Chapter 35: Chapter 35

034

Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions. Oh, let's go back to the start

Lauyton Diem Israel Elarde's POV

One way or another, destiny has its way of ruining your plan if it's not meant to be. Perhaps, you could lay down thousands and hundreds of plans, yet when the universe saw that it is not what it was supposed to happen, then it would give you a million reasons to step away from that plan.

You can choose to stay and fight the universe or you can choose to move forward and create another plan. But what happens when whatever plans you make, destiny just won't let you win?

Are you going to let it win or are you going to continue to fight whatever it takes?

Honestly, I let destiny win the first time. When Gab left, I told myself that maybe it was supposed to happen. It needed to happen for us to grow separately. I used to believe that maybe destiny broke people apart to stop them from breaking their souls together.

I had learned to accept that and learned to wait for the good plans of destiny. But, no. It's so damn stupid to just wait and do nothing. I had enough.

I did nothing to get Gabriella back in my life and watching what happened right now I deeply regretted it. I can never go back and change it. And, what hurts the most is knowing you can do something but you refuse to do it.

Now, I've met my daughter and it changes everything. All I want is for her to see me as her father. But, how could I do it?

How could I when Var is freaking great that I could be forgotten in a minute with him by Gem's side. I definitely wanted to punch Var in the face, really hard.

I've been wanting to do that. I've been jealous of him since and it made me more jealous right now. But, I couldn't do it. I couldn't even blame Gabriella because I know she sacrificed everything to put me where I am right now. And, this has always been my dream. Although, I had come to realize that this dream is nothing if I don't have her and my daughter.

Seeing my child sleeping next to me with her small fingers wrapping the pillow and her serene face, it is just so beautiful that I am willing to trade anything to be with her side forever...to be with them both. Unfortunately, she doesn't want me for her mother.

I gently get up on the bed to prepare her breakfast. My usual weekends include waking up in the hospital, attending patients, scrubbing on surgeries, practicing sutures, and sleeping in the resident's quarter. Now, with her, I had to reduce my shift at the hospital so I could be with her.

Gabriella and I decided to schedule our time with Gem. She usually spends one week with me, then goes back to Gabriella, then to me and it goes on. It's been going smoothly for a month except for the fact that I still have to compete with Var.

Ugh! I hate that man but I owe him a lot for taking care of my daughter. She grew up amazing and full of love because Var and Gabriella showered them with so much love. Sometimes, I feel like she doesn't need me at all and she's just being nice because I am her biological father.

Gem was supposed to be with Gabriella but she had to fly to Germany. She's working on Zack's case and she flew with Var. I kind of hate the idea of Gabriella and Var together but it also means I have another week with my daughter.

My daughter is a morning person so I had to get up early before her and prepare her breakfast because I know that at exactly six in the morning, she'd be ready for a morning jog.

"Okay, what do you want?"

The door was ajar. Gem was on her feet, holding her phone, and talking to Var with a smile on her face. I recognized the voice and she does that every morning.

"Chocolates!" She happily answered.

"Aside from chocolates, sweetie! Your mother will get mad at you again for eating a lot of chocolates. Think of another one," Var said from the other line.

Gem placed her index finger on her chin and thought. "I want a new set of hairclips."

"That's now new."

Gem chuckled. "Just pick whatever you want for me. And, take care of mommy!" She waved towards the camera and pouted her lips forming a kiss.

"I will, of course. How are you doing there? Don't give your daddy a headache."

"I am not giving him a headache. Don't worry about me. He's taking care of me," Gem smiled.

"Very well! We will be home soon. Don't forget to drink your medicine, okay? I love you, sweetie!"

"I love you, too, Daddy Var!" She made a flying kiss. I had to look the other way because it's just too painful to hear and see the look in her eyes.

"Please kiss Mommy for me!" She giggled.

"Sure. If she'll not get mad at me for doing that!"

"Well, tell her I told you to do it!" She winked. "See you, soon!"

She ended the call and I waited for a minute before going inside with a tray of breakfast.

She greeted me with a smile and I smiled back.

"Good morning, Diemllana!" I sat beside her and placed the tray on the table. "Breakfast on bed!"

I think I failed in making my voice cheerful and she sensed that because her smile faded away or maybe it wasn't that.

"You know what," she told me. "Mommy likes to make pancakes for me every morning."

She glanced at the freshly-baked pancakes on the plate with a strawberry syrup and fresh milk.

"Do you like pancakes?"

I nodded. "It's my favorite."

"I guess so. Daddy Var and Mommy don't like pancakes so you are the reason why she cooked that every morning even though she hates pancakes!" Gem clicked her tongue.

I would lie if I told you my heart didn't skip a bit. I'm a bit old for butterflies, but they started roaming inside my stomach.

"I will tell you a secret, okay?" Gem said.

"What is it?"

"I don't like pancakes."

"Oh..." I was a bit surprised. "I thought--"

"I could never tell my mother that I hate pancakes because she'd be sad. I mean, she likes making pancakes even though she doesn't eat them. I eat it instead so it wouldn't go to waste."

I smiled at her. I instantly admire my daughter. I brushed her hair and set aside the tray.

"If you don't like pancakes, what do you like to eat?"

She grinned. "Chocolate cereal!"

I nodded. "I am afraid we don't have chocolate cereal but would you like to go grocery shopping with me?"

"Oh, really? I've never done that. It's my first."

"Then, I am glad I did a first for you. I'm afraid I will always be next to your Daddy Var!" I joked, though it felt real and there's a bit of jealousy there.

"You can teach me how to stitch the banana! That would be a first!" She jumped and grinned like it was a brilliant idea.

"Do you want to be a surgeon?" I curiously asked. "Like me?"

"Yeah. But I don't want hearts... I think I'll do great in General Surgery? I don't know!" Gem shrugged. She definitely looked like Gabriella.

I gently pinched her cheeks and kissed her forehead.

"You'll be great in whatever you do, okay?"

She nodded. "I will be!"

"How about we buy you medical toys, too, so you can practice stitching?"

Gem glowed with her smile and jumped to hug me. "Yey! Thank you, Dr. Elarde!"

Well, I still need to do something about what she calls me but this is a start. I know she'll call me Daddy soon and I just have to wait and prove to her that I am indeed his daddy, even better than Var.

"Hmmm..." Gem bent her head a little as she looked at the puppy from the window. "Hmmm..." She kept on saying while still looking at the puppy from inside the animal shop.

"Why? Do you want to have a puppy?" I asked her. "That one you are looking at is a pomeranian puppy. Do you want it?"

"Hmmm...." She sighed. She curled her hair with her fingers while still thinking. "Are you going to buy me if I say yes? I mean, I always wanted to have a puppy but Daddy Var is allergic to their fur so..." She pouted. "Mom doesn't want me to buy a puppy."

"Oh..." I reacted. "Then, how about I buy you one and you just have to take care of it while you are with me. I'll take care of it when you are at your mother's home," I suggested.

Her expression glowed and she jumped. "Really? You will do that?"

I nodded and pulled her inside the animal shop. "Go, choose. I'll buy it for you."

"Omg! Yey!" She happily jogged inside the shop looking for a puppy. I took my phone and recorded a video of her.

After roaming around the shop, she stopped and pointed at the little lion. "I want that shih tzu!"

"Okay, let's buy it for you, honey!" I told her and looked for some assistance to help us with the puppy.

Gem carefully listened to the veterinarian as he told her everything she needed to know about the puppy. She took notes on the do's and don'ts and I could feel how happy she was. She couldn't even hide her smile as she held the puppy in her arms.

"Oh, you are so cute!" She chuckled.

"What would you like to name him?" I asked.

"Hmmm..." She looked at the ceiling and thought for a second. "Can I name him Scalpel?"

I laughed a bit. "That's a pretty weird name for a dog but yeah!"

"Aww!" She bowed down. "Thank you, Dr. Elarde!"

"Anything for you, sweetie!" I brushed her hair and kissed her forehead.

For the last few days, Gem was busy playing with her new friend. I couldn't even talk to her because she focused all her attention on the puppy. Well, if that makes her happy, what could I say?

"I will be missing you, Scalpel. I'll see you after a week. Be a good boy, okay?" I heard her say to Scalpel as she caressed his fur. She gently embraced the puppy and I giggled upon seeing her stop herself from pinching Scalpel.

She's the younger version of Gabriella and everytime I see her, I am just missing Gabriella a lot.

"Isn't he going to be lonely here alone when you are in the hospital?" Gem worriedly asked. "I don't want him alone here."

"Don't worry about that. I'll leave him in the pet shop near the hospital so he can play with other puppies. You can visit him after school, too." I suggested. "So, you won't miss him and you can also video call me."

"That's a great idea. Although, I don't think I can visit him because Daddy Var usually drives me home and we have music lessons."

"Music lessons?" I wrinkled my eyes. "Var is teaching you music?"

Gem proudly nodded. "Yeah. He taught me how to sing, read notes, and also musical instruments."

"Oh. That's nice. What are your favorite instruments?"

"I liked playing keyboard."

"I would love to hear you play that."

"I can play for you but you don't have a keyboard," she pouted. "But, I found a guitar in your room. Do you also sing? Daddy Var is really good at singing. He blended well with my mother!"

"Really?" I laughed, although it was really sarcastic. I mean, I know that. But no way...Gab and I sounded better than Var.

I started missing our band again. Jacquer and Hander are now touring the world with their music and it's just amazing that I once became part of their life. Maybe if I am not a doctor, I'd join them.

"Mommy is really good at singing. Have you heard her sing?"

I smiled. "Yes. We used to be in a band."

"Yeah, right. With Uncle Jacquer and Hander, right? We went to watch their concert before and Mommy told me that they were a band before but she didn't tell me you were part of it, too," Gem twitched her lips. "That's amazing, then! Can I hear you sing?"

"Sure..." I stood up and picked the guitar on the side. It's been years since I held this guitar in my arms.

Honestly, I stopped singing since Gab left. I lost my inspiration and somehow my partner. It's the thing we usually do and my heart couldn't accept the fact that I could never sing with her again. I thought I would never sing again. But, I guess, destiny has its way of opening new paths to find the part of ourselves that was lost because of someone.

"What would you like me to sing?"

"Everglow!"

"That's easy," I chuckled and started strumming the guitar.

Gem leaned closer to me and waited to hear my voice.

I coughed and started the first line of the song, "Oh, they say people come...say people go..."

"Oh!" Gem mouthed and slowly clapped her hands.

"That's only the first line," I reacted.

Gem grinned. "It only takes me one line to know that you are an amazing singer."

I brushed her hair and happily smiled. "Should we sing together?"

Gem cheerfully nodded. I strummed the guitar and we both sang.

I watched my daughter smile every second as she sang the line with me. When I found out about her, I couldn't contain my feelings. There was a part of me that was so afraid to know her because I don't think I will be a great father. I don't know how to. All I know is that I would do everything to make my daughter happy.

In the middle of the song, my heart felt a sudden bolt. I stopped and when I lifted my head, I saw Gabriella watching us. I didn't realize she was there. How long has she been standing? And, it was amazing that my heart still has the same melody whenever she is near. Amidst the crowd, I know I will be able to recognize Gabriella even with my eyes closed.

"Uhm, sorry to interrupt. Continue the song," she motioned her hands.

"Mommy!" Gem quickly stood up and jogged to give Gab a big hug. "I missed you so much!" She almost cried for joy upon seeing Gab. They're cute and I suddenly want to get my phone to capture the moment, yet I decided to just photograph it in my memory.

"I missed you, too, sweetie. How is it going?" Gab bent down a little and fixed Gem's hair with her fingers.

"Dr. Elarde bought me a puppy! Look! Scalpel!" She called and Scalpel opened her eyes and then closed it. "Oh, she's sleepy..." Gem giggled. "Isn't she cute?"

"Yeah, that's very nice." Gab looked at me and smiled.

Damn! I missed her so much I wanted to run and hug her.

"What's very nice - oh!" Var instantly covered his nose and blew upon entering my place. "Seems like I am not welcome here," he joked and moved an inch away until he reached the door.

"Daddy Var! Oh my gosh! I am so sorry. Dr. Elarde bought me a puppy!" Gem panicked and ran to the sink to wash her hands. She also sprayed alcohol before going back to Var. "You need to get out of here."

"Yeah! I'll wait at the parking lot," Var sniffed and his cheeks were already flustered as he waved to us.

"Mommy, I'll go with Daddy Var!" Gem picked up her small bag and waved at me. "Bye, Dr. Elarde. I'll see you next week. Bye Scalpel!" She sent the dog a flying kiss even though Scalpel just ignored her.

"Don't run! You might slip!" Gab reminded her.

"I know, Mommy! Please get my other things for me, too. I love you!" She said and hurriedly went outside.

We heard the door closed and everything went silent. I sensed the awkwardness. Gab looked around, played with her fingers, and maybe tried to find words to say just like what I am doing except that I am admiring her beauty.

She's still the same Gabriella though she cut her hair short and it's no longer black, it's now brown. She now wears contact lenses instead of her glasses. I tried to find the difference between the Gab before and now...and to tell you...I found nothing. She is still the girl I loved and still love. And, it's terrific that even after all these years it is still her.

I thought my feelings would change or maybe it didn't change because I didn't do something. It didn't change because it was real. It is real and genuine that I am willing to trade everything to be with her and my daughter.

I cleared my throat. "How's Germany?"

I instantly cursed myself at the question. Damn! What the hell is that question?

I saw the amusement in her face. "Germany is still Germany," she said, trying not to laugh at my silly question.

"I'll pick Gem's things." She moved sideways analyzing where to get Gem's possessions. "Should I bring those medical surgical toys?"

"No. She already had it in her bag." I handed her Gem's backpack.

"You are teaching her how to do the stitching," she said even though it was obvious. I found her cute. It's awkward and weird like it's our first time together and I don't know why it still makes me chills and happy. Everything about her just gives me so many butterflies in my stomach.

"She told me she wanted to become a surgeon."

Gab nodded. "Indeed. Uhm, sorry if she still calls you Dr. Elarde. I'll tell her--"

"It's okay. She'll come by. I mean, don't force her. I know she'll call me that but I have to earn it," I sincerely replied. "I am willing to wait."

"Thank you for taking care of her." She bowed down a little and put the backpack on her left arm. "Uhm..." She pulled something out of the pocket of her cardigan and handed it to me. "I found this medical penlight at a gift shop. You still loved this kind of thing, right?"

She confirmed, though instead of nodding, I told her the words I've been keeping since the first time I saw her again.

"I still love you."

The words flew back in my heart like a dagger when she said, "It's not real."

I scoffed. "What?"

"It's been years, Loud. Maybe you are just blinded with the idea that you still love me. I think what's just left are pieces of what ifs and maybes or --"

"Is that how you make yourself believe that you no longer love me?" I chewed on my words. "Really, Gabriella? Aren't we going to do something to save us?"

Gabriella wagged her head in disagreement. "We can't save something that doesn't exist. There is no longer us, Lauyton."

With an aching heart, I told her, "Then, can we start over again? Don't you want Gem to have a complete family?"

A deep sigh left Gab's sweet voice. "I would lie if I tell you that I don't want her to have a complete family because that's the best thing I want for her. But..."

"You are going to marry Var..." The words felt like a thorn as I dropped it.

"I am not going to marry Var."

Before she could turn her back, I pulled her enough to feel the warmth of her breathe. "Then, marry me."