Chapter 18: Chapter 18

: ROASTED OR FRIED SLAP

"Oh God in heaven save me from this pest" I prayed. My patience was wearing thin. I might just strangle this girl, but where will I hide the body?

"Sisto, please na" she whined. She has been doing this for 15 minutes now.

"Oh God teach me patience and love". After today's 36-hour call shift, all I wanted was food, my boo_bear and bed. Specifically, in that order.

"Please Sisto! Please you can't be so cold hearted towards me na. I’m your sister o" enlarging her sad eyes while at it.

"Who did I offend in my past life to get stuck with a sister like this?"

"Just tell mum you want to visit Deji then we'll go and support my crush"

"Crush ke? Its official, the knot holding everything together up there has come loose.” I pointed at her head.“He is 15 years your senior, but somehow he is your crush. Someone that you should be calling uncle"

Ever since Tolu picked Chris’ call on my phone, life has been hard and I’m not even exaggerating. It is always hot CEO this or hot CEO that. Where did my quiet, reserved sister go?

I miss you so much. Come back soon and send this other you away from me.

The sound of her high pitched whine was literally giving me a migraine.

"Alright we'll attend the burial. Now shut up and get out or I swear whether he is your crush or future sugar daddy, you wont remember if I sit on your ugly head and fart on it" I threatened seriously.

"Eww, gross. I wish your husband good luck.You better don't be like this with him " she shot back, glaring evilly at me.

I threw the devotional booklet beside my bed at her. Don’t blame me, it was a sheer reflex action. In return, she gave me that sinister look; It was clear.

"Don't, Tolu" I warned sleepily. But I was late, she grabbed my boo-bear roughly and ran out.

"Oh no boo-bear!". Boo-bear is my cute 10-year-old teddy bear that doubled as my sleeping companion and cuddle buddy. I remained on my bed as I was too tired to run after her, yet my revenge plan was forming in my mind. I muttered soft words of prayer and let the whole world drift away in blissful rest.

Sad brown eyeswere all I could think about as I surrendered to sleep’s willful, seductive grasp.

"Pamela" a faraway voice called.

The voice is evil. Its trying to deny you, your well needed rest. No work today. So my dear, just sleep. I said to myself, comforting myself as I turned sideways for round three.

"Pamela!" The voice went on

"Mummy, let's just eat her share" another voice added.

Ehn share? What share? Don’t mind them. Sleep on pamela, you need your beauty sleep. I continued ignoring them both.

"Alright. Eat it"

Eat it? Eat what? Pamela wake up, they are cheating you. Maybe its chocolate or peppered chicken. What if its IyaTolu'sOfada rice and stew?

Say no more.

I jumped down from the bed and went straight to the kitchen.

"What share? I’m here" I said sleepily whilst searching eagerly for whatever delicacy had made them wake me up from my soul healing rest.

Loud laughter followed my statement. I was baffled at first, until it hit me.

They tricked me.

"See? We just knew if we talked about food, you'll wake up. You love food more than your life" Tolu replied, laughing at me.

"Mtcheeew" I hissedloudly and made my way back to my room.

"Hey, come back here. You did not greet me or are we now mates?" my mother asked.

Africans and their greeting obsession. The worst of them are Yoruba mothers. Its like a never ending road. When I came back home from the States, I followed my mum to her women fellowship meeting because she kept insisting on it. After the meeting, I greeted all of them generally. They reprimanded me that I had to greet them individually. There was about 20 of them. I repeated the greeting, this time I did it while kneeling down in front of each person. When I got to the 10th woman, she commented about how she was impressed that I could still speak Yoruba. Then they all ignored me and changed the topic to children abroad that can't speak their languages.

“Good morning ma" I greeted.

"Morning. Get ready and go to Oga Peter’s place, your clothes for the wedding are ready".

"Whose wedding? And when did I give Oga Peter my clothes to sew" I asked.

"Your cousin’s wedding on Saturday. I gave the clothes to him since you kept procrastinating it " she replied.

"Hmmn OK ma, I'll go later" I replied as I yawned heavily.

"No, you'll get ready and go now. Take Tolu along" she said.

I had spent two hours that had the potential to be useful, waiting for the clothes I was supposed to collect days ago.

Nigerian tailors can disappoint ehn!

My breakfast was gone already and it is just 12: 00 clock. I had gobbled down cereal before leaving the house. The rest of the family had eaten yam and egg sauce but didn't think to leave any for me.

"Wicked people" Inner Temi cried.

I went in to try on the dress which had been transformed from a bundle of peach colored lace to a killer-looking dress. I felt the ridges and seams of the fabric as I stared at the creation through the mirror present in the dressing room. I felt different in it, beautiful and exposed to the world.

My phone rang and I picked it up, without checking the caller ID as usual.

"Hey" the caller said softly and I instantly knew who it was.

"Hello" I answered, almost breathless. I just wasn’t sure whether it was the magnificence of the dress or a certain person causing this sudden loss of breath.

"I got your text, Thank you. Also for that day in the garden thanks" he replied as distant as always with a hint of sadness? "Are you okay?” My mouth, maybe moved by his sad tone, skipped ahead of my brain. Quickly, might I add.

"I will be"

"Good. Tolu told me about the burial service. I’m sorry if she is bothering you" I decided to drop it since he didn’t seem to want to talk. I couldn’t expect less.

"No not at all. Would you come?”

"I have to attend a relative’s wedding that day. I'll try to stop by even ifbriefly. Did you honour the appointment I made on your behalf?"

"No. Apart from the fact that I've been so busy, I don’t need a psychologist"

"Thank me this way. That is, if you really meant the 'thank you' you said"

"I'll go. You know, you are not nice. I just lost my twin sister, you should be gentle with me." he replied. His voice was lighter now.

"Why are you shocked like you are just finding out now. I’m disappointed"

"So much for bearing Pamela; sweet like honey" he remarked, laughing.

I took that rich sound in. Why was I happy to hear him laugh? In such a short time, I have seen his tears and heard him laugh. Why especially is my heart fluttering? And why do I wish to see his face now? Do his eyes crinkle by the side when he laughs? What shape do his lips take?

Snap out of it Pamela! Look what lack of proper rest and food has done to you. I’m sure your brain is low on glucose.

"Hello? Are you still there? " his voice broke through my muddled thoughts.

"Sure. And for your information, I’m sweet, just not to you" I replied in mock anger. Maybe slight anger?

Is that all he thinks of me? That I’m always bitter and angry? Whatever! It’s not like I care anyway.

"Liar" my subconscious mocked.

"Oh just shut up" I said out loud. I immediately slapped a hand over my mouth before it spilled anymore embarrassing sentences. It didn’t seem that was a good solution though, I still had to continue talking to him. I raised my eyes up towards the heavens and asked for a filter for the few minutes the call was going to last.

The other side of the line was quiet.

"Hello"

"Why not?” He asked, all traces of laughter gone now.

Congrats Pamela. You just had to open you mouth and spoil it. I chided myself.

"Why not what?”

"Why are you always angry and defensive towards me? he quizzed.

"Because you're annoying and presumptuous"

"Hmm, alright. Goodbye. My regards to Tolu". He replied immediately, ending the call.

"Goodbye". What did that even mean. Who even says good bye. Its too formal. Why didn't he just say 'bye'? Goodbye sounds like it’s going to last forever.

Why was I sad?

You need food and rest dear. I consoled my self.

Moving my body to the beat of the life band on the dance floor, I came alive. It was a simple beautiful wedding. I have turned down 5 dance requests so far. Years ago, I would have jumped at the opportunity. It wasn't just Shayo that was social and outgoing, I used to love attention but it seems like a life time ago. Food was being passed around and I suddenly felt my stomach rumble at the sight so I did what I always did. Take and eat.

Earlier today, Chris had sent a text containing an address and a driver’s name and contact if I decided to attend the burial. I wanted to go and at the same time, I didn't want to meet him again. I’m scared and excited at the same time.

Searching for Tolu with my eyes and spotting her, I signalled her over.

"Tolu, should we go?" I asked when she had dragged herself over.

"Yes please" she replied giddily, dragging my phone out of my hand in the process.

I listened to them talk, as she requested for the driver.

All we had to do now was wait for the driver to come pick us up. Today was going to be different from all our other meetings. This one was a choice I made. I informed my mother about our intentions and walked out of the reception venue.

I sat in his plush car, heading towards him and I wondered the capacity I was attending the function as. Am I a friend? A mere acquaintance? Business partner? Or a random individual supporting another? The soft purr of the car when we arrived, severed my line of thought.

Money! This place reeked of it. From the cars parked outside, to the food moved around in trays and the outfits of the few guests present.

I spotted him first. He was wearing a white Guinea brocade material. He looked different, probably because it was my first time seeing him out of a suit. A woman was clinging to his arm. Not just any woman. It was that annoying, hot lawyer lady.

Pamela remind me again why you are here? I asked myself.

"Where is he? Have you seen him" Tolu asked impatiently, bouncing on the balls of her feet and turning her head to search for her hot CEO.

"Yes. The guy on white". I pointed him out.

"Wait. You mean the guy on white, that the lady in the short black dress is clinching?" my younger sister was now whispering

"Yes".

"Wow. I knew he was fine the first time I heard his voice, but you could have told me he was this fine and rich na. Sis, are you sure this one is your level?" she was gawking at them while spoke.

"What do you mean? I’m poor and ugly right? Let's just go back, this was a bad idea" I shot back at her. I was angry but not at Tolu. I didn’t even know for sure why I was angry.

The foolish girl walked ahead of me, towards him and I had no choice but to follow. Tolu needs a slap. The kind that can make her brain’s factory settings move to default. I had had enough of her stubbornness for one day so I drew her back by her hands and turned to go back the way we came, then I heard.

"What the hell is she doing here?" it was that lawyer lady and she was asking very loudly.

"Pamela is that you?"

Shock and embarrassment kept me on the spot. Why was the god of fate arranging so many awkward meets between us?

To turn or run? The choice was taken from me as Tolu let go of my hand and walked towards them. "Hello, I'm Tolulope Williams. It’s nice to meet you. I’m so sorry for your loss"

Tolu, do you want your slap roasted or fried? I wondered.

I finally turned to face them.

“Hello” I croaked in a tiny, strangled voice.

**