Chapter 32: Chapter 32

Ingrid's POV

“Ingrid…” Indigo called me.

"Hmm?" I asked, turning to him.

“I have an offer…” He could hardly continue what he was going to say so I furrowed my forehead at him.

"I'm going to the US for training, it's only a year," he told me. I stopped because of what he said.

"Tina's offer?" I asked him. He nodded slowly. I just stared at him because of that. He knows how much I hate Tina and just the thought of them being together in the US for a year makes me feel like I'm going crazy. But I know how much Indigo likes me. It's up to him if he destroys my trust or what.

US. One year. The only thing I'm not sure of is if I can't live by Indigo being far away from me. I must have become too dependent on him. That's not good anymore, Ingrid.

"But it's just an offer," he told me. I just looked at him coldly. I couldn't bear to see him slowly move away from me. He's considering it. I know how much he wants to prove himself to his Dad and that's it. This is his chance.

“Okay. It's up to you,” I said in a cold voice. I shouldn't say no just because I want to. I could feel him looking at me but chose not to speak which only made me even more upset. I do not know why.

Within a few weeks, how I treat Indigo became cold. I feel like it's unacceptable that he's actually going away. Like the people I thought would never leave me, he will also definitely leave. I couldn’t help but bite my lips when he said he would accept the offer.

"For the past few weeks, I've been thinking about the offer, Ingrid…" he began. I just kept looking at the list of orders. I just tightened my grip on the pentel pen as if I already knew what he was going to say.

"I'll take it," he said so I turned to him.

"It's only 1 year," he said so I stared at him. Why does it seem so easy for him? Just 1 year… It's not just one year… How about us? He promised he would never leave me. But here he is, like them, he will also leave. I wish I hadn’t just gotten used to being with him every day.

I simply nodded to him. I could feel his gaze on me as I pretended to be busy with what I was doing even though my brain was already clouded. It's tangled up with a lot of things to think about.

"Are you mad?" he asked me.

"Why would I get mad?" I asked, laughing at him even more.

"It's fine," I said just smiling at him. His gaze remained the same while looking at me.

"Are you sure? It's just one year. After this, I'll come home to you too," he said tenderly.

"The question is are you still going home?" I laughed at the question but did not hide the sarcasm in my tone. I immediately saw him look at me because of my question. I just mixed it with laughter but I saw his face become serious.

"Of course, I will," he said, frowning now.

"I will always come home to you, Ingrid," he said trying to hug me. I did not speak. Somehow I was relieved but when it was no longer beside me? I can no longer control my anxiety. I feel like I'm going crazy with a lot of things I'm thinking about. Scenarios formed in my mind. I don't want to be like this but it happened to me twice.

“What is that, Sandro?! Didn't I tell you not to litter?!” I angrily scolded Sandro who was just sitting on one side while busy with what he was doing.

“I'll take care of it later, Big Sister. He is doing his assignment,” Irah said who kept looking at me. She just stares at me often because I get moodier and moodier. I don’t know if it’s because of Indigo or what.

"Love," I called to him when we were in bed and ready to sleep.

"Hmm," he asked.

"What if I tell you not to go?" I asked him. He immediately looked at me because of what I said.

"You know that this is my dream, right?" he calmly asked me. I know. I know it very well but I really want him to stay.

"Can't you be by my side while you are chasing after your dream?" I asked him.

"Can't you be by my side while I was chasing my dream?" he asked me again. He had a point in what was said. I just smiled. How can I stay by his side if he leaves me?

"Love," he called me so I turned to him.

"Trust me, please," he said, hugging me. He just hugged me tightly when we went to sleep. I only can sleep without thinking anything when I was in his arms so what will I do when he is gone?

"Big sister, what are you doing?" Irah asked when she saw me outside the house and was just stunned in front of her plants. I don’t know but it calms me down, it helps me remove bad thoughts.

"I'm just getting fresh air," I said.

"Big Brother isn't here yet?" she asked me.

"Not yet, he's still probably with Tina…" my voice was weak when I mentioned the name of Papa's ex. Just thinking that they are together now makes me uneasy, what more when they go abroad?

“Big Sister…” Irah called so I turned to her.

"I saw Papa, they are living in the house again," she told me so I turned to her.

"Don't even dream of going there," I said.

"Yes, I'm just saying," she said to me and bowed. I want to completely sever the relationship with Papa but it's still my father and it's still really unavoidable. Even if I tried to ignore that fact.

“Are you sure you're okay, Big Sister? I'm not interfering but it seems like these past few days you've been getting moody. As much as possible you are always annoyed when it comes to Sandro so I feel something is wrong.” Although she was hesitant, she still continues what she was saying.

"Are you saying something is wrong with me?" I asked her with a raised eyebrow.

"It's not like that, Big Sister. Maybe you have a problem, you can always talk to me," she said but I just shook my head. I am the eldest here. I don’t want to tell her about my problems and that I should be the only one who should think there. As much as possible, I don’t want her to be like me. I want her to think only about learning and that's the only one she should think about. She just kept looking at me but I just shook my head. Refusing to say what's on my mind. Even Indigo, I can't tell him how I really feel, even though he was always the first one to know when we were fine.

How can I say that he is my problem?

"Love, do you have a problem?" Indigo whispered to me as we hugged each other. We only spend time together at night.

"What are you talking about?" I asked him.

"You're always spacing out when we're together," he told me.

“Is this about me leaving?” he asked.

“Huh? No! There's really a lot to do at school because you know we're graduating,” I said. I just buried my face in his chest and tried to fall asleep without thinking anything. I was not disappointed because that is what happened.

"Sandro, didn't I tell you not to use your cellphone when it's charging?" I asked him.

"I'm sorry, Big Sister," he said. My brother becomes aloof towards me because he is often the one I always scold. Both him and Irah.

I couldn’t help but wince at the smell of whatever. I went straight to the bathroom because I feel like puking. My stomach feels like it's turning upside down. I just stayed there for a while until I felt a little better. When I got out I saw Irah standing outside.

"Big Sister," she called me so I turned to her. She handed something to my box that looked like she l bought it at the drugstore.

"What is this?" I asked even though I knew what she was giving me.

“Pregnancy test,” she said.

"I'm not pregnant," I said emphatically but she kept looking at me.

“Just try it, Big Sister. So you can check if you're. What if yes? How will you take care of the baby?” she asked me.

“What if yes? How about me?" I asked back. Fear because I have an inference as well. Fear because it might be true, how will I live? What about my dream? I also do not know.

“That's why you need to check, Big Sister. This is for you too… ” she said to me while trying to smile. I had no intention of trying that but I could see the concern on Irah's face so I finally went to the bathroom. I couldn’t help but cry, especially when the result came out. Fear, joy, sadness, and apprehension. Mixed emotions were felt.

"What's the result, Big Sister?" Irah asked me when I got out. I want to have a baby but not now. I haven’t even graduated yet. It's only a month to wait… why would it happen now?

"I'm pregnant," I said, so she kept looking at me. Her lips parted as she stared at me. She did not speak and remained apprehensive.

"What should I do?" I asked holding back tears. She just gave me a tight hug.

"Leave me first, I want to be alone," I said but she just shook her head at me.

"Please, Sandro might be worried when he sees no one there," I said. She just stared at me and had no intention of leaving but I didn't want anyone to see that I was weak, especially my brother and sister. Eventually, she also agreed to leave but did not take her eyes off me until she left the room. I just locked the door before trembling to pick up the phone just to call Indigo.

I know he is in the interview now and he was probably signing the contract. I tried to dial his number. At first, it was just a ring. He looks really busy right now. Tears welled up from my eyes and I didn't even notice they were dripping. I don’t know if it’s because I'm pregnant that's why I feel so emotional now or I’m just really selfish because I don’t want him to leave me.

“Indigo…” I mentioned his name when he finally answer my call.

“Hey, the contract signing is still going. Why? Why is your voice like that?” he asked me.

"Don't go…" I said so a long silence enveloped the two of us.

“Is it about your stepmom, Ingrid? Don't you trust me? You're the only one I like,” he said so I bite my lips so hard when he mentioned my stepmom. My heart ached even more at the thought that he would be with her in another country while I was left here.

"Please… just stay here with me," I said, trying not to sob. Shit. I told myself before that I will never let myself beg for other people's attention but look at me now. That’s also what I’m doing now.

"Don't leave me here, please…" I said but intense silence enveloped us two. I even heard a soft voice calling to him from the other line.

“I need to go sign the contract, Ingrid. Sorry,” he said. Is it really true? It will just take one word to destroy you. The tears I had been holding back seemed like a river that could no longer be stopped from flowing. I refrain from creating sound while crying on my own. Damn. It hurts so much.