Chapter 100: Chapter 100
Sara felt as if she was in the deepest pit in the sea, the darkness wasn't only absolute but also heavy, too heavy on her frail body and soul, she wasn't able to take a breath as it caused a fire to start on her chest, she didn't try to breathe though, that need faded slowly with the time she spent in that pit, she no longer resisted it though, the darkness, nor the heaviness, and why should she? She asked herself, there wasn't anything left to fight for, no one to turn to, nowhere to go, she had lost everything, it didn't feel like she was giving up because there wasn't anything she could give up on, she had nothing and no one, no hope, no love, no family, no friends, the loneliness added to the thickness of the darkness she was engulfed in, she welcomed it, just wanting to be over with her life, the one she barely lived.
The darkness then started breaking, like a moonless night with some faded star lights, she started seeing the faces of those whom she knew, her father, the priests of the holy tower, the man who tried to abuse her, the demonic eyes, the man whom she thought she knew, the lie that she loved, her brother, her sister, the queen, the demons, and finally her mother, the one she only saw in a dream and didn’t recognize until Eren told her who she was.
All the other faces kept on coming and going, some hanging more than the others, but when her mother's face showed up in the end, it started illuminating like the sun, coming closer and closer to her, ripping the darkness in the process, the face then became clearer, closer, standing like glory embodies on two feet, dressed in white, Sara was still curled up in the same position, trying hardly to focus on her mother's face, it was a first to be able to see it this clearly, looking at her with love and pity, Sara's tears started to fall again, unable to form any words or even voice them out, she extended her arm for her mother to grab it, hoping she will take her with her, to that place where they can rest in peace together, without all the agony, the loss, the betrayal, the pain, away from everything, from the unfair life that crushed her just because she wanted to live it, just because she was innocent and naïve to love life and love ‘love’, Sara begged with her eyes for her mother to take her hand, to rescue her from that pitiful state but her mother's sadness deepened as she shook her head with refusal.
''My baby...'' Sara's heart was torn when hearing her mother's voice, a part of her was happy with all the love and warmth it held, while the other was terrified by the sadness in it, Sara whimpered, afraid her mother was going to leave her there to loneliness and agony....
''We don't have much time, I don't have much time, my baby, my beautiful baby, this is my time to leave, not just life, but existence, parts of me, parts of my energy remained behind to guide you and now it is time for me to leave, this is the end for me, but it is not yours, It is you who have the power to bring worlds together, just like you have two of them in you, the humans and Gods, you can bring all the rest together, that is life's path, the once one needs to be one again, and only you can rebuild the ties, life's path is yours, my baby, find the others, find the path...''
''My baby...'' Historia's light started fading, When Sara was born, she passed all of her energy to her, keeping only small fragments in the shack where she died, enough to create the images Sara was seeing, enough to relay the message only her daughter could see...
''My Sara, my beloved child, I'm sorry for all your pain, I'm sorry for your agony, I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, I'm sorry I’m not going to be there for you in the future, I'm sorry I've put this huge burden on your shoulders...'' Historia's light faded even more until she was barely visible, Sara whimpered even more for her mother to stay, or to take her, but Historia's light only kept on fading, her face full of sorrow and apology...
''I love you, Sara, I will always love you....''
When dawn broke the next day, which was weeks after the shadows’ lord released her, Sara was finally able to lift herself up, not because she wanted to but because she knew that staying in that position wasn't going to end her agony but imprison her withing it, there was a bitter lump in her throat, one of the size of a rock that made it hard to breathe, her eyes were burning from the all the tears she shed, there wasn't more though, she felt it, her eyes were dried out, Sara looked around her with a dead expression, her father was still laying there with his wife, it was still so painful but she didn't look away, her face held the same expression, the no expression, the one of a dead person, she was numb, she was still in pain but she somehow got used to it, it wasn't a sharp pain but a dull one that she knew would live with her for the rest of her life, the one she tried to end several times before darkness consumed her, she tried cutting her veins, over and over again, but the wounds kept on healing, closing on their own, taking away her hopes to join her father.
Standing up slowly, she stared all around her, everything was the same, scattered, but the same, nothing new, except for one thing, a weird sac and a folded paper on the small desk...
Sara walked toward the desk emotionlessly, she grabbed the paper with a tired steady hand, she was not shaking anymore, the paper was in fact a letter, Sara unfolded it with barely any interest, she didn't recognize the writing which meant it wasn't her father's, she looked back at the woman on the bed, dead and decomposed, which was hard to believe considering how beautiful the queen was, Sara may have met the queen just once but she was found of the woman, Sara knew she could turn to her if things went wrong and now with her, her father and the Eren she knew all gone, she didn't have anyone, Sara looked back at the paper, noticing some parts had circular impacts, was the queen crying while writing?
''Dear child
I don't know if it is you who is going to find this letter, but I hope it would be you, if not, I beg the one who found it to leave it for it owner.
My child, As much as I am happy that you came back safe, I am sorry that it was late, your father had left this world few hours ago, and soon I will be joining him, Edard was the love of my life, he wasn't mine in this life but I hope he would be in the next one, when I left the castle and my children whom I know are strong enough on their own, I had plans to live with you two, until things were safe and stable, and then, the three of us could go back to the castle, I trusted Henry to make the right choices and I trusted the twins to support him, but me, I felt like I needed to be here, with you two, I was worried about you, especially after the coronation ball, it took me a while to take care of things in the castle and come here, sadly when I did, there wasn't much I could do, Edard was sick, someone poisoned him in the dungeons, it caused him to lose his leg, the antidote I hoped would cure him only slowed the poison's effect, and he suffered many additional injuries that eventually took his life.
My sweet child, both of us are leaving this world, I wouldn't have chosen anyway else to die rather than with the man I loved, but I don't have much of a choice as I've been poisoned as well, I don't know when but I started to notice the decay in my body since I got here, I wanted to come find you, protect you and take you back with me to be with your family, I am very sorry I couldn't, and I am sorry for not taking you in the first time Edard brought you to the castle, I was blinded by my own pain and jealousy, to the point where I couldn’t accept you with us, even when you were just a motherless baby, I wish you forgive us for leaving you, Child, just know, that your father loved you until his last breath, he wanted you to know he was sorry, for everything, for taking your life away, he only did it to protect you, his guilt consumed him, I wish you find it in your heart to forgive him, for the last time he was so broken he wasn't able to help you, forgive him child so he can have some peace in his death because it was killing him all this while, and forgive me, if you could, for I have known how grave my mistake was the second I saw you in the ball, things would have been different if I wasn’t such an evil and bitter woman, I am very sorry child, we have been all so unfair to you, Life was unfair to you, I wish I could be there to change things, but I don’t think I will be.
However, don’t think you are alone, child, just go back with this letter to the castle, my children will know my handwriting, they would accept you among them, you are their sister, just tell them that I love them and that I am sorry, and for you my child, you are a Yoren, always remember that, you will always have a place with the Yorens, you were loved and will be loved, I wish life would be fairer to you from now on...
Be safe...
Katherina
Sara read the letter twice before Putting it back on the desk, her face was still expressionless, the words on the letter would have made her cry on any other day, but she was already too drained to feel anything but the dull pain and sadness she was feeling, the words didn’t do much to her heart, barely anything, turning lazily, she walked back to the bed and climbed it, grabbing the same knife she used to cut her own wrists over and over again, and with it, and without the slightest shred of hesitation, she began skinning off the queen’s scalp.
She didn’t think, she didn’t flinch, and she didn’t hesitate, it was a dead body, and a dead body couldn’t feel the pain, removing the totality of her hair, Sara moved to her eyebrows, before plucking her red eyelashes.
While skinning the queen, Sara inhaled the stench of rot that left her body, one which became worse with her exposed flesh and coagulated blood, but that wasn’t all, there was something else, another unique smell, one which she learned about in the holy tower.
Poison, the venom of the mountains’ snake to be exact.
Putting the bloodies red hair on her side, Sara grabbed a lock of her own hair, the silky silver hair was still radiate, unlike her eyes, running the knife of it, back and forth, she let the long strands fall, one by one, with each falling strand she felt a part of herself falling as well, her hair was always the special thing about her, shedding it off felt like shedding her own identity, but the thought only made her cut it faster, until it was all gone and was replaced with an uneven weird cut, one that was so short on the back, the front locks were kept long enough to cover her face, Sara held the strands and placed them near the queen's head, once the rest of her skin decompose, the hair would look as if it fell from her, standing up, she removed the shirt and necklace she was wearing, removed the queen’s dress, and stuffed her body into the shirt, and then placed the necklace around her neck.
She didn’t think anyone would come after her, but if they did, then it would be better to throw them off track!
Once she was done dressing the queen, she walked to her small closet, where she usually kept her clothes, but the fancy dresses were not her aim this time, it was the jewelry and golden coins her father kept with her, taking them all out as well as some of her father’s clothes, Sara dressed herself, the large dark clothes looking awkward on her, not that she cared.
Throwing her father’s clock on her shoulders, she walked to the mirror, noticing the woman that stared back at her, one that didn’t look like her old self at all, one that resembled death, and felt like it, she stared and stared, taking in her new self, empty hollow eyes stared back at her, short uneven locks, deep ugly reddish scars covered half of her face, Good, Sara thought, if she wasn't able to recognize herself then others won't.
Only if she could do something about her hair! Sara thought as she wrapped a large scarf over her face and head, hiding herself even more, once she was satisfied, she moved back to the sac where she found more coins, placing hers with them, she closed the sac and went back to where the queen’s sculp and dress were resting.
Setting the fire on the stove, she threw the scalp and dress in fire, before picking up the letter, she read it one more time and then threw it in the fire to burn with everything else that revealed what happened in the shack.
While watching the flames eat the queen's letter as well as her red curls, Sara kept on thinking, her mother wanted her to save the world, she gave her a mission but Sara didn't care much about it, she didn't feel it was her responsibility to save the world that was nothing but cruel to her, she pushed the matter to the back of her mind as something more urgent was playing on her head, the only thing that kept her fueled and moving, and with that thought and a final long kiss on her father’s forehead, she walked out of the shack, determined to get what she wanted
Revenge...