Chapter 51: Chapter 51

It's been an hour since we got home. It was also that long since I secretly watched Valjerome and the woman downstairs from the second floor where I was standing. Jaime was also there. Based on what I see, it looks like the woman is very close to them.

I bit my lower lip when Valjerome smiled at her, then lowered his gaze to her tummy. Even though I was far away, I could see his gentle stare there. I feel like my stomach became hollow.

Elle...

That's her name. When Valjerome introduced him to me earlier I immediately felt fidgety. I admitted I waited for something else he would say next; whether she is his friend, a co-worker, a partner or... the mother of his future child. But that didn't come. I'm also not sure if I'll be able to hear it in case he confirms my suspicion so I immediately bid goodbye and said that I would take Erom upstairs to rest.

I exhaled deeply and decided to go back to my room with a heavy heart. I want to rant, sulk, or shout.

'How mature, Jazzie.' I sarcastically thought.

Instead of drowning in thought, I just laid down nest to my son who was currently asleep. I shut my eyes and tried my best to sleep. Luckily, I did it after so many minutes of attempt.

A few hours passed. I was startled by the slight movement of the bed. I could recognize the smell and tell who it was. I kept my eyes closed as I felt his actions.

I felt him lay down beside our son. After that I held my breath when someone took my hand. He carried it on my son’s stomach and wrapped our fingers tightly, just like we once slept together. It was as if my heart was being caressed at that moment. I feel like, as my son, he was taking the advantage of the times that the three of us are still together. As if he didn't want to let us go but he had to.

My doubt earlier was momentarily gone. It was replaced with sadness and peace. It's funny to think that you can feel it at the same time¾sadness, because of the situation, and peace, because he is here with us. I smiled sparingly when I felt the slight relaxation of Valjerome's grip, as well as his loud breathing signalled of his sleep. I slowly opened my eyes and moved carefully to get a better look at him.

He looks like a normal person when asleep. You wouldn’t think he had illegal activities behind his pleasant face. I tried to remove my hand from him but his grip tightened there before I could even remove it.

"Don't leave me ..." he said hoarsely, almost begging.

I bit my lower lip and didn’t make any more gestures. I just stared at his face and sighed deeply after a few minutes. I looked down at the hand we were holding while hugging Erom.

I admit ... I like this. I like the feeling that we are together again with our child, but I am afraid.

I’m afraid to trust again. I’m afraid to hope. I’m afraid to make mistakes. What if...it's still here¾the pain, the anger¾that I thought was all gone. I don’t want my son to expect bigtime. Although I want to fulfill his wishes, I also don't want to be carried away by my own perceptions. I understand Valjerome’s reasons. He’s also just a man who makes mistakes iand hasty decisions. But what about me? How about the time I was affected and broken by those wrong decisions. Yes, he cheated on me to keep me away. But...I'm already hurt. I will forever carry the fact that he had number of women that he had been sex with.

Elle...she is the proof of my fears. She is the proof of how I was destroyed by our past. I don't want to but my brain automatically thinks about negative things. I want to ask but I can't trust what he will answer. I feel like whatever he would say, I will believe what’s running in my mind in the end.

As I drowned from overthinking I couldn’t help but cry. I want...I want him back in my life. That’s exactly what I realized earlier in the car. But can he handle it? Will he be able to live with me if I'm like this now? Will he be able to bear my doubts?

I wiped away my tears with one hand and carefully let go of Valjerome. When I did that I slowly got up and went to the bathroom to wash my face. I was staring at myself in the mirror for a while when I suddenly remembered the phone that Manang had given me the other day.

I amoved quietly when I came out of the bathroom. I took the phone out of the bedside drawer then went to the balcony to not make any noise. The phone was off so I turned it on, my forehead slightly furrowed when I saw the picture of one of Valjerome's maids on the wallpaper.

What should I do with this?

I first clicked on the messaging app, speculating that what Manang was referring to was there but it was clean. It has no single message. Next I went to the gallery. My eyebrows met even more because it only had one video. I mean, yeah. Not all women like to take selfies, but of course, maybe she has some beautiful scenes she wants to take a shot of.

Why are you deciding for others, Jazzie?

Without further a-do, I just played the single video in the gallery. The face of Valjerome's former maid was exposed first. He adjusted the camera and then walked away when the video became steady. I immediately straightened up when I saw Valjerome's familiar face there. He sat on the one-seater couch while smoking. They were in his room. My heart sank thinking that it was some kind of sex video.

"Shall we start?" the woman flirtingly said to Valjerome.

Even though the video is not that close I can see Valjerome's cold expression. The girl began stripping. It was as if my heart was pounding as I watched Valjerome's stare at the woman's naked body.

He puffed his cigarette for the last time before putting it to the ashtray. My tears began to flow as he stood up without emotion. Slowly, he took his coat off. I shut my eyes tight when he started walking towards the girl, with my trembling hand, I put the phone down.

I can't...I can't see how others claim him as if he was theirs.

I was about to turn off the phone when I was stunned by what I saw. I stared at it confusingly.

What just happened?