Chapter 8: Chapter 8

LUCIUS

After hearing what Freya's parents had to say, I couldn't help but feel bad about what I had done to her. Though I understood it was inappropriate to say such things, I assumed she would treat her spouse the same way others do.

I wanted her to reject me because I had assumed she would. I was shocked at how much I had wounded her. Encouraging Selene that I loved her and then encouraging her to reject me felt like a terrible mistake.

I doubt the love is still present in my heart, but I knew that what I felt for Selene was love. If I kept claiming I loved Selene and would do anything to get back to her, I knew for sure that things would not work out the way I wanted them to.

I was aware of the harm it could cause her. Knowing that she was open to giving other men in her life a chance made me feel hurt. I knew such thinking wasn't appropriate because I had already done that to her.

I'm having trouble deciding what to do. There was part of me that wanted to stay with my mate and travel to Selene, and another part of me wanted to leave the pack.

Her relatives informed me, much to my surprise, that she cries every time she gets into a fight with her parents, and she did so yesterday. I felt even more horrible because I knew I was the reason she and her parents got into a fight.

I was upset about what I had done to her, and while I was unconscious, I heard Freya and her parents talk about everything. I regret putting her through all of that. She just wanted to have a calm relationship with me; therefore, I feel awful for wanting to reject her.

Even though she didn't want me to, I knew that she was prepared to let go.

I was aware that abandoning the pack would only make her worse off.

I finally understood why she had been acting so irrationally around me.

I don't want to think about how she carried me here after I passed out in the frigid room.

I had assumed that everything she was doing was to ensure my survival so I could carry out her wishes. She was, in my opinion, just as everyone had described her. She seems just as conceited about other people as she does about me. I saw her as a haughty, domineering woman who merely wanted her wish to be granted.

I had to make an effort to get up and inform them that I knew what was going on and that I was to blame for everything. I want them to know that I made an effort to correct my errors but was unable to.

Though I've always wanted to, I don't like the thought of parting ways with her. I used to know that if I was asked to leave as soon as I got here, I would, but that has since changed. I want to be with her, not without her.

Even though I couldn't hear her murmurs when I was asleep, I could still hear them. As she'd mentioned to her parents, I knew she was watching me.

*********************

Now that it's dawn, I can move my body. I lightly wiped my painful eyes with my fingertips. Looking around, I saw that Freya was still soundly asleep, her head resting on the bed.

I got to my feet and gently rested her head on my lap. I couldn't help but feel more drawn to her as I looked at her sleeping form. I knew that my lack of presence with Selene would make it difficult for my intense desire for her to continue growing.

I was aware that my heart would naturally gravitate toward the person I was closest to. I understood that accepting Freya and letting go of Selene would be unfair. I did not know what to do. I knew that one of them would suffer tremendously from whatever I did. I was aware of Selene's and Freya's rage-fueled tendencies. I was aware that Freya would continue to lash out at anything in her immediate vicinity.

I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I forgot when I touched her hair. Without realizing it, I began caressing her hair. I became enthralled with it since it felt smooth.

I sensed her attempting to raise her head, and then, without warning, she did so, and her head struck my abdomen with great force.

"What on earth is this?" She got out of bed, and I heard her yell. My hand slipped from her hair.

She gave me a stern expression as she glanced at me. I had a shiver of terror down my spine. I placed her head on my lap and began caressing her hair because I wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't consider the repercussions if she caught me in the act.

I hesitantly said, "Good morning," realizing that she was unhappy with what I had done and that she had every right to be. I knew she was attempting to move on from me, which is something I don't want to happen.

I know that if I have to keep acting like I'm sick in order to stay here, I will, because I don't want to be apart from her.

I'm not sure how to proceed. I'm at a loss for words or actions. My mouth began to feel thick as I tried to speak. I'm not sure if I should go or stay here.

"Hun, what's good about this morning?" Is it okay for you to put my head on your lap? It appears that I'm forgiving of you. With a nasty expression on her face, she stated coldly, "I know what to do to you; I will lock you up in the cold room again, and this time I won't let you go even if you are to die in there." Even though I knew she didn't mean what she said, I have a suspicion that if she were upset, she would say it again.

I apologized and hoped that my statement would not cause her to think of anything. "I thought you were Selene because that's how she usually lays her head on my lap," I remarked.

I didn't want her to think that I was falling in love with her, so I knew she would be perplexed as to why I was caressing her hair. I do not want her to believe that.

Neither do I want to be with her nor do I want to part with her. I knew that what I just said would enrage her, but there's nothing I can do to distract her.

"Do you think I look like Selene?" You don't need to be here, so go get well and exit the room. I want you to know that even though I apologize for what I did to you while you were here, you are free to go once your health has improved. "I don't want you to linger on my porch. All I want from you is to distance yourself from me. I don't want to hurt you anymore," she added, disappearing from the room before I could respond.

I was stunned and at a loss for what to do. Though I'm not sure it's possible, I knew she was the one who had always wanted to be with me. I doubt that she would desire to stay in my relationship. I understood that she wanted me to be someone else because of what I had said and the way I had acted in general.

Although I didn't like how she was acting, I knew that she had already made up her mind, and based on the way things were going, I also knew that she wouldn't want to change it.

I said "good morning" to Freya's parents when they arrived.

"Hello, my son, "How's your situation?" I grinned at Stephen Freya's father after he said something.

"What's wrong with your daughter? I'm doing fine." She doesn't appear to be content. "What is wrong with her?" I looked at them and asked with concern.

I wish for them to be unaware of my concerns about her. I want them to know that I'm concerned, but I also don't want them to know that I listened to everything they said the day before.

"She's ” Just as Stephen was finishing up, Caitlyn Freya's mother interrupted.

Cutting Stephen off, Caitlyn stated, "Nothing; she is just having mood swings."

I was positive that, in order to know what to do, I would need to pretend that I was still sick for a while. I understood that before I could take any action, I had to be certain of what I intended to do.

Though I knew I would miss Selene terribly, I had to figure out what to do. I must ascertain the optimal choice available to me.

I was aware that things would not turn out the way I had hoped. I understood that confusion would not improve the situation, but I am powerless to prevent it.