Chapter 48: Chapter 48

I forced a smile even though I couldn’t understand what was happening. I didn’t know what to say, the right words to let him know that I wasn’t the ‘best friend’ he was referring to. He smiled as he said that as if he is not doubting his own answer.

“Why? How did it happen?" Ethan asked next to me. There's a trace of confusion and shock on his face. I think he didn't expect this to happen too. None of us expected this to happen.

“Why? Did I say something confusing?” Zaine's muttered. He leaned against the headboard of his bed and looked at us and those eyes lastly stares to me. He was also confuse, but neither of us can't give him the answer to his question.

"For how long did you remember Zaine?" Luke interfered. He got his camera and show something to Zaine. I think he was showing someone on that photo that caused Zaine to frown.

"Who's that girl?" He pointed at the camera. Then Luke sighed and moved away a little from him.

"She's Cheska, your best friend." Clifford answer him.

"I can't remember her." Zaine just answered.

"What happened to him?" They all looked at me when I asked that. Even Zaine’s friends, focused their gaze and shifted to me. It was also a mess and there were traces on Zaine's face that he didn't remember something.

I look at Chelsea's side and stare at her. Does she know something that's why she slapped me earlier? She will not do that without any reasons. Does something came wrong that she needs to blame it to me? Or does she have a guess that this thing will happen?

No one answered me. They seem to be enjoying the silence inside this room. If I could just leave, I would have done it because I couldn't keep quiet.

“Let's them talk first. We have no answer today.” Ethan broke the silence.

“Yeah, I will leave now. Hope you'll feel better, Zaine.” Clifford said goodbye pulling Chelsea with him before they left.

I was left with Zaine. I don't know what to tell him now that we're the only two left in his room. Concerned, I scanned him fully, from his head that has a bandage and there were devices still connected to his body. But he is all right and fine now.

"Should I call the doctor?" I asked weakly as he turned around. He didn't say a word immediately but the frown on his forehead was followed by the furrowed of his eyebrows.

"They were already here earlier, no need for that, Jane."

I nodded and sat on his bed, close to his legs. I regret what I said lately. I don’t know how I will feel about what happened to him. He suffered more than I did with only bruises, but to him, he lost his memory as well.

"Why are you so quiet?" He asked. I looked up and looked at him. "I'm not used to you being quiet now, Jane," he added.

'I'm quiet'...

I want to speak up but I can't. It was as if something was stopping me from saying that.

"Did you get some rest?" I just asked.

"Yes, but I think I need to rest now."

“All right... I'll just take care of you. Go back to sleep.” I gave him a smile to make sure everything was okay. He smiled too, showing me his perfect set of his white teeth.

"You are very caring, that's why I like you."

I immediately got silent at the last thing he said. Suddenly my heart pounded. I got so nervous that I didn't immediately answer what he said. He lay down slowly and I immediately supported his head. When I fixed his pillow, our noses almost touched together because I was so close to him. He stared into my eyes as if he was reading it.

"It was only now that I stared at you this close."

I immediately pulled away from him when I heard his laughter. I couldn’t help but feel cheeks blushed and heated up because of what he said. If only the Earth could swallow me, I would willingly be swallowed right now.

“Go to sleep, Zaine. We still have class tomorrow.”

"Do you still need to go school tomorrow?" He asked.

"Of course. What do you think of me..." I smiled.

"Tsk. I won't sleep then."

“Zaine you can't. You need to take a rest."

"You said you would watch over me."

"Yes, but I won't be long, in a few hours, Aunt Zandra will also come here." I answered and just arranged the blanket so I wouldn't stare at him. Her expression suddenly changed when she heard me mention her mother's name.

"I don't want to see her." He seriously said that made me look at him.

"Why?"

“I don’t k-know. I just felt like that.”

I just kept quiet. I don't want to make any words that will lead Zaine from false assumptions. It just not the right time yet. He just woke up from being in a coma for two months. He can't bear some informatins about Cheska or the thing his mother told him before the accident.

"Can you sleep beside me, Jane?" he asked. I could not immediately answer his sudden question.

"Huh?"

"Sleep beside me." He smirk upon saying that. I immediately shrugged and went away from him that made him laugh out loud and then he give a cheeky smile. I miss that smile of him.

"Don't make fun of it, Zaine." He just shrugged too. He lay on his bed.

"I just miss you."

"Oh, really?" I ask.

“Hmm...” I saw him nodded. I went near him and sat on the chair beside his bed. He was laying sidewards, facing me. I don't understand why he's always smiling. It's not that creepy but weird. He is always cold and distant. But now he is different.

"Don't you want to ask why am I always smiling?" he asked, yet his eyes are now sleepy.

"Why is that?"

“Because in my dream, we are free to make our own decisions, Jane. We are engaged in my dream, and I can call you mine.” He caressed my cheeks with his hand. He was looking at me with tenderness and feelings that I can't identify.

"I love you." He whispered something before his eyes closed.

***

I was taken aback when someone suddenly caressed my cheek which caused my eyes to open and totally wake up. I immediately saw Aunt Zandra in front of me so I immediately got up on my seat. I fell asleep while watching and taking care of Zaine. I didn't realize the time when I suddenly felt Aunt's hand caressing my cheek.

"It's good that you're awake, hija." She said.

"Good evening," I greeted. "I'll go now." I arranged my belongings and was about to leave when Zaine's mother called me.

I don't want to be with her but I also can't be rude to a lady in front of me now. I can't still forgets the last thing she said before the accident. If it weren't for her, all this wouldn't have happened.

"I want us to talk about something." she said as she walks near me. I remained where I was just looking at Zaine who was sounding asleep on his bed. He sleeps peacefully yet he doesn't have a clue on why he got into this accident. He's clueless and lost in this world now that he can't remember anything.

"About what, Auntie?"

"About the accident." She calmly said.

"What's about it?" I turned to her with a startled look. She used to say something as if she planned it all along, but now, she looks hopeless for something I don't know. She doesn't looks manipulating but the other way around.

"This is all my fault."

I kept looking at her now with remorse in her eyes that were looking at me. She looks tired and the glow on her eyes faded. The sophisticated aura she always wears was gone too that it made me think twice if the person in front of me is really Zaine's mother.

"If only I didn't tell that thing... none of this would have happened." she added.

“It already happened, aunt. And he has forgotten some memories.” I answered while clutching the sling bag I was carrying. I still can’t help but shake my hands to calm myself because of what’s up in front right now.

“He has a Retrograde Amnesia. Some of his memories were lost and the doctors were still observing him.” She explained as she diverted her gaze at her son who's peacefully lying on his bed.

I had an idea that he may suffer from trauma but I didn't expect that it went too far, having an amnesia is something a person don't want to have. It will lose his memories, it can be the happy or traumatizing one. But I don't think Zaine deserve this.

Somewhere in my mind tells me that what happens to him may be his escape from the truth. The truth that his mother was the one at fault. That it can made him enjoy the life without thinking the traumatizing and painful memories he had in the past.

If Zaine didn't hear what his mother told me, maybe he didn't go back to the car and none of this things would have happened.

"I am really sorry for the things I made to him." She said as if I am the one she's saying sorry for.

“He still needs time, Auntie. Now that he is still suffering from amnesia. You need to be with him always.” I told her. She has the right to tell him the truth but I think that this is not the right time. Zaine will never carry the burden of being away to his real best friend and his long lost lover, to Cheska.

I felt a lump on my throat. The truth that I want to keep can't be easily forgotten nor buried. How selfish am I to claim Zaine as mine. He is not.

I always reminded myself that he will never be but jealousy inside me took over my whole system. As if something it is I want to get, that is to be with Zaine.

But truth hurts. That it will never be me. It is always Cheska. I think I can't change the fact that Cheska was really for Zaine. I know from the start that I will never be in Zaine's heart.

He recognized me as Cheska, his best friend and that pained inside me. The guy you love isn't looking at you the way you are but seeing you with the person he loves. I don't know if that is a good sign that maybe I can replace her in Zaine's heart.

"If only someone will help him remember." I got back from my reverie when I heard Auntie Zandra spoke. She was still looking at Zaine. "You can help him, Jane."

“Huh? How?” I asked confused at what she said.

"Be with him always and don't leave him until he remembers everything."

I hesitated with that. I don't know. I don't want to be with Zaine anymore. I want to forget this feelings I feel towards him. I want to distant myself from all of this. I want to forget. I wish I had just forgotten rather that Zaine.

"I am not sure Auntie."

“Please, this is my last request for you, Jane. Be with him. After that, I will let you and your family go. I will stop your engagement with him. ”

"Auntie..."

“I want my son to be happy. Be with him, please.” she begged. “Once he remembers, you can leave him. You can do whatever you want.” she added.

I looked at her, she was pleading that I didn't expect to see, begging for her son to be happy. Somewhat, I see something on her, a mother's love towards his son. She will do everything even it will take her pride.

I am not sure, but I want to try.

“I want to do it not because you say so, aunt Zandra. I will do it because he is important to me. And if the time comes that his memories are finally back, I am willing to leave him and be gone from his life.”

***

Months came and everything went to normal. It was as if we are starting from the beginning. The thought of it made me felt glee and at the same time, contentment.

We’re already on half of the school year and are still learning and coping for the new curriculum. It’s hard for me because of the new environment I came in. It’s also hard to cope up with the thing that are new and it’s very surprising at first. I’ve become more busy compare to the former years, being a Senior High School student.

I miss my friends. After that incident, they avoided me except for Ethan and Zaine. Nathan didn’t knew anything as he’s not here. But I am sure that one of us will tell him soon.

I miss our conversations, our trips and moments that I cherished the most. It was the best for me. They become my light but it was not for eternity. It was just temporary and I think it is better that way.

Zaine went back to school after he got discharged two weeks after what happened to us. Her mother was quite busy right now on something.

For the passed six months, I knew something does changed. The way they look at me, them giving a distance and also me being the one who is left out. I can’t blame them though. Half of it was my fault too. And I got the courage to distance myself to them even though it’s hard.

“Are you really sure that you’ll just stay away from us? We can still talk about it. I know they will understand you.” Ethan said, one of those days, when I told him about my decision.

“It’s fine, Ethan. It’s better to be this way. They can comfortably move without me,” I answered and stared somewhere afar.

“ It’s not like that, Jane. I think they just need time to think. They’ve been shocked about the happenings as much as you do.”

I scraighed at what he said. “ I ruined your friendship, I don’t think I still have the courage to face you after what had happened. ”

“Don’t say that…” I look at him. His eyebrows are slightly furrowed that made me smile. He’s cute when do that.

“ It’s fine, Ethan. After two years, we will get separated. So maybe this is my way to be easily detached from y'all.” I said, laughing to ease the mood.

He handed me a sandwich that I quickly get. “ Let us finish our snacks,” he said afterwards.

After a few minutes, the bell rang and we headed to our room. I can feel the stares of my classmates as we went inside. They were looking suspiciously at us as if we did something wrong.

“ Don’t worry about them,” I heard Ethan said. I glance a bit at Chelsea’s side but she didn’t look at me. She was beside Clifford who just give me a sly smile.

I smiled. It’s better be this way.

We headed to our seats and beside me was Zaine, wearing his headphones. He looked at us and slightly smiled. He removed his headphones and tapped the chair beside him where my seat is. Next with me was Ethan. The arrangement of the chairs was girl next boy, and vice versa.

“ I have a good news,” Zaine said.

“ Hm.?” I asked.

“ My mom will be gone for a week. You can stay there for a while.” He is pertaining to the condo unit he bought last week. I looked at him and gently shrugged the thought of it. I still can’t be with him.

“ Why? Don’t you want to be with me?” He asked.

“ I am busy, Zaine. Try ask the other, h.m? ” I smiled at him which he answered with a sad face.

“I want to be with you,” he mumbled..

“ I can go with you, Zaine.” I heard Ethan said that made us turn to him. I saw him grinning from ear to ear which I find odd all of the sudden.

“ Tsk, back off, Montero.” Zaine hissed. I just listened to them buffering until the class for the afternoon started.

After few hours, we finished our classes for today. It is weekend tomorrow and I have no plans on going out. I will do my assignment tonight and maybe I will just watch some animes to ease my boredom. After all, my schedule is not that hectic.

“ I’ll go now guys,” Ethan bid goodbye to us. He was with a Clifford who was a few meters away from us, near the gate of C.U. I saw Chelsea looked at us first but it didn’t took so long. I just smiled at that. Maybe she’s still cared. Maybe.

“Let’s go?” Zaine interfered. I nodded and went to his car.

“ I will gone for I think two weeks,” he said as we are inside his car.

“ Why is that?” I curiously asked.

“ I wanted to explore... Something’s telling me that I want to find someone.” I got silent for a minute, recovering from what he just told me.

“ We still have a class for at least four months, Zaine. Can’t it wait?” I asked. He didn't speak for a moment. He started his car first before he looked at me and eventually sighed.

“ I am also confused but my system is telling me to do so.” He immediately looked away from me. He was now looking in front, focused on driving.

“ Does it do something about your memories?” I asked that made him looked at me again. He didn't answered.

I sighed. I saw this side of him again. His side of being incomplete. It was as if he was searching for clues that can complete the puzzle of himself. And him being alone... I don't know if it's really good or a bad idea.