Chapter 39: Chapter 39
When I exit the familiar alley going through the door the lighting changes. We enter into a dark room that only has two chairs sitting in the middle of it. Kawa takes a seat and holds a remote in her hand as she gestures for me to take the other.
“What are we doing here?” I question her as I take the seat she offered.
“Try to stow your questions child. In this place all of the answers you receive will come from within you. I know that is hard for someone like you who is so used to getting answers. I will say that you need your patience to complete this journey. Now turn your eyes to the screen and we can begin” she says leaving my gaze.
Scenes start to play on the television. I watch as a man who has seen better days picks up a baby from a trashcan in the very alley that we have just left. I watch as he takes the child with him and raises him with so much love. He dotes on the child while still teaching him many valuable things. The screen pauses for a moment on the face of the boy.
I gasp when I notice that the boy is Maximus. I can clearly see how this face turned into the man that I love. The only difference is that his eyes are the most vibrant blue I have ever seen. I’ve never seen eyes bluer than mine until this very movement. I look to Kawa wanting to ask her why they are now black but the scene changes.
I watch as that child is broken down and tortured. I watch him bruise and bleed. I watch as he is turned into a slave made to do jobs that a child shouldn’t have to. Tears spring to my eyes as he is forced to watch unspeakable things from the man that took me. They fall as I remember that things could have been so much worse for me if I weren’t set free.
The movie skips the horrific scene that I experienced in that tent. I am able to watch with new eyes through Maximus as Martell took over. I feel why he committed the act in taking that mans life. I watch as he returns to the park looking for me. He waits all the way to Saturday of each week to sit on the bench for the entire day waiting for me to show up.
As each week passes I watch as loses more and more of himself. Then he vanishes and the scene goes black. “I couldn’t face him after that. I didn’t even know that he was the monster that I saw. I thought that he left me there to suffer. I still went to that park. I just never showed up on a Saturday ever again. Then we moved. I made him this way” I cry out as I look at Kawa.
There is so much self-hate going on inside myself that I am blinded by my tears. I was the one that the gave the man who called himself his papa the information that he needed. I got us into that situation because I didn’t know. I left Maximus at that park each Saturday because I didn’t know that he needed me. Then I went and caused a scene when he explained what he did for me. What he did so that I could live. I have done nothing but punish him since we have met. I made him befriend me. I begged him to return each weekend. Because of me he was forced to kill. Its because of me that he became the monster he is.
“Now that you see the truth child, you must find a way to overcome it. I know that this wasn’t something that was easy to see or learn. There is more however that you must witness” She says as she rises from the chair.
Wiping my eyes I drag my feet after her. What more could she show me? There is nothing more that can show me how much I have ruined. After all that I have done, I don’t even know how Maximus can still love me. Tears prick my eyes once more as I follow her through the next door.
The next room we enter is cold. I can see my breath in the air as my body shivers. I look around the room and am unable to see Kawa. The landscape before is covered in snow. In the distance I see a light and start to make my way towards it. As I reach it I rush into the cabin seeking warmth.
The sight that greets me has me running forward as I see Maximus. He sits on a couch similar to the one we laid on as he gazes at the table. I follow his gaze to see that he stares at a newspaper article. Stepping close to the read the paper the headline causes me to gasp ‘Small Town Reporter Murdered by the a Hatchling.” The words of the article are blurred to my vision. As hard as I try I am unable to read the article itself when suddenly his voice fills my ears. I take my eyes away from my work photo and look to see tears on his face.
“I’m so sorry Em but I cant keep going on like this. Being here without you isn’t a life worth living. I tried to keep my promise to you. I really did but the pain is too much. This is the only way that I can ever see you again. You or my dragon” he cries.
My heart breaks at his words as I realize what he is saying. He pulls what looks like a dragon from off the table. I rush to him as he holds it up to his neck. Before I can reach him he slits his throat and shiny red blood starts to pour from his wound. His body collapses against the couch as I bring my hands up to try to stop the bleeding. My hands go through him as I cry for him to save his self. I cry for help wanting someone to save him but no one comes. I watch the light leave his eyes as he dies.
“This is what he will have to look forward to if you choose. Pain can be healing to some. It is what drives us to try that much harder so that we don’t have to experience it. Pain can also be used to break someone. Tell me if a person has lived a life of pain, what else can they know” She ask as she offers me a hand to help me from the floor. I take it as she pulls me through another door.
The room that we walk into is in complete shambles. It almost looks as if it has been hit by a nuclear bomb. The tops of the walls crumble. In someplace there are irreparable burns. In another there is a gaping hole that I can easily fit through as well as a few others. Some parts of the walls flicker in a beautiful shade of blue. There is only one even square that doesn’t hold a single bruise or blemish.
As I take in the room more I still get that sense of familiarity like I have been here before. Even though it looks terrible, this crumbling place feels like home to me. I look back to see Kawa standing with five people in robes that I cannot see. What is this?
I gesture around the room as I look at her trying to think of what I want to ask. Something flickers into my vision on the right and I step forward to get a closer look. The blue of this piece of the wall is faded and covered in dust. As I lean down to take a closer look I realize that it holds a faded image. Wait is that…
“Yes, it is one of the scenes from his life that you have seen. The room in which we are in is what is left of Maximus’s soul. You have seen the damage done to him. You have seen his pain and even been a part of it. With what is left, how can you still have hope?” she ask as she looks around the room in disgust.
Anger flares as I turn toward her. “How can you even ask that? Just because someone is broken doesn’t mean that they don’t still deserve a chance. Even if he is in shamble it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t deserve love. It just means that he needs it more than others. What is broken can always be fixed. If you are so unwilling I will gladly do the job and fix him for you” I scream at her.
Her stoic face suddenly turns into a smile. She fades away with the other robed figures. Using my anger I pick up the piece closes to me and start trying to put him back together. I make piles of the pieces that look similar in color that I believe go together. As I clear a corner I find a few tins of pain underneath. I work tirelessly as the strength in my muscles wane.
There is no sense of time in this place and I have no idea how long I have worked. It seems as if I have been here for ages but the room has started to come together. I step back from the wall taking a break as I examine it. As the pieces come together the color of them brightens. It almost reminds me of a puzzle.
That’s it. His soul is like a puzzle. I survey the room and count the pieces. I frown when I notice that there are too few of them. That cant be right. I start putting together the rest of the walls. With my new determination to see what is missing I now finish the job in record time. It looks like I was right. There are pieces of him missing.
Stepping up to the missing section of his soul I examine it to see how I can fix it. With nothing else in this room to use, it could just always be a gapping hole. Even if I stood there, there would still be missing pieces. But something can be whole even if it has missing pieces. Just because a pie is missing a slice it is still a pie. A person missing a piece is still a person.
“So, it seems that you were able to fix him. What do you think of your work?” Kawa ask as she appears before me to see the gaping hole in the wall.
The answer comes to me easily as I ponder her question. “He’s not perfect. No one ever truly is. We all have pain and we all have missing pieces. The best thing that we can do is combine our pieces with someone else to see if they can replace some of the things that we are missing. A person can never truly be whole but loving someone, no matter how broken they are, can piece enough of them together so that we can see the bigger picture. I want to be apart of that bigger picture whether its complete or not” I tell her as I place my hand on the missing piece of the wall.
At the very top of the hole a cube the glowing shade of pink forms and fills in a part of the space. The rest of the room starts to glow into a brighter shade of blue and is no longer faded. I look on in astonishment in how beautiful it is.
“It appears that the dragon man you love also feels the same. Even knowing everything he has earned a piece of your soul for himself. He is more whole because of your love. Now it is up to you if you have earned a piece of his as well” She says as she steps away from the wall.
Looking around the room I remember the state I found it in. I remember the state in which I met him. How he gained my trust and my love as a child and an adult. I may have caused him some of the pain. I made him into a monster because of how I remained ignorant to his needs. However, I see that I needed him as much as he needed me. I need to overcome my childhood fear that has stuck with me all this time. I needed to redeem myself for all that I have caused him to go through. The only way that I can do that is by being with him for the life that he has gifted me. So, I can show him all the love he has missed.
Turning to Kawa I look at her once more seeing a different woman than I had met earlier. I can see her beauty and how she has tried to fix her creations. “Thank you” I simply say. There are no words that can express what she has shown me today.
I reach forward too the wall and remove one of the cubes from it. I smile as it glows in my hands. It feels as if I am already holding him in my arms. The cube glows and the rest of the scenery around me fades as the air fills with his scent. I feel his arms snake tighter around me and I know that finally, I’m home.