Chapter 13: Chapter 13

Lora has been staring at the phone all morning, contemplating whether to call her mum or not. “Should I call her?” she asked herself. No matter how sad she felt about her mum not calling her, she still misses her and cannot bring herself to continue to stay mad at her.

“And if I call her, what will I say to her? What are we going to talk about? She asked again still staring at the phone, contemplating in her heart what sort of conversation would be appropriate to be a good reason to have given her a call.

She remembered the last time she called her mum, she didn’t answer the call and she never called back either, even after receiving her message to call her back. She must be very busy with her life, Lora called and tried to imagine what could be a good reason for her mum not to have called her back after she saw her call and text message.

“No don’t call her.” A voice in her head said to her when she could not come up with a good enough reason for her mum not to have returned her call or text at the very least. She’s probably having fun somewhere and has forgotten that she has a daughter, the voice in her head said again, she bit her lower lip still staring at the phone.

“Call her, after all she’s your mum, she may have forgotten about you but certainly you haven’t forgotten about her.” Another voice in her head said to her. “She may be in some sort of trouble not to have returned your call,” the voice in her head told her again, trying to give her a good reason to call her mum up, besides she misses her and it would not be a bad idea if she called, she may probably answer, Lora told herself and with this thought.

She stood up from the chair she was sitting on in the living room and walked closer to where the phone is, then paused half way when a thought suddenly came to her mind to play its trick on her.

“What if she’s busy and doesn’t want to talk to me?” The voice in her head said again, she stood still contemplating what to do at this point, whether to call or not.

It’s been over a week since her graduation and her mum haven’t called her and a day haven’t passed by without her thinking about it. She doesn’t know how her mum could forget such a thing, she had called her some weeks ago informing her of the day she is going to graduate from school, she had said okay and as usual ended the call saying she is very busy at the moment, she called her again after another week but she didn't answer, neither did she reply.

Her only child has graduated from school and she didn’t even call to wish her a happy graduation, she thought. Lora could still remember how so many parents had been in the school that day to celebrate with their children especially mothers, if not for Catalina’s parents she would have been all alone, she sometimes thought if her mum had another child that she does not know about, because if her dad said that her mum had left her because an affair, then the possibility of having another child cannot be ruled out, she thought again.

She folded her both hands under her breasts and paced up and down the living room wondering why hers is so different from the other kids. She paused abruptly, her lips slightly parted as she drew in a large amount of air and exhaled while looking at the phone, then summoned some courage and decided to call her mum.

Lora walked to where the phone was, picked up the phone and sat down on a chair like one who is about to have a panic attack and dialed her mum’s number. “It’s ringing.” She muttered and breathes in and out, trying to pull herself together just in case her mum did not pick up like she had done before, but she hoped she was going to pick up this time though.

Camilla turned to her phone that just started ringing to see who was calling her and hoping that it wasn’t work since she wanted to take a break but her brows lifted when she saw that it was her daughter Lora who was calling. She sat up on the bench she was lying on, to sit down properly before she would take the call, wondering what to tell her if she took the call. “Hello?” she said in a near husky tone into the phone.

“Hello Mama, it’s me Lora.” Lora said feeling a little uneasy after she heard her mum’s voice, she did not know that she would pick up since the ringing was about to end.

“Hi honey, is that you?” Camilla said again, trying to sound alright after hearing the way she sounded earlier, it was not like her usual self.

“Yes Mama, it’s me Lora.” Lora answered with so much anxiety in her voice after her mum called her honey, she used to call her honey but she does not act like she was truly a darling to her, if she was, she would not have forgotten to call her up for her graduation party. Her mum went silent for a while, and she guess that she does not know what to say to her that’s why.

“I hope you’re okay dear?” Camilla asked again, her voice trembling a little this time, as she does not know what to say to her, she knew that she should have called her to wish her a happy graduation at the very least but she did not because she was in that time when she wanted to see and hold her daughter instead of just talking to her on the phone. She wished she could hold her now instead of just talking to her over the phone like this.

“Yes Mama, I am fine, I…” Lora was saying when Camilla just interrupted her, she could not control her heart that was tearing up at the moment.

“Okay honey, I am a little busy right now darling, I will talk to you later… I love you.” Camilla said in a near teary tone and then hung up without waiting for Lora to speak.

Lora stared at the phone in her hand again feeling heartbroken, she knew their conversation wouldn't last long but she did not expect it to end the way it did and wondered why her mum always sound busy whenever she talked to her on the phone. She did not notice the sadness in her mum’s voice and thought that she was truly busy as she had said she was and this made her angry.

She slowly put the phone back on its position and went into her room, her lips pressed together because of how angry she looked at the moment. She opened a drawer and brought out a magazine where her mum’s image have been the cover page and stared at the picture of her mum, she slowly walked to her bed holding the magazine in her hands and sat down on the bed still looking at the picture of her mum in the magazine.

She had come across this magazine one day on her way back from school, she was going home from school with Catalina on that faithful day when Catalina saw the magazine and drew her attention to it.

“Look Lora, it’s your Mama.” She had said to her pointing at the Magazine on the shelve in a mobile shop along the road. “Wow Lora, look how elegant and beautiful your Mama looks.” Catalina has said to her on that faithful day and then went on and on complementing her mum’s picture.

Lora had quickly brought out money from her purse and paid for the magazine that day and had kept it in her drawer, the picture of her mum in this magazine is nothing like the one she had of her before. She looked very different in this magazine, and she bet no one would believe her if she should say that the lady in this magazine is her mum. She thought staring at the picture.

She can’t help to think that she is one of the reasons her mum had left, did she really leave her to pursue her dreams or is there another reason to it like what her dad had told her. Lora thought, tears building up in her eyes.

Her dad had said that one of the reasons her mum left was to be with her lover. She thought still looking at the picture of her mum in the magazine, and trying to fight back the tears that were building up in her eyes.

She had over heard a woman in the bus some time ago when she was on her way back from school tell someone over the phone that her children comes first, the woman had said that turning down an offer, she had looked at the woman in admiration and wished her mum could do that for her.

Lora wondered if her mum ever has the time to think of her, looking at her picture in this magazine, her mum seemed like a boss lady who would really not have time for petty things like thinking of her daughter, she thought. “I love you too Mama, you didn’t even wait to chat with me for a while or wait for me to say I love you too.” Lora said tearfully, still peering down at the magazine in her hand.

It's been a long time since her mum spoke with her at length over the phone, she could remember that it was before her sixteenth birthday.

“I miss you so much Mama.” She said again as the tears that gathered in her eyes started rolling down her cheeks. “I wish I’m a lot more like you Mama…” she added tearfully, still looking at her mum’s picture in the magazine.