Chapter 31: Chapter 31

Dominic hates her. He hates her—she saw how the anger and disappointment washed over his face when he asked her if she still loved Aaron. She saw the loss of hope weakens from his bosy when he asked if she loved him but she couldn’t answer him. She couldn’t even answer with a yes or no. She just froze to her spot, spewing her eyes out and her body told him her answer. She still has feelings for Aaron.

He tried to hide his emotions but couldn’t veil it. He was hurt by her silence and how she had just showed him she still preferred someone that ditched her to die rather than the one that was ready to sacrifice his life to get her, her favourite flower.

She had never seen him this sad. She had never seen him this distant—not even when she treated him like crap. Maybe because he now has hope in them working out. Maybe because he looks at her as his lover or maybe because she’s factually living in his home as his mate.

She thought she was completely over Aaron, but seeing him now had just brought back old memories—the good ones. It reminded her of his sweet words, his kind gestures and how he used to be all about her.

He was back now and mystifying her. It meant he wants her back?

He just punched one of the strongest men she knows that could tear him in two without even using his werewolf form. Aaron just did that for her to show that he still wanted her. Or he doesn’t? Or he did it to prove a point?

She was too perplexed. She strode back and forth in her room, fiddling with her fingers as she thought of a way to confront Dominic again. She hasn’t seen him since last night they parted ways. She doesn’t know whether he wanted to talk to her but she wants to talk to him.

She hates that she just woke up in the morning it wasn’t his kisses or tempting touches that brought her to wake. She hates that his cologne or aroma of his breakfast wasn’t the first things that she smelt. She hates that his face wasn’t the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes. She hates that the first thing she heard wasn’t his husky voice that always finds its way to her stomach.

She doesn’t want this to be her new norm. She doesn’t want to get used to waking up on her own. Her body was longing for him but her heart was elsewhere. She doesn’t even know how she truly feels about Dominic. Was she into him because he has a body of a Goddess or was she obsessed with his erotic actions. Whichever it was, she doesn’t want it to stop. Maybe she sounds too selfish or maybe it would look as though she was using him just to keep getting treated like she was the only thing that mattered.

She didn’t have to think twice on this, she stepped out of her room and marched toward his room. She wouldn’t stop feeling the guilt eating her up if she doesn’t talk to him. It even felt way worse when she recalls why she’s coming to him at the first place. She didn’t want him to stop treating her the way he does. She feels abashed for showing him that Aaron still hers her heart, but she can’t lie. Even if she does, he’d find out, because he can read her like a book.

She knocks on the door, improvised to face him. She doesn’t even know whether he was home or not. She just knew she hasn’t heard any movement from him. She had checked the kitchen earlier and it was sparkling clean. The house was silent which meant either he had gone out before she woke up or he was still in his room.

She hears the door unlock and he opened it. Her heart drops when their eyes locked. Her lips part to speak but failed. He looks even more exhausted than when she last saw him last night. He rubs his eyes wearily and motions her inside.

She walks in and the first thing that hits her nostrils was his cologne all over the room. She inhaled, her stomach agitating with mixed feelings. She rarely comes to his room unless she needed his attention and he was teasing her. She had never slept in here but it definitely looks comfortable to her though his interior was black and grey. It suits his physique and his identity. It made him look more powerful like he rules the world, not just a pack.

She watched him perch down on the edge of the bed and held his head between his palms. It was obvious he didn’t want to look at her and he most certainly didn’t want to talk to her.

She pursed her lips—she was hoping he’d be the first to speak up, at least ask why she was in his room. She was so used to having him doing things her way that it feels like she had just lost him by her injudicious, egocentric interests.

“Can we talk?” She spoke lowly but he heard her loud and clear, possibly a little bit too loud by the way he chuckled dryly and shakes his head.

“Isn’t that why you’re here?” He throws her the question. She exhales and nod her head as his deep voice flashed through her entire body.

“Yes…” It has occurred to her how unprepared she was not that he was sitting before her. She pressed her lips together and brushed her palms over her dress. She has never seen him this way and it made her feel more obnoxious to know she’s the reason of his downfall.

She has to fix it.

“Could you at least look at me, please? I want to apologize,” she said contritely. Maybe if he looks at her, the words would come out and she’d tell him everything he wants to hear—everything he needs to hear. Maybe she’d find the right words to apologize to him.

He lifts his tired eyes and fixed them on her. She tilts her head, gripping on her tightened chest. Seeing him this miserable was enough to tell her how much she means to him. It hadn’t been twelve hours since the incident but he was already looking despondent and morose.

“I shouldn’t have acted that way. I shouldn’t have made you feel like you didn’t mean something to me.”

He shoulder-shrugs her words as if they were nothing. As if he doesn’t believe her.

“So, you’re apologizing…” He takes his eyes off her before she could see what was written in his eyes and stared out the blank space.

Her eyes widen with hope as her lips curl into a grin. “Yes, I’m so sorry.”

Dominic releases a heavy breath and let his head fall. He doesn’t even know how he was feeling, he doesn’t even know what to think of or how to handle the pain and misery that she had led him into. Maybe he trusted her too soon, maybe he shouldn’t have put his hopes high on her and maybe if he starts putting himself above everyone’s needs, he wouldn’t be treated this way.

“Ok.” He nods his head. “I don’t forgive you.” He raised his head to look at her and he saw the disappointment clearly written all over her face. She shakes her head slowly, rejecting what he had just said to her.

“But… I said I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, I heard you but I do not forgive you.”

She stood there for a couple of seconds, staring at him in scepticism. A little part of her was hoping he’d laugh it out and tell her he was joking. A bit of her wanted him to get on his feet right now and take her into his arms, and tell her how he loves her they should bury their past with a large cup of ice cream while they chatted away.

He didn’t do that. He just stared back at her with a look she wasn’t sure what it meant. She clenched her fist and hold it up to her chest. The erratic beat of her heart and the rapid expansion of her lungs to make room for more air were the only two things she could focus on right now.

She was even afraid to speak again because it might upset him. It was the last thing she’d want to do now after she had already screwed up her chance with him.

And if she were really going to be honest with herself, she doesn’t exactly even know what she wants from him. All she knows is if he forgives her now, she’d feel less guilty for stupidly choosing Aaron over him.

“Look, just because you asked me if I still love him and I show signs that I may still do, it doesn’t mean that I’m going back to him.” A lone tear gushed out. She hates how cheap her tears were. She’d cry her eyes out whether it was a happy moment or a sad moment like this one.

He hummed and nod his head. He didn’t look at her—he just looked ahead for a moment before he chuckled dryly and shook his head. It scared her that he just did that because right now, she doesn’t know who he is. She has never seen this side of him.

“I’m not going to hold you back if you decide to go back to him, Alice. It’s up to you. If you decide to go back to him, I promise you; you will never hear from me again. I will get out of your hair and that will be it.”

She closed her eyes; the tears cascade down. She clenched her chest tighter, hoping the sharp pain she was feeling would go away. It didn’t—it only nurtured, because she didn’t like what he just said. It’s not what she wants, she doesn’t want to end things with him. She never wants to end things with him.

“It’s not that simple, Dominic. You have to understand…”

“Understand that I don’t mean shit to you. Understand that you still love him even after he treated you like garbage. Or, understand that you never loved me?” His voice was hard to describe at the moment. But his strong narrowed eyes had confirmed to her what she needed to know.

“No… don’t say that. Don’t put words into my mouth…”

“No!” He sprung up. His eyes seethe with rage as he points a finger at her. “You can’t even look me in the eye and tell me you love me! You can’t even say it back to me whenever I confess,” he bellowed angrily as he clenched his first angrily.

Alice took steps back because this was the first time she had witnessed him being so angry with her. She doesn’t know what he’s capable of—she can’t take any chances of getting herself hurt by him. She could feel a searing pain in her heart.

“Just because I don’t say anything, it does not mean that I don’t feel the way that you want me to…”

“Bullshit!” He cursed out, pacing back and forth. It was the only way he could calm himself from turning his room into garbage. “That’s bullshit, Alice. I see the way you look at him.” He was now walking towards her. She walked backward but it didn’t stop him from walking forward. Her back hits the wall and she had no choice but to face him now. He stood tall just few inches away from her. She could feel his warm, fury breath fanning her face. She closed her eyes shut, the fear creeping up from her feet to her head.

“I love you, Alice. I love you so much that I had to just stand there and watch you cry over some asshole that never sees you the way I do. Do you know how shitty that feels? To watch the person you’re dying to be with keep going back to a shitty, toxic lover who only wants to use them?”

Her eyes search his—they held nothing but misery and hopelessness. He’s broken… she broke him.

“You messed me up, Alice. You really did. I lay awake at night, trying to imagine how it could have been if you just had a little bit of spark for me like you did for him. I always thought of what I did wrong, why did I meet you, why did life put you in on my path for you to just keep stabbing my already wounded heart. What exactly do you want me to realize after what you do to me? That I make mistakes or that I get attached too quickly? I don’t regret my mistakes…”

Her heart was beating wildly because every single word that spews out of his mouth cuts her open like a wasted animal. It hurts her to know how much pain she has caused him while all he wanted her to do was to love him.

The fear in her eyes made him to shake his head and shift back until he was sitting on his bed again. He held his head in his palms and breathes air to calm the storm.

“I’m hard to love… I warned you,” she mumbled. The tears had finally stopped and she had finally found her voice again.

She hears him chuckle and it scares her to think what it meant. It was definitely not a pleasant one. Dominic wouldn’t laugh at a situation like this. He’s angry… broken.

“Maybe I should be the one apologizing to you…” He looks up and his brown eyes remained glassy for a moment. “I’m sorry for hoping. I’m sorry for feeling happy whenever I was around you. I’m sorry for thinking it was something good. I’m sorry for feeling loved whenever I kissed you. I’m sorry for ever thinking we were a thing and things were going to work out. I’m sorry for thinking life was giving me a break and I am sorry for caring…”

She abhors that he has lost hope. She abhors that she took away his pain just to smash him back to the excruciating ground he got up from but just worst. She abhors that she was now someone that causes pain to him when she used to be the one thing he gets excited about.

How was she ever going to recover from this? She knew she meant so much to him but not as much as she thought.

“You’re hurting…”

“No, I just need you out of my room.” His words were now malice to her ears and heart. The more he opened to speak, the more hurt and weaker she gets.

She came here to fix things but ended up wrecking it more. He probably hates her now and doesn’t want anything that has to do with her. He’d probably move on if she decides to also leave instead of pushing to fix things.

Someone might make him forget her—Aaron would never make her forget him because Dominic makes her feel things she never knew she could develop in her. He was so easy to love. He made her feel safe. When he held her hand, it was like she was flying. When he kissed her face, you felt like she could fly. He made crossing the road feel like an adventure; with his hand on the small of her back. He laughed at things easily, he was soft, gentle, kind. He understood when she was quiet, when she was loud. He listened. He listened to her words, and he listened to her silence. ‘Come here,’ he would say, with his arms open wide, and she would go. ‘Stay,’ he would beg, and she would stay and she would stay and she would stay…

“I don’t want things to end…” She stood there, like a statue and with a sense of loss so powerful that her muscles wouldn’t respond to commands.

She watches him shake his head in disagreement. He takes his eyes away and duck his head again. He does that whenever he was about to say something really hurtful. “Just get out. You’re the last person I want to lay my eyes on right. Just don’t say a word and quietly leave my room because I don’t want to hear you say anything again. I don’t want to hear your voice again…”

He didn’t want to look her in the eye as he said those words to her because he didn’t want her to see the lies in his eyes. He wanted her to stay, he wanted her to hug him, kiss him and tell him he means everything to her but what’s best for the both of them was space—they needed space to think through what they wanted and if they still wanted to be together.

He hears her gentle footsteps followed by the door opening and closing. He closed his eyes shut at the sound of the door closing behind her as a sudden pain erupts in his chest—it was the same pain he felt when he realized he had lost Sofia and his daughter. Now he was feeling the same pain when Alice walked out of his room. It tortured him to lift his eyes and find out she had really left.

Maybe he was too hard on her. Maybe he should’ve listened to her pleas. Maybe she was telling him the truth. He groaned from the intense pain in his chest.

But he can’t do anything about it. He can’t judge and jump into conclusions because what hides behind the lies are truths that failed to get to the light. What lies behind her betrayal may have been honest at first sight. What concealed his pain was what keeps reminding him of her every passing minute of every night. He was confused but he believes everything would come out when the time was right.