Chapter 38: Chapter 38

I'm soaked when I get home, and all I can think is, "Please don't let Kent be there when I get home." Even though we were a mess, she told us to go spend the night with someone we love. I need a lot of help right now, so I have to go home to get it.

I open the door to my apartment and go inside to get out of the rain. I take off my raincoat and throw it and my bag on the ground. I felt empty inside.

"Julianna?" When Kent hears me, he stops putting things in the dishwasher. When I look at him, my eyes meet his, my bottom lip quivers, and tears roll down my cheeks. "What happened to your clothes?" He asks with worry in his voice. "It's only 40 degrees outside, did you walk home like that?"

I'm about to cry again, and I can feel the sob in my throat. I work hard to keep it down, but it keeps coming back up. I gave up and took off my shoes. Now I can't feel my toes, and I can't even think. I can hear and see horrible things in my head.

He walks up to me from behind, stops, and puts his hands on my shoulders.

"What went wrong, honey?" He asks in a quiet voice, and when he starts to cry, I put my arms around him. He surprises me by letting me do it and by holding on to me tight and putting my head on his chest.

He smelled so good that it hurt to smell him. It made me think of Saturday night, and I felt like I was safe and in a place I knew.

"My god, you're freezing." He mumbles, and I hold him even tighter because I can't calm down. "What happened?" When he asks, I take a few deep breaths here and there.

"Something bad went wrong at the pool." I'm quiet. "I'm pretty sure someone died." I add while crying, and he does something that surprises me. He easily picks me up off the floor by putting his hands on my waist and telling me to close my legs around his.

He walks over to the couch and makes a seat for us both. He puts one hand on my back and the other on the back of my head.

"Why do you say that?" I shake when he asks.

"Because she couldn't breathe on her own when they took her," he said. I whisper, and my whole body shakes. "I should have done something, I should have-"

"Take a deep breath, Julia." He whispers, and my bottom lip moves as I keep my arms around him. "I'm not going anywhere." I just nod quietly and am glad to be of any help. "You need to change because you'll get cold."

"I don't care." I mutter something and shut my eyes. I didn't want to move even a millimeter. I'm feeling a little better now, and I didn't want to lose that. He takes a blanket off the end of the couch and wraps it around me as I cry.

I remember that it took me longer than ever before to calm down. He didn't leave, though. He stuck to his word and was there the whole time.

"I should call my mom." I mumble and move back a step. "Have her come get me."

"What?" When he asks, I tell him yes.

"My boss told us that we shouldn't spend the night alone and that we should stay with someone close to us." When I answer, he shakes his head.

"I'll always be here, so you won't be." When I hear him whisper, I shake my head.

"This has nothing to do with you. I can't do it all by myself, so I should just call her." I mumble, and his hand snakes up my body and lands on the side of my face, just above my cheekbone.

"I want you to choose what's best for you." I quiet agree with what he says. "I'd be glad to help, though."

"Really?" I wipe away a tear and then ask. "It doesn't look like you know much about this."

"I'm good at a lot of things." He says in a soft voice. "I want to be of use. You keep offering to help around here, and I feel like I owe you something." He keeps talking, and as I sit on his lap and look into those eyes with my hands on his shoulders, my mind goes blank. "I know last weekend was weird, so let me try to make this weekend better."

I had no reason to say no; on the contrary, I had every reason to say yes. This strange and mysterious guy wanted to help me, try to fix things, and just be there for me.

"If you think your mom can help you more, you should go to her, but I'm here. If all you want to do is be sad, I won't leave." I blink when he tells me that. "I can deal with sadness much better now."

"I-um I guess I could call mom later." I mumble something and feel my throat getting tight. He nods.

"I know we think each other is weird." He says in a soft voice. "I know you don't know what to do when you're around me, and I don't want you to feel bad. I'm here as your friend tonight, Julianna." When he whispers, my lower lip shakes as I try to stay calm. "C'mere." He says it in a soft voice, so I lean in and let my tears fall.

Thank you, Kent. He nods and lets me put my arms around him when I whisper. "Everything happened so quickly."

"No need to talk about it, all right?" He asks, and I just nod.

"Okay." As I talk, he runs his hands up and down my back. "Sorry, but I'm soaked through." He laughs when I tell him.

I don't care. He assures me.

I hadn't touched Kent much, but the times I did were great. I was happy and whole because of them. This was by far my favorite.

"That scared me." When I talk quietly, he nods. "I've never had to do any of those things before, but I told her I would be there for her and help her. When I mumble, he tightens his hold on me.

"Julianna, you did help." When he says that to me, I shake my head and walk away. "You aren't a doctor or a superhero, but you did what you could."

"It didn't look like anyone knew if she would live or die." I talk to him quietly. "Maybe if I'd just… I don't know what to do."

"What happened?" I sigh when he asks.

"Even though I gave this girl an Epi-pen for her allergic reaction, it wasn't enough to save her. I had to do CPR, and the sounds it made were awful. She seemed to be only 16 years old."

He told her, "Honey, you need to slow down." He tells me, and I start crying. "You are making a lot of a small thing. You helped her as much as you could. You did that, and you should remember that. You can't know what's going to happen to her or in the future."

"Oh, that was awful." As I talk, he wipes away a few of my tears. "I'm sorry you had to go through that." He sighs while putting his hands on my waist. "I feel like a mess." I sob. "Since I was in charge at the time, I feel like it's my fault. I was the head lifeguard on duty, and I-"

"You, too, were brave." He's done for me. "You did the best you could, and you can't blame yourself for things you couldn't change." He sighs and puts one hand between my shoulder blades as he does so. "I know you don't feel that way right now, but you will."

"How do you know?" When I speak slowly, he gives me a weak smile.

"Because that's what the doctors told me when I went to back rehab." When he whispers, I separate my lips. "I felt bad about it and thought it was my fault, but it wasn't. I figured out how to handle it, and you will, too."

"I'm not sure." I murmur and shake my head.

"Right now, everything is new, but it will settle down." He assures me. "All of this bothers me because I know you put it all aside and told everyone what was going on so you were all on the same page when it was happening. I know you held that girl's hand when you stuck a needle in her leg, and I know that even though it scared you, you ignored it so that she could feel safe." He says it quietly to me, and I blink. Your adrenaline is gone now that it's over, and you're going down."

"How did you know that I was holding her hand?" I quietly ask him, and he laughs.

"Because you're a person like that." He tells me. "I'm observant." He laughs when I smirk and roll my eyes. "Take a look at that smile. Said it would work out." I laugh a little while I cry and put my arms around his shoulders.

"There are times when you aren't even the worst." When I talk slowly, he laughs.

"You should take a hot shower and change your clothes, in my opinion. Is that okay? I think it will help your mind, and I'll be here when you're done."

"I will." I mumble. "J-just a few more minutes, I'm not done yet." When I tell him, he laughs softly and puts his arms around me again.

"Okay," he says.