Chapter 103: Chapter 103

(Dmitri’s Thoughts)

Finally, I woke up from that nightmare in the middle of the night. I thought I could let go of the past after lots of session with a shrink, and yet, here I am, still having nightmares.

I went to the kitchen and reached for my medicine in the secret storage that only I know. Once in a while, I still meet with my shrink in Germany.

I drink water and stare at the moonlight.

I sigh when flashes of scenes still appear in my mind. I rub my temples. Yes, I lied, so that no one would ask me of what happened. And I was right, no one reminded me of what happened, no one even dared to ask. That’s how I lived my life for the past decade, full of secrets, full of lies.

And this has something to do with Avery, this is how our ill-fated relationship started.

People say everything is a coincidence. They strongly believe that everything is fated. Every circumstance happens for a reason, and it depends on how we act according to what life brings us.

But I am the living testimony that it is all bullshit!

Meeting Avery isn’t like a fairytail or a fated love, I searched for her and I made way with every encounter I had with her.

Nothing is fated for us, I planned it all along, me, my sin, and my selfish desire of owning her.

I close my eyes and begin to dream again.

My dream brought me to a very familiar place, our house here in the States.

After being released at the hospital, I still find it hard to move all by myself. My mobility is restricted, and my father wouldn’t let me out of my sister’s sight until my flight back to Germany is all arranged.

Thank goodness I am still allowed to use the internet, so I am able to talk to my friends and searched news about the acicdent I caused.

And there were many articles released about a son of a conglomerate escaping the penalties. Thanks to my dad’s power, it was quickly turned down. However, I had my ways of accessing them, thank to my friends.

I asked one of my friends to find me the name of the couple who died and the address where they will hold the funeral. I was lucky enough to wake up in time, because this was the last night of their funeral.

My friend gave the address to me. So I called another one of my closest friends to help me sneak out tonight. I explained the situation to them but gave the wrong excuse, since I needed to pretend I had a temporary amnesia.

That night, we successfully sneaked out, and went straight to the funeral house.

“Hey, I think I needed to stay here for a while so I can comfort my friend,” I told him that.

“Just call me back, or else your dad will kill me, too,” my friend said.

Then he left.

I slowly entered the funeral home set for them. My feet shook when I was about to take a step. My whole body trembled and my throat dried up due to the nervousness I felt that time.

My heart felt skipping, and I was suffocating, not until a person approached me. I didn’t know who she was but the old lady said, “Are you a friend of Avery’s? Come, come, sit here, it’s cold outside.”

She pulled me in and she gave me something to drink.

“Are you her classmate?” she asked. And I shook my head.

“Oh, then a friend, I think?” I nodded but didn’t answer.

Though I was in my early twenties at that time, I couldn’t bring myself to speak. I was afraid that if I spoke, I might tell her the truth.

Then the old woman said, “I’ll leave you for now, just talk to her if you wanted to, her bestfriend was with her.”

So I chose to sit in one corner where I could see her face well. I saw Kendra glaring at me so I bowed my head, at that time she didn’t know who I was.

But that was the first time I saw her.

I first saw her in a funeral, a funeral of her parents.

Right there and then, she captivated my heart. Her broken heart captivated my guilty soul.

She wasn’t crying, and her eyes was just fixated on her mom and dad’s picture. For the longest of time I was hear, and for the countless of people looking at her parent’s body, I never even saw her once look at their coffins.

She never checked, and she never cried, not in front of these people. But she never talked either, not even to Kendra.

She was lifeless, without any vibrance, she was a wrecked.

She was devastated, and yet, she remained gorgeous in my eyes.

I just stared at her, for hours and hours and hours. I didn’t leave my post, and I was just there, close yet too far. She didn’t know me.

My heart constricted, when, accidentally, our eyes met, or so I thought. Because when our eyes met, hers didn’t have any emotions at all.

I took a deep sigh, and just five minutes before midnight, my friend called me up. After talking to my friend, I saw her disappeared.

So I immediately looked for her. I ran despite my injury. I searched every room at the funeral parlor until I find her under the starcase, crouching at the corner, and I began to hear weak whimpers for her.

And that’s when I had my heart got broken the first time. When I heard and saw her cry, I cried with her.

Why? Because I was the very eason why she became an orphan. I made her cry.

“I killed her parents, I was the reason why they died. I was drunk driving when I hit them that night.”

I stood just behind the wall where she couldn’t see me. I listened to her wailing where no one could hear nor see her.

That was the first time I saw her poured out so much emotion, and somehow it became the very reason why I would do anything for her.

Since then, I became her hidden guardian, I became her protector without knowing. I became someone who wanted to give her anything she wanted in life, without exposing my existence.

The feeling of guilt was almost innate, and I wanted to always keep her safe. For many years, I was with her, just lurking in the shadows.

With every milestone she received I was always there. I admit she’s brilliant and talented, but sometimes, I also pulled some strings to get her in, especially in this world when someone always care about the connection you have.

Being an orphan, was never easy, and as I observed her, she was able to cope up with things. Little by little, her smile came back, thanks to Kendra, and even if I hated to admit, Siegfried Cohen who was her first and long time boyfriend.

Though my heart hurt seeing them together or even hearing news about them, I know she needed him.

But still, the sad truth remain. There’s one day in each year that I am haunted with the past, the night of the incident. For years, she never celebrated her birthday, since that was the time I accidentally killed them.

And it put a very deep scar in her that no one could ever erase.