectator.

"How are you? Can we talk for a moment?" Ashy asked him boldly. Hoping he would spend time for her.

"Should we talk about something?"

"I know you're angry ..."

Its dark face looked at her.

"Why not? Aren't you angry?" Ashy asked him even though she knew the answer.

Everything Storm had told her was forming in her mind. What if he doesn't love her and just uses her to get what he wants?

"You are putting shit on my head without me even knowing.." It was a poor answer to him.

"Paul, it's not like that. If you think we planned it, think again. I also don't know. Storm and I just talked and had a closure. That's all there is nothing more than that. " Ashy explained.

"Don't make a fool of me, Ash. I know my brother. I know what he can and can't do. I know where he's good at. You don't have to teach me what I should think about him. It's better known I'll take care of him. " Paul looked at her so sharply that if it had been deadly, Ashy would have suffocated earlier.

"And he's the same to you, is that what you mean? Just as you know him, that's how he knows you because you're brothers." It is meaningful to say it.

It looks like Paul was hit by what Ashy said.

"What do you mean?"

"That he knows you too and he knows what your plans are. He knows what you can and can't do. He knows what your plans are and what you want to do." Am I right Paul?" she asked back.

"I'm not sure what you're saying, Ash," he blushed, looking at her. He stood and headed to the poolside.

"Why do you have to turn your back on me? Why don't you answer my question? Why, is it because it's true? It's true that you're just using me?" He stopped walking and looked at her with frown.

"What are you trying to say?"

"Why don't you know? Or are you just pretending to cover yourself? Why don't you admit that you don't love me? Why don't you tell me you just need me to get what's right for you.? " she stared at him angrily.

He laughed softly then continued walking towards the pool.

"Why, is that what he squeezed into your brain? Is that the damage he did in the few days you were together? Or maybe there's still something elsw Ash?Maybe there's another reason..." Its sarcastic answer was Ashy couldn't help herself and she slapped him.

"Don't throw my sins at me, Paul. I'm here to explain it to you. To explain and to let you know what's true."

"Why Ash, what truth would you like to know?"

"What am I in your life, Paul? Why do I feel like you are hiding a lot from me? Am I lacking? Is there something wrong with me and why are you doing this? Why do you have to use me just to get what should have gone to you? Why me? " angry look at him. She no longer cared if she looked miserable while waiting for his explanation.

It took a deep breath.

"At first, I had no plans to love you. I didn't feel that I loved you. But I saw the opportunity and hope that we could be and you would fulfill all my plans. I'm sure he already told you. That I can't get what's right for me because I don't have a family. But over time, I've learned to love you. I feel like I can still be happy and have a family of my own. " he looked as if the sky had all the answers to his questions.

"Why did you lie to me? Why didn't you tell me right away?"

"If I told you Ash, or if I told you right from the start, would you understand? Wouldn't you?" He hold his forehead looked at the latter.

Ashy was speechless at what he said. He has a point again. How can she understand something she doesn't like?

"I wish I knew. I wish I didn't look stupid and ridiculous, in front of other people and my friends."

"Especially with s Storm, right?" He added to what she said.

"Storm has nothing to do with whatever my decision may be, Paul. Maybe it helped that he told me the truth. But that doesn't mean he's the reason I'm here." She answered honestly.

"I love you Ash. I was hurt so much when I found out you weren't there. I was especially hurt when I found out you were together and you didn't even tell me. I feel like you agreed against me. I was left alone with at least one of them. No one took my side. Why? Am I not enough for you? Isn't my love for you enough for you to love me too? How did you love him then? Is there something wrong with me? " The contribution to its voice is obvious. he remained calm, but the words that came out of his mouth were sharp.

"Paul, it's not like that. If we were together, it was because we talked to end whatever he expected between the two of us. He has accepted that we will be together again. He knows how much I care about how you feel. " Ashy faced him so he could see how true it was.

He remained standing as if thinking. He doesn't know how to ease his feelings. He himself felt the pain.

"I thought I couldn't feel like this. At first, I thought it was okay for me to have him there." He laughed at the last thing he said.

"Paul, please listen to me. We can still fix this." She touched his hands.

"How about Ash? What if right now I feel like you doubt me? What if at these times you don't love me anymore but just pity?" To him, it was a serious question.

Ashy was speechless. What exactly should she answer here? Will she tell the truth that she still loves him, or will she make him believe that he is the one she loves and they will continue the wedding?

"All the misunderstandings can be fixed, Paul. If anything, your brother and I had something intimate between us, that was long ago. You are the one I love now and you are the one I will marry Paul." she's serious with what she said.

"I don't know Ash. If you were to ask me now, I'd rather not choose not to see you. I'd rather be away from you first so I can think too. I'm hurt too. There are questions on my mind about what I should do, and I don't know what the answer might be. " he avoids looking at her.

Ashy felt embarrassed. For the first time, she felt disappointment from Paul. She didn't expect it, so she was surprised.

"What should I do, Paul?" is the question.

"Nothing definite Ash, I just want space first. space to think straight. I want to ask myself if I really should marry you. I don't know how, but I need it. As much as it has happened, I don't know how to trust you again, "he looked at her seriously.

"I understand. But hopefully, if that's anything, give me a chance to prove to you that you have nothing to worry about. "pleadingly held his hands.

Ashy cried at what it did.

"Leave me first."

Ashy could do nothing but come out of the house in tears.