Chapter 23: Chapter 23

- Not a date

Jame's pov.

I'm outside. Are you ready? I texted her and immediately dropped my phone to rub my twitching palms on my sides as I had been doing since I got here. I was nervous as fuck. Not to be sexist, but I was kind of unsettled a woman made me this nervous, then again, this woman always undid me.

My fingers were twitching profusely like a 12-year-old boy going on his first date. It wasn't like I hadn't been on a date with Dei before, on the contrary. So why was I this nervous? I guess it was because of what was about to be deciphered and the fact that I was still crazily into her. I was done denying that.

I still loved her like I did since she gave me my first kiss when I was 11. I was falling for her deeper and deeper as every day passed by, and knowing the distance and break-up intensified my feelings for her was an eye-opener— the way I felt for her was never going to change.

When she still didn't reply after some minutes I half concluded she'd stood me up. To think that I didn't tell her that I was going to pick her up because of this same reason. Was she going to stand me up and cancel the date?

My question was answered when her figure appeared, starting towards the direction my car was parked. I stared at her with my mouth agape, the floor calling my jaw to it. She was so beautiful. More than beautiful. She looked like a sparkling star. Like a brown-skinned angel. Her hair in a bun and her body in a gorgeous purple dress was so simple yet so extra, that had always been Dei.

The dress clung to her body setting all her beautiful curves in the right places. My eyes trailed downward and I swallowed at the sight of her smooth brown legs.

Beautiful.

Hot.

Burn me.

The dress was not going to help matters, it was already adding to my bag of nervous.

I hadn't even realized she had reached me until I heard her knocking on the window of the passengers' side.

Gulping down nervously, I unlocked the central lock and rushed out of the car, crossing over to her side before she could open the door.

"Let me, my lady," I said with a mock bow as I held the door open for her.

"Thanks," she muttered before going in.

Inside the car, I turned to take in her beauty and chided myself when I stared a bit longer than I had intended.

She was mesmerizing. Her face, skin body...damn it, the whole of her. My eyes went from her luscious heart-shaped lips that had a nude lipstick on it, to her small pointed nose and finally to her brown glittering eyes. She quickly looked away as our eyes met hers.

"What?" she queried. In the manner she did, I knew she was as well nervous and shy.

I gulped down. "No, nothing. No, everything," I rushed out then sighed, gathering the courage to confess. "You look mesmerizingly beautiful."

Her cheeks rose as she smiled. "You're flattering me now." I'd swear if she was white, she'd be all red, her caramel skin did flush a little. I loved it.

I grinned at her reaction. "No, I'm not. You look more beautiful than an angel. So stunning, Dei," I told her, my hands unconsciously going up to brush the side of her face. Smooth.

"Thanks," she muttered as she quickly turned away, making my hand dropped to her thighs.

Holy fuck.

The air surrounding us became so awkward in the space of those few seconds. I quickly removed my hands to put it back on the wheel.

"Sorry," I whispered and started the car.

As we drove, her head remained turned to the side and was resting on the window. I could tell she was avoiding looking at me or seeing me look at her. I passed her glimpses every few seconds anyway.

"Here we are," I announced, turning off the engine.

Before I could rush out to hold the door open for her, she was already out. I sighed in disappointment. I wanted to treat her like the queen she was tonight. Even if it was by holding the door open for her, but being her usual independent self, she wasn't down for it.

There was an awkward silence as we walked side by side into the elegant but simple T&F. It wasn't unlike Dei to prefer places like this. She never fancied places that were too talked about or overly elegant, despite her family been as wealthy as mine. She was always so down to earth.

We had nearly reached the transparent doors of the fast-food when she stopped, turning to face me "Why did you come to pick me? We didn't discuss that."

Oh, shit, she had to bring that up, I cussed mentally. I was already doing a little dance in my head that she had let it go, but this was Dei we were talking about, there wasn't a time she wasn't inquisitive.

"It was convenient for me to, and besides it was only right for me to pick up my date for the evening." I shrugged.

Her brows drew. "Date? You didn't say it was a date."

I chuckled softly, knowing I was only teasing her, even though a part of me would've rejoiced if she'd agreed to it been a date. I continued teasing, "Well there's no other name to label it as. Boy, girl, dinner...date."

When I heard her soft giggles, my heart leaped. I loved hearing the sound. If there was one thing I wanted to hear all the time, it was her laughter.

"Now I know you joking," she said with a grin which I returned with a wider one.

"Yeah, you just get too serious at times." Damn me, I seriously wanted it to be a date. I gave her a tight smile as I held my hand out to her. When she placed her smaller ones in mine, they twitched.

"Shall we?" I gestured with my free hand.

Hand in hand, we walked into the place.

After our orders had arrived, we started into our meals in comfortable silence.

Halfway into our meal, I decided to go straight to the point, after all, I've waited years for this day. The day I'd finally get to hear what my crimes were that warranted her brutal persecution. If I did remember, I never hurt her, so I was quite nervous to know what are reasons were. That I didn't hurt her was something, but if I did hurt her and was unconscious about it, it would be worse.

"Dei?" I called.

"Hmm?"

"Why did you end things with me?" I asked, willing myself to look at her.

She averted her eyes, immediately choking on her food.

Alarmed, I rushed to her side. "Are you alright?" I asked, rubbing her back as I remembered my mum doing when I choked as a kid. Slowly, her coughs began to die down.

I brought a glass of water to her mouth. "Here, drink." her lips parted as she gulped down half of the glass.

"I'm fine," she assured me for the fourth time. Yes, I was counting.

I walked back to my seat. As I sat down, my eyes still roamed, searching her face out of concern.

I shouldn't have brought up the topic now, I mentally slapped myself.

Even though she had me confused and angry it didn't mean I wanted her dead and I did almost kill her. Her chokes had been bothersome... even attracted the attention of half the restaurant.

"I'm sorry," she apologized as she kept the glass of water down on the table, casting her gaze anywhere that wasn't my face.

Great, we are back to being nervous.

"About?" I asked wanting to be clear on what the apology was for.

"Two years ago," she said so softly.

So softly that she almost had me going to her to cradle her in my arms. But no, not yet. I still got pissed when I thought about it.

I craved to know why she did it because it still confused me. "Why?"

"I did it for your good," she said looking down on her plate.

My brows drew together in confusion. "Did what for my good?"

"You asked why I broke up with you," she answered.

Of course, I knew that was what she was referring to. I had heard from Dawn the 'she did it for your good' too much, that's why I acted aloof when she mentioned it again. I didn't want to believe she'd say that to my face.

For fucks sake, what man did it do good to have his heart broken?

"How was it beneficial to me to have my heart shattered?" I asked, arcing a brow up.

The more I thought about it the angrier I got, and I hated getting angry because I had anger issues. What was steering my anger was because I was processing what she just said ' I did it for your own good'.

In my head what she implied was I loved being without her, in other words, that I loved been broken.

"Don't get this the wrong way. I'm sorry for ending things without any explanation. But I didn't think it would hurt you much." As the words spilled from her mouth I knew I wouldn't be able to control my anger.

I slammed my fist to the table as my jaw clenched. I knew my Neanderthal behavior drew curious eyes, but I didn't care, if anything, it added to my fury as I took in what she said.

She didn't think it would hurt me? Hadn't I proven I loved her enough? If she was saying that, maybe I hadn't. But that would be only because she didn't fucking let me in.

"You didn't think it would hurt me? I was fucking broken and shattered. I haven't been hurt like that in my life before. I haven't felt such pain... such confusion, because I didn't fucking get an explanation. I became a drunk, or didn't Dawn tell you? I abandoned my business, locked myself against the world. I became furious with everyone, my family, friends, and the world as a whole...I became a misanthrope. I felt awful because I thought I hurt you some way," I paused, and shook my head as I let out a laugh. A bitter one.

"Did you know I stayed days without eating? It was Dawn your savior of a brother who rescued me from throwing my life away and you didn't think it would hurt me? huh?" I barked, not caring if I was supposed to be a gentleman. At that moment, pouring my hurt out was more important than being the man everyone expected me to be.

I always did hate that men were supposed to be non-humans. The ones who didn't cry or get heartbroken. The ones who didn't show feelings. I was never that man, and I never tried to be. I wore my feelings up my sleeve, especially when it came to Dei or my family.

When I saw her shoulder shake and saw the tears on her face, I felt bad, but I didn't regret a word I said.

The relief that I let out what I had been holding against her filled me. I sighed, knowing full well I didn't hate her, no, I was just angry at her, and I didn't want to be. I didn't feel much pity when she started was though. To me, it was only a little compared to what I had gone through.

Still, this was my Dei. I couldn't help hating myself for making her cry. Dei never cried and if she was crying, then my lashing hit the spot.

"I'm sorry," I muttered as I bent down to her level to wipe her tears.

Her tears started to seize as she sobbed silently and was hiccuping.

"N-noo. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for m-making you feel that w-way. I'm sorry for breaking y-our heart,'' she stuttered through sobs.

Spreading my arms, I enclosed her in an embrace, which she cooed into. Her small arms wrapped around me as she hugged me tighter.

"I'm s-so sorry Jamy. I'm just an indecisive girl. I'm sorry," she stuttered again.

''Shhh. It's okay," I soothed.

"No, it's not."

I felt liquids on my shoulder and I knew she was starting to cry again. Shit.

"We should go now." I broke away from the hug to tug her up gently.

I called for the waiter, soothed the bills, and hand in hand we walked out together, ignoring the curious eyes and whispers.

I rolled my eyes inwardly, thinking about how much people don't mind their businesses.

Yes, it was a public place, but they were there for something else, to eat or hang out, so why allow their motives to divert? That was by the way.

I held the door open for her and she entered with an unreadable expression. I was going to start the car when a soft hand covered mine.

"I don't want to go home. I'm not in the mood for home right now, " she told me and I smiled to myself.

It was so much better that she shared my mood. I wasn't done with the night either. I wanted to talk, and from the response, I got from her, we had a lot to talk about. If she wanted to, of course.

"Who says I'm taking you home? Can we go to my place?" hesitation laced my voice.

I wasn't sure if she would agree. I held my breath as I waited for her answer.

"You have a place?" her brows furrowed in a query.

"Was about time." I snickered. "So my place then?"

"Yeah."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Phew.

As I drove, I caught her glimpses a few times, not forgetting to concentrate on the road. The whole of her was distracting, in a good way.

"It's a little apartment though," I said breaking the silence as I chuckled nervously. I hoped she'd like the place, even if it was just a bit.

"Mine is too." she shrugged and I gave her a confused look. "In LA," she added.

I nodded. "Oh"

I parked in my garage, before quickly making it to her side to hold the door open for her.

"Thanks."

The air around us normally became more awkward after the whole drama at the restaurant. I wanted us to settle things. I wanted clear air to hover around us because I still wanted her. Damn right, I did want her.

As she stepped out of the car, she was in awe of the place. We had small talks as we entered the lift up to my place.