Chapter 45: Chapter 45

I inhaled the smell of caffeine as I held the cup of coffee in my hands, contemplating whether I ought to gulp it down or not.

I wasn't a fan of coffee, I just felt it was necessary to drink it to maintain my consciousness. I was scared of falling asleep, I was scared that someone may snatch my son from me while I was busy in Dreamland.

Over the past week, I had been dealing with this fear and I barely slept. I didn't even know where Victoria used to live so I couldn't go there and I couldn't ask Amsey, he didn't deserve to be talked to by me.

I was however conscious of the fact that her parents had probably seen the video that they in fact had a grandchild and were coming for him soon.

I took a sip of the coffee and tried to ignore the bitter taste it had as I sat in front of my mirror, shuddering at my shabby state.

I looked like a different version of myself. I was wearing the same pair of shorts for two days now, my hair was messy and my eyes were swollen from lack of sleep. My beauty was still obvious but in a ragged state. I didn't look like Cassie P, I just looked like a semblance of her.

I gulped down the remaining content of the cup and walked back to my bed with slow and calculated steps like an old woman.

The past events had shattered everything I worked hard for and my very being. I couldn't sing nor do anything.

With what Amsey had done, I couldn't trust anyone ever again and I didn't even have anyone close to me; the only one I had was Cameron who I could hope will take care of me when I was older with grey hair and stuff but he was going to be taken away from me as well.

Nothing good ever lasted in my life, it was like I was cursed or something; I had probably offended someone when I was much younger and they had laid a curse on me cause I just couldn't fathom why everything seemed to go awry at the biggest stage of my life.

I had distanced myself from Cameron trying to get used to him not being around so it won't hurt too much when he was finally taken away from me.

Why did Amsey make my life go upside down? I thought he loved me, why then did he have to do this to me? I thought he was a perfect guy in all ramifications, I had never imagined he was such a crook.

I heard a knock on my door.

"Come in," I said in a hoarse voice.

It was Pastor James who came in.

I sighed. He had been coming to see me everyday to make sure I was fine but I didn't appreciate his kind gesture at all, I was perfectly fine.

"Good afternoon, Cassandra. How are you doing today?" He asked.

"I'm fine," I said.

"You didn't ask but I'm fine as well," He told me.

"Good to hear. Please, leave, I need some alone time," I told him.

He pulled my dressing chair opposite where I was sitting on the bed with my legs crossed and sat down.

"I thought I told you politely to leave," I said.

He sighed and looked at me like he was pitying me but Heaven knew I wasn't interested in being pitied.

"Cassandra, I've been coming here for a week now and you keep giving me the same response with your mouth but not with your eyes," Pastor James said.

"What do you mean by that?" I blurted out.

"What I mean is I can see that you're not fine and it's okay if you're not fine, it's absolutely okay. Pretending won't help solve this matter you're facing; a problem shared is half-solved," He said.

After a moment or two, I spoke up, "I want to travel to Jos, I didn't celebrate my mum's posthumous birthday at her grave this year and it's been eating me up."

Pastor James scratched his brows and sighed deeply, "We both know that's not what's eating you up."

"How will you know? You're not in my mind," I said.

"Just spit it out, Cassie. Yell out loud that you're not fine, scatter things, go gaga, it's normal, okay? Stop being soft and acting like you're fine. It's okay to get mad, it's okay to cry," Rita said, coming out of nowhere.

"I have a question though," I said.

"What's that?" They both chorused.

"It's just you," I said, facing Pastor James.

"Me?" He asked.

"Yes, you. How'd you know where I live in the first place?" I asked.

"Cassie, you're just trying to change the topic which is utterly unreasonable," Rita said.

"Is it? Pastor James shows up from nowhere to my house and the security lets him in without asking me first or any other member of the household? That's impossible and I'm wondering how he did it," I said.

"You changing the topic isn't working, Cassie and I feel you should know that," Rita said.

"If he's not answering my questions, then I'm not saying anything. My life's not your business anyway. For crying out loud, I got fooled and was given a child that isn't mine and you all didn't even know. Now, my life's in disarray and that's when you're coming to say that I should let you in on my problems?? No way," I said.

"You're just spilling gibberish, we're saying one thing and you're saying another thing," Rita said.

"Why's this matter so sensitive to you? I'm talking to my father here and you should mind your business," I said to her.

"You're reminding me that I'm not family?" She asked taken aback.

"I'm not reminding you of anything, I'm only stating the facts," I retorted.

"Why do you always transfer your aggression? I didn't make you mad, Amsey did and you should just talk to him, reason things out and settle this whole thing," Rita said.

"And that's the exact reason I'm mad at you. You're the same person who convinced me to let bygones be bygones. You made it seem like I'm the worst person on earth because I refused to forgive him back then. I listened to you and see where we are now. Even with everything Amsey has done to me, you're still on his side," I yelled.

"Well, I keep on supporting Amsey because you take things too far. This guy took you in when you had no one," Rita yelled back at me.

I scoffed, "Okay? This guy slept with me and betrayed me, leaving me at the mercy of his monster of a father," I retorted.

"He saw you through with your pregnancy and paid for all your bills," Rita argued back.

"Then he gave me a child that isn't mine!" I shouted.

Rita rolled her eyes, "What is your problem?"

"You can never understand. Have you ever been pregnant and gone through stress for a whole nine months? You haven't. Well, I have and I even spent a month in the hospital smelling injections, puking at the smell of medicines, getting nothing less than four bags of drip and taking more than fifteen medicines making sure my child lived.

"When Cameron was given to me at the hospital, I smiled at him, feeling it was all worth it at the end. Cameron is my only source of joy and because I felt he's my offspring, I was so sure he'd always have my back even when no one did."

The tears I had been fighting for so long suddenly ran down my face with urgency and a symbol of the pain I had been dealing with.

I however went on, undeterred, "After six years of struggling with playing the role of dual parents just for Cameron's sake, I discovered he wasn't even my child after all. Not only that, I also discovered my own baby girl had died. How do you expect me to forgive him?"

"Cassandra...."

I cut Pastor James off. "You told me to let out how I'm feeling so let me finish. It was already bad that Amsey betrayed my trust by leaving the country without informing me beforehand and denying me in his father's presence but this time, he crossed the line so badly.

"I understand his point but I deserved to know what I was doing and even when he came back, he should have informed me of the entire situation instead of making me look like a fool in front of the whole nation. It'd have been better if I had known of the entire truth in the first place," I concluded.

Rita sat on the bed and held my hands and I just didn't know why.

"I'm sorry, okay? I may not understand what it means to walk in your shoes but I understand everything you've said. Everyone's saying they're sorry for pointing accusing fingers at you but they're saying that Amsey only did what he did because he cares about you," Rita said.

"I want to believe that so badly but I don't and all I feel for him right now is hatred and resentment," I said.

"We shouldn't hate people," Pastor James said.

"And even when someone really does something wrong to you, always remember the time they were there for you," Rita chipped in.

"I could give him back all the money he ever spent on me in fourfold," I retorted.

"Whatever decision you make is what we'd adhere to, we won't force you this time around. Do not feel compelled to make a decision, just follow your heart," Rita said.

I smiled and nodded.

"We should probably leave you to your alone time now," Pastor James said.

I gave a small laugh.

Rita hugged me tightly and whispered sweet and beautiful words to my ears which soothed my spirits.

She let go of me and smiled.

"Oh, and I feel no more secrets should be kept from you," Rita said.

"Are you guys dating?" I asked.

"Why would you think that?" Pastor James asked, fiddling with his jeans and looking terribly uncomfortable.

"Why isn't she allowed to think that? Am I not attractive enough?" Rita asked, eyeing him.

"You...are.. but you're just not my type," Pastor James said.

I burst into laughter, they both had a way of making me feel better.

"Really? You're not my type either," Rita said, stood up and stormed out of my room.

"What's wrong with your friend?" Pastor James asked.

I shrugged, "I don't know."

"Anyway, I met Rita in Lagos in January when I came for a conference and she's the one who gave me your address. The day I came to see you, I called her and she spoke with the security and that's how they let me in," Pastor James revealed.

"Ohh, that's not a big deal though," I said.

"Yeah. But I don't want to hide anything from you again. It actually doesn't make sense keeping things from people you love and I promise never to hide something from you ever again," Pastor James said.

I smiled.

"Do you have something to tell me?" Pastor James asked.

"Umm.. I actually have a question for you," I said.

"What's that?" He asked.

"Do you want to ever get married again?" I asked.

"Wh...why?" He asked, as he shifted in his chair.

I giggled, "Relax. I just wanted to know if you want to or if you can biblically," I said.

Pastor James shrugged, "Biblically, I can because my ex wife has remarried someone else but I don't think I want to."

"Well, in case you ever think of wanting to get married, you have an admirer," I said.

"Who?" He asked.

"Rita," I whispered.

He opened his mouth in surprise and looked around.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. Don't you see how she practically shoots her shots?"

"What does that mean?" He asked.

"You're so old, you don't even understand what that means. I wonder what Rita sees in you," I said, rolling my eyes.

"You're saying your father is too old for your friend?" He asked.

"Aren't you? It's not like I'm telling a lie."

"You're just jealous," He accused.

"I'm not. Anyways, I understand that the heart wants what it wants so I'm not complaining. I've told you who your admirer is and I think you should go for it," I said.

"You're right, she's too young," Pastor James said, refusing my advice.

"She's an adult and knows what she wants. Age is just a number," I said.

"I thought you don't watch those zee world programs anymore," He said, looking shocked.

"I don't but I'm only saying the truth. You should leave now, I have to freshen up," I said.

"I hope your friend isn't in the living room alone though so I can just live your house without being disturbed," He said.

I chuckled, "Bye, see you later."

He patted my back and left the bedroom.

I sighed as I watched him leave. Maybe I needed to be my old self again and put the past behind me. What had happened had brought me to a point where I couldn't think anymore as I didn't know where to pick up the pieces of my life from but after laughing so heartily, I knew I could just be anyone I wanted to.

It didn't matter that I had no child nor I had been too foolish to know about it beforehand, I could just ignore it and maybe start a new life; probably become a tourist and travel round the world, trying different occupations in every country till I grew old and died alone.

I shuddered. The thought of being alone was so scary and disturbing; I certainly didn't wanna grow old alone but I had no one now, did I?

Rita was probably gonna hook things up with my dad and they'll live happily ever after, Mary wasn't gonna work as a maid forever and Cameron.... He was definitely leaving me soon.

"Is it true, mum?" I heard Cameron's voice ask.

I looked up and saw Cameron standing by the door in his uniform with his lunch box in one hand and his backpack in his other hand, looking rough with eyes that showed he had been crying.

"Madam, I told him that you're resting but he pushed me and came to your room," Mary said, coming into view.

"Why don't you want me to see you? Why have you been staying far from me? Aunt Rita and Aunt Mary have not been letting me see you. I want to see my mum, is that a bad thing?" Cameron asked, tears rolling down his eyes.

"No, of course not, my darling," I replied, blinking back tears.

"Can I come in?" He asked.

"Sure."

I gestured at Mary to leave then she nodded and left.

Cameron dropped his bag and lunch box on the floor and walked timidly to my side then he sat on the bed beside me, the same spot Rita had just say on.

The atmosphere was silent as none of us said a word to each other. He was probably feeling scared and unsure of how to begin talking so I decided to help him out.

"How was school today?" I asked.

"Fine," He simply replied.

"Did you get any homework?" I asked.

He shook his head.

"But why's that? Is something wrong?" I asked.

"We're only doing revisions on our school work, that's why."

"Ohh. That means your exams are close by," I said.

"Yes, next week actually," He said.

"Is..ummm..is there something you'd like to share with me?" I asked.

He nodded his head.

"Okay, so what's it?" I asked.

"Mirabel snuck in her elder brother's phone today, we were watching some funny videos then she showed me a video where you were like I'm not your son and our neighbour, Amsey was like he's my father, I don't understand," Cameron said.

I sighed, enough with hiding secrets.

"You do realise it's bad to take phones to school, right?" I asked.

"Yes mum," He said, bowing his head.

"And if you both had been caught, your judgmental headmistress would have called and termed me a bad mother," I added.

"Yes, I'm really sorry. What's judgmental though?" He asked.

"I don't know how to explain its meaning to you, maybe you should ask your teacher," I said.

He nodded, "Okay. So are you really not my mother or you were just acting a movie? It'd be great if you're now an actress as well."

I grinned, "I wasn't acting, sweetie," I said.

"So...so you're not my mum?" He asked.

I shook my head, "Your mum's up there," I said, pointing at the ceiling.

"You mean she's dead," He said.

"Yes, dear. You're so mature," I said and ruffled his hair.

"But I've seen my baby pictures. You're the only one that's ever been there as my mother," He reasoned.

"Well, cause I've been with you from the moment you were given birth to. You see, I'm supposed to have a daughter of your age but she's also up there," I said.

"So she's with my mum then," Cameron said.

"Yes, she is. I think so," I told him.

"So my mum's with your daughter and you're with me," He said.

I nodded.

"So you're my mother," He said.

I felt puzzled. "What are you saying?" I asked.

"Your daughter's now my mother's child and I'm your child, simple. I don't really understand this whole thing but if you've always been my mum since I was a baby, then you're my mother," Cameron said.

I let out a gasp of disbelief and wonder as tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Why are you crying?" He asked.

"You're.. you're just so unbelievably thoughtful and sweet," I said.

Cameron giggled and wiped my tears with his palms.

"Don't cry, you don't look pretty when you do," He said.

I sniffed and forced a smile, blinking back tears.

"I heard in that video that you're giving me to some grandparents," Cameron said.

I cleared my throat, "That's if they won't let me have you, darling."

He shook his head, "I'm not going anywhere, I'll only be with you."

"My baby," I said and hugged him tightly, patting his back as I sobbed.

"I don't want you to leave me, honestly," I said.

"I'm not going to leave you, you're the only one I have," He said.

"And you're the only one I have as well, no one can take my son from me," I said.

"Does that mean you'll stay close to me again?" He asked.

"Yes, darling, I'm sorry for keeping my distance in the first place," I apologised.

We stayed in each other's arms for many minutes, sobbing gently. All that could come out of my eyes were tears and all I could feel was pain because I knew things could never be the same again and also anger, which was thrown at Amsey for making me go through this stress.

[Amsey's POV]

I stared at the cigarette and the lighter laid on the table in front of me.

I had never smoked and I felt that considering smoking at this point of my life meant that everything had really gone totally bad.

Tears flowed from my eyes as I bit my tongue purposely to stop the whimpers from being heard.

I hadn't meant to hurt Cas in any way. I really loved and adored Cas and I had known she was jealous of what she thought I had going on with Victoria even though there was no such thing.

I didn't know how she'd react on finding out her own child died while Victoria's own survived. I was planning on telling her later after about a few weeks that Cameron wasn't her son but I was just a coward and I couldn't tell her.

Cameron and Cas were the perfect combo, he looked at her with so much curiosity and adoration and she loved him with all her heart. How could I have disclosed the truth to her?

To top it all, I had abandoned him with her, making it seem like I had no relation with them. If only I had been truthful with her, things wouldn't have turned out so terribly.

Cas didn't even let her maid open the door for me, she blocked my number and I hadn't even seen her step out of her house since a week ago when the whole drama had unfolded.

I understood her perfectly but if she could give me just one last chance, I'd make everything perfect again.

After all, I didn't have any more skeletons in my cupboard.

At this rate, my dad was going to be forced to step down from office due to the pressure he was getting from people while Cas was probably never gonna have the courage to face the world ever again.

I had made a mess of the lives of those I actually held dear and I felt miserable. Maybe I shouldn't have come back, I should have just remained in the UK doing odd jobs because it seemed my presence had done more harm than good.

I looked at the pack of cigarettes and shook my head, I wasn't that kind of loser.

I picked it up and threw it into the waste bin and stared at the mirror.

It wasn't the time to sulk in regrets, it was time to set things right and earn Cas' trust once again and also resolve things with my father.

Although it didn't make sense that I wanted to settle anything with my dad, he was still my father after all and giving him something out of those properties seemed like the right thing to do. He may have been terrible and may have treated my mum and I wrongly but he had still worked for those properties.

I didn't care if he loved me or not though but I did care about what Cas thought of me.

She was angry at the moment, it was up to me to make her love me again and we could probably start a family; probably in the next fifty years, considering how much of a hothead she was, but I was going to wait.

She deserved all the time in the world.