Chapter 30: Chapter 30

"Un-leafing the pages of past before those who can stand by you, rock solid is something you must do because that will give a little insight to the person who can stand next to you or not."

Shree's Perspective

"Gradually, she started stepping back from the relationship. I sensed it but I couldn't understand why and the only option was to wait. Our conversation slowly curbed, the last thread what we have tore when I came back." He exhaled, exhaustingly rubbing his face. I was still rooted to my spot.

"I came back and went to meet her straightaway to her apartment. She wasn't there, I tried contacting her but she remained unavailable for rest of the week. Since she'd not introduced me to her family, I couldn't contact them. Following week, I planned to meet my friends. We tripped to Darjeeling and there I saw Divya with one of my batch mates from IIT. They were close, really close." I tried to fathom the amount of hurt he'd felt that moment through his voice that fainted while his eyes found a distant spot, living those awful memories again.

"I didn't confront her but waited for her to tell me herself. She didn't. She didn't tell me, we all saw her shamelessly roaming with a guy but not for once, and I saw guilt in her face. Coming back from there, I thought to meet Chetan, he was one of acquaints, we're on speaking terms and the day I went to his home, everything came out clearer. Divya was trimly cheating on me. I found them both in his pool." He divulged and by the moment, I wanted to kill that bitch!

"The moment she saw me, her face blanched and she desperately tried to tell me how wrong of her but not for once, she said that she still loved me. That was my cue; I broke up with her officially. She had made me realize that I was never good enough for her, that I was the reason she fell in love with Chetan, that I was never capable of loving anyone. She had deftly made me believe that no person would want to be with a selfish, insensitive person like me." Poor him!

"So for that you-" I interjected but he showed me hand, "I'm not done yet, Shree. Let me take it out all, let me completely emptied myself before you because I wanted to do this since long. That time, I was sure you will forgive me but now, I want you to hear to me and then decide on your own. I don't want you to be in dark anymore. I have almost lost you and I can't take chances again." My heart skipped two consecutive beats as he said that. I didn't know if he was honest or not but I blindly trusted him.

"This is not the reason why I was reluctant to relationships and love. A month later after I saw them, I ran into Chetan again in a club where I went with Kartik, Mehul and Bharat, actually they forced me." A smile I witnessed on his lips. "Chetan was with another girl who wasn't someone a random catch, he was clearly dating her. He was clearly playing with Divya."

ESV remarked on this, 'See, it is the karma for that bitch.' I shushed her immediately.

"Though I was over Divya because of her infidelity and double standards, I still cared for her, she was a part of my life and she wasn't like this since always. For the sake of old times and perhaps because of the anger that was built up in me due to being incompetence in competition with him, I confronted him. Our confrontation led totally out of the way, I couldn't believe that he simply said that Divya was just a part of his leisure. He was never serious with her. He could be so shameless I had not thought. I couldn't hold myself back and punched him straight on his face." A gasp spurted out from my lips as I covered my face. My feet shuffled to him on their own accord and I put my hand on his shoulder. He clutched my waist tightly and his words rumbled through my stomach, I could see how contemplative he was.

"I killed him, Shree."

At this revelation, I saw my whole world crushing. I was frozen. It was a matter of three minutes when I found my voice. "You did what?"

"I didn't want to. It wasn't intended. We were fighting, he had punched me. I had thrown kicks at him. He ran and I chased him. Before I could stop him, a running car hit him. We were all alone there. No one was there. I did rush to hospital with him but it was too late." I bet he was broken by then. I couldn't collect myself to chip a few words of consolation to him. "Then?"

"I called dada and informed him everything. He settled the matter since there wasn't any eyewitness and I was out of the charges given that I had helped a dying man but was that true? I clearly killed him. I shouldn't have inaugurated this fight."

"It wasn't your fault." He was living in guilt for years for something that he didn't do. It was an accident. I could assess the multitude of the incident on his psyche. Shock was an understatement what I felt then, he had been holding up so much trying to be normal with everyone.

"Does your family know about this?"

"No, I couldn't tell my mom that her son's deed killed a person. I couldn't stake dad's prestige, his hard work and his name." He mumbled still clutching on me, "Maybe, you don't want to be with me after knowing this that I..."

I struggled out of his grip and framed his face, "You are not a murderer Abhimanyu, whatever happened wasn't your fault. It was an accident. You need to get yourself out of this guilt." Now it clicked to me why'd he thrown me out that day!! He felt déjà vu because I articulately did panegyric his friend and he thought I would leave him like Divya. But does that makes him right? A part of mine howled thinking that he compared me to her. I instantly fallen my hands towards my side.

He held my hands and rubbed his thumb on my cheek, now standing to his marvelous height. "Rest of it is left; you came like an unwanted orison. I won't lie, that I needed you. To be honest I wanted you to say a no. I was afraid that you might hurt me, you'll leave me. It was difficult for me to trust but..."

He smiled, "I tried."

"You tried?" I scoffed, folding my arms. "When did you exactly try? The moment I enter your home, you declared this marriage ruled out. Then not for once, I saw your remarkable efforts of trying!"

He chuckled, derisively adding to my frown and made me sit beside him. "Come and sit here first. We've a lot of stuff to discuss."

"When I said trying, I meant mentally preparing myself prior to our marriage. I was not happy but not completely against it, and you've must notice it during our engagement." He propounded.

"Then why did you get marry to me if you weren't happy?" I asked impatiently and he looked down, "On our wedding night, I had said the truth. The only reason to marry you was to save your family's pride and mine as well."

"My family's pride? What rubbish!" I muttered, rolling my eyes and he stiffened. "You know you're making it difficult for me."

"You'd clearly told me you want no strings attached and now you're infusing my family into it. They were never a part of this scheme until now, were they?" He was sketching here!! How'd and why'd he save my family's prestige?

"I'm not lying. I decided to not come to the venue that day." He said through greeted teeth and my eyes glistened, "You wanted to ditch me?"

"Yes, because a week before the ceremony, I come across to Divya. She'd blatantly made me aberrant and I'd stupidly let her." I clenched my jaw. Divya! Again that girl!

"Nevertheless I came to wed you but I was determined to not let you penetrate the hard wall around me..." He paused and looked at me "...and you were obdurate on entrance. Rest is the history."

It took me minutes to finally wrap my mind around this unexpected blow of revelation. Even he patiently waited to let me comprehend the whole situation. "I still don't want to be with you."

"Is that because of Che..." detecting the fear in his voice, I impeded him. "No, that's not the reason. That will never be the reason Abhimanyu, it was an accident." I bore my eyes in his. "The real problem is your bipolar attitude because it's always been there."

"Just because something randomly coming out of my mouth reminded you of your cheating ex-girlfriend, you threw me out. Without even considering the consequences of your brutal action..." My voice croaked as I recalled how lonely I was there and tears threatened to fall "...I was helpless; sans of money and support. I could've been abducted. I could've been raped or killed, Abhimanyu. Did this thought never cross your mind?" By the time, he squeezed shut his eyes and tears streamed down from my eyes.

"Your one step could've staked my dignity, my life, didn't it occur to you? Or perhaps my life and death doesn't make any difference to you." I sighed and he wiped my tears off, "Don't say like this. You're precious to me. That night when I realized my mistake, I went to look about you but you weren't there. I was about to file a missing report but Akshat called me...."

"Too precious that you compared me to a double faced bitch? That you didn't even hear me out?" I asked rather stated, swatting his hand, "Abhimanyu, you've known me for three months. Nine if count the whole tenure when the conundrum started. If I'd wanted to leave you, I could've done that without associating with your friend."

He opened his mouth to interject but I stood up, "You know, let's end it here. It will be more easy for everyone, for me because I'm not looking forward to live a life where I've this fear that you'll throw me out if my words remind you of your girlfriend."

"Don't say like this. I agree it's all my fault-"

"Exactly it's entirely your fault. You could've avoided this mishap, if you you'd told me everything on first day itself but instead of coming clean, you chose other way around and see where it has led to us." I enunciated and added, "Beside the whole scenario explains that you don't trust me. I don't want to stay with someone who doesn't trust me."

"I do trust you but that time, my own insecurities made me act immaturely." He confessed.

"Then how can you be sure that it won't happen again?"

He gave me smirk, "Because I know you won't leave me as you like me."

"Excuse me!" I frowned.

"You heard me. You've confessed it yourself yesterday." He gripped my hand and I shook my head "No, it's not true. I was drunk, high on liquor. How can you take my words for that? It was alcohol. Purely alcohol."

"That's what I said, you were drunk and I've heard drunken mind speaks sober and I'd experienced that last night." He punctuated his words, coming closer and I gulped.

"Whatever I would've said, must be piffle. You shouldn't believe on it. Now I'm all sober and I'm saying that I don't want to see your face even. I don't want to reckon of you. No strings attached!" I reeled off lie.

"No strings attached? You want me. You like me and I reckon your drunken self is more reliable." His teasing and implementing smirk prodded me to kill him.

However, I won't do that even if he hurts me up to the extent.

I'm that constrained.

"I don't remember anything." I shuttered out, moving away and he pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me while I held my hands on his chest, "I know you clearly remember everything but in case of negation, I shall relive those moments with you. Just give me a chance."

After harkening everything, I wanted to reckon on him but the fear was still there. What if he repeats the history? What if he goes back to his usual self?

Regretfully, breaking his cage, I created a distance between us and mumbled, "I don't want to give you any chance. You've given me no reason to do so. I'm sorry but I can't trust you now. I need time."

Hurt mirrored in his eyes and composing himself, he softly said, "I'll wait. I'll make it worthy to you but just please stay with me. Please don't go!"

If you're happy then it's the best decision you can take for yourself. Dad's words resonated in my ears and I decided what would keep me happy.

"Fine! I'll stay here, not for you but for our families." I frowned, throwing my suitcase on the bed and opened it, "And don't even entertain the thought that I'm doing it because I feel something for you because it's bullshit!"

His cheeky grin metamorphosed into chuckle as he sauntered next to me, taking my folded clothes, "I think I should let you drink more often."

I shot him a glare but studiously avoiding it, he started keeping my dresses back in cupboard.

"Come. You should eat breakfast. You just had a plate of noodles last night." He clasped my wrist. I stopped him exactly there. "That reminds me, how'd you know where I was? Were you keeping tabs on me?"

"No!" He drew his eyebrows closer, amusingly. "You really don't remember anything?"

"Bits of it. I just remember hitting the bottle. That's it!" I tactfully cut the part of my prurience antics.

"Well, you've knocked Bharat down and he called me to inform about you. Rest of it is very interesting, though some part of it I missed but whatever I'd witness was amusing. All over, you gave a show to everyone." He said, walking away. Crap! I contorted my face, fathoming the gimmick I'd done. Unfortunately, nothing came up to me.

"You generally get drunk?" His question resounded and I twitched my lips, "No, I don't drink. It's a hard limit for me, and now don't ask why I drank!"

"I know the answer. Anyway, call me in if you decide to hit the club again." He hurled me with him and I was amazed about how much did he know.