Chapter 19: Chapter 19

Because of what he said, I want to laugh. Is he already insane? Why is he so irritated because I wounded myself with the knife? I produced a serious expression to demonstrate that I was not amused by what he said. I pretended it wasn’t a big deal and then joined in on his joke.

“You appear to be right there in your thoughts. Is it possible for us to construct them together and at the same time?” I was thinking about what he said and pretend interested. I did not move from my spot when he began to take steps; instead, I simply looked at him. He just opens the door wide when he was about to leave. I expected a thoughtful response, but all he said was:

“Okay.”

When I came out, the children who had been standing outside were gone. Even Sandro is gone. I did not know where they went; I did not even tell them they could come here and listen to my teaching. The only problem is whether they will listen. Children today are hard to teach, especially when you have nothing profession to be a teacher. College and demo teach how to handle children.

When I went inside, drowsiness visited me, even though it was just noon. I just woke up to the smell of Adonis’ perfume. When I opened my eyes, I saw him staring at me while his face was close to mine. I immediately backed away and leaned against the wood of the bed. I was about to hit the wall, however, he immediately put his hand on the back of my head. My heart beat faster. The horses are racing again.

“Let’s go.”

I rolled my eyes because of what he said. I sat up straight, and then my racing heart was replaced by nervousness. This is the day and time I have been waiting for. I will deal with them. Will I apologize? How are they?

Eventually, I also didn’t answer any of the questions running through my brain and decided to just stand up. I immediately got in the car. Adonis was wearing simple black clothes and black trousers. He didn’t bring office clothes here even though he said that he would work from time to time so that somehow he wouldn’t have problems with his company, but I didn’t see him holding a laptop. Is it because there is no connection or because he just really doesn’t want to work? Office attire is for whenever there are meetings. That’s what I see whenever a board of directors is absent, especially the Chief Executive Officer, and they only talk in a video call. They still have to be presentable when they talk.

He had already operated the vehicle. No one speaks to us. I think what my reaction might be once I’m there. We passed many tall trees. The houses we passed through a while ago are completely gone. Only wide roads and large trees remain. The sun is still quite straight. When we were in seclusion, he stopped the car. Even though I was wondering, I still got out of the car after he got out to follow him. I was surprised when he suddenly disappeared. I ran to look at what he had gone through earlier and saw him coming down a flight of stairs to where. The stairs are already mossy and at any time you can slip because of the thickness. I just followed where he went down. I knew we were already at the grave when I saw the two cement crosses. I breathed a sigh of relief because somehow they were given a proper burial.

Even their tombstones are cemented, and their names are neatly engraved. When I finally got down, I saw three people buried there. Adonis stopped and then looked at the tombstones. When I got confused close to him, I then turned to him and asked.

“Why are there three here?” I thought the family of the deceased servants took the rest of them? I still feel guilty about what happened to them, even though I know I’m not at fault. They are just working, but that happened to them. I don’t know how they didn’t chase and get mad at me. They were the first to find me because of the misfortune that happened to their loved ones, but surprisingly I did not hear a single word. They should have been my responsibility, but I didn’t do that because I hid and was scared.

“He is your youngest servant. The caretaker of them remains waited, but no one took them. I was told that he was an orphan, so no one tried to take him, so the person who buried your parents just took him with them.” He doesn’t take his eyes off the bricks while I just stare at him.

“Do you know who buried my parents? I want to formally thank them.” I had always wanted to ask him this and I think it was one of my parents’ close friends who gave them a proper burial. I’m glad because somehow they still have a real friend left. Taking care of their grave was enough for me, but I wonder why it is still buried in such a secluded place.

“I didn’t know or talk to him. He just told me where your parents are buried.” His hands clasped as he was now staring into space. I tried to look at what he was looking at, but it was just trees. When I looked around us, it was like a burned forest, but because it was already covered with dry leaves, it was no longer noticeable.

“Then why are they buried here?”

I thought it would hurt me too much when I saw my parents buried in the ground with a tombstone in front of them. It’s not that painful although it’s still sad because I don’t know how everything changed and suddenly everything disappeared from me like a bubble. If only I could have done something during those times. If only I could repeat the incident or else I didn’t sleep, so I could see who entered. Even as time goes by, I may not be able to get rid of the blame for myself. It wouldn’t change me to think every day that I wish I had done something during those times.

Adonis didn’t answer my question, so I didn’t speak again. I knelt on the leafy sand even though my knees would get dirty. I removed the leaves that perched on the three tombstones then pulled out of my bag a wrapped candle I had bought. Fortunately, I bought a package. I also took out the match after sticking that. I prayed first and then sat down. My dress won’t get so dirty because it’s not sandy. I sit only on dry leaves. It surprised me when Adonis touched me on the shoulder. When I looked at him, his expression was blank. He is a person who is very difficult to read. Some days he’s fine, some days you don’t understand him.

“I’m leaving first so you can say what you want to say.” He immediately turned around and went up the stairs. I looked behind him and I didn’t know where I was getting the vibe of Adonis, as if he was so mysterious. Somehow, I thought I knew nothing of him. I don’t know who his parents are, where he graduated or what his business is. All I know is he is a business executive. It’s hard for him to guess.

I turned my eyes back to the tombstone and started talking to my parents. The tears I had been holding back kept flowing. I thought I would be able to hold my face until I could say it and ask what I wanted. But in the end, I still didn’t. It wasn’t as painful as in my previous griefs. It’s bitter to think that I’m alone. That I have nothing to lean on.

“Who did this to you?”

“Why did they do this to you?”

I have many questions that I want to answer, but I know no one can answer them, no matter how much I force them to get up from the pit.