Chapter 43: Chapter 43

Friday was supposed to be a time for us to plan our spring break vacation, but we ended up at the cemetery saying our farewell to Richard. We had known him at the club before everything had gone wrong. He was a good friend which we had met at the club many years ago. He was young and full of life and we didn't realize he would leave us so soon. I looked outward towards the casket I wasn't close to it, always afraid of remembering the last time I looked at one. I feared my past events would come full force, so I stood back. I decided to look around instead and realized news vans were among the other parked cars. I looked at my friends and they stood beside me. I saw Melba tearing up and dabbing at her eyes, my other friend Zulema who had a sad face, and the other two I couldn't read their faces. I decided not to mention anything Fred had talked about the last time I saw him. I decided anything that had to do with the cartel would remain with me. I was glad that we had decided not to go to the club anymore until it was redeemed safe, but even the city didn't seem to think the downtown area was safe and so they placed a curfew area on the merchants, and evenings it would remain closed. I decided not to dwell on it anymore and looked out to see if his van was among the others. I spotted it right away when I saw the heart shape world and the logo which read. The heart is in the news, never miss out on the truth it read. I just shook my head. I didn’t bother to look for Diego, he wasn't someone I wanted to see so I looked once again towards the casket and realized I could have seen Diego there instead. The thought of it made me shudder. The funeral ceremony was already coming to an end and the funeral coordinator was asking the pall bears to place their flower on top of the casket. I decided not to be there anymore and started to walk away from the services. I walked over to my truck and leaned on it to wait for everything to end. The girls didn't follow which I was glad. I needed time to myself. I was looking down to the ground when I felt a familiar sensation. Diego popped out from behind my truck. “Hey Diego,” I said. “Hi Fio!” he said back. He reclined next to me. So how are you holding on?” he asked me. “I am doing fine, thanks for asking.” “Fio you know that I care for you I don’t want anything to happen to you.” I closed my eyes in hearing his words. I exhaled my breath. “I know you do Diego, that’s what scares me the most.” “Why should my caring about you scare you?” “Because…. Because I could start caring too and I just don’t think I can handle it.” “Fio, if only I knew what you have hidden from me.” I turned to look at him. “It’s not only you Diego it’s the whole world.” I said to him. “It’s not easy to talk about.” I said to him. “I'm willing to try.” He said. “That’s just it Diego you made it hard when I found out you were determined to go across that border.” “Tell, me Fio what happened across the border.” I stayed silent for a while and looked up the small hill where my nephew lay. “Sorry, Diego but I can’t I dream it every night now. It would be hard to relieve it.” “Fio you do you need help?” “No Diego I need for you to leave me alone.” I said to him. He didn’t’ say anything but remained where he was. “That’s just it Fio, I can’t leave you alone. I’ve tried and I know you miss me too.” “Yeah, I saw how you tried. I think you were doing very well that night.” “Are you referring to Miss Martinez?” “I don’t care, I am glad you were able to move on.” “I was there because my friend asked me to believe me Fio I didn’t want to go.” “Diego save your words I am not the jealous kind. I have too many men wanting me to be jealous.” Diego just didn't say a word not wanting to know more. I didn’t want to hear what Diego had to say. The only problem he mentioned was something I once wanted to hear from him. “You asked me one time what it was that was happening between us if I felt us. The answer is yes, Fio.” I feel us. It was scary at first. I hadn’t felt anything like this from anyone, not even with my ex-girlfriend. With you, it's something different. Like a thirst that can never be quenched. I really can’t explain it Fio I can just show you.” “That’s just it Diego I felt you too the moment I saw you and it scared the shit out of me, but I knew it wouldn’t last. You would leave just like everyone has left me. I just couldn’t take another blow.” “Fio, you keep saying I’ll leave but I haven’t left yet” “I know and I figure with this new thing that happened you won’t be leaving.” “You’re right, my father has asked me to stay longer and I accepted it, because I have you in mind, always in mind.” “Funny, thing is I try not to.” I said to him. “I don’t believe that Fio or you wouldn’t have sung the song you did. I listened to the lyrics and I played it again over and over. I know it was meant for me.” He was right I had meant it for him. I knew I was drunk but I knew exactly what I was doing. My conversation was coming to an end. The people started to depart and I went forward leaving Diego reclining on the truck. I felt him come behind me and walk up faster. I knew I couldn’t have him near me. He reached up to where I was and inclined his head next to me and whispered in my ear. “We are not done yet, Fio.” Kissed my cheek and walked away. I didn’t turn to look at him.

My girls and I ended up in my place, but we didn’t want to be held up inside so we bought beer and went down to the pool area. I looked around and remembered my birthday party and wished that I was back at that time and not in the present. I hadn’t been sedated for a while and I missed Diego more so when he said we weren’t done, but in my heart, I knew we were. Patty had bought enough beer to get us drunk and I was glad I felt I needed to be drunk to get past two-day events that lingered in my mind. We were drinking and laughing and remembering Richard at the same time. We honor him each time a memory crossed our minds. We were close to the end of our beers when we heard a motorcycle driving up. I knew no one owned on in this neighborhood and my love of them only triggered my curiosity. I went to the front to see who it was. I looked close and felt I was dreaming. I hadn’t seen this guy for over the past five years. I followed his every movement and as he got off the motorcycle and began to head over to my domicile. I knew who he was I yelled out before he even stepped on the first step. “Oscar! Is that you mofo?” I said to him. “Fio, what the hell.” He said. “Oh, shit it is you.” I ran to him he had his hands open wide. I jumped up to him and he twirled me around. “Wooh, easy I'm drunk.” I said to him. “Yes, I see, why wasn’t I invited.” “Didn’t have the number you disappeared remember.” “Come let me give you a beer.” I led him to the pool. “Nice set up you have here.” “Thanks.” “Ladies I want you to meet my nephew's best friend Oscar.” It didn't take long for Oscar to start up on his stories and this helped me to know where he had gone off to, but the real answer I wanted to hear was why. “So, why did you leave?" I asked him. “After Marcos died Fio, I knew I couldn’t be here anymore. This place holds too much death and people are oblivious to it.” “That’s not all true.” Patty said. “We’ve been living here for our whole lives.” “Yeah, but people are dying all around and no one seems to care.” “Oscar people die ever where same way or different doesn’t matter, death is death.” Melba said. Oscar looked at Melba for a while. “Yeah, you’re right, hey do you think I could get your number because you look good enough to eat.” He said. We all started to laugh. Oscar stayed there for a while talking not to us but Melba he seemed to have liked her from start. I needed more from Oscar wanted to know why he was back and I needed to ask “So Oscar why did you return?” I came to see my mother.” His voice was uneven. I didn't want to press more on it. “Yeah, that’s right she still lives here.” “Yeah, and I thought about you.” He quickly changed the subject. “Why after five years?” “Well do you still like the Dallas Cowboys?” He asked. “Hell yeah, we are great fans why?” Oscar pulled out an envelope from his pocket. “I thought you’d enjoy these.” I took them out they were tickets to the stadium. “Oscar they don’t play they're off or something.” “They have this thing going on something about fans night only certain individuals get them.” “Certain individuals?” “Yeah, they get to meet some of the players in person, go out on the field socialize and you get fed.” “What! Fuck let's go.” Patty said. “Only thing is that it’s tomorrow at eight.” Oscar added. “Fuck that’s a problem, it's already 4 a.m.” Patty added. “Not a problem we can leave in an hour and get a place to crash if we get tired and be ready the next day, it isn't until 8.” I said. “Yeah! But we’re drunk we can’t drive and we’ll probably kill ourselves.” Sara said. “True we can get someone to drive us.” Patty added. “I can’t go,” Melba said. “I have my son with me this weekend.” “How many tickets do we have?” There are four.” Oscar said. “Sorry, I would have given them to you sooner.” “Shit, I really would have wanted to go.” Patty said. “If only we could get a driver to take us.” “One that isn’t drunk,” Sara said. I remembered Fred, maybe he could drive us, but I had been shitty to him. Then I thought to ask Diego. I was drunk enough to do it. “Let me see if I can get us a driver.” I said and ran out the gates. In no time, I was standing in front of his door I looked around and didn't see the van. With my luck, Diego might be out doing some last-minute shooting or across the border. I didn't want to bring back memories so I shook them away. My hand was already at the door and I decided to knock anyway. I waited there for a couple of minutes and decided no one was home. I was about to give up when the door began to open and was surprised to see Diego looking at me. “Fio are you okay?” He asked half asleep “Yeah, I am fine.” I said to him. “You’re drunk” “Yep!” I said to him. “What are you doing here. I thought you didn’t want to see me anymore.” I closed my eyes that hurt but I dismissed it anyway. “You’re right but right now I need you.” “You need me how Fio?” he looked at me with those darkening eyes. “Not like that Diego, well maybe I do but that’s not the point I'm not doing that with you anymore.” I said. “I wouldn’t say that Fio we will.” I had heard that voice before but I ignored it. “Okay, Diego I need for you to do me a favor if you can.” “What kind of favor?” “I need for you to drive me and two of my other friends to Dallas.” “And what would you give me in return.” He said. Oh, God what would I not give you? Behave Fio. “The presence of my company,” I said. “I need more than, Fio.” “That’s all I can offer you for now.” I said to him. “Are we negotiating, let’s see only if you go with me to Spain.” “Not happening Diego.” “Look if I can find someone else, maybe that officer Cadena he was more than willing to pursue me into dating him, he even asked me out in front of my friends.” I said to him laughing. Diego didn’t laugh. “What did you say?” “That stupid ass asked me on a date while he was on duty and in my own home. I said still laughing. “He did this in your house.” “Yep” “Fio that could have been dangerous.” “Relax Diego my friends were all there. They got it on video.” “They got it on video.” “Sure did so if he tried anything well we can use it against it.” “Does he know?” “Yes, he does.” Diego kept quiet. “So Diego about this trip will you drive us.” ”Give me an hour to set things up and I’ll drive you.” “Okay, then will meet each other at my truck in an hour.” “Okay, and Fio stop drinking.” Remember we have to cross the checkpoint station.” “Yeah, that’s true, okay.” I went back to tell the girls that our ride was already ago. We said goodbye to Melba but since she had no ride to head back home Oscar volunteered to do it. Melba was excited about having something vibrating and hard between her legs and I hope that was what was to come at the end of her ride. We were able to grab a couple of things from my closet. The girls borrowed things that might fit mostly t-shirts since I was shorter than they were. “We need to go shopping once we get there.” Sara said. True to his word Diego met us in an hour. I saw him arrive with a duffle bag in his hands. I looked over to see that the van was nowhere in sight. “Where is Eric?” I asked. “He went out to fetch the new replacement for me.” “So you're leaving then.” “Only for a week. I asked my father for some time off.” “Oh! I had hoped he would say he was heading back to Iowa but that wasn’t to be. “Don’t look so upset. I get it you don’t want me here.” “It’s not the way you think.” “Then what is it Fio.” “ I just… don’t know, sorry I brought it up.” “Give me the keys Fio.” I gave them to him. We loaded up into the truck. Sara and Patty took the back seats of the truck. I, unfortunately, rode in front alongside Diego, but I made sure to sit on the passenger side and not next to him. I could see he was disappointed. “Take good care of my truck.” I said to him. “Don’t I always.” He said. The girls got comfortable and plugged in their electronic devices. I was left to talk to Diego or so I had thought. I began to drift in and out. Diego would ask me about something. I would only mumble a yes to whatever he would ask or say. I don’t even remember what it was he was asking me. “Fio will you?” I heard him say more adamant. “Yeah, I guess I will.” I said to him. I didn’t hear Diego ask anything else because I drifted to sleep. “Fio wake up!” I heard him say. I was startled. “What is it?” I asked we are coming to the checkpoint. “Wake up your friends.” I did they weren’t too happy either. When we reached the checkpoint the agent on duty looked at us. Ladies you okay. Why lie I thought. Yeah, sir just trying to sleep off the alcohol. Diego looked at me couldn’t believe I had spoken those words. “You’ve been drinking sir?” “Nope, he's our designated driver.” I said to him. “Ma’am I asked him.” “She’s right I am the designated driver I haven’t touched anything unless you count water, sir.” Diego said to the agent. “So where are you heading? I grabbed the envelope with the tickets. “Here” I pushed past Diego and handed it to them. He took them and opened the envelope. “No way! How did you score these tickets?” he was excited about them. “Friend from the past.” I said. Diego looked at me. “Great friend he is.” “Yeah one of the best, I have to remind myself to thank him when I get back.” “You make sure to do that.” The agent said. “Yeah,” “Well be careful out there and good night to you ladies.” He said as he handed back the envelope. We all waved goodbye. It was Diego who wasn't pleased. "I can’t believe you said that Fio.” Said Diego” that you were drunk that’s what.” “What’s wrong with saying the truth." "I see that about you.” I ignored Diego and slummed down again and went to sleep. I don’t remember getting comfortable but I was. My head was to the passenger seat and my legs were scrunched up halfway in the seat. I was touching Diego’s leg with my feet. I drifted and began to dream. Oscar and Marcos riding on the bikes having a good time I was looking at them as they left. I was waving goodbye. Oscar turned to wave at me but when Marcos waved back to me I only saw death. I woke up quickly and hit Diego in the leg. Diego grabbed my feet. “Hey are you okay, Fio?” “Yeah, I am fine.” “Had another dream I see.” “Yeah no big deal, wasn’t as bad as the others.” I said. “How long have you been having these dreams?” I looked at Diego and wondered whether it was okay to let him in. Something about the way he looked at me made me tell him. “Five years now.” “God, Fio five years and you haven’t gotten help.” “What kind of help?” I asked him. “Professional help Fio.” “Oh, you mean a shrink.” “A physiatrist?” “Same thing” “No Fio it isn’t.” “Whatever.” I didn’t want to talk to him about seeing a physiatrist so I put on my headphones and drifted once again to sleep. This time I thought happy thoughts and how my mother sang and I sang with her. The next thing I knew we he was waking me up telling me we had made it to Dallas. He was parking the truck in a very expensive hotel, the arena was close to it. “Wooh! Diego, we can’t afford this.” I said to him. “It’s on me.” The girls had woken up as well. “Hell yes” “Let him do it for us Fio besides he owes you for going out with that woman” I looked at Sara who looked at me. “What?” I didn’t want to know anything about it but she had to bring it up. “Listen, don’t worry it’s already been arranged and paid for. I want all of you to just enjoy it.” Diego said. I looked at him and nodded like I can’t believe you did this. I was surprised, Diego wasn't joking. Arrangements had been made and as we checked in at the counter. It seemed we all had a room of our own. I was glad that Diego hadn’t insisted on sharing that would have made me leave everyone there and find my accommodations. I remember going into my room and crashing for an hour more. I had placed an alarm on my phone to wake up. When it rang, I went and took a shower. I decided to go and explore the hotel. I was excited to know how beautiful it was. It was huge with its gardens and waterfalls all around. I could see that we were in the expensive part of the hotel. Diego must have paid so much. I tried not to let it bother me. I went down to the shopping area and noticed they had different kinds of stores. Some were dress shops, souvenirs as well golf shops. I went into one and bought myself a tube dress with flowery prints on them. I also bought some nice sandals with rhinestone studs on them. I looked at the jewelry and bought a couple of things in there too. I was walking along with my purchase when I noticed Diego sitting with a man in the lobby. I didn’t want Diego to know I was around. I would have hated for him to think I was spying on him, I knew I couldn’t backtrack because the elevators to our rooms were in the direction I was walking to, so I acted like if I hadn’t seen him. I noticed that Diego and the man were done talking and they were shaking hands. I quickly tried to walk through but I knew Diego would eventually know when I was around. If I could feel him, he could feel me too. “Fio” I heard him say. “Oh, Diego I thought you’d be asleep or something. I was but I had some pressing things I needed to take care of.” “Oh, so everything okay.” “Yeah, things fine, Diego.” Diego looked down at my bags. “I see you went shopping. I hope you charged it to the room.” “Why would I?” I asked him. “Fio everything is on me.” “Why would you?” “Do you hear yourself, you sound like a recording.” "Fio I said the trip was on me and I meant it.” I looked at him not understanding and didn't want him to know how much it bothered me. “I think I can buy things for myself, Diego.” “I know you can but why would you when I am offering to get them for you.” I looked at him and I couldn’t believe what he was saying. I didn’t want to argue or have this discussion among people who were passing by. “So what time is this event?” He asked after I didn't speak for a while. “Oh at eight in the evening.” “Great are you hungry, I thought we could have a bite to eat.” I wasn’t really hungry but figured why not he had offered to pay for everything why not just a meal. We ended up in one of the many restaurants the hotel had. Diego decided on a much fancier than the others that I had hoped to have eaten. “I’ll have water and…” I looked at the menu. “What do you recommend.” Diego asked the waiter. “The steak is good.” Then will both have the steak and I’d like some water too.” He said to him. I didn’t respond I just accepted it. I wasn’t that hungry but he had made the suggestion I didn’t know how to feel about it. So I remained silent. “So Fio about what we discussed in the truck when we were heading this way.” I was lost I didn’t remember what it was we spoke, “Remind me again.” “Our trip, remember.” “What trip?” “The one you said yes to going.” “I don’t remember about no trip, Diego.” “You said yes, Fio.” “Diego I was practically falling asleep you don’t think it counted.” “I do Fio so you said yes.” “Exactly where do you think we are going.” “Well to Spain.” I had taken a drink of water and when he said it I almost started to choke on it. “Fio are you okay.” I continued coughing until I was able to speak again. “Diego I don’t remember saying yes to Spain barely saying out the words. “Okay, Diego my friends are with me, they have no ride going back and I have no clothes to take to Spain.” “You don’t have to, I’ll get you to clothe when we get there and your friends already have a ride back. “And how is it they will be traveling, I don’t like to lend my truck just to anyone, even if they are friends.” “Fio, they will be flying back and they will get picked up and taken back to their homes. It’s already been arranged.” “But Diego I broke up the arrangement remember.” “And do you remember when I said we weren’t done yet Fio? I meant it.” I was looking at a mad man right in front of me. How could he possibly want me to go with him to another country when I hadn’t even said yes. He grabbed my hand and I felt him coursing once again through my veins. My clit did this twirling bit and I knew I needed Diego. It had been long since I had been sedated and I wanted him to right there and then. “I know what you need.” He said. I pulled my hand away from his grasp and looked elsewhere and decided to focus on the waterfall. “I know you know, but I can’t Diego.” “I’ve worked too hard to forget it.” I said. “But it lingers in you just as it lingers in me.” “I’m not the one seeing other women satisfy my needs, Diego. You were with that women Miss Martinez.” “Fio nothing happened that night remember, I ran after you.” “I didn’t ask you too.” “Fio the moment you sang that song I knew it was meant for me. I knew you hadn’t given upon us.” “What do you mean Diego?” “Something is changing between us. I see it too Fio and it was scary as hell.” “What are you saying.” My voice began to tremble. I knew where he was going with this. “I am falling for you Fio and you are falling for me.” He said. “I’m capable of taking a hold and not allowing myself to fall, Diego.” “Yeah, but it’s already happened even if you try your hardest to avoid it.” “I’ll wait you’ll eventually come to terms with it.” “Until you leave remember Diego.” Our conversation stopped there because our food arrived. I was grateful for the steak it meant I had to chew more slowly. It was good and tender and I enjoyed it. I practically finished my whole plate. “I see you enjoyed your meal.” “Yeah, funny it feels that I hadn’t eaten this good for weeks now.” The conversation about Spain didn’t come up. He would start but I would talk about something else and knowing Diego once I started him on a conversation he had a million things to say. I just stayed clear of Spain, Miss Martinez, and the border. I didn’t want to know.