Chapter 42: Chapter 42

My breathing quickened as he ripped my clothes from my body. It needed no foreplay, no romance, no words. It only took us...

I stood completely naked in front of him, ready to become one with him. Willing to share my pain with him.

He looked at me, unbuttoning his shirt and exposing himself to me, leaving no piece of clothing between us. It wasn't until we faced each other as God created us that he came close to me and grabbed my hair to pull my head back.

It hurt, if only slightly, but he wanted to show me the pain he endured. It was not an act of harming me, but an act of revealing his insides to me.

I groaned softly, finding his dark eyes and losing myself in them while he brushed my lips with his other hand, then let them slide down my neck.

I swallowed loudly, feeling my heart beating so hard it hurt and feeling free at the same time as he pushed me closer and closer to the wall behind me, pinching me.

He was in control now, and I could place my thoughts, my fears, and my worries completely in his hands, knowing he would protect them as his own.

It didn't take much strength on his part to lift me up by the buttocks and sit on the kitchen counter, squeeze between my legs and cup my waist, but what he clearly struggled with was opening himself up to me completely...

He kept trying to avoid my gaze, as if embarrassed by the darkness in his eyes, but he didn't have to. I had already known this darkness and was no longer afraid of it. He didn't have to try to protect me.

I gently placed my hands on his cheeks, forcing him to meet my gaze, and then slowly felt him enter me, pushing himself more and more firmly between my legs.

My moans of excitement made him immediately place his lips on mine, taking in the sound of my pleasure himself. But only fleetingly, for he broke away from them again to look deep into my soul as he kept thrusting hard and rhythmically into me, making me stretch my hips even further towards him...

His grip around my waist became more demanding, his irises seemed covered with lust, seemed almost black, while I watched him with slightly parted lips and felt every new push deep inside me...

"What are you doing to me," he breathed suddenly and again eagerly placed his lips on mine to penetrate my mouth with his tongue. I moaned into the kiss, caressing his tongue with mine. A dance that was full of lust and that no one ever wanted to stop.

I felt his cock inside me, which made me groan again and again, breathing fast. His hands on my body, holding me like they never want to let me go and his tongue on mine as I pried my hands from his cheeks to bury them in his black hair.

"I need you," he then whispered desperately as he broke away from my lips, breathing heavily, looking at me with glassy eyes while he began to move even faster inside me.

There they were. The words he could only get from his lips in this moment. Which would never have been said without this intense feeling of togetherness and it sent chills down my spine to know that it was he who was now relinquishing all control to me.

I pushed him slightly away from me on his chest, carefully slipping off the counter and pushing him by his hips to my bed, where he then sat down on the edge.

He looked up at me as if begging me for salvation and I gave it to him by sitting spread-eagled on his lap, taking his cock all the way in and beginning to slowly but intensely move on top of him.

He placed his hands on my buttocks, letting me set the pace, and let his face fall sideways against my chest as I gently stroked his shoulder.

The whole room was occupied only by our rapid breathing, by the heat radiating from our sweating bodies as I moved faster and faster on it.

And then I felt my climax coming, which I would have loved to have delayed. I knew it would spell the end of this revelation as Esteban's tense posture showed me all too well that he too was struggling to procrastinate, but if my muscles were to tighten around him it would be over and he wouldn't stand a chance to prolong this intense hustle and bustle.

My hips moved faster and faster, my moans getting louder and louder, and then just before I completely surrendered, he looked up at me and took my chin in his hand to look deep into my eyes blazing with passion.

I felt the tingling in my abdomen, felt the muscles tighten around his cock and then also felt him climax inside me, moaning deeply, while our eyes spoke in their own language....

A language that only we understood.

We lay silently side by side on my bed, staring at the white ceiling together as our bodies healed and we slowly came back to reality.

My thoughts immediately flew to Reahlyn and I wondered if he could feel it... If he felt pain because of me... These thoughts almost crushed me and I had to sit up to even be able to breathe. Why was I such a bad person? Why did I need this feeling that Esteban gave me? Why couldn't I just get away from it all for once? I was like a slow-acting poison that permanently destroyed others...

"Are you alright?" Esteban asked calmly, also sitting up to turn my face towards him.

"Yes," I whispered and dropped my head exhaustedly onto his shoulder, which was probably too close for him at that moment. He immediately turned away from me and got up to put on his boxers and pants.

The better I felt just now, the worse I felt now...

He stared at me blankly and I felt a surge of anger at myself that brought tears to my eyes. In that moment, I knew I deserved all the pain that was ingrained deep within me.

"I can't do this," he then whispered apologetically and I pulled myself together, not giving him the satisfaction of crying, and stood up as well.

"Can't you do what?" I snapped, feeling used and pushed away at the moment. It was terrible.

"Love," he said my name wistfully as he tried to touch me, but I slapped his hand away and grabbed some new clothes from my white dresser.

"Why are you here and not with Reahlyn?" he suddenly asked behind me and I immediately took aim at him angrily.

"Because you always give me that expression that makes me think of nothing but you!" I answered him in a loud voice, which made him shake his head immediately.

"You're here because you know full well that he's too good for you," he suddenly slammed this bitter truth in my head and came close to me. "And yet you want it. You want his closeness, but the closer you get to him, the more you realize that he deserves better."

I listened to his words, felt the pain deep inside me and then avoided his gaze. I couldn't bear this truth.

"And you think you know how I feel?" I breathed, shrouded in sadness, and he immediately took a few steps back to pick up his shirt from the floor.

"I feel the same, love, only towards you," he then spoke the truth. The truth about how he could only show with his body how much he wanted me. The truth that he didn't love himself and didn't believe he deserved happiness...

"What makes you think I deserve better than you? We're so alike, there's no better or worse, Esteban," I tried to explain my point of view to him, but again he just shook his head and looked at me with a wry smile.

"Ten years ago a woman named Alice took her own life. It was my fault. I kept urging her to get out of here. She wanted it, seemed happy and yet on the day we left I found her dead in our bathtub. Believe me Me, love, when I tell you you deserve better than me."

His eyes seemed ice cold, his facial expression frozen, but I felt how much strength it cost him to tell me this story.

"You're the first I've felt again and it's selfish of me to use you to feel something like love for a short time but I can't help it. You draw me in, you keep me alive and yet at the same time I know how wrong it is. I feel torn and I don't know what to do."

He sat down on the edge of my bed and looked at me with this pain that hurt me. I didn't know how to react at all. I had been entrusted with two people's deepest secrets that day and yet I still didn't know who I felt more for.

"I'm so sorry about Alice," I expressed my condolences, slowly walking towards him to sit naked on his lap. I stroked his hair gently as he rested his head on my chest and wrapped his arms around me tightly.

"You have to get out of here," he then whispered into the silence, looking at me sympathetically. "Reahlyn will make you happy. I know it. He'll take care of you so well that you'll forget about all the bad demons," he breathed, not taking his eyes off me, even when the first tears broke out cheeks ran.

"And who will make you happy?" I sobbed in a trembling voice and immediately he tenderly wiped my tears away.

"Your happiness will be my happiness, Love."