Chapter 86: Chapter 86

Chapter 85

The weight of my chest and I feel like I should know something but I don’t even know what I should know.

"You should rest for today, I will go back to camp for a while to sign what I should have signed and fix the damage caused during the war" I looked up at Trevas when he began to speak.

I wanted to tell him that if possible he shouldn't leave and just join me here because I don't want to be alone but I know that he is needed now in the camp and I was just brought here to rest. It's a big thing that he did deliver me today and I don't want to be greedy for his attention and force him to stay.

"Ok…" I replied.

Trevas sighed, he probably noticed on my face my hesitation to let him go.

"I'll be quick" he said before approaching me and quickly pressed our lips together. "Just rest, I'll be right back"

I nodded as he smiled. After that he said goodbye and left so I was left in the courtyard, only with the names of some helpers.

I walked upstairs to my room and lay down on the bed. As soon as I put my body on the soft bed I felt a mixture of drowsiness and tiredness so I fell asleep quickly.

***

I slowly opened my eyes and realized that I was in a place where only pure black could be seen. There isn’t even any light but I can see myself. There wasn’t any sound to be heard around but I could hear my every step and my breathing.

"We met again" caught my attention when I heard a familiar voice. Her voice echoed inside my brain as if her voice was coming from inside me but before I could speak a white light suddenly appeared in front of me and there, Laramie gradually came out.

“Where are we? Why are you here? ” I asked one question after another. I have an idea that we are here now in my dream because I remember I slept a while ago but I'm sure it's not a dream.

"We're inside your consciousness" he replied but I was even more confused so I didn't say anything.

"You know that one of my powers is to give a request to someone in exchange for a tear, don't you?"

I nodded.

“Well I am here to fulfill Luke’s wish. After all, he shed so many tears for you ”he said so my chest suddenly started beating faster.

"What is his wish?"

“He wants me to show you everything you deserve to know. He knows you can't be quiet for the rest of your life until you know the truth so he asked me to tell and show you everything that bothers you. "

I nodded before speaking firmly. "Then tell me…"

"Yes… but remember… knowing too much can be too painful" Laramie commented as if giving me the opportunity not to find out the truth but I remained determined in my decision.

Laramie sighed as she saw my determination before she raised her right hand and at the same time the light enveloped my vision.

And that’s when I realized, that sometimes, it’s better without you knowing.

"Alissa!"

I suddenly woke up when I heard Trevas calling to me he was holding both my cheeks and remembering looking at me. I could feel the tears flowing in my eyes and my vision was blurred because of it.

“What’s wrong?” Trevas asked when he saw that my tears were still flowing.

I just stared at him, I didn’t know what to say and I didn’t know what I should feel.

“I…” I whispered but still, I could hear the vibration in my voice because of the mixed emotions I was feeling. I gripped Trevas' arm tightly as Laramie's words slowly entered my mind.

He told me all about Lina’s death. He told me about Luke’s secrets that he also kept for a long time. He told me things that only made my feelings worse.

I was so close to my chest that it felt like millions of needles were being pricked by the excruciating pain I was feeling.

My tears just kept flowing but there was no emotion on my face. Shocked looking at the emptiness while feeling the intense pain I was feeling.

I felt hatred for myself because of what I found out. Two lives were lost for me. Two people lost their future because of me and I have no idea of ​​all the sacrifices they made. I never thanked them or said goodbye before they disappeared from this world.

This is the first time I have felt such pain. even when papa died right in front of me and I thought mama was gone and I lost everything, I didn't feel such great pain.

“What is it? What happened? ” Trevas asked again when he saw how I looked. He woke me up from lying down before hugging me tightly, forcing me to calm down.

Shake shake me. I don’t know how to tell him everything. I couldn’t even accept to myself everything I found out so I’m sure I couldn’t tell him properly either.

Trevas just sighed before placing his chin on my head and letting me express how I felt. I don’t know how long we’ve been in that position. No one spoke to the two of us and I just realized that I fell asleep again in his arms.

Since that day, there hasn’t been a time that I haven’t felt guiilt. I can’t eat and sleep well because I feel like I don’t deserve everything I receive because I owe Lina and Luke my life. I feel like I don’t deserve to be happy every time I remember what Laramie told me.

Laramie's words kept echoing in my brain and I didn't know how long I would be able to endure it before I became discouraged.

“Luke spends his whole life protecting you and the Knoxx family. While you were here in Beifang, he risked his life and allied with Psyche so that he could more easily sabotage his plans- ”

"You haven't eaten yet?" my attention returned to the present when I heard Trevas' voice leaning against the door of my room.

He was still wearing his combat clothes and looked like he had just finished camp. I still couldn’t tell him about the truth behind the deaths of Lina and Luke and why I was like this so there wasn’t a day that I didn’t see the concern in his eyes as he watched me slowly go crazy.

"I have no appetite" I replied as I watched him walk closer to my bed where I was currently sitting.

He leaned over me and stared at me. I immediately averted my eyes because I knew I didn't look good. I haven't been able to sleep for a few days so I know that the underside of my eyes are turning black and that my face is tired.

I turned my face in the other direction to hide from him how haggard I was but he grabbed me by both shoulders and faced him so I did nothing as he watched me closely. His forehead was wrinkled but I couldn't read on his face how he felt.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" he asked almost in a whisper but I could hear in his voice that he himself was hurt by my condition.

I tried to remove his hands that were clinging to both my shoulders but he just tightened his grip.

"Did I do something wrong?" I looked up at him at his question and immediately shook my head.

He sighed before speaking again. “Then It’s about luke, isn’t it?”

To be continued.....