Chapter 13: Chapter 13

I am confuse, totally sparkle out by the situation. Taking an important decision mustn't at this level be a difficult matter for me but just now, I feel like I have to take rapidly a decision that will forever sink into my life, so I have to be sure of what I will decide.

I get into Taylor's room, looking at me with a sad face when I enter.

"Hey, girl! What happened?" She asks me.

" Ummm (sighs)." I get to her bedside and sit. " I have talked to Derick and it seems the situation is more complicated than ever!"

" Was he angry?"

" Yes! And he told me to choose between him and Allan. He wants me to break my engagement for him."

"And?"

" And I want to be with him but I don't want to leave Allan."

" Lea! What does your heart want?" Taylor asks me.

" My heart...my heart wants Derick."

"And your head?"

" My head doesn't want Allan to be hurt by me!"

"(Sighs) so it's clear! You have to choose what your heart wants, cause the heart has its reason that the reason ignore." Taylor says.

It is so damn difficult, I mean, all this situation is absurd. After all, this is my life and I can't spark it like that. If Allan is my friend...then he must be able to understand that I can't do that with him without feeling something for him, rather than friendship. I don't even know why he is so impatient and why he tried to force me to accept in front of his parents. All I know now is that I want to be with Derick, all our life together in South Africa has been a secret, secret and secret...all a mess. We have the opportunity now to be together, without the authorization of no one, so I will take this chance and nothing will change my mind.

" Okay Taylor, I will go and talk to Allan. This game can't last for long!" I say with a lot of pride.

" That's my girl!" Taylor encourages me.

"Hello!" Elizabeth and Spencer said before entering.

We both smile at them and send them a "hi".

" So how are you dear?" Elizabeth asks.

" Am fine now, I think tomorrow am getting out of this place," Taylor says.

" Alleluia, cause is so boring without you," Spencer says.

"What do you mean? That am a clown?" Taylor asks.

" Precisely, a personal clown!" Spencer adds.

We all chuckle before Elizabeth gives some yogurt to our patient.

" Oh! Lea...we already started filming, the shooting already started for the film. We are just waiting for you." Elizabeth says.

" Umm. Yeah, I will be there very soon." I say.

I excuse myself and get to the door before Elizabeth tells me they will also come in Allan's room after. I agree and go to Allan's room.

Without entering, I look at him eating on his bed. He seems so far in his thoughts looking outside through the window, I can't imagine am coming to him just to hurt him, but I can't do anything! I look at the floor and think about how all this started when he kissed me at the party and when he asked me to get married to him and I accepted. That's all my fault if everyone is suffering because I am indecisive.

"Lea!" Allan calls me.

"Umm. Yes!"

" That's the second time I am calling for you!"

" Am sorry, I was far in my thoughts and I didn't want to disturb you," I say while going closer to him.

" Alright!" He says directing his head outside again.

I have to gather all my courage and tell him everything now.

" Do you have something to tell me?" He asks, with his face still looking outside sadly!

" Euh!.." I exclaim.

He turns back his head to me.

" Do you have something to tell me, Lea?" He asks again.

Alright! I can't run away anywhere. He may not talk to me after this but… I have to try and finish with all this.

" Allan… I will not be long…(sigh) I can't get married to you!" I say.

It is as if the words blocked my respiration cause now I feel relieve.

" (Smiles) why was I sure you would tell me that after going to him?" Allan asks.

" What?"

" Yes! It is because of him you want to stop everything."

" Probably yes Allan, I can't stop loving him, I can't forget him even if I want."

" So because he fucked you once, you decided to trust him!" Allan says a little harshly.

" Stop that Allan! I don't want to get angry with you because of your words cause I understand you may be furious."

" Yes, I am! come on Lea, open your eyes and see how Derick is manipulating you just because you love him. Are you sure of the man he is today? Have you ever done research on him?"

" I don't need that, cause I already know him, Allan. Please respect my decision."

We stay for some minutes without talking.

"... (Sighs) okay Lea, you are right! Am your friend and I will ever be your friend. I respect your decision. Am not angry because you broke up with me but am angry because of the way he forces you to be with him "

" Because you didn't force me? Allan! Why did you want me to accept the engagement in front of your parents."

" As you said they are my parents and they must be aware of this type of decision."

" No Allan, you could ask me that in private and later tell them, but you knew I couldn't refuse anything from your parents for all the support they gave me, that's why you decided to put me in front of the facts accomplished," I say out of myself.

" That's not the reason!" He says calmly.

" So what is it?"

" Take my bag and give me!"

I look at him for a few seconds and direct myself to his bag then give it to him. He opens it and gives me an envelope.

" What is written on it?" I ask.

" Just read it!" He tells me.

I open it and read as he said. It is a medical test result. I look at him again before directing my eyes to the paper, I read deeper and find the worst news ever had in my life. I frown while going further on the paper. My eyes are paining, my heart is twisted by the news, my head is suddenly aching and tears run down from my eyes when I realize what is written on this sheet.

It can't be true, I can't accept that, No! No! I can't. Not my friend! Not my Allan.

" I just have one month or less to stay here with you." He says melancholically.

I redress my head to him with tears not wanting to calm down.

" It can't be possible!" I say while sobbing.

" It is Lea!"

" For how...how long did you have heart cancer? Why have you not treated yourself? Heart cancer can be cured by a specified treatment and an operation. Why have you not done that?" I ask, trying to calm down and wiping my tears.

" Cause I was afraid and I was negligible. I thought it was nothing, that everything would run well, that when I will have time I will operate but… time caught me up and now I get up everyday thinking it will be the last time."

I continue crying again and again. I get closer to him and get my head on his chest while enrolling my hands around him.

" I can't imagine that, it is simply impossible!" I say.

" But it is real. I knew it when I had my accident. The doctor had done some tests on me and he told me am at the final stage of the illness…" he says, caressing my hair while I was still weeping. " Stop crying! Everyone comes and goes one day!"

I get up from his chest and I look at him.

" But you have so many things to do here, you can't go. Remember what you promise me, we are going to realize our dreams together. So you can't go, you can't." I say still crying without wanting to stop.

It is so tragic, realizing your best friend will not be with you anymore, you will never see him again, never call him again, never pass time with him again, laugh with him. Oh no! I don't want this to happen.

" That's why I forced you to get married to me … and now I know I have made an error. I can't force my best friend to do what she doesn't want but I am just worried about you that's all. I had many dreams and one of them was to get married to you, but as I can't realize the other dreams, at least I wanted to get married to you, making it the last thing I would do on this earth."

His words broke me up, he is so strong! It seems it doesn't make him anything what is happening to him. And I am the worst friend ever had in this world, I am so egoist that I decided to choose Derick rather than Allan. I feel guilty realizing his reasons for getting married to me and all I did was to break down his last wishes. I am a fucking bad friend!

I wipe my tears and look at me.

" Then let your wish be accomplished!" I said.

" What do you mean?"

" Allan do you still want to get married to me?" I ask.

" What?"

I have decided, I have to choose between life or love and I finally choose life. I choose Allan, cause his life is more important than my love. I sacrifice myself for his happiness as he always did for me. No time to cry, time to take the right decisions…