Chapter 34: Chapter 34

'My ears must be rusty because I thought I heard you uttering a nasty word. Could you do the courtesy of repeating it Ms. Anderson?', he stalked towards me.

'No... not exactly interesting', I took a step back shutting the door closed as he caged me in.

'You sure about that?', he locked the door.

'What... are we talking about?', I asked breathlessly.

In answer, he kissed me. No not kissed. He devoured me. Consuming me until we both burst into flames. He claimed me. Making me his.

'You Ms. Anderson, are totally, utterly and completely mine. Mine to obey, mine to cherish and mine to honor', he whispered near my lips. My heart lurched at his whispered words.

My inner diva perched herself forward on the desk, adjusting her imaginary spectacles said- Sounds like wedding vows. And I didn't even go dress shopping. He sure is stingy.

As always, I ignored her. Because Raphael Sinclair saying this (other than obey) is rare. Finding Disneyland in the desert is kind of rare. But first thing first. 'I would obey no one', I snarled as he pulled my head back, baring my neck.

'Shall I prove it to you, Ms. Anderson?'

At this, I faltered. 'I won't obey you', I gritted my words out as he did some marvelous things to my neck.

'We shall see'

Let's just say, he showed me for a long time. We made good use of the couch in his office. I would never say its waste of space again.

As we lay entangled in the aftermath, a chasm opened inside me and threatened to swallow me whole. I wanted to ask him- what is Elizabeth to you, Rafa? Are you going to marry her? What will become of us? Will you leave me if your sister asks? Where am I in your life, Rafa? Where do you see me? What is our future? Will there be any? Or am I just a buffer? A plaything...to toy with. Why did you agree so readily for secrecy? Raphael Sinclair who listens to no one agrees to keep his relationship secret. Why? Why? Why? Can I be called your girlfriend now? Say something. Anything. Just...let me know where I'm standing with you. Am I the only one who loves in this relationship? Do you love me, Rafa? I fear for us, Rafa. I feel like there is a storm brewing, and I'm the only one fighting it. Will you stand with me or against me? Kade says your family is responsible for the murder. What will you do if it's true? Will you stand with them and crush me or be with me and leave them? Can you do that Rafa? Can you? Leave them? The people who resented your existence. Who kept you for the sake of appearance!

Do you know anything about this, Rafa? Why didn't you say anything if you know? Why all the secrecy Rafa? I'm scared, Rafa. What a joke! Me, Erica, a girl who used to fight to fill her stomach, scared to utter the words. Not just any words. Words that will define our relationship.

Do you love me, Rafa? Will you stand by me?

Alas, I'm not strong enough to ask. I want to stay in this bliss called ignorance for some more time. Just... a little bit while. In our own cocoon. A tear slipped landing on Raphael, making him know of my emotional state. Where are these tears coming from? Why won't they stop? I don't want him to see me like this. Scared... alone... fighting for something that is slipping so fast from my fingers. Trying to hold it with both hands with all my strength. I want him to see me as tough Erica. Unbreakable Erica. Not this near crumbled version of me.

He stared into my eyes, brushing my tears without asking anything. Giving me time to compose myself. But for once, I don't want to. I want to be...human. I'm tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of what-ifs.

I latched at him, holding him tight, burying my face into his chest, 'do you feel it too?'

'What?', he choked, making me aware that he is not as unaffected as he makes me believe.

'The storm', I whispered, scared if I said loud enough it may come sooner.

'Don't think about it'

'Why can't we be like this always? Let's go somewhere. Anywhere. Just the two of us. Away from this. All of it. Just you and me Rafa', I cried for us.

I started imagining what it would be like if we really ran away. 'We can buy a home. With a garage. The garage must be wide enough to fit our cars. And the backyard is a must', I hiccupped.

'A huge one. With...with a tree, for the treehouse. I always wanted a treehouse when I was a kid. Front lawn too. Our own ...little world', I choked a sob and continued, 'Living a normal life. Like normal people. Can we do that Rafa? Be normal? Why can't we be like that, Rafa? Please take me away Rafa. Please. I don't want to be here anymore. This city... it's always taking people away from me. It's suffocating me', I sobbed.

I sobbed for my lost dreams, sobbed for our supposed future. Because no matter what happens, we are going to be affected by it. Can he forgive me after all is said and done? I want to hold this moment and treasure it. This treasure will be the only thing left to me when I must pull the trigger on a member of his family. Why? Why can't we be different? Why must he belong to that family? Why must it be my sister?

Why must I suffer in the future for the sake of the past? What will I gain? At the end of the tunnel, there is only darkness awaiting me. Can I forget my past and be with him for our future sake? Will I be happy? Can I meet my own eyes if I do that?

Oh, Rafa, we have tangled ourselves in this web, haven't we?

I must have cried myself to sleep, as I heard Raphael's voice from far away, 'I wish it was different, Erica. I wish it wasn't you'