Chapter 42: Chapter 42

I let out a painful groan, my eyes slowly peeling open as I stared up at the ceiling. The throbbing on my head was painful and I sat up, letting out another groan as I rubbed my temple furiously. The distant memories of last night flashed through my mind and I let out another painful groan. Music, dancing, Alex, throwing up. God, I was a mess. Why am I like this? I wasn't supposed to get drunk, I was supposed to have some fun and get it over with. If it wasn't for Alex-

The bathroom door opened and I looked to my right to notice Alex walking out, shirtless with only a grey sweatpants that hung loosely on his hips, revealing his v-line and not to mention his hard abs. But I couldn't focus on that for long because Alex was now narrowing his eyes at me, causing me to flinch.

"Had fun last night?" his voice carried that unamused sarcasm and I watched him slump the towel on his shoulders before I turned away.

"I did, until you ruined the moment."

"Don't test me right now, Rina." he hissed and was about to say something else when a soft knock on the door interrupted him.

"Alex, let's talk." Rihana said in her sweet voice and I immediately felt anger boiling inside of me.

She started to knock on the door again. Why was she knocking again? This was my room, not Alex's. Why she was desperate?

"Not now, Ria!" he said out loud and I raised a brow at him.

"Ria, huh?" I asked him unamused as he turned to look at me.

"Stay here." He said shortly before opening the door and I could see "Lia" standing in front of the door, her eyes filled with plead and desperation. Why though?

"Alex " I called but the sound of the door slamming shut stopped me off . For the next few seconds I just sat there, my mind going blank. Oh,Right..I forgot, Rihana was his first priority, not me. I slowly turned to my right and my eyes widened when I noticed Alex's phone near the bed, making my heart skip a beat. I slowly took it and rather than calling someone, I went through the play list. I'm surprised he doesn't even have a security code or lock but I guess he had no reason to have one either. My fingers stopped at a familiar song and I inhaled deeply, blinking away the tears as I stared at the closed door, praying he would come in already. But he didn't. So, I finally made my mind. I wouldn't take this. I can't take this anymore. My head was already hurting like hell, I was having a massive hangover and I felt like crap. Hell, I was only wearing one of his long sleeved black t-shirt right now and god knows how I even ended up in them last night. Where was Ana? I have no idea but I am assuming she is still dead asleep. I gently pressed on the song and let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

From walking home and talking loads

To seeing shows in evening clothes with you

From nervous touch and getting drunk

To staying up and waking up with you

Now we're slipping near the edge

Holding something we don't need

All this delusion in our heads

Is gonna bring us to our knees

So come on, let it go

Just let it be

Why don't you be you

And I'll be me?

I swallowed the lump in my throat, taking in every word. I was able to relate to this song a little too much and it hurts. But I couldn't stop. I didn't. I had to think straight. It's time to wake up Katy, time to stand up for yourself. He doesn't care, in fact he treated you like shit since the beginning and you were too blind to see it. No, you refused to see it and look where that got you? You believed that he was something more and look how wrong you were. At the end of the day, you never meant anything to him, Katy. The moment she came into his life, you meant nothing. He treated you like dirt, and yes, he did change for the good at some point, gave you hope, made you see the good in him, lead you on, confused you, fucked you up and for what? For what, Katy? Nothing. He left you with nothing. After everything, the only thing he did was bring out the worst in you, ruined you and left you heart broken. How cliché, Katy.

"How fucking cliché." I brushed away a fallen tear, my own cruel thoughts haunting me. I couldn't let my own thoughts haunt me anymore. I couldn't stay here anymore. I just couldn't. I don't deserve this . Without any second thoughts, I tossed the sheets and marched towards the cupboard, opening it and grabbing my luggage. I started shoving all the clothes I could grab onto, things that didn't even belong to me but fuck that, might as well get something out of this. I stuffed everything and slammed the door shut, ignoring my trembling hands. I grabbed the bag and marched over to the bed, switching off the song before inhaling deeply, brushing away my dried up tears. I hadn't even noticed I've been crying but fuck, how could I? My head was throbbing like hell, my hair was probably a mess, my mascara was most definitely faded all over my face and I have no idea what I am even doing. My heart almost ripped out of my chest when someone opened the door and I watched Alex walk in, his motion coming to a sudden halt when he noticed me, his eyes slightly widening as he stared at me.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Well, I expected him to snap or yell but thank god, the devil was confused, for once.

"What does it look like? I'm leaving." I said bluntly, touching my bare hamd, suddenly remembering my bracelet.

"The fuck are you talking about?" he asked, taking a step forward and I ignored his confused yet worried expression as I turned to look at the bed, tossing the sheets and desperately searching for the bracelet. Did I even wearing it last night? I can't remember.

"Rina, what's going on?"

"I already told you, I'm leaving, it's as simple as that."

"No, it's not as simple as that! You are not going anywhere-"

"Can you fucking not?!" I snapped, jerking away my hand as soon as he grabbed my wrist.

"No. The fuck's gotten into you? You're not going anywhere, for fuck's sake, what's going on-" he stopped when someone opened the door and in came Rihana, making me huff in disbelief.

"Alex, what's going on? Why are you leaving, Katy?" she questioned, her eyes showing a hint of concern and I held back the urge to scream. I had no reason to be mad at her.

'She's not leaving." Alex said sharply, turning to look at me, his eyes softening when he saw me glaring at him. "What's going on?"

"Are you serious, Alex?" I looked at Rihana, who was now frowning at Alex. She then angrily came to him.

"Is this it? Is she the reason why you pushed me away when I kissed you last night? Because of her?" my heart sank at her words and for the next few seconds, I just stood stiffened and so did Alex, before his eyes slowly met mine. There was no way he could ignore the hurt and betrayal in my eyes. And he didn't.

"Rina, it's not like that-" he stopped to frown at Rihana, who was now looking at him with pleading eyes. "Come out." He said shortly before disappearing out of the room with Rihana following behind him. Once again, I was left alone and in shock. But this made my mind stop having doubts. They kissed. It disgusted me. He was a cheater, an asshole with temper problems and a heartless monster. There was nothing he couldn't be. He was the worst. The worse of the worst. And I hate him. I shivered when I felt a sudden familiar feeling crawling over me. The real feelings I once felt towards Alex. The hatred and disgust I once felt for him. They were all coming back now. The door opened suddenly and Alex walked in again, shutting the door behind him as I gave him an expressionless look.

"It's not what you think, she came onto me and I pushed her away so-" he let out a huff, running a nervous hand through his hair. "I don't even know why I am explaining myself to you, I just-" he stopped to take my shoulders and I brushed them away immediately.

"No."

"Rina, come on-"

"No, fuck you! Why don't you leave me the hell alone?!" I yelled, catching him by surprise. "I thought you were something more, Alex. But clearly I was wrong. And I am done, done living with you, done letting you keep treating me like your fucking whore and I am done with you! If you want to keep me in here, then I hope you do so knowing that I will hate you for the rest of my fucking life and that I'd do everything in my power to get the hell away from you, no matter what it takes! Even if I have to kill myself!"I have never cursed so much in my life and I wanted to hold back but I couldn't. My head was still hurting like hell, my thoughts were driving me crazy, eating me alive. I couldn't take this shit anymore.

"Rina, you're not thinking straight right now, calm down and let's-"

"No, and you know what else?" I brushed his hands away from my shoulders and took a step back as he took one forward, his eyes pleading desperately as he watched me break down. "I hate you. I hate you so much, it's driving me crazy. I'll go crazy if I stay here any longer, I've been treated like crap, pushed around by you and for what, Alex?!" I snapped at him, fighting back my tears but I wasn't done.

"Are you mad about the kiss?" I snapped angrily at him. "I pushed her away. I would never stoop that low-"

"I deserve better than you." He stiffened at my words. "When everyone else called you a monster, I stayed by your side even though you treated me like shit, hoping there was something more to you than just a heartless monster. But I was wrong." I suddenly started fuming again, my voice raising up again.

"I hate you for leading me on! I hate you for treating me the way you did and not making it up for me! I hate how you showed more sympathy and care for her when you owed that to me first! I just hate you, I hate you so much, I just fucking hate everything about you-" his lips cut off my words and I held my breath, my eyes widening in surprise as I stood stiffened in my position. He cupped my cheeks but I didn't kiss him back nor did I move. I was too weak to, too exhausted. My heart suddenly froze when I felt his lips quivering as they moved against mine, causing my mind to go blank. Not only that, but his fingers were now trembling over my cheeks and I stopped to look at him. He was still kissing me, his lips pressed firmly against mine but that didn't stop his lips from quivering or his fingers from trembling. What' going on? Was he really hurting or scared right now? No, no way, That can't be it. Alexander Ivanov didn't care enough to react in such a way. I quickly pressed my hands firmly on his chest and pushed him away but he pulled me back in, this time pressing my back harder against the wall and as dumb and stupid as this maybe, I kissed him back. Maybe this was for the last time and I wanted to give him my goodbye. It doesn't matter anymore. The kiss meant nothing to me. He meant nothing to me. He finally pulled away and I could feel my pulse racing faster but I ignored them. I had to. No matter how hard it was.

"Are you done? If so, then please remove your hands and-" He placed his hand on my mouth and bury his face in the crook of my neck, causing a shiver down my spine.

"Stop already..." he barely breathed out. "Please."

It moved me, it made my heart skip a beat and my mind run wild. But I couldn't do this. I can't give in again. I just can't. I let myself get treated like shit once but not again. I can't go back to that anymore. I just can't. Eith Rihana , there is nothing for me. I am done with everything. Done with him, done with my feelings . I slowly removed his hands from my mouth and he placed them on my shoulders, squeezing them a little. I could go crazy in this position, our bodies pressed against each other's, the heat radiating from his skin and not to mention his steady breathing against my skin.

"Stay..." the way he said it in his hoarse voice made me melt.

"No-"

"Please...I am begging you to stay with me, Rina." His voice cracked but I remained silent.

I can't lose you, Rina. Please,don't leave me!"

" No Alex, just let me go! "