Chapter 12: Chapter 12

She woke up to the feeling of warm breath blowing on the top of her head. Conscious of the chill in the air she pushed herself into the warm at her back, rolling over and nuzzling her nose into the body of the man behind her. It took her a couple minutes to come to full awareness and realize she was pressed up against the hard plains of James’ chest, her nose trying to shove its way into the crook of his neck. They had fallen asleep where they had been in front of the fireplace, though the fire had long since died out, no longer bathing the room in its warm and delicate light. James was still fast asleep; his face having lost all the signs of worry that it had held the day before. It was fascinating how sleep could reveal a person.

Gone was any sense of danger he carried with him, in his sleep he was no longer the vicious protector, he was vulnerable just like her. She wondered what she looked like while she slept, did her dreams play out on her face, or did she look deceitfully peaceful while her mind was in turmoil. Sleep did not bring peace or refuge to Soren, rather it brought confusing and sometimes downright terrifying visions to her. Sometimes she wondered if she was being punished somehow, if she had done something or angered someone that would wish such unrest upon her. The winds assured her they were harmless, that they were simply tales of pasts untold, but it did not ease the ache in her brain when she woke after a night of restless slumber.

This morning was different though, Soren’s head did not ache at all, in fact she felt better than she had in a long, long time. She couldn’t help but imagine it had everything to do with the man that lay next to her. Something about his arms around her, their legs intertwined gave her a sense of calm and safety that only he could bring. He had driven the dreams away, once again saving her from her past and all that plagued her.

Lost in her thoughts she did not notice the low groan or the hazel eyes that blinked open slowly. James came to and wondered if his eyes were deceiving him, or if maybe he hadn’t woken up at all, just transitioned into another blissful dream. But no. She was there, right beside him in his arms. She was exactly where she was supposed to be, and he couldn’t be more happy and grateful that she had not snuck outside again. It might not be winter any more, but it was still freezing in Colorado and he didn’t think she could afford to get sick, and she would, especially considering she was only human, and she was only wearing his clothes.

He could feel the carpet beneath him, not doing anything to ease the pain in his stiff back from sleeping on the couch the night before, but he could hardly feel it. All he could see was the face of his mate so close to his own. Feel her pressed up against him, once again reminded that she needed to gain weight, and fast.

“Good morning,” he murmured, not wanting to startle her away from him, he didn’t know if he could bear to separate from her when he had only just woken.

“Did you sleep well?”

She nodded in response, letting her hair fall and cover half her face. He didn’t like that she was trying to hide herself from him. She was his everything now, and he wanted to see her face. Pushing her hair out of her eyes, he tucked it behind her ear, letting his hand graze her cheek on its way back to its spot on his chest. His wolf was settled and practically purring as they laid there on the floor both in thought, neither him nor his canine side were immune to the calm they felt in her presence, she was their own personal ray of sunshine and they wanted to bask in it as long as possible.

Not long after James had those very thoughts did Soren move to get up. Placing both hands on his chest she pushed herself into a seated position. She was hungry but she could not make herself ask for anything, this cabin was James’ territory and for her it was unfamiliar grounds. In the woods there was only one omnipotent notion: survive or die. The forest had pushed her to be harsh and severe, to harden herself towards the things she had to do, but now that she was with James, she just felt unsure. She didn’t know what was common practice here, how often did they eat, what did they do when they weren’t hunting? She had so many questions she couldn’t even list them all, but more importantly she didn’t know what was okay to ask and what wasn’t, every time she opened her mouth, she was afraid she would offend him.

Looking at the gentle man beside her, she knew she wasn’t ready to leave. Matt had said that James was needed here, needed by the pack, so she couldn’t possibly ask him to return to the woods with her. Even so, she was tempted to grab him by the arm and run, to go back to the days where they lived in comfortable silence, understanding each other without the need for words or niceties. She did admit, it was nice to be indoors, at least for the warmth and comfort it provided, and if it was what she had to endure to be near James just a little while longer, she would. However, she knew she could only do it for so long.

Hearing her stomach growl, James chuckled,

“Hungry?”

Once again, a simple nod of the head was all he got. With a small sigh he forced himself to stand, holding his hand out to pull her up with him. He wanted to hear her voice, to listen to her regale him with her memories of being home, of being happy. Better yet, he wanted her to be happy here in the cabin, with him, to be comfortable saying what she thought or voicing all the thoughts he could see churning in her head. He didn’t release her hand once she was up, instead he tucked it into the nook of his elbow, escorting her to a high chair at the kitchen island.

“How about French toast?” He asked, it wasn’t quite a yes or no question, so he was hoping for a little more than a nod.

He didn’t get a nod, or even a shake of the head, but what he did get was just as disappointing. She shrugged her shoulders, the universal “I don’t know” and he let out his second sigh of the day. This time though it wasn’t a sigh of reluctance, it was one of disappointment. He wanted to hear the angelic lilt of her voice, his ears straining themselves to hold onto the soft sounds of her breathing instead. She was so quiet it was almost as if she wasn’t there, and James had a hard time handling it. Turning towards the sink he hung his head, he didn’t want her to see that he was upset, but it was almost impossible to hold it in.

“What is it?”

His head snapped up. Tingles ran down his spine and this time, he held in the sigh, the one of pure bliss that wanted to leave his clenched lips. Finally.

“French toast?” He tried to play off his excitement, he didn’t want to freak her out, instead wanted to keep the conversation going as long as possible,

“Well it’s bread, eggs and cinnamon. My mom used to make it for me all the time when I still lived at home, you wanna try it? If you don’t like it, I can always make something different.”

“Sure.”

He couldn’t contain the smile that stretched across his face. He was sure he looked absolutely insane, but he didn’t care, she had talked, and it was progress.

So focused on the bubbly feeling within, he hardly noticed when she slipped off the stool and came towards him. That is, until she was almost chest to chest with him. His smile left his face and turned into a look of confusion, his eyebrows drawing together as his little mate looked up at him. He tensed his arms to stop them from winding around her, when she rose up onto her tip toes and pushed the corners of his lips up.

“I like when you smile.” She said simply, “Don’t frown anymore, okay?”

She was dead serious, and just like that the smile was back, only this time returned with a radiant one of her own. He was in awe, blown away by the way she lit up the room, her happiness thick throughout the room.

“Okay,” he said, “All smiles, all the time, I got it. Any other requests, mademoiselle?”

She looked conflicted,

Was she scared to ask him things? He wondered to himself, he hoped not, nothing she could say or do would make him angry.

“I was wondering,” She was hesitant, and it made him hate himself for making her nervous, “Do you think I could maybe have some pants? I’m a little cold.”

He wanted to hit himself, of course she was cold. She was only wearing his hoodie, a pair of shorts and his socks, not near enough for her human body to keep warm, he kept forgetting she was not like him.

“Of course, I’ll run and grab the sweats from yesterday, okay? Just stay right here.” He ran up the stairs two at a time, snagging the sweats from where they laid on a chair in the corner of the room. Back in the kitchen, she was gone. His heart began to hammer in his chest, had she used that as an excuse in order to leave? Had she run back to the woods? His wolf was close to the surface and he felt seconds away from exploding into a pile of fur. He clenched the countertop with both fists, his back tensing painfully.

“Are you okay?”

The concerned voice hit him like a ton of bricks. Soon small hands were placed on his back, running gently up and down his spine like she did when he was in wolf form. They stayed like that until he could reign in his wolf, pushing him back down into the recesses of his mind, reminding him that she was here in the kitchen with him, that she was safe.

Standing up fully, he released the counter, the wood showing clear, deep marks where his hands had been, his claws had been out, and the table would have a permanent reminder of his battle for control. Turning to face Ren, she was already looking at him with concern evident in her ice blue eyes.

“Are you okay?” She asked again, this time with less intensity than she had when she had found him hunched over.

“I’m okay, I’m sorry if I scared you, I didn’t see you and I was worried.”

“I’m sorry, it’s my fault. I needed to use the bathroom. I know you told me to stay right here, I’m really sorry I didn’t listen.”

She hung her head in shame and his heart clenched for what felt like the millionth time. He grabbed her by the waist and when she didn’t react, he lifted her and placed her on top of the counter. He placed an arm on either side of her, resting lightly on the table where they had just been. Her head was hung low and she was twisting her fingers together.

“I need you to look at me because what I’m about to say is really important, okay?” She nodded.

“This house and everything in it is yours. My clothes, my food, my carpet, my placemats, hell, even me - all yours. If there’s something you don’t like, tell me and I’ll change it. If you’re hungry, thirsty, cold, warm, turning pink, you tell me, and I’ll fix it.” He placed one of his large hands on top of her own,

“I just want you to be happy here. You don’t need to be scared or worried about anything when I’m with you. I’ll always protect you and I’ll always do whatever it takes to make you happier than you’ve even been.”

When he was done, he stood back and waited for her reaction. She pulled her hands out from under his and his heart sank, but when she began wrapping them around his waist and resting her head on his chest, just under his chin, his heart sang.