Chapter 26: Chapter 26

Rosie's POV

"Can I see him?" I asked Josh oppa as he pulled me away from the door of their room. After waiting for more than two hours, I decided to man up and look for Jake instead of waiting for him to come see me.

The concert had already ended and we're now checked in on a hotel.

Unlike how it usually is, Jake didn't go see me. Normally, he'd go tease me for one round of lovemaking, something about a reward for doing well for their concert. But then, we'll end up having a massive pillow fight which normally resulted to the rest of the boys joining in except Yohan oppa, saying something about being too cool to do these shit.

But now, he was inside their room and I haven't even seen him after he left off the stage earlier

Now, my heart feels so heavy at the thought of it.

"I'm sorry Rosie but I think it's best if you wait for him to take a hold of himself first." he told me, his eyes full of pity and I understand.

Judging from the noises I heard when Josh oppa opened the door, the boys were having some pep talk, but I was so sure I heard Rome oppa asking for a bottle of beer to Haiden oppa.

"Is Jake drinking?" My hands landed on the hem of my shirt, fiddling with it, afraid to hear Josh oppa's words.

Seeing Jake hurting hurts me all the more. It breaks my heart into pieces and I feel like every bit of it had shattered across the whole arena - I don't even know how to put them back together.

The whole concert period, Jake made a few mistakes and the rest of the group were obviously worried.

He was out of focus and I felt so bad because I very well knew I was the reason for it.

And when they did their speech for their fans, it broke my heart even more when he started crying, apologizing to their fans because he made a lot of mistakes, promising that he'll work even harder.

It kills me. It breaks my heart inside because he was hurting for something that he shouldn't have, just because of his affection towards me.

I wanted to tell him that it's okay, and not to cry because his fans will understand.

I wanted to run to him, hug him real tight and tell him not to feel dejected because everything will be okay, that it's not his fault nor it will ever be.

This is a battle that I have internally and I am just so thankful I have him by my side.

After the concert ended, we all checked in on a hotel once again. Like always, I have a room for myself. The difference now, Jake never once visited me on my room unlike how he usually does. And I know it's not because he hates me.

"He is, but don't worry too much. He's with us." he tried comforting me and I feel so bad because I know he had problems of his own.

"Get some sleep Rosie, you need it." he told me, messing my hair a little before turning his back to get back to their room.

"Josh oppa," I called for his name and he turned around, raising an eyebrow at me, waiting for what I had to say.

I gulped.

"Please tell Jake I will wait for him," I mumbled incoherent words but I hope he understood.

Soft chuckles escaped his lips. "Rosie, I am sure Jake knows that. Just give him enough time." he looks at me like he wanted to tell me more until a long sigh escaped his lips.

"Jake is afraid of the idea of being away from someone he cherishes a lot. You should know because that's the reason why him and his sister drifted apart." he mumbled and I noticed the sadness that enveloped on his orbits with just the thought of Samantha unnie.

With heavy steps, I slowly walked away to head back to my room.

I hope Jake doesn't take too much time because I miss him so bad. I miss him being with me. I have never realized that his mere presence gives me peace.

Once I have taken a quick shower and dried my hair, I quickly headed to my bed to catch a good sleep. After all the crying that I did earlier and staying to watch Jake on the concert, I feel very exhausted.

I pulled the covers, covering my entire body. Without Jake around, I feel so cold and empty. Or should I say, my heart felt empty. It's like there's a cold spot inside me and I can't shake that feeling of uneasiness until I get to take a hold of him.

"Jake...." I whispered as my right hand clutched for the cover, a tear falling down my cheeks.

I shouldn't have said those words. He probably thought I was pushing him away.

Tears continuously fell down my cheeks and I didn't even realize that I already fell asleep if I didn't felt the bed moving after a weigh was put into it.

Jake...

I wanted to turn around and pull him for a hug but I decided to wait for him.

My eyes were still close and the sound of my heart beating was so loud I wouldn't be surprise if he hears it.

But then he didn't come closer, nor even lay a finger on me.

All I hear is the sound of his slow breathing.

And it breaks me. Every breath that he exerts feel like a huge lump was blocking his system, making it seemed so painful to just breathe.

"Rosie ...." he whispered, his raspy voice cracked and I was so sure he was slurring. Did he drink too much?

Instead of responding, I let him speak because I feel like he wanted to say something.

"I'm sorry," he started. And I closed my eyes even tighter.

I can feel it. I can feel his pain. And it's wreaking havoc on my system.

"Am I really taking your freedom away from you?" he asked and I wanted to say no, that it was just an internal problem I'm going to have to conquer too.

He may have triggered a sensitive part of me but I would be lying of I don't say he is also the reason why I am slowly getting my shit together.

"I thought I was doing the right thing," he whispered. "When I saw you crying, when I saw you allowing that lady hit you, I felt broken. It was so painful I thought my heart was going to explode."

I covered my mouth in instant, afraid he'll hear my soft whimpers as my tears continuously falls down my cheeks.

My baby....

"I don't want to see you getting hurt or even see your cheeks getting tear-stained. All I want to see are your smiles, and hear the cute sound of your laughter. I want you to know that even though one person was out of your life, there are too many people to fill the gaps. But I guess I was doing it wrong."

I heard him sigh.

"I should have known that it's not easy to move forward after you lose someone. Maybe Yohan hyung was right," he snickered. "Doing all those things so you would forget him seems like I was making you runaway like I did when Samantha noona left."

I heard him whimper and that's when I realized that he was crying. I felt him slide over the bed so now he was sitting on the ground.

"That's what I'm good at anyway, running away." he mumbled but I heard it.

And then he snapped. All I hear was his silent tears as he carefully tried to keep me from waking up.

I didn't know. I never thought he had been keeping heavy burdens like this within him. And I was so sure he was talking about what happened with him and Samantha unnie.

He had been blaming himself for what happened. And I refused to let him think that way, not when I finally realized how precious he is and how he's far more scared of the world rather than I am.

With so much love inside him, I wonder how he was able to hide all of these inside his heart, and now it's shredding him apart?

I can't stand this.

Slowly, I got out of my bed, my feet lightweight as I turn across the room until I am right in front of him.

Seeing him up close as I tower before him makes me realize how helpless he looks. His knees were curled towards his chest, his face naturally covered.

"Jake..." I whispered before slowly falling down on my knees letting my legs support my weight. My legs would probably go numb afterwards but I don't care.

At the sound of his name being called, he lifted his face and his hurt-stricken eyes locked before mine and it hurts me. It hurts to even breath at the sight of him hurting.

His eyes were filled with tears that it amazes me how the person who comforted me a month ago seemed to be a polar opposite of the person in front of me now.

My hands reached before him, gently cupping his soft and handsome face.

"I'm sorry," he said in between sobs and I shake my head.

"You did nothing wrong babe. You've been nothing but a sweetheart to me." I told him but he shakes his head.

"If I didn't hear you, if I didn't decide to check on you, I wouldn't even realize that I'm so close to taking away your freedom making you feel like you've lost yourself. That's not love. That's selfishness. And I'm being selfish by keeping you to myself." he added and I pulled him closer until his face is rested on my chest.

"I didn't intend for you to lose your smile. And I thought that I'm doing a good job at making you happy, but seeing you break down like that crumble all my hopes," he pulled away a little and our eyes met.

"I don't want you to leave. I don't want you to leave me and be just a part of your memory. Is that so wrong?" he asked and his voice carry a lot of emotions.

It was so painful. Seeing him breaking down in front of me is a torture.

"Shhhhhh," I cooed him as I rub his back trying to calm him down.

He's afraid to be alone, that I'll leave him. That's why he was overprotective. But I'm glad he seemed to realize something is wrong. And I'm glad I finally heard all those sorrows he is keeping to himself.

"I won't leave you babe," I whispered to his ears and I felt his arms wrapped around my body.

"Not now, not ever." I added.

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