Chapter 52: Chapter 52
To say Sara was afraid was an understatement, but something in the way he looked and spoke made her forget some of her fear and focus on him…
He sounded…shattered! Sara thought while studying his face, it was contoured with pain and lethargy, and she doubted it was only because of the many wounds and burns he had all over him.
Eren stopped walking and looked down at the frail girl in his arms, just to be granted with a new reason to hate himself.
His tardiness.
They stared at each other in silence for few minutes, him with guilty eyes and her with terrified ones, it was a strange look that Sara wasn’t really used on seeing, and it somehow helped her build up some courage to ask him.
“Are you going to kill me?” she asked, half scared, half hopeful, for she really wished to just die and not be put under that kind of torture again.
“No, but I will not hurt you either!” and there was another reason added to the self-loathing list! He made her wish to die!
“Then where are you taking me?” her voice was shaky, scared and tears gathered in her eyes.
“Don’t you recognize the trees?” Sara was equally scared and confused and quickly looked around her, almost falling with the way she jolted away if it wasn’t for the big arms securing her tightly against his chest, she didn’t see any sign of any castle though, all she saw was more trees…
More trees! And not just the black trees, there were also pine trees, oak trees, and…raspberries!!
Can she dare even hope? Sara asked herself, her eyes almost tearing when she, from the corner of her eye, heard the sound of the river.
She was back! But what if this is but another cruel trap of his, a new way of torturing her?
It was probably the case, she thought, but a small voice inside told her it wasn’t…
“There is something I need to tell you.” Something that would make you hate me even more, Eren thought
“That night when I captured you, Your father, he refused to open the door, but it wasn’t his fault, my demons made him believe you were dead, they would disguise themselves as you and then try to lure him out of the shack, and even after being attacked many times, he still answered the false pleas, he was so worried for you, and he loved you, Sara, that night, he was so broken and fed up with lied…”
“Wha…Why would you do that?!”
“Because I wanted you to believe that you were unloved and unwanted, and then push you to the edge of death, exactly like the visions you had in your dreams, I thought that if I broke you enough, you divine blood would resurface, and I was wrong…”Eren whispered the last part to himself, unable to say anything else when he saw the angry tears coming out of her beautiful eyes, her face grimaced involuntarily when the saltness made contact with her wounds but she didn’t seem to notice.
“All of this…for the blood?”
“Yes!”
“You!” she screamed, jumping away from his arms and punching him in the chest, her small fists barely delivering any damage, unlike her words.
“I fucking loved you!!”
“You see, that is where you are wrong, my fair lady! What you loved wasn't me but an illusion, a lie you were so eager to believe". his smile didn't reach his ears as he looked at her, noticing the amount of pain and betrayal her face carried.
“What?” shut up! Shut up!
“What you loved, Sara, was the idea of love, the one you read about in your books, about a handsome prince that saves the princess, the one you dreamed about in your lonely days, what you loved is the image I have shown you, the one I knew you wanted and were ready to fall for.”
“Don’t you dare ridicule what I have felt for you!” she bit out, angry beyond compare for having her heart played that way, for having the love she felt for him stupefied and belittled.
"I am not ridiculing it, Sara, I am just simply laying out the fact, you said you loved me, alright then, can you say that you still love me now? The real me, with all my ugliness? can you still look over everything I've done to you and say that you love me?". He searched her eyes, hoping to find even a shred of love left in them. But just as he expected, there was none for he had destroyed it all with his own hands.
“You don’t have to answer that, my fair lady, for I already know!” no matter how much he tried to hide it with sweet smile, the sadness and bitterness were so evident in his face, and Sara didn’t know what to really feel about that!
"And now what?" it was way too exhausting, and she had no power left to bicker, nor to fight back.
"Now” he said while stepping closer to her, she saw him raise his hand and a bundle of shadows formed, but before she could presume the worst, the shadows faded to reveal a very familiar piece of jewelry.
The necklace.
“It is Goodbye..." Eren said while placing the necklace around her neck, she was too surprised to even move, giving him that small chance to do this one last thing for her.
Unknown to anyone but himself, the necklace belonged to his mother, the black pearl was one of the rarest and was called the black heart, but before gifting it to Sara, he changed it a little, like adding the silver decoration, he didn’t think much about it back then, as he thought he only wanted to protect the pearl from falling as I contained some of his magic, but now, it was way too accurate to be ignored, a black heart trapped in a silver cage, just like his.
The magic however, was a tracking spell, one that made him knew where she was, but lately he added a protecting spell, one that would keep her hidden from the peering eyes, one that would keep her safe when he wasn’t around!
"Go back to your life, the one you had before me. Stay in the shack, at least until the war is over, it is protected by your mother’s soul, so no one will be able to harm you!” he stopped to swallow the lump forming on his throat when he saw the tears falling down.
“Forget the beautiful lies, forget the monstrous truths, forget me and live. Live your life and try to be happy, no, you must be happy! And you must stay safe as well! And in return, I promise to never get in your way again, I promise that you will not see me as you stay safe!"
“One would dare think that you care!” I do care, my fair lady, I care for you…
I love you!
Eren fought back the tears and the words, why give her more food for her pain? Why ruin love for her and give her such a disfigured image about it?
No! things better end between them here! He thought to himself!
“You are not leaving?” leave! Before I take you back in my arms and never let you go!
Leave! For it is getting harder by the second!
“You said go back to your life! What is left of it?”
“Your Father! he was seriously injured in one of the attacks, and he needs you badly! Only you can heal him!”
He watched as her eyes dilated in fear, this girl, no matter how much pain and agony she was in, always thinking about others, her ability to love was unlimited, it went beyond herself, beyond everything, and he mocked himself, wishing he was the man she loved, wishing he kept pretending, or if he just did things differently, maybe then he would have a chance of forgiveness, of being loved again by her, maybe he can see in her pure eyes the same kind of love, concern, and longing to see him as she was to see her father.
If only…
But he needed to let her go! He was no good for her, there was only pain waiting for her if he kept her by his side, only darkness, she would be hurt and hurt and he will not be able to protect her…
He loved her but…
Just as she turned to run to the shack, to her father, Eren pulled her back again, his lips slammed on hers hungrily, kissing out all his regrets, his sadness, his love, his missing, all the words he couldn't say, all resumed in a needing desperate final kiss, the sensation was intoxicating, surprising, and uncertain for Sara who was too overwhelmed to react, only when he bit her lower lip did she whimper in pain, but he quickly sucked on it…
Sara didn’t know when he ended the kiss, what she knew is that her eyes closed on their own at one point, and in the next, she felt cold, and she knew, without opening her eyes, that he was no longer there!
Her demon was gone!