Chapter 65: Chapter 65

I saw Nikolai heading to his black Range Rover in the parking lot. I had been waiting for him. I feel sorry for myself, waiting for him, especially as a woman. I don't deserve this treatment. He never made me wait.

When will someone love me? I'm so desperate for someone to love me and stay with me. My father left us, and my mother left me too because she couldn't handle the pain my father caused her. My relatives hate me. I just want someone to love me and stay with me—and that's what Nikolai did. He made me feel loved, but he decided to leave me too. He cheated on me, and I wasn’t aware that he was playing with my feelings.

I look terrible; I haven’t bathed or brushed my hair. I’ve been wearing the same clothes since yesterday. As you can see, I'm still in my bedclothes in the afternoon.

“Nikolai,” I called his name weakly, tears welling in my eyes. My face begged like a puppy.

Since he left me, I’ve started doubting myself, asking why everyone is leaving me. I'm starting to wonder why I'm not enough.

He looked at me without any emotion in his eyes, scanning me from head to toe. He was about to get into his car when I stopped him.

“Can we talk?” I asked.

“We don’t need to talk about anything. I made it clear, Azaria. I broke up with you,” he said harshly. He used to treat me kindly and speak softly to me. Why has he turned into a monster?

“I know you still love me. Please, take me back,” I pleaded, hugging him tighter, scared that I’ll lose him forever.

"We’re done. I’m done with you," he said coldly, pulling away from my hug, and leaving me sitting on the ground. He got into his car without even looking at me. I cried there in the parking lot, feeling sorry for myself.

I called Heidi while crying heavily. She was so worried that she asked me to come to her office.

"Heidi," my voice cracked, tears flooding my eyes. Every passing day feels like I'm slowly dying from the pain. It feels like I'm being killed because Nikolai is no longer in my life. He left me as if we hadn't shared a year and two months. During those months, he never introduced me to any of his friends or family. Although he claims they know me, it hurts because I haven't met them personally. It's all just pictures. I set aside my annoyance with him because he was the best boyfriend I ever had. He always picked me up and took me to restaurants with flowers. He treated me like I was his entire world. I even expected him to propose to me, but instead, he dumped me. It hurts so much.

For two months, I hoped he would come back. Until I couldn't take it anymore and I chased after him. It hurts so much because it feels like everything happened just yesterday. Even if he cheated on me, as long as he took me back, and used me, it would have been okay—I just needed him to stay by my side. He's all I need, no one else. I can sacrifice everything just for him to stay in my life. Even if I lose Heidi, I don't want to lose Nikolai.

"Goodness, Azaria, what happened to you? You look like a broke addict!" He exclaimed upon seeing me. I don't even know how I got to his office. From the parking lot of Nikolai's company to the front of his office, I just cried. The pain I'm feeling is unbearable. Please take the pain away.

Heidi let me into her office. She's a psychologist and became my friend because my dad adopted her and put her through school. My family is wealthy, but when my parents split, neither of them wanted to take me.

"Nikolai doesn't want me anymore," I cried to her, feeling utterly pathetic.

"If you can't handle your emotions, nothing will change for you. You made him your entire world," she said and handed me a tissue. Heidi was the best because she never left me.

She's helping me move on, but I don't want to. Because even now, my mind is still living in the fantasy Nikolai painted for me.

"I told you he was just playing with you," she said for the fifth time. "He was manipulating you. He knew your weaknesses, and that's how he got you."

I clenched my fists as a memory flashed back.

"I saw him with another woman. He's driving around with someone else. I used to be the one sitting in that car!" I said in frustration.

"Even if you beg him for a year, he won't come back to you, Azaria."

"I thought he was different from my exes. I thought he was my true love," I said emotionally. "Why do they all dump me? Why does everyone leave me? I'm so scared of being left behind," I cried to her.

"I'm angry at Nikolai because he moves on so quickly. I've seen him with two other women. He's disregarding me. He doesn't care about me anymore. Heidi, I love him so much. He's my life. I'll end my life if he doesn't come back to me. Please help me," I pleaded desperately. My face was full of desperation. Every day, I beg Nikolai to come back to me.

She shook her head.