Chapter 81: Chapter 81

I never went to the hospital again .  I didn't even go back to his room the day I found out about Madrid; I just pretended to be sick and rested. I can't confess it to myself, and I tried to deny the fact to myself, but when I read the articles, all I saw was that he was building a new building. I became enraged when I saw my parents' money was missing. Despite the fact that he had been discharged, I did not visit him. I provided different excuses, such as not feeling well, being unable to leave since I had assisted the people of Zhejiang, but the most common one was that there were several issues with the new project we were working on. Now that he's returned, I've packed my bags since I'm going back to the city without him and will merely wait for him there. I haven't heard from Cole in two days, and I need to see him again to give him the information.

When I returned to the city, I didn't go out to the room for fear of running across Adonis, and I didn't know what to say to him. I felt like I was choking simply to think of the perfect thing to ask him. I felt bad for the two of us because I didn't have the courage to stand up for us. If I had the strength to be like him, we may not be in this situation today — that I need to avoid him just so I don't harm him further and so I don't hurt myself. I want to blame myself. Can I just go back to a time when I didn't know him yet? Can I go back to a time when I don't have feelings for him yet? Back then I couldn't see the future, now I can clearly see where our relationship is going.

In the depths of my mind, I did not realize that there was a bang outside the door. It's like an angry person so I knew immediately who it was. Even if I want to open it, my heart tells me not to because I know I will just hug him tightly so that he won't get out of my arms. I'll just be greedy for something I shouldn't be.

I massaged my stomach and then spoke to it. I don't like talking to myself, but I like it now that I know someone is listening. I touched it and sang to it. I propose to him that he guide me. He would lead me till I was able to locate my way with his father. If I don't manage in retaining Adonis' pleasant soul, I hope he will advise his father and accomplish that thing. I have nothing else to want of him but that Adonis be well, even though he will despise me for what will I do.

I let my tears run till I was exhausted and had to close my eyes. I had lost track of time, and when I awoke, it was dark. I checked the clock since Cole and I had discussed meeting today. I just felt the chilly floor touch my feet, and I'm not sure why I burst out crying.

In a dark room, cold floor, and the sound of crickets, he was the one I was looking for. I want to hug him and kiss him because I find it hard to carry and think all alone. I have no one with me and I want him to hug and kiss me, whispering that everything will be fine too. That was all I could ask for but even after that I was done crying; there was no Adonis — and I knew I would lose him forever in the next few things that I will do.

Once I had saw Cole, my eyes swelled. Even when he mocked me about it, I ignored him. I had no reason to oppose his taunting because we weren't particularly close. What we have is just business, and he doesn't need to make an excuse to talk to me. Hopefully, after all of this, our worlds will remain constantly calm. After all, ideally, that has occurred, and it will be but a footnote in history that will never be worth revisiting. When all of our plans are completed, I want to leave this city and live peacefully in our province. Cole arched an eyebrow at me and waited to hear what I had to say next.

“Tomorrow I will go to Adonis' office, I will go with him because he is about to go to his company. Before nightfall, I will give all the information I can collect. ” I paused for a moment, clasped my hand, and looked at him coldly because this decision of mine would be the reason why everything about us would change. "When you're done planning, I'll help you discredit him in public because I have a secret to reveal." I got up and took the bag that was just next to me. I stopped moving as he was just amused watching. "Once we've knocked him down, don't try to show me your face again. We're all dirty here, Cole — don't act like you're an innocent saint."

I saw his expression change because of what I told him. I didn't have time to watch his shocked face because I knew fear no longer existed in his body. All I have to do today is approach Adonis and show him that I am not his opponent. But I don’t know how I’m going to do that because every time I see his eyes, I just want to run away from the upcoming problems. I want to getaway. I take revenge because I want to, I take revenge because I feel that’s the right thing to do. I feel like that’s the right thing to do and that’s part of the reason why I’m angry with myself. I could not stand on my own two feet.

I want to love him the way I know but how can I do that when the truth appears right in front of my own eyes. When I left there I did not go home first. I went back to the Ferris wheel where Cole had taken me. The sea is the only thing that calms me down in this turbulent world. When the strong wind hit me, I remembered Adonis and me talking about Poseidon and his son. So I maybe dreamed that was because I was pregnant by that time.

I wrapped my arms around myself, closed my eyes, and imagined him caressing me. What awaits me when I complete my vengeance? How serious is your resentment towards me? I hope you would gradually dislike me while you were still with me because I don't imagine I can survive it if you suddenly detest me. I'm concerned that one day when I look you in the eyes, your eyes will no longer be filled with care and love — even though many think it's all a ruse. I don't mind your phony worry and affection as long as I can experience it. I'm scared that one day when I look you in the eyes, I'll see rage, contempt, and disdain. I don't think I can afford to see such eyes.

The wind blew through my hair so I turned around.

When I got home the lights were off, no one was there and the whole household was quiet. Tears welled up in my eyes but I looked up. I don't want to imprint and mark in my brain that one day I have to leave him and he has to live in this house alone, my heart is heavy and I can't weigh every weight. What if the noise is gone in this house? What will his life be like? Cole was pretty certain, that I was illusory. I had the illusion that he could not be alone; because of me? I'm dumb thinking that he can't live without me. I feel like I can't live without him but what is the right of a traitor like me?

When I was about to go upstairs, I heard a series of bottle crashes so even though my stomach hurt I followed where the sound was coming from. When I got to the kitchen, I saw Adonis lying on the floor, with two bottles of wine he is hugging, and my eyes filled with terror because of his position. He just got back from the hospital and why is he letting himself be like this?! I immediately approached him and pulled his hair because I looked at the wound on his forehead to see if it had opened and I breathe a sigh of relief because it did not bleed. I hugged him immediately and the tears I tried to hold back no longer held back. They fell on his face which is why he woke up.

He touched my face and I savored the caress of his warm palm. I kissed it and I didn’t take it away from my face. It was as if I had fainted because of the strength of my cries and I felt like a baby just coming out of my mother's womb because each of my cries only got louder when he spoke.

“Why are you crying again? I'm starting to hate myself because I always make you cry. Do you hate me that much?” His voice is fine now but it's not loud because maybe he's drowsy so he can't say out loud what he wants to say. The cold floor seemed like nothing to us because I seemed to have found my home and found the warmth I wanted. This is my home but I am not his home.

I shook my head at him and couldn’t form the words I wanted to say to him. I want to tell him that I can't hate him and maybe in the next few days, he will be the one to resent me that even if he just looks at me disgust him. When I got the words; I was no longer trembling I already said the answer to his question.

"I can't hate you because I love you and I will and still love you till my last breath."