Chapter 20: Chapter 20

Life was improbable to be consummated with delectation and prosperity. There are moments when you go up as if riding in a big-dipper, you close your eyes with fear consuming, but you still hold your hands high in the air enjoying it. That’s how it goes in our existence. There are pain and pleasure.

As I tried to reach up in the sky, taking my momentum, I felt like the creation had stopped revolving around me, and I was living in an eternal paradise. I have questions, approximately, where am I? Why am I here? Why am I alone? And lastly, what is my purpose here?

But does it matter any longer? Everything I have dreamed of is right here before me. Peace is all I ever wanted. I’m not hanging on a burden. I no longer feel any hatred I felt on earth. Even if I am alone, thus, living by yourself doesn’t mean you are lonely. Who cares about anyone if all they have ever done to you is give you agony? Pain? Suffering?

I closed my eyes as I recollected my memories. I don’t remember a single thing, but the emotions I bottled up inside are igniting. As if someone dear to me betrayed me or done something horrible that I don’t want to go back to where I have been ahead. It’s strange, though. Why am I feeling this way? What happened back then?

It doesn’t matter; my conscience told me. You’re here now, and this is what you are longing for. To live in peace, not think, and not feel guilty for a crime you didn’t do.

The question is, did I do something horrible? Or did someone do something to me?

“Natasha!”

I jolted up straight in my spot when I heard a distinct voice that I think I had heard somewhere else before. I frenetic roamed my eyes around the area but saw no one. I’m the only one who is in this place. Where is that voice coming from? Why does it sound so blurry, as if it’s in a far distance?

Or perhaps, I’m just fantasizing or hearing things my head is saying since I’m alone here. My brain is likely giving up on me. I ought to halt considering and extricate up my entire body.

I gradually lay down, but I heard it once more. This time, it's clear that it's yelling right in my confront. My eyes wrinkled in perplexity as I looked up ahead. I can't see anybody, but I feel a presence before me. I swallowed silently as I endeavored to reach for something but stopped myself. I'm frightened of what will happen to me. I don't want to leave this place. I don't want to go back where I came from. I don't like pain.

“Please, wake up.”

There it is again, this time, it’s begging for me. I closed my eyes tight as I balled my fist. From here, millions of electric stun waves shocked me as waves of recollections are playing like a speed run like a movie clip. It’s all coming to the point my mind is telling me to give up. I restrained myself, holding unto something until I stopped thinking.

“Take my hand!”

He’s here. I opened my eyes, and a pair of captivating ones met mine. I have never seen a man this prepossessing in my life. I cleared the lump in my throat. He’s dangerous. He killed me. However, why does he looks so happy to see me? As if removed a giant boulder from his shoulder.

“Come back, Natasha.” he offered his hand, waiting.

I shook my head in disagreement as I tried to back away. His intimidating aura is reflected in my eyes. They are shouting at me to run away as this man is wicked.

“I don’t trust you!” I shouted to let him feel what I felt to him. He smiled, but this time, it was weak. He gestured his head, telling me he understood.

“That’s why I am here. I am willing to sacrifice everything to have you safe.”

He made a step forward as he attempted to reach me. I don’t know why I ceased on my tracks as I let him. When our flesh brushed, that’s when a tear suddenly flowed. He brought down his head, endeavoring to kiss me on the cheeks letting the tear disappear.

“Let’s go home.”

I breathed in then let my hand take his. He didn’t say anything as he guided me somewhere. We were walking, embracing each other’s presence, as our hearts beat in sync. I closed my eyes and let the flow of life take me to where I was destined to be.

The wind brushes off my skin, letting my hair violently scattered. I let go of his hands, trying to fix it. The wind blew more robust, and I lost my balance. I fell into a dark hole. I was screaming and yelling for help, begging for it to stop, when I landed on a soft edge.

I opened my eyes, and I saw the light. It wasn’t clear at first as my vision was still hazy. I attempted to move my hand but I couldn’t, something heavy was on it. I followed my gaze on it when it landed on a head resting on my hand. I didn’t think at first, but I remember everything when he changed his position and saw his face.

I’m inside a room, but it’s not in his house. I’m at the hospital. It’s too quiet. I could hear nothing but the exhalation of air coming from the air conditioner. I tried freeing my hand from him, but I was surprised when he held it. Is he awake?

He opened his eyes and our gaze locked. His lashes move, and his eyes speak, making my internal parts somersault. I couldn’t find my tongue when they deserted me. I feel like I’m getting sucked into another dimension as his eyes are whispering something to my head, telling me to be submissive to him.

“Do you need anything?” his deep-baritone rough voice echoed and rang in my eardrum.

“Ahm…” it’s awkward. I don’t know what I will say. What should I do? Or what should I react as I am face to face with the man who almost killed me again?

I felt his hands reaching for my lips but my instinct told me he would attack. I slap his hands away, clearly not thinking straight. My eyes widen in reverence when his eyes darken, the sudden action making him demented. Before he could do something, I embraced myself. As I crawl away from him, my tears form on the corners of my eyes, my head shaking, and my body shivering from fright.

“P-please…don’t hurt me.” I plead.

“D-don’t come closer to me. P-please.” my voice cracked. “I can’t take it anymore. You always hurt me. You wanted to kill me in the first place. Why did you stop? Why don’t you end my life? Why did you bring me here?”

The moment I asked why he let me live, he looked away. His hair is blocking his eyes. The only thing I can see is his nose and lips twitching. I want answers from him. He’s a walking mix signal. He sometimes doesn’t care, and there are other times he’s inhumane.

“Tell me!”

His eyes flared, and he transformed into his werewolf form. He hovered over the bed, pinning me between his distinct claws. His fangs are showing and gleaming, waiting to get me devoured. He lost his mind. He lost his temper. I just wanted to know the truth. I just wanted to know what he was thinking, but he built his walls around him, caging himself inside. How am I supposed to know what he feels towards me if he keeps pushing me away?

“I knew it.” my lips formed into uncontrollable sobs.

“You can hurt me anytime you want.” a tear escaped my eyes as I looked down. I can’t look at his form. He can slaughter me if he wants to.

“You don’t care, Ethan. You would never change for the better.” I slowly sink on the bed. I squeeze myself, letting my head and tears fall on the pillow.

He didn’t say anything, but I felt him getting out of my top. I remained in my position for how many seconds, minutes that turn into hours. A nurse came in, and she was stunned to see how messed up the place was. They asked me regarding the area, but I didn’t let out a single word. They must have thought I was traumatized since a therapist assessed me, but I didn’t let them.

I don’t care if they think I’m a psychopath or something for throwing things at them. I didn’t lose my mind. I’m still intact. What angers me is the fact they didn’t understand me. No one would ever understand me. Even the person I trusted and gave my love the most betrayed me.

“Your boyfriend who brought you here didn’t showed up for the last five days. Did he abandon you? But he payed all of the expenses.” a nurse asked while interjecting a syringe in my shoulder.

I snicker humorlessly. I’m not shocked. He’s always gone whenever I need somebody to be here by my side. He’s a fight-or-flight person. What’s new? There’s nothing I ought to be anticipating something from Ethan.

I despise him. I hate him so much that I want him to be dead. I hope our paths won’t cross again.