Chapter 52: Chapter 52

It's already 11pm, yet I am still awake. I stayed up all night, locked in my room. My son fell asleep while asking me repeatedly if I was okay. I kept saying that I'm okay, but who am I fooling? I also didn't face Valjerome when he once knocked on my door to eat. I only let Erom out to follow him.

My mind was messy. I don't know what to think anymore. I kept on flashbacking the memories in my mind.

Why, Valjerome?

I let out a sigh then decided to get up to drink some wine downatairs. There were no personnel scattered around, but even so I knew they were secretly watching. I went to the mini bar and got some wine there. Next I went to the refrigerator to get some ice, when I got everything I needed I went back again and sat down on the bar stool chair. I started pouring the wine and drank it straight away. The bitterness drew in my throat but I ignored that.

I was already in the second bottle. I could already feel my eyes rolling when I smelled Valjerome's familiar scent. I smiled sadly and didn't bother to glance at him. He silently took his shot glass and sat down in the chair next to me. Like before I didn't look at him, I just poured the wine into my glass again and then stared at it.

"You didn't eat," he said and took the liquor.

He put it in his glass, like me he also didn’t touch his wine first.

"I have no appetite." I tried not to show the emotion that was building up in me.

I heard him sigh then took his first shot. We just continued the alternation of shots for the next few minutes. The silence between us was deafening.

"I wish you a happy life with him," he murmured as he stared at his glass.

My grip on my glass tightened as the bitterness spread through my system.

How can he do that? How is she able to wish the person he loves to be happy with others?

"I wish he stay good to Erom even though he's not his real child," he continued.

I felt like my heart was stabbed by a thousand needles. I am hurt by what he says, not for me but for him.

I laughed sarcastically and drank my shot. "For yourself?" I said while looking at the emptiness. "You don't have a request?"

He did not answer. I just faked a smile.

"Tomorrow..." he said with difficulty, "I will take you and Erom home," he said.

I held my breath hearing those words. So he doesn't want to anymore? He's not going to ask for a chance anymore? Stupid.

"I know...you're having a hard time getting along with me," I felt pain in the middle of his utterance

Yes, because I don't know what to do with you. I no longer know how to accept your tortures on your own.

"I'll explain it to our son, myself." He coughed softly, seemingly to strengthen his voice not to crack. "Thank you..." he said sincerely, "Thank you for the opportunity you gave me to be Erom's father even for a moment."

I scoffed. "Who are you to decide for me, Valjerome? You're always like that. You're always the one who decides that it should be us, together.” I let out a sarcastic laugh and shook my head. "I'll be the one to follow when will Erom and I, leave," I finally promised andwas about to pour a drink in my glass.

"You should stop. You might not tolerate it," he held my hand.

Slowly, I looked at him. I stared at his face then forced a smile. "Why?" I asked.

His forehead creased.

"Why didn't you admit the truth? Why didn't you tell me you weren't really having sex with them?" I asked hoarsely as the corners of my eyes began to get wet. "Why didn't you say that there are other people who had sex with the women you used to bring at home?"

He stiffened. Trace the shock on his face.

I laughed painfully. "Why do you need to make yourself evil, Valjerome?" A lone tear fell on my cheek.

I remember again the video I watched earlier, how I was surprised when a man suddenly appeared in the room. How he had sex with the woman while he was just sitting back in the chair, lifelessly watching the two while occasionally looking at his phone.

Funny. I always claimed that I knew him already, yet I mistaken him for someone else's moan.

"Because I am," he said hoarsely and then gently wiped my tears.

I shook my head. I swallowed the lump in my throat and stared at his eyes. "You are not," I uttered.

He gave me a soft smile. "Jazzie..." he started. "My reason may be valid, but it won't change anything. I already destroyed you¾emotionally, mentally. That's why I didn't bother to tell it anymore."

I cried even more after what he said. "Why do you always think of me? How about you? I hated you because of that. I thought you fvck those girls before. Even that girl earlier, I thought you got her pregnant. Can't you see it? You made me doubt at you! "

"I deserved it... I deserve to be doubted. I deserved to be hated by you. I deserved your wrath. Everything that came from you... I deserved it," he said wholeheartedly. "I caused you too much pain. I-I killed our child... How could I think of myself when I know that everything happened in the past was because of my doings?

“And I also have a right to know the truth, Valjerome,” I insisted.

He stared at me with a pleasant look. "That won't change anything, Jazzie. You still lost yourself ¾our baby, everything. What's the use of my reason if that doesn't bring back the past?"

"Yes," I mumbled and punched his chest weakly.

He accepted it willingly. He did not block nor even avoid my slaps.

"That won't bring our child’s life back. But, Valjerome...it can heal me." I cried. "My trust issues, my self-doubt¾everything that was wrecked by that lie could be fixed, Valjerome. That can't bring back the past because the future can be changed by the truth you deprived me of."

He weakly grabbed my hand then pulled me into a hug.

"You’re selfish," I whispered into his chest. "You decided all by yourself. You put all the blame on you." I cried harder. "I-I thought you loved me? Why the way you speak now, it's like you're letting me go?"

"Sssh. Don't you cry, please. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for everything," Valjerome whispered as he caressed my hair. "I love you. God knows how much I love you, Jazzie. I love you so much. Because I love you so much I'm ready to leave you to others just so you can be happy."

At the same time I laughed as my tears flowed more and more. "But I don't need you letting me go, Valjerome," I said weakly then slowly let go of him.

I looked at him with my teary eyes. "I want you to fight for me. Is that too hard?" I asked annoyingly.

For a moment his eyes widened. It was as if I had said a word he never expected. Gradually his jaw tightened as his vision darkened.

"You're just drunk, Jazzie," he said then stood up from his seat. "Let's go, I will take you to your room," he dismissed.

I forced to laugh, but my voice cracked. "Yeah, I am just drunk. I believed that you still love me when the fact was you weren't anymore." Fresh tears started streaming again. "Maybe...maybe you want to be with another wo—"

My words were cut when he pulled me suddenly. There was the threat in his eyes as he stared at me intently.

"Do you still love me, Jazzie?" he asked sternly.

I blinked twice. "Y-Ye—"

I never finished my word again when he suddenly kissed me. Although shocked by his actions, I quickly recovered. I slowly snaked my arms around his neck then kissed him back with the same ferocity.

Every touch of his lips on me, I feel his longing and love. Dizzyingly, I don’t know if it was because of the alcohol or because of the overflowing emotions we both had. His hand supporting my nape was gently gripping, as if I was something that would break despite the restraint of the kisses he was giving.

I couldn't help but moan when he bit my lower lip. He broke our kiss and stared at me darkly.

"You are mine," he declared.