Chapter 93: Chapter 93
He’s gone? What? I watched Chris’s face for a while and found his face was filled with both sadness and hurt. So it was true?
“So it was true?” I again asked him as he looked at me and nodded. It felt like someone was stabbing my heart with a thousand sharp daggers. It’s not someone, it’s just Ryan. Without asking anything from him I just turned and left. I walked out of the hospital while wiping my tears. I just don’t know.. How am I going to live without him now?
It hurts, it really hurts to believe that he won’t come to me again. Memories surged into my mind with a great pain. Our first meeting was such a bad one but that didn’t keep him from coming to me. He hurt me but yet he came to my life forcefully. Now everything is gone.
I got into the car and rested my head against the window. I watched out of the window but my mind was filled with the smile Ryan had that day before getting into the jeep. I looked at the ring on my finger and I felt my heart was ripping to parts with these things he wore me and with all his memories. Why did this happen to me?
I just couldn’t let him out of my mind. His smile, the way he teased me, the way he cuddled and the way he spent his time with me. I clutched my dress so tight as my eyes turned moist and tears came out. I’m not ready to let go. We didn’t even have a chance to spend our lives together for more than three years. What is this?
I told him not to go. I just told him but yet he left. I hate… I hate those bastards who came and took him with them. Why didn’t they just die without letting my Ryan die? Raylie is only two and she’s so small. She won’t even remember her daddy when she grew up. I told Ryan.. why did he just leave me like this? How am I going to explain to my kids that their daddy is no longer here with us? No.. He will come as he promised me.
I went home and as soon as I entered home I saw Ryan’s dad who was carrying Ryalie. As I saw him I couldn’t force my tears back. He put Raylie down as he saw me. I quickly strode towards him and hugged him as I sobbed. I patted my back and kissed the top of my head. He’s the father for me too.
“Ryan… I.. I..” I looked up at him and managed to say a few words as his eyes turned red. I saw the pain in his eyes and he was like he lost everything in this world. He said after finding Ryan’s mother’s death he lived because of Ryan but now he’s gone too. I don’t know what he will do.
“Be strong Julianna. I’m passing everything to you. When Noel turned eighteen you passed everything to him. Ryan asked me to do this before he leaves.” I clutched his shirt and cried. Did Ryan really say those things before he leaves?
“I don’t want anything.. Please I just want him back.. What is the value of these things if he’s not here with me and my kids? Please.. Dad.. I want him back” Why did this happen? No… I want my Ryan back. How am I going to live without him?
“Mommy what’s wrong with daddy?” I looked at Noel who just spoke. His eyes were filled with tears that didn’t come out. I quickly wiped my tears and smiled at him.
“Daddy has some things to finish so he said he won’t be able to come home anytime soon. You don’t mind right Noel?” I betrayed my feelings and my own heart as I lied to him. Noel watched me for a while and nodded with a smile.
“I don’t mind. He’s coming back anyways” With that he took Raylie’s hand and jogged into the garden.
“You have to tell them the truth.” I looked at Ryan’s dad and nodded.
“But they are too small for the truth. I’ll tell them when they grew up” I spoke with the throbbing pain inside of my chest. I never expected and I never got ready for this kind of thing. Ryan why did you just make me helpless? You’re just so cruel and selfish.
“I asked him to stay with me and don’t go but yet he left without caring my words. I was always scared, dad. I didn’t have any peaceful sleep over these three months but see now what I gained after everything.” I wanted to release the pain inside of my heart. If he listened to my words nothing would happen.
“When he was twenty he went on a mission and it was the same as this. So Ryan’s squad was the best for it. That’s why they wanted Ryan and Chris back. I know it’s very hard Julianna but bear everything for your children. No matter what he will always be in your heart” I pressed my lips together and stayed for a while before nodding at him. Ryan will always remain in my heart. As he said I will be strong but how?
“If you want you can go with me to Winston mansion and live there” I shook my head and smiled at him.
“I’ll stay here. I stayed with him here so I’ll stay here until I die” I smiled at him and said as I remember the good old time I had in this house with Ryan.
“Dad, can you take care of them for a while? I just want to be alone” He nodded at me. I slowly walked upstairs as I entered the room and locked the door.
I sat on the bed and tried to force my emotions back. Then I saw the phone that they gave me. I stood up from the bed and walked towards it. I took it and turned on the phone. My heart covered with hurt as I saw the picture that he had as his wallpaper. It was the picture I sent him that day when he called me.
My head started to hurt and I felt like my head was about to explode. Without caring about anything I checked his call history. So many failed calls to my number and his phone number that he left here. Then I checked his messages and found more than a hundred undelivered messages.