Chapter 46: Chapter 46

I had just gotten off the phone with Barrister Chidi who had been advising me to move into one of my father's houses where there was enough security or get myself a bodyguard.

For the umpteenth time, I had yelled that I was fine where I was and I wasn't going to leave the apartment I was currently staying at until Cas accepted me back into her life.

I understood that he was just troubled because of my new celebrity status, I was aware he didn't want any harm to come to me but the estate had enough security to keep the whole place safe...even though they hadn't been able to stop those thieves from robbing me of what they had thought were the documents; still, that wasn't the point.

The point was that I was old enough to take care of myself and even without bodyguards, I was going to remain fine so long as I was fighting for a good cause; the good cause being Cas.

I took out three small packs of Indomie noodles and an onion with fresh peppers and tomatoes. I was starving and I needed to eat something before I gave up the ghost.

As I was about to turn on the gas cooker, I heard a knock on my door. That was strange to me cause no one ever visited me, Cas had only stopped by twice at the time we had initially settled.

Was it Barrister Chidi's hunch? Had my father sent someone to come and exact revenge on me? How was I to know who was there? I didn't even have a peephole.

The knock came again.

I shuddered and dropped the noodles on the kitchen weapon looking around for a defensive weapon in case the unexpected guest was who I thought he or she was.

I grabbed an egg at first then put it back in its crate cursing myself for my foolishness. What exactly could an egg do to help me against a supposed bad guy?

I tiptoed to the living room and looked around there, feeling it was more likely to get a weapon there.

"Is anyone home? It's Cameron," I heard what was undeniably Cameron's voice say.

I quickly summoned courage, walked to the door and opened it up after muttering a prayer to God to keep me safe.

I saw Cameron in my doorway in his school uniform, looking tired and stressed out but I didn't trust his presence at first sight as I looked around still in doubt and a little bit of fear.

"Good afternoon, can I come in?" He asked.

What if the bad guys were using him as bait? Or what if he had come to see me because Cas was unwell? Worst still, what if Cas had thrown him out and told him to go meet his biological father?

"Jesus, are you fine?" I asked, crouching to his level and cupping his face in my hands.

"Yes, can I come in?" He asked.

"Sure, come in," I said and let him in.

I led him to the two-seater sofa and we both sat.

"Can I have a glass of cold water?" He asked.

"Sure, you can have anything," I said.

"Thank you. Let me go get it," He said.

"The kitchen is over there," I said, pointing my index finger towards the direction of the kitchen.

He nodded and left.

A minute later, he was back and he sat down, swinging his arms and legs.

"Does your mum know you're here?" I asked after a moment of awkward silence.

"No, I'm just returning from school so I decided to come see you before going to my own house. You're my father after all, so don't I have the right to see you?" He asked.

Had Cas already informed him that I was actually his father? She was right in saying she's not like me because had I been her, I'd have hidden the truth from the poor boy. Once again, I felt like a total failure, I never should have lied to Cas.

I brushed aside my thoughts,"You have every right to, I'm actually happy that you're here," I said.

"Really? Why?"

"I wanted to ask about Cas...your mum. How is she doing?" I asked.

"Why don't you go see her for yourself?" He retorted.

I shrugged, "She doesn't let me in so I stopped trying," I explained.

He sighed like he was deep in thoughts.

"Do you know the story of the persistent widow?" He asked.

"Umm...not sure," I responded.

He rolled his eyes, "Didn't you attend school?" He blurted out.

"That's no way to talk to your adults but then, you're your father's son. I couldn't have expected differently," I said.

"What does that mean?" He asked.

"Never mind. Just carry on," I said.

"There was a widow in a city, someone did something bad to her and she went to a judge who didn't want to help her out. She kept on disturbing him and troubling him and he eventually gave in to her demands due to her persistence," Cameron said.

"Ohh..That's a Biblical story, right?" I asked, suddenly remembering.

"Of course, we were taught in Bible Knowledge," Cameron said.

"Wow, I have a brilliant son," I said and ruffled his hair.

Surprisingly, he removed my hand from his head and scowled at me.

"What's the matter? Did I do something wrong?" I asked.

"My hair's for only my mum, you can touch my nose or my shoulders or any other place in my body if you want to show I did something which is awesome," He said.

"But I've seen Past... your grandfather touching your hair," I said.

"I don't like him doing it but he's an old man, how can I tell him that?" Cameron retorted.

"You do have a point," I said and patted him on the shoulders.

"About the story...what I was trying to prove is you should keep on trying to see my mum. One day, she'll have no choice but to forgive you and we can start a big happy family," Cameron said.

I smiled and stared at him.

"When you're young, you really have no problems. You just take life as it comes. Honestly, Cameron, I wish I were still your age, things would have been much more easier, not just for me, but for all of us; me, you and your mum... "

He cut me off.

"How about Uncle Wale and Uncle Michael? And Aunt Mary and Aunt Rita? Also Uncle Franklin and granddaddy? Wouldn't life have been easier for them as well?" He asked.

I smiled, "Life would have been easier for them as well."

"So you wish you were my age while I can't wait to be a grown up, life is so funny," Cameron said.

"Look at you sounding all grown up," I said, chuckling.

"But you love my mum, don't you?" He asked after everywhere had quieted down.

"I do, I really do," I responded.

"Then take my advice and keep on trying to make her love you too. I know I'm only a six-year old child but does that mean I can't make sense?" Cameron asked.

I sighed, "You're right, absolutely right. I'm just... I can hardly forgive myself so how can I expect Cas to forgive me?"

Cameron slipped into my arms and hugged me tightly, "Just know that I don't want my parents to live separately so I've got your back. That should be enough for you," He said.

I wrapped my arms around him and patted his back and whispered, "Thank you for not hating me."

After we had hugged for some seconds, he withdrew and I let him go then smiled at him.

"I have to go. Mum will start getting worried soon and will call the school," Cameron said.

"I understand. Aren't you hungry? I want to make noodles, will you eat?" I asked.

He shook his head, "I don't eat what strangers offer me," He said.

I chuckled, "But I'm not a stranger, I'm your father and you know that."

"Mum will be angry if she finds out. Besides, I want to eat with her," He said.

My expression went grim as I just nodded, acting like I was okay with what he had said.

"Don't worry. When we start living in a house together, we'll be eating together all the time," He said, obviously trying to cheer me up.

I forced a smile, "Of course."

"That's if I even stay with both of you when you finally forgive each other," He suddenly added.

"What do you mean by that?" I asked.

"Football."

"What has football got to do with this?" I asked.

"I'm trying to get into a school abroad for football," He said.

That came as a surprise to me cause I couldn't remember Cas ever discussing such.

"You mean a football academy, right?" I asked.

"Yes, that's the word," He affirmed.

"You want to be a footballer?" I asked.

"Yes, I do. It's nice and my sports teacher keeps saying I'm good at playing football," He said.

"Wow!" I said in admiration.

He gave a toothy grin, "It's my dream to become Africa's biggest footballer."

"When I was your age, I didn't even know what having a dream meant. I feel so blessed to have a son like you," I said, smiling broadly.

"I'm the best, I know that," He bragged.

"You're truly my son, there's no denying that."

"So I'll leave now and go to my house and talk to my mum. She loves me so much, I'm sure she'll forgive you," He said.

"Thanks, Cameron."

"You're welcome," He said.

He soon left and I locked the door and placed my hands on the wall in deep thoughts.

What do you do when you're mad at yourself? What do you do when you can't forgive yourself? What do you do when you don't feel like you're worthy of forgiveness?

Cameron was little and didn't understand the hurt that was brewing inside of his mother, Cas, but I understood and I didn't want to bother her with pleas of forgiveness.

Still, Cameron was my son and I owed him something. After all, he had never asked to be born or to be given to whom wasn't his mother and to tender an apology, I decided to man up and go back to Cas on my knees just for his sake and for my sake as well cause... Damn! Cas may be a nutcase but I really did love her and I was going to pursue her till she was tired of running.

[Cassandra's POV]

I combed my hair and applied hair cream on it, making it shiny and lovely.

I stared at myself in the mirror. I had on a high waisted pair of jean trousers and a black tank top. My fingernails were painted with shiny brown colour while the toenails were painted in white.

My long hair gloriously touched my back and even though I wasn't wearing any makeup on, I couldn't help but admire my flawless skin in the mirror.

It will seem weird that only yesterday, I had been sobbing uncontrollably about Amsey's betrayal while today, I was feeling like the queen that I am once again.

I can tell you're already wondering why. Anyways, they say destiny can be delayed but could never be denied and today, I absolutely agreed with that statement because just earlier this morning, I had received a phone call that would change my life forever.

I had been watching a comedy skit on my Apple laptop which didn't actually make me laugh. All I could think of was how I had been humiliated in front of the whole world when it was revealed that Cameron wasn't actually my son.

I had just been clad in my pajamas with my dirty and tangled hair and bloodshot eyes, I had been feeling my life was over, but guess what? I had received a phone call from none other than Mr Andrew Muffin.

Yeah, that may not be spectacular but the news he gave me is sure to blow your minds and the news was... LAURA NUTSHELL WANTS TO SING WITH ME.

The other time she had approached me, I had stood her up to be with Cameron in the hospital when he was diagnosed with stomach ulcer. She had gotten so overly annoyed and had dropped the deal.

It had been so painful and an experience I didn't wanna relive but as you know, what's yours will surely come back to you.

She was one of the many stars of Canada and after talking to Mr Muffin about the terms of the contract which was actually delightful to the ears, he had organised a video conference with her and her crew via Skype.

It was so unbelievable and felt like a daydream, getting to talk to Laura Nutshell, and if not for my ego and self respect, I'd have screamed my lungs out and acted like a crazy fan.

It will seem as though my outfit and entire appearance were just casual and looked like an everyday look for me as opinionated by Rita, but that was what I wanted. The outfit made it seem like I was so not bothered about singing with her and that it was just a normal thing.

I didn't want her to start feeling too full of herself and treat me like I were a less-privileged up-and-coming singer and she was just helping me out, I wasn't a charity case and so, I will never be treated as such.

It wasn't just the fact that I was going to sing with her that made me happy, it had been the subject of our discourse.

She wanted to release an album for her Girl Child Foundation which was going to be launched on her 35th birthday which was in five months time.

The album was to contain songs talking about general issues affecting the female gender and how women can make it out there despite the discrimination and against all other odds.

I was to feature in a song about rape. At first, I had felt my reputation was tainted, even outside of Nigeria, but then, I felt it was an honour.

The album was top notch as it discussed too many female issues; many people treated rape victims like it's the end of the world. They made it seem like you can't succeed out there once you're a single mother or if you're not selling your body.

It was a great privilege for me to have been chosen in the whole of Nigeria to discuss matters affecting our girls with songs.

Believe it or not, songs went a long way in bringing out emotions and teaching great lessons.

I hated speaking to or trying to educate people with just words but I had the talent of singing, and putting it into great use by featuring on Laura Nutshell's album was the peak of my career as a singer so far.

I was one of the many females who had thought life was over without money, with a stigma and with a child, betrayed and left alone in this godforsaken world.

It had been hard coming into limelight. I had started from singing in the streets as Mr Muffin was still having money issues.

During my first concert, the audience had booed me and even threw stuff like water and biscuit wrappers on me but I had persisted and where I was now was a big deal.

I had gotten offers from many producers to sell off my body to make money but I had stuck with Mr Muffin and soon, people had appreciated my talent and I had helped Mr Muffin grow his agency into one of the top agencies in Nigeria.

I was aware of my past and sleeping with Mr Grumpy for money was the most foolish thing I ever did but just as I didn't dwell on my past and broke free and became a better person, I wanted other girls to learn from me as well.

I wanted to be seen as a role model to girls and despite the hurdles and barriers life had thrown in my way, I came out strong and survived. That is the moral lesson I wanted to bestow to girls out there and I finally had the right platform to do that.

"Mum, are you thinking of something?"Cameron asked.

I jolted from my thoughts and saw Cameron staring at me like he was confused.

"Hey darling, you're home," I said.

"I kept on calling you, you didn't respond," He said.

"Ohh.. I was thinking about something. Guess what!" I screamed.

"You just realised again that God created you so well and you were thinking about how much that means to you," He said and rolled his eyes.

"No! Why did you say that?" I asked.

"Cause you were standing in front of the mirror and smiling," He responded.

"Well, that's not it," I said, flicking my hair.

"So what is it?"

"Well, darling, Mama's singing with Laura Nutshell," I said.

His eyes nearly popped out of their sockets in amazement,"Really?"

"Yes, darling. I'm so very happy," I said and hugged him tightly.

"That's sweet, mum. I'm happy for you," Cameron said.

"You can say that again!"

"How are we going to celebrate?" He asked.

I thought for a moment then replied, "You know I don't really have friends but Rita does and her birthday's coming up soon. I'm guessing we could throw her a party, have all her friends come over then announce my big deal with Laura Nutshell and celebrate it as well."

"That sounds good, mum. I hope this time around, she doesn't change her mind and say she's no longer singing with you," Cameron said.

"Forget about that because it's not going to happen. We already signed a contract and if she backs out of it, she'll be ordered by the court to pay me a large sum of money, but I don't pray for that to happen. We have to think only positively, sweetie, optimism is the key to every good thing in life," I told him.

"So optimism means thinking that things will happen in a good way?" He asked.

"My son's so smart," I said and ruffled his hair.

He grinned then his expression became sullen.

"What's wrong, darling?" I asked.

"Can we sit and talk?" He asked back.

"Awwn. Look at you acting so mature, sure, let's sit and talk."

I sat on the bed and he followed suit.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" I asked.

"Please, don't be angry," He said.

"What's wrong? Did you kiss another girl?" I asked.

He shook his head, "No, we agreed that when I'm no longer in Nigeria, I'll do that. You know I'll never disobey you."

"Yeah, I know. What's the matter then?" I asked.

"It's about... my... Uncle Amsey," He said.

"What about him?" I asked almost immediately.

"You're angry that he lied, right?" He asked.

"Darling..."

He cut me off. "Just tell me, is it because he lied?" He asked.

I nodded, "Yes, kind of."

"You always tell me it's bad to lie," Cameron said.

"Yes, you're right."

"If you don't like lies, why then did you lie that my father is dead?" He asked.

I looked away and bit my lip.

"Mum, answer me."

I gruntled, "Yeah, I lied, but it was for your own good. Listen, you may not understand it now but sometimes, it's fine to lie."

He gave a sly smile, "If it's fine to lie, why is Uncle Amsey's lie so bad?"

Gosh! Damn it!! Cameron had played on something really strong and had ended up getting me tangled, with no way to actually defend myself.

"Mum, you're not saying anything," Cameron said.

"Amsey's lie was just too bad. After all, I've never lied to him so I had expected to be treated in the same manner," I explained.

"But you just said it's fine to lie at times..."

"If there's a good reason for you to lie," I argued.

"You said your baby died. He had a reason to lie, he didn't want you to be sad," Cameron said.

I scoffed, "Are you supporting Amsey and not me?" I asked.

"I'm not supporting anybody. I just want to have a mother and a father that live together. I want to play football with my dad and wash the dishes with my mum. I want to go to the barbing salon with my dad and go to the mall with my mum. I want to get gifts from my dad when he comes home from work and I want us to take family pictures and go for outings during the weekends," He yelled.

I was dumbfounded and shocked at his outburst.

"You just shouted at your mum," I said, heartbroken.

Tears rolled down his eyes and he stood, "How will you have felt if I hadn't forgiven you for lying to me? Why are you doing this to me? I just want a family," He said and ran out of the room, sobbing hard.

I placed my head in my palms as tears streamed down my eyes uncontrollably, Cameron's words piercing every part of my body and hurting me badly.

I knew how hurt Cameron was about having both parents but not being allowed to stay under one roof with them. I had only my mother during my childhood days and she had loved me so much and tried her best to make sure I was happy but I had still craved the love and presence of my father.

I didn't want my child to go through the same experience as I had gone through and I had thought money could solve the father issue but it turned out that I had been wrong.

Inspite of all the love, care and gifts I had showered on him, he still wanted his father.

I wanted to give him a father, I really wanted to and Heaven was a witness to that fact, but what could one do when someone betrayed the person's trust?

What could you do when you found it hard to let go of grudges?

What would you have done if you were in my shoes?

The world thinks I'm crazy and just unforgiving but should I just say I've forgiven because of pressure when in all sincerity, my heart still ached at the thought of Amsey's misdeeds to me?

I needed time to eventually let go and I could screw the entire universe and tell them to go to hell for all I cared, but could I actually do that to my son?

All he's ever wanted is having both parents and I didn't have the heart to just ignore his wishes.

Dear Lord, why'd you create me in a way that I could hardly forgive?

I was tired of holding grudges but the resentment couldn't just go away.

I needed a change of heart and I needed to reconcile and move on but that wasn't possible.

Soon, Amsey will leave his apartment and Cameron will forget about him.

He'll be mine alone.

That's if his grandparents didn't come for him.