Chapter 99: Chapter 99

THIS CHAPTER MIGHT BE A LITTLE EMOTIONAL

TWO YEARS AGO

Sensing the cold breeze ran over her wet and swollen lips, Sara opened her eyes, seeing nothing but the thick trees, the bushes, the moss, and the fog, but there was no sign of anything else, no sign of him.

She didn’t know why she couldn’t move for what seemed like hours, but it felt as if her feet were rooted to the ground, her mind running one thought over and over again, unable to take it nor to let it go.

He was gone! Her demon was gone, the man whom she met when she was at her loneliest, the one who filled her every waking and sleeping moment with his presence, the one who made her laugh and smile, the one who gave her a reason to wake up for and something to look up to, the one who was everyone else, the one who gave her her first kiss, and then the one who hurt her the most.

He hurt her, in every possible way, he hurt her to the point where her life was an agony she couldn’t take anymore, but then treated her every wound and set her free, with his words still repeating in her eyes, and the after taste of his kiss still lingering on her tongue.

Sara didn’t know how to feel, all she knew that everything was mixed up in her heart, she felt everything all at once, ghosts of the love and safety she used to see in his eyes and feel inside her heart were resurfacing, clashing with the monsters of the hurt and betrayal, he had pulled her to the depths of despair but even there he was able to give her something warm and luminous.

“Can you still say that you still love me? The real me?” did she? Her sanity screamed at her that no! she didn’t love the bastard, she hated him, he hurt her, lied and broke her, and even tried to force her, but her heart told her that he stopped the moment he sensed her refusal, that he did what he needed to do to safe all the lives, and at the end, he protected her and set her free.

Tears clouded her eyes before falling down, because she did understand his motives, but at the same time, what was her fault to suffer and be lied to and hurt, why feed her up with beautiful lies before crashing her hopes as well as her heart and soul.

Hearing the snapping of a twig, Sara’s cautiousness highlighted, fearing that it was another demon, she knew, deep inside that it wasn’t Eren, she knew that he would keep his word, that he wasn’t playing with anymore, that it was real and he did set het free, he wasn’t going to trap her, his eyes told her so, but that didn’t mean that other demons wouldn’t, and from she had experienced, they were far worse than him, it was dangerous to stay where she was, and didn’t waste another second before moving her legs, freeing them from the invisible roots, the invisible hopes and even fears.

It was never hers! Sara told herself, that life, and that man, it was never hers, her father wasn’t wrong when he sheltered her all her life, preventing her from going out, she told herself, for she believed, at that moment, that she indeed was but a naïve and stupid little girl, so thirsty for love that she ignored all the signs and warnings and gave her heart to the first man she met, and maybe Eren was right, maybe what she loved wasn’t him, but the idea of love.

‘It is not true and you know it!’ a small voice said from inside of her, one which she couldn’t brush away, she knew that she had seen something in him, behind the pretty lies and behind the forced cruelty, something genuine, and that was the part that still steered her doubts, she couldn’t make up her mind, not that she had to, for it was already made up for her.

He was gone, with a promise to never return, and all she had to do was go back to her life.

Her shaking legs ate the distance between the place her demon left her in and the shack with small and tired steps, she felt as if she was going to faint at any second, she was too exhausted, body and mind, the few steps felt like a thousand miles journey, cursing the few strings in her heart that refused to snap no matter how hard they have been pulled, the one that kept her attached to him, the ones that made her look back after each two steps, wanting to see if he, maybe, returned for her.

he was gone! Like a nightmare! Believe it and move on, you stupid girl!

Lost in her thoughts, Sara found herself at last in front of the shack’s door, no demons followed her, no traps stopped her, but she still felt as if the walk drained her, looking at the door, Sara gulped down, before more tears rushed to her eyes.

He told her to go back to her life, but how could she do that? After everything she had been through?

how can she face her father, tell him about what happened to her because she stupidly trusted someone, how can she face him with the truths she had learned, the ones he his from her, her identity, how can she return to her life with the knowledge that she wasn’t a mere illegitimate princess but a half Goddess, with many people at her heals, how can she after being abused, beaten and tortured, hurt and broken, almost defiled, how can she when her heart carried scars that would never heal?

It will be alright! It will be alright! Whispered to herself as she took deep breaths, calming her heart, she needed to be strong, Eren mentioned that her father needed help and she had to be strong for him, and for herself, with one last breath, she placed her hand on the doorknob, but only then did she notice how quite the place was, too quite!

Turning the doorknob and pushing the door open gently, Sara was met with nothing but silence and darkness, and a fetid smell that almost made her gag, it smelled worse than the cell she was kept in, with the stench of death and rot filling the place.

“Hello! Father?” taking a few cautious steps inside, Sara tried to call out for her father, even when the eerie silence told her that no one was there, she tried to adjust her eyes to the darkness but it was of no use, placing the sleeve of the shirt she was wearing on her mouth and nose, Sara walked inside the shack, hoping that the place was the same as she had left it, with each piece of furniture in it place, only to whimper I pain when the glass shard which were scattered all over the floor pierced her feet, or when she stumbled on what ever was thrown carelessly on the ground, a chair maybe.

At least the desk was still where she had left it, Sara told herself as her hands swiped the desk slowly until her hands found what she wanted, a candle.

Lighting the candle was a chore indeed, so when she finally managed to lit it up, Sara was slightly joyful, and even smiled slightly, but her smile vanished the moment she turned around and her eyes fell on the bed.

“No…” she whispered softly, her voice barely audible even to her before it disappeared as well her her breaths, her mind went blank, and her heart stopped beating, a vivid pain spread all over her chest as her eyes took in the sight in front of her, the one that made all of her nightmares, all the atrocities she suffered, seem ridiculous in front of it.

Her father, or what was left of it, laying in her bed, one of his legs was missing, he laid motionless, his eyes closed, and his body covered in rot and insects that fed on his flesh, and beside him, laid the only other person she knew to turn to, hugging her father’s corps while hers was in no better state.

Queen Katerina.

“No! No! No!” Sara’s whispers turned into loud cries of utter panic as she bolted toward the bed, not caring about all the insects and worms that covered the bodies, not caring about the horrible smell anymore, she had to go there, she had to make sure it wasn’t her father! no! her father couldn’t be dead! Her father couldn’t leave her all alone in the world!

She hoped that her eyes were playing tricks on her, she hoped that the two were just resting, or that they were not even there and what she was seeing was just her unsettled mind, or maybe it was Eren! It had to be, the bastard must have done something to her to make her see those horrible illusions, or maybe they were asleep! That is it, Sara told herself, her father was just asleep, and he would wake up the moment she shakes him up, even though her father was never the heavy sleeper to begin with.

Reaching the bed, she dropped on her knees, her shaky hand hovered over his body, too scared to touch it, not because of the disgusting worms and insects, and not because of the horrid smell, but because she feared that her fears would be confirmed.

And they were, the moment she placed her hand on his face which was already rotten, she felt the coldness of death, too evident to be missed, breaking what was left of her heart as she called him in the smallest voice she had.

"Father..."

"Father, It is me, I'm back...''

''Father, Please it is me, It is really me, open your eyes, Look at me, please!'' she sobbed, her voice breaking with each word, her eyes overflowing with hot tears, so hot her eyes were burning, but she didn't care, she kept on calling him, tapping on his face, each tap stronger that the one that preceded it, but still gentle enough, she didn’t want to possibly hurt him, even when a part of her knew he was dead, it was just that the truth was so painful her mind couldn't take it, every time she thought about it her mind would push it away, refuse it, reject it…

''Father please, Please, It is me, I swear, it is me, Please don't leave me, Please Father, I don't have anyone else but you, I have nowhere to go to, Please, You can't leave me, Father..."

"Father please, I will never leave the shack again, I'll stay put, I will never bother you with questions or requests again, please Father, please, just open your eyes, please, just blink Father...''

''Father, I need you please, I've been through hell, Father I need you, I need you to hug me, I need you to tell me that I am safe, Father, those demons, they hurt me, they tortured me Father, Please, I need you, I need you...''

''Father, I am sorry I blamed you, I was stupid and naive, I know that now, Forgive me, Father, please, Tell me you forgive me...Please Father, Don't leave me, Don't leave me alone...I have no one...I have no one Father please don't leave me...''

The gentle taps turned into rough shakes, the small sobs turned into broken loud screams, she cried and screamed and shook and begged, she promised to be better over and over again, she apologized, she cried and cried, she didn't know how much time she spent on crying, she didn't know, there were times where she would lose all strength and crumble to the ground, sob breathlessly, for hours maybe, until her broken mind starts playing games on her, showing her illusions of her father's making the smallest of movements, and the poor thing would jump like a kid who had been stung by a bee, hold her father's hand and beg him to wake up, reciting all her pleas, apologies, and promises over and over again, tell him she knew he was alive, that she just saw him moving, she would beg and beg hopefully, then desperately, then brokenheartedly, she would again beg and cry and scream and shake until she was out of energy...

“Father, please, take me with you! Please! Don’t leave me here!”

Sara's energy was fully drained after all the crying, she didn't know for how long she cried, she lost sense of time, she lost sense of everything, as the bitter truth consumed every cell in her brain, her father was gone, it was too late and he wasn’t going to wake up, he wasn't coming back, he was gone to the place where she can't follow him, her father was dead, the only family she ever had, and so was the queen, the only person she could have turned to, as if the pain wasn't enough, the horrible fear of loneliness started growing quickly, swallowing her into a deep hole of mind wrecking depression, it was painful to breathe, to think, to feel, it was way too painful for the little girl's mind to take, she wished to just follow her father, to be done with the life that gave her nothing but pain and loneliness, it was too cruel, and it was all unworthy, unable to take it anymore, Sara laid on the ground, curled up on herself like a fetus and allowed the darkness to swallow her.