Chapter 33: Chapter 33

Ingrid's POV

"Ingrid," Indigo called. I refuse to talk. I just kept looking at the food. Irah was quietly looking at us while Sandro was the only one talking to Indigo.

I heard his sigh before he put a portion of food on the plate. I didn't eat it. I just focused my attention on something else. I don’t want to stress myself because I have a child in my tummy now. I don't just need to take care of myself but also my baby.

"I'll do that," I coldly said as he helped me set the table.

"I'll help," he said, smiling at me.

"I can do it," I said. I'm already trying to get used to him.

"I can also help," he said.

"I said I can do it. Didn't you hear me?" I started to get irritated. I heard his sigh before finally nodding.

For the past few days, my treatment of him has become colder. Whenever he wanted to talk to me, I always had an excuse. Always avoiding him. I'm a fool because I'm also hurt by what I'm doing.

"I'll do that, Big Sister," Irah said. I wouldn’t have agreed but she whispered about the baby.

"It's not good for a pregnant woman to be stressed, Big Sister," she told me. I can also see the worried look she has on me. I’m not telling Indigo about it. Until now, she still doesn’t know because I don’t have the courage to say it yet.

I got up and went inside the room. Indigo followed when I entered.

"Love, talk to me," he whispered to me as we lay down. I just turned my back on him. I have no intention to talk about it further. I just want to rest because of the truth? I'm slowly burning out. I am tired.

"I'm sleepy, please turn off the light," I coldly said to him. Since the day he chose his training abroad with Tina? I can't afford to look at him. I feel even more crushed, he chooses her over me. Like my dad, he chose her too.

I don’t know how I fell asleep with a lot of thoughts in mind. All things that will happen in the future. I don't know how I'll keep on living anymore.

"Love," Indigo called when he saw me coming out of the house. I turned to him because of that.

“We're overtime in work in the company later, I might be home late and there will be celebrating too,” he told me.

"Even if you don't go home anymore. It's completely fine to me," I said coldly so I could see his gaze on me.

"Even if you don't want to, I'll go home and I'll still go home to you," he said, frowning at me now.

"How can I leave if you're like that?" he asked me. Then don't leave.

"Who told you to understand me?" I asked him.

"Don't sulk." He even tried to hug me but I immediately avoided him.

"Leave, you might be needed for your job," I said coldly. I know it's hard for him to understand me and there will be a day that he will get tired. And he'll finally leave me too.

At night, I was just crying on my bed, quiet and soundless. It just stopped when I saw him standing across from my room. I thought he was coming home late. I gently wiped my tears off and just hugged the pillow to cover my face.

"Love." I immediately heard his voice and seem like he was already sitting next to me. I can feel his stare at me. I feel like I'll melt with his gaze.

"I'm sorry…" he whispered. The tears gradually welled up in my eyes again.

“I told you that I’ll lend you my shoulder, right? Why are you taking all the pain by yourself again?” he asked. His voice shattered. I just hugged the pillow tightly because my eyes were still not tired from crying. How can I tell if you are the cause of every tear I have now?

I don't know how it happened but I just realized that I was already in its arms.

"I'm not leaving," he said to me while stroking my hair. In an instant? I realize how selfish I am. He didn't choose Tina, he chose his dream. Ingrid, how do you keep thinking only of yourself?

Realized that I was thinking too much that I would be hurt, that how about me? Yet he was always there supporting me in every way. So how could I not be able to support his dream? How cruel I was to think that he should give up the dream just for me. The truth struck me to the point that I realize I was so stupid for thinking things like that.

That night, I just fell asleep crying and Indigo was just there, embracing me with his warm hug.

"Sister, where are you now?" Irah asked me.

"I'll go to the OB," I said so she nodded.

"I will come," she said to me. I shook my head there.

"You can't, Irah, you still have a school, don't you?" I asked her. She kept looking at me and wanted to do what she wants but my decision was final.

I just went to the hospital to get checked. While waiting, I couldn't help but look at some people who were there. I smiled slightly when I saw a mother busy talking to her young son. She noticed that I was looking at them so she motioned for the boy to wave at me. Just like that, tears condensed from my eyes.

"I'm sorry, baby," I whispered to my stomach. For weeks, I often thought only of myself. I didn't even think about the child's welfare.

"I want to keep you, I really do," I whispered to myself. Over the past few weeks, I have often cried about the fact that I was pregnant. I wish I had been more careful. But now? I was just happy to welcome the little child on my belly.

When I went inside, the Nurse asked me where my husband was. I just smiled slightly.

"Misis, have you been stressed lately?" the doctor asked me. I nodded to her because of that. She immediately said that I almost had a miscarriage if the child's grip had not been tight.

"Nanay's waiting for you, my love. Just hold Nanay tight, okay?" I whispered as I got out of the hospital.

I don't know if this is a good decision but I really want to see Papa. Even just for a moment. I went to our house before because Irah said they were still there. I stopped walking when I saw Irah who seems to drop her shoulder while riding the tric. Looks like she didn't go to school and she goes here instead. I feel my chest tighten. The doctor said to avoid stress, Ingrid, you brought that to yourself.

Instead of going any further, I just went to the apartment. I just stared at the plants to suppress the anger I'm feeling. I need to calm down the child.

"Where have you been?" I asked Irah coldly when I saw her entering the house. I know where she went but I just wanted to confirm right from her mouth.

"Big Sister…" she called me and even tried to touch me. Her tears flowed so I clenched my fist.

"Didn't I tell you to never beg Papa?" I asked in a rage. I couldn’t help but be annoyed and saddened at the idea of them begging there for so little attention. I don't want them to feel that way. It was as if I was crushed at the thought of them kneeling down like I do just to ask for money or anything from him.

"But, Big Sister… you need Papa's help," she said to me while crying. My tears also rolled down my cheeks as I watched her crying in front of me. I don’t even want them to suffer but I myself am tormenting them now.

"I don't need anyone's help, Irah," I said, shaking my head.

"I will tell Big Brother that you are pregnant," he firmly said. That's where my tears finally flowed.

"Don't," I said, shaking my head.

“Do you want your big brother to give up his dream? I don't want that and I might just be bad for the baby if I think that he lost his dream for a long time just because of me,” I said, crying so hard now.

“But what about you, Big Sister? How are you going to take care of yourself? Your child?” she asked, trying to wipe the tears dripping from my eyes. I just smiled because of her.

"I can do it. Just a little while, I can still do it,” I nodded. She just stared at me, not even knowing what to do. She's still in tears.

“Stay there, baby. Nanay's just going to keep herself together,” I whispered to my child. It's not good anymore. I don't want to lose my child. I do not want to. I need a new environment to keep my child alive. I might lose my brain if I lose my child too.

"I bought you ensaymada!" Indigo said while smiling at me when he came home. I just smiled slightly before I took it from him. Actually, I was really craving this one. I just miss the old days when he always bought me this.

"Let's eat," I told them. They followed me into the kitchen.

"That's all you're going to eat?" Indigo asked me when he saw that the only thing I ate is the ensaymada. Irah also looked at me because of that.

"Yes, I'll eat later," I said and just continued eating. I just finished quickly so I just stared at Indigo. I memorize every part of his face. He stopped when he noticed my stare.

"Why?" he asked me. I just smiled and shook my head. I could see his stare at me because of that. When we are done, I just let him help me. Even when we wash the dishes, I was just looking at him.

"Do I have dirt on my face?" he asked but I just shook my head.

“What? Do you have a crush on me again? ” he laughed jokingly. I just smiled again.

When we are about to enter our room, I turned to look at him.

"Let's talk, Indigo," I told him. For days, he was always the one who likes to talk to me but this time I did the first move.

"No. I still have work to do," he said when he saw my eyes but before he could enter our room. I already touched the hem of his polo sleeve.

"Let's talk," I said as he stopped.

"I don't want to, you'll just leave me," he said, shaking his head at me. So, he knows…

"You're the one who's pushing to talk, now, we will," I said but he just continued to enter. It only confirmed what I wanted to do when I didn't even deny it. I follow him to our room.

"I'm sleepy so let's just talk at another time," he told me.

"Indigo…" I called again but he didn't want to look back at me but I insisted even more. This time for the child and for him. Not anymore for myself.

"Let's take a break," I said as our eyes met. He immediately shook his head.

“There will be no break here, Ingrid, we both entered into this relationship. You're going to spend your life with me because I won't let you do what you want,” he told me. He's so stubborn but so am I.

“Is this about me going abroad? I didn't accept it anymore… I'll just stay here… next to you… ” he said to me so I was stunned.

"No… Accept your offer again, Indigo… You deserve it," I told him. You're so selfish, Ingrid. Now I just think how stupid I am even more. How can't I trust him? I just realized more and more that I didn’t really deserve him.

"Do you remember our promise to each other?" I asked him. I know this is not the reason but if this is the only way, I will.

"You said when you became a toxic person in my life, I shouldn't hesitate to cut you out," I said. He stopped because of what I said. I was the toxic person in his life. I couldn’t support his dream. I can't support him, I just want to tie him to me when I shouldn't.

"You're one of the reasons why I can't sleep peacefully every night, why I cry secretly… I want to be out of this relationship," I said so he was just stunned. But the truth? He's still the one who tucked me into sleep.

A long silence enveloped the two of us before he slowly approached me to kiss me on the lips. The tears never stopped dripping.

“You are my favorite book but it looks like I won't be able to read the last page. I love you so much and if I'm really one of the reasons why you cry every night, if I'm no longer bringing happiness into your life, go ahead… You can go… You're now free… You're always my best view,” he whispered as he hugged me tightly.

"I love you. So bad,” he added.