Chapter 27: Chapter 27

Austin*

Few days after the incident at Bailey's place, few days Lawrence got discharged from the hospital thankfully he didn’t press any charges or when asked what transpired during the party, he lied for me, he covered me up knowing I’ll not only be withdrawn from the team but suspended from school till further notice. Thankful but yet confused as to why he did that for me. Few days since I apologized to Bailey who didn’t take it to heart thankfully, was shaken up a little by the turn of event. Lastly, few days since I last saw, spoke or even visited Snoopy after her parents got her from the hospital the next day. Seven days to be exact and the longest we've ever stayed apart.

Five words.

I messed up really bad.

I’ve tried so hard to speak to her. In the cafeteria, during classes, at home. She banned me from coming to her house after the fifth day and that was two days ago. I had to stay at my window waiting to catch her come in or switch on her light. Mission failed. I hate myself for letting my anger consume me. The thought of pushing her till she bruised hurt me more than anything else. I want to strangle myself. I know I have ruined everything we had just with that incident. She called me a monster, something I never want to hear from those lips. She said it to me with so much hate and disgust.

I want to make it up to her but how? I ruined her best friend birthday. I beat her friend to a pulp. I hurt her in more ways than one that night forcing her body to react negatively causing the faint. I could have just talk to her. To tell her my fears about her leaving me, choosing Lawrence over me. The anger boiled red hot when I saw his hand drape over her shoulders in comfort. It should have been me, my subconscious screamed at me and I acted before thinking and now this is my karma. She hates me. My Snoopy hate me all because I let my anger control me. I wanted to be the one for her. Willing to change and act right just to please her. Now she sees me in the hallways and takes a ‘u’ turn. Discarding the waste, she passes me by acting like a stranger. Maybe I am a stranger to her. A stranger who went loco on her best friend birthday beating another of her friend to a pulp. I deserve it.

I know she’s scared of me and I want to put those fears away. I don’t want her to have this horrific memory of me as her last. I need to talk to her. I look at my phone. How foolish of me not to have her number. How stupid not to have her details, Bailey refusing to give it to me. My whole world is crumbling at a fast rate and I can’t seem to fix it. Everything is falling apart without her. I know I’ve ruined my chances to be with her, then I can try to be her friend. I need to keep trying. I could remember the day I mistakenly heard her in the cafeteria tell Bailey I’ve been her secret crush for years. That was the best day of my life and I wanted to tell her I’ve secretly been watching the shy nerd from afar. Her drive for success intrigued me to the very peak. I had all the girls in school flocking around me, not her. I catch her a few times staring at me but she never saw it fit to be bold enough to speak to me until that day. The day I thought my world I've worked so hard for could be taken from me because of my insouciant. And then I realized that my world wasn't football. It's her. Kissing Kimberly was the worst mistake I've ever made and I'll continue to punish myself for it.

After an extremely long conversation with Lawrence in the hospital during his recovery, he discovered I am for real with Snoopy. I choose her above every other girl. Breaking my jaw as a payback for putting him in the hospital, he decided to help me out. Funny how the past few

days we became close when just last week we were archenemies. Well not close barely tolerating each other. I wish Snoopy were here to see it, she would have been proud of me. I could picture a beautiful smile draw on her lips, her brows quirk up in a proud grin. I can’t let her go. That will be my doom. I need to fix my mess before its too late.

Standing grabbing my keys I drove with an aim to the only place where I can think clearly to fix us. As much as she hates me, it’s my turn not to give up on the memories of our love.

I’m sorry Snoopy. I’m not ready to give up on you.

On Us. 29

“Hey honey.” I turn at the sound of mom’s voice.

“Hey mom.” Sitting up I brush my hair aside. She walks in sitting beside me on my bed. She sigh.

“Why don’t you hear him out baby?” This is the first time she’s talking about him after I told her what happened at the party. “That boy comes here every day asking after you. Don’t you think it’s enough punishment for him? You are not only punishing him but yourself.” Inhaling I know mom is right. This is affecting me as much as it’s affecting Austin.

"I told you he'll hurt you and he did. This, this is the real Austin. Look at what he did to you, to Bailey and me. He doesn't deserve your love. You don't help someone who's far into an abyss M.V." his voice raise in a frown.

"I know Lawrence and I'm sorry for putting you in this mess. I'm sure you already know why I'm here." he scoffs mockingly.

"I can't believe you expect me not to sue his deranged ass. He doesn't deserve your pity. Stop fighting for him." glaring at me I know I have to do this. I hate that I'm using his love for me to do this but there's no other way.

"I know, I know. You won't understand and I promise you I'm done with him. I've accepted my foolishness but please football is his life, don't ruin it for him I'm begging you. I'll do anything you ask, please." his frown softens looking at me sceptically.

"You still love him, don't you?"

"Love doesn't matter, doing the right thing is what matters." I stood up going close placing a grateful kiss on his cheek. "Thanks Lawrence, once again I'm sorry for all this."

The memory hit me like a tsunami. Sighing. “I don’t know mom. He hurt me in the worst way possible. I don’t think I can ever forgive him for that.” She smiles sadly.

“No one is forcing you to forgive him honey. To forgive is a choice not mandatory. Listen to the whispers of our heart, it never fails. Just…talk to him okay. That’s all I ask. Both of you deserve a closure if this what you truly want. What he did is absolutely wrong, he’s lucky none of them pressed charges or reported him to the school authorities. All he wants is for you to forgive him.” She touches me softly.

“Can you do that for me baby?”

“Okay mom. I’ll hear him out and that’s it.” Smiling she kiss my forehead standing up to the door.

“Well I guess you can start now.” She opens my door and behind is Austin looking distraught and shabby, dark circles can be seen under his eyes. He looks as if he had not slept in days if not weeks. My eyes trail to mom who gave me an encouraging smile closing the door behind Austin who step in.

I wish I can truthfully say I’m mad at him right now or I’m happy to see him. It is none of that. Blankly his face mirrors mine walking closer to me, he sat down watching me watch him.

The only difference is his eyes held a pained look. If I watch him longer I’ll surely break down crying, so I stood up walking round my bed to the window watching the streets far ahead.

“We are…” closing my eyes exhaling deeply. “…were a mistake Austin. We deserve a good closure after everything we shared together so I’ll let you say what you need to tell me and leave. For good. I am done with the list and tutoring you. We both have help each other achieve what we wanted and in doing so we, sorry, I stupidly held on to my stupid crush for you that develop into something more. Something more I thought we could share together.” I sniff. “But I was wrong. This was inevitable. It was doomed from the start and I blindly did nothing to end it.” I chuckle, “guess I am wrong yet again and you were right.” I turn facing him trying hard to dismiss the urge to run into his strong arms and bawl my eyes out while he keeps asking for my forgiveness. He looks broken. Can a broken boy be broken again? No right?

Smiling humorless my gaze shifting to the bed recalling when he said those words to him in his room. “You were right you know. Fairytales live behind the covers of my books, not reality. We can’t create magic.”

“That’s not true Snoopy. That’s a lie, a big stupid lie I said because it does exit. Us.” He quickly says rushing to me holding my hands.

I shake my head adamantly. “It’s true Austin. I need to grow up.” Tears threatening to spill.

“Please don’t Snoopy. Let me prove to you that we can still create magic. I need you, I won’t survive it.” He hugs me sniffing on the crook of my neck. “Please Snoopy. I’ll do anything to make you believe in me…in us again. Don’t leave me please.” He begs me in a shaky voice. I close my eyes not wanting to cry.

“I want to take you somewhere.” He pulls away, teary eyed.

“No Austin. We are through with that.” I sniff trying so hard to hold my tears in. This is what needs to be done.

“Please this last place and I won’t bother you again. I'll leave and never come back. Please.” He held my hand eyes begging.

I pull away looking at him dead in the eyes knowing if I follow him again I’ll end up losing myself in him. For that I hate him more.

“We are over Austin.”

“No, don’t say that. I love you, believe me Snoopy.” he plea trying to reach me which I flinch further back his glistening wet eyes threaten to spill. No, this is what needs to be done.

“I’ve made up my mind and I never want to see you again. We should go back to the way we were before I came into the picture. Please leave. I hate you more each day that passes, don’t just make it worse.” Hands crossed over my chest, sternly I spoke each word in hate looking at the boy I once loved whom I thought will love me back.

If I saw a broken boy earlier that was fair enough, now I see an empty soul looking at me tears spilling down his flushed cheeks like I stabbed him in his heart. I couldn’t stop the tears now falling freely from my eyes, I sniff, deep in my heart I know I’ll never forgive myself for this. But I have to keep my sanity for own sake over his. Bailey was right. When the time comes I'll be the one to hurt him and I did, probably in the nearest future I may forgive him but now I'll rather hold onto my hate for him. Wiping my wet cheeks I didn't look at him as I walk pass him to open my door determined to let him out of my life. If he thinks I'm a weak girl then he's so wrong. I may be dying slowly but I'm very far from being weak. Looking him dead in the eyes, I point out of my room.

"Leave Mahone. And never come back." with the look he gave me I knew one thing..,

I broke my bad boy’s heart.