Chapter 29: Chapter 29

Before the story starts, I just want to do this.

I dedicate this chapter to J_Granados for always commenting, voting and truly being my cheerleader through out. I love you! Thank you so much! You helped me achieve a lot.

And also to IamJiri for never failing to vote and my first, true reader. A great friend and my number one support. I love you b.

So let's begin....

April's POV

New Year's dinner is always the part I look forward too. After all the fireworks and wishes, it was time to finally settle down and have a quiet dinner....that's once all the women were done cooking.

"April, get the chicken out of the oven." Aunt Brenda says to me as she transfers the mashed potatoes to a bowl.

I give the gravy one last stir and then transfer it into two huge gravy boats before slipping the honey baked chicken out of the oven.

"Will your mum ever get over her oven burn?" I ask Haley, my cousin and she shrugs with a smile.

"She calls it the devil's invention." She says as she helps me drop it at the center of the table.

Ginger is busy setting the silverware and I grab the table napkins to help her.

"I always forget how much I miss having dinner here." Ginger says, laying out dessert spoons and I can't help but smile at how much I can relate to that sentence.

"I know. They're so many memories in this house, it always makes me feel like--"

The chime of the doorbell cuts me off and Ginger and I exchange looks.

"We're not expecting anyone, are we?" Haley asks as she heads for the door.

I shrug and continue laying out the paper napkins.

"Maybe it's those kids that go from door to door singing Christmas hyms." Ginger says with a shrug and I roll my eyes at her.

"Christmas hyms on New year?"

Before Ginger can reply, Haley's voice calls out with uncertainty.

"Umm, April? Its for you!"

Ginger looks up at me suddenly and I can feel my expression reflect on her face.

For me?

She shrugs it off but confusion is racking at my thoughts as I head for the door.

Who on earth would be looking for me on--

Haley sidesteps out of the door way and I stop in my tracks as a pair of grey eyes that are too familiar stare back at me.

Ethan.

Its like the snow has stopped falling mid-air and I don't know where I am anymore....just the rush of emotions, memories and tears of the last experience with him.

"April? Doo....you know him?" Haley asks uncertainly and I blink back to consciousness, my gaze still on Ethan.

His tousled, black hair is sprinkled with snow, his eyes are fixed on me with so much mixed feelings...it's hard to tell.

He looks eager, like he has been hurrying to get here.

Ethan. Here. In Southern California at my grandparents home.

He has flowers in his hand, a huge bunch of carnations, red and bright in contrast with his black jacket.

"April." He says my name and I finally realise that I haven't moved an inch from where I've been standing.

Haley is staring at me with confusion evident on her face.

Move, April.

I can feel my feet moving as get to the porch where Ethan is standing with the flowers, eyes never leaving mine.

"Hey." He says and even attempts a small smile that immediately fades away when I don't change the blank expression on my face.

When the door shuts behind me, I finally muster up the courage to speak.

"W-What are you doing here?" I stutter, finally pulling my gaze away from his grey eyes that seemed to brighten in the cold.

"I...umm. Well, first of all, these are for you." He says, sounding, for the first time, a little shaky.

He extends his hand, gesturing for me to take the beautiful bunch of carnations. My gaze drops to the bright red and delicate petals of the flowers and I can't help the tears that suddenly sting my eyes and throat.

Carnations.

Why?

Why did he remember that I loved them?

Why would he show up here with them?

"Okay,...you don't want the flowers. Forget the flowers." Ethan says and I force myself to look at him.

"You haven't answered me. What are you doing at my grandparents home? Why are you here?" I demand, successfully hiding the quiver that tried to ruin my cold tone.

Ethan sighs, looks down for a second before looking back at me with the all too familiar plea in his eyes.

"I was wrong. All those things I said, the things I agreed to. Baby, I was wrong."

"Don't call me that." I say, this time failing to hide the quiver.

He pauses for a second, then nods and continues,

"Fine. But I mean what I'm saying April. I though it had it all figured out but I dont. Not without you. Without you, nothing makes sense nothing is the same and I was an idiot not to realise it on time. I...I want to be with you."

I'm already shaking my head before he is done with the last sentence.

"No. No you dont."

"Yes. Yes, I do." Ethan says and takes a step toward me and by impulse I move back, surprising both of us.

I have never moved away from him by impulse. This time it felt like a habit, and for some reason...it felt wrong.

"No, you don't!" I yell, avoiding the bad feeling.

"You don't get to do this anymore. You don't want to be with me, you just want it to seem like that. And why? Why do you keep finding me and making things work just so you can just hurt me again?!"

"I'm not." He says calmly, holding my gaze.

"I'm not going to hurt you or let any hurt come to you. Yes, it has always seemed like that but baby--"

"Don't call me that!" I yell.

"Okay." He says quietly and cautiously.

"Okay. But April, I have never hurt you on purpose. I know that between us it has never been a straight pattern but I swear to you, I never planned for it to be like this."

"So there you have it. We're a mess and you just admitted it. It has never been a straight pattern for us. Ever. So why do you keep doing this to me when you know it'll never end up well?"

My voice cracks at the end but I don't want to burst into tears until I've said it all.

"You admitted it the day I left that you don't see us going anywhere and you're right. We won't go anywhere, not like this. We both know we always end up being apart so why bother? You say you never do anything to hurt me on purpose--"

"I dont." He insists calmly.

"Then why the hell are you here?! You show up with flowers on the first day of New Year for what? For a chance that I'll let myself jump into this mess again? Am I really that weak to you? You're easy target? Just please..."

I put my palms together in front of my face in a prayer form, as I let the tears run.

"Please don't humiliate me like this anymore. Please, just stop trying to make the fool out of me. I just want to be with my family in peace. Just go." I say and close my eyes as more tears fall.

"April, no. Its not like that I swear." Ethan says, reaching for me and I move back.

"No! Just stop!" I say and he freezes at my outburst.

"Stop." I say queitly with more tears.

"April, I can't stand to see you cry." He says.

"Then leave. Just stop with the pretense and the efforts. Enough. Please go."

Ethan's eyes are on mine, searching with fear...confirming that I know what I'm saying.

"Go." I say one more time and I can literally see the hopes shatter in his eyes as he looks down. He picks up the bunch of flowers he'd dropped on the floor and turns as he heads for the driveway.

The front door suddenly opens and my mum walks out.

"Ethan." She calls with a smile and Ethan pauses before turning around to see my mum.

"I'm Pamela Skye, April's mum. Its so nice to meet you." My mum says cheerfully without so much as giving me a second glance as she walks over to Ethan.

Ethan turns to me for a breif second with confusion evident on his face and I can relate.

What is she doing?

"It's nice to meet you too." Ethan says, attempting a smile even though his face looks down with emotions.

"Well, look how tired you look. I'll bet it's been quite a journey coming here in this weather. Why don't you join us for dinner and rest a little?"

WHAT?!

Ethan looks terrified too as he looks at me again, but this time with fear....like I'm going to shoot him dead.

Guilt slaps me in the face suddenly as I realise I hadn't even cared to find out how he got here....and here he is terrified of my reaction.

But what does it matter?

He doesn't really want me.

"I...I'm not sure that's a good idea. I'll just find a hotel and--"

"Nonsense. On the first day of New Year? You may not be family, but anyone that has made such a trip to see my daughter, deserves a warm welcome. Then you can stay in the guest bedroom."

Why is mum doing this? Can't she see that this is all pointless?

My mum grabs Ethan by the elbow and leads him to the house. Next to Ethan's tall build, she looks smaller.

"I really dont want to intrude..." Ethan is saying.

"I have to agree with him, mum."

Because I cant sit on the same table with someone I haven't gotten over.

Someone that has so much effect on me, it burns in the best way.

"He is not going back in the dark. And no one is leaving my home on an empty stomach." She says and pulls him in.

* * *

"Maybe she isn't up to something." Ginger says as she runs her fingers over the delicate petals of the flowers Ethan had brought. Mum had unwrapped it and put it in a vase with water right after she had him seated for dinner.....right across me.

"Even if she is, this will all be pointless. Its always pointless." I say as I get ready for bed.

Dinner had been a series of questions thrown at Ethan who kept glancing at me before answering them...as if trying to make sure I was okay with it.

He had looked odd, sitting among women with his huge appearance and black hair.

"Are you sure about that? Because these flowers say something different." Ginger says, still admiring the flowers on my desk.

I roll my eyes at Ginger and drop to a sitting position on my bed.

"That's what he wants me to think. Always showing up and doing something with an extra effort and I keep falling for it. I don't want to do that anymore. Its all for nothing."

I say and cover my face with my palms.

Ginger is sitting next to me in a second.

"Well, why would he show up here all the way from Nevada for nothing? Maybe you should take a step back and rethink this April. Maybe he isn't trying to deceive you...maybe he never has. Maybe he has true intentions after all...did you consider that? I've never seen a guy beg for nothing...not the way he did."

Before I can process everything she just said, she gets up and leaves the room, muttering,

"I'd give anything to see a guy show up like that for me...that's for sure."

I push my palms backwards, up to my hair when I catch sight of the red carnations.

"Dammit, Ethan...why can't I just stop loving you?"

****

The buzzing close to my ear sounds loud and unmerciful, like a handful of bees.

I toss and turn, willing it to stop but it just briefly goes off and starts again.

Groaning, I sit up and turn on my bedside lamp. My phone comes to sight, suddenly silent and I pick it up.

"Three messages?" I groan and glare at the time.

05:00am.

I turn off the light and just as my head hits the pillow, my phone buzzes again.

"Oh, for the love of--"

The name on the screen of my phone shuts me up.

Ethan. Four messages.

Frowning, I open them.

Ethan: I'm sorry for ruining New Year for you.

Ethan: You're right, I've been hurting you.

Ethan: I'm leaving now.

Ethan: I love you, April Skye.

The last sentence hits me in every nerve and I feel a conflict of reactions, unable to move. Prisoner to the spot on the bed when I hear the front door open and shut.

Oh no.

He is leaving!

With a rush of panic, I scramble out of bed and race out of my room towards the door, pulling it open.

There is a cab in front and Ethan has his head down and his hands in his pockets as he walks towards it.

"Ethan." I say and he stops moving and turns to me, his grey eyes filled with surprise.

"What...what are you doing?"

"I'm leaving." He says with a slight shrug and I walk over to him, bare footed.

"April--"

"Why didn't you tell me before? When you came yesterday?" My voice comes out tiny because of the mixture of emotions within me.

I don't what to think first.

I'm angry, sad, guilty, excited.

"I didn't....I didn't know how."

"You didn't know how to tell me? So you just decided to drop it as a text and leave?" I say, as anger wins the battle of emotions.

"You didn't want me here." He says, sounding slightly aggravated.

"How was I supposed to know what your intentions were? You just showed up and said you wanted me back...but you never said this." I say, now standing directly in front of him, holding my phone up to his face.

"And now you're just going to leave me with a text? Why?" I ask as a wave of sadness follows after the emotions.

He is quiet, looking down.

"Why?" I ask again.

Shaking his head, he looks at me.

"I was scared." He says in the softest way that weakens every argument I had left in me.

"The truth is I've been in love with you when you told me that you love me, and....I was scared of loving you back. Of letting you know, because I couldn't tell what would happen next. I couldn't tell if your feelings would fade if you find out later that all you wanted was just someone to be there for you....that it wasn't love all along. I didn't want to love you and wake up one day without you, because...when I love, April Skye, I love with everything."

I'm staring at him with a blurry vision now as sadness takes its toll on me, letting guilt to finish up.

How could I not have seen this before?

All this time...

It wasn't trickery...

It was fear.

"Ethan, I..." I let my voice trail off as I blink.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"It's not your fault. I didn't tell you on time. I just didn't want you to--"

"I wont." I say looking at him.

"I won't be another Heather. I wouldn't just up and leave you. I know I can never guarantee that we're both heading somewhere in the future and it was unfair to ask you that question."

I touch his cheek now, and continue,

"I'm scared too. Scared that one day,...you'll pick someone over me and I would be left alone again. But--"

"But I love you." He says tucking a stray lock of my messy hair behind my ear.

I nod happily.

"Exactly. But I love you." I say with a laugh in the midst of my tears.

Ethan sweeps both his hands round my waist.

"I'm ready to take a chance with you, April Skye, even though we can't guarantee each other a forever. I'll take whatever you have to offer. Because I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you when I wake up next to you. I love you when you wake up looking like shit. I love you when you step out of the shower. I love you when you say my name. I love you when you laugh. I love you when you're mad at me. I love you when you cry. I love you when you wear my clothes. I love you when you're drunk. And most importantly, I love you when you touch me..."

He takes my hand from his cheek and puts it on the left side of his chest.

"Here." He says and I'm sure I'm crying up a storm.

"I don't know how to compete with that." I say and he laughs, pulling me closer.

"Just say what I want to hear, baby." He says with a coy smile, knowing I can't tell him to stop calling me that anymore.

"I love you, Ethan Griphen. Always." I say.

"Come here." Ethan says and pulls me into a kiss. I don't know how it was possible for me to stay away from his enchanting kiss for so long. Or how I survived without it.

All I know is that I've lost myself in him. In this man that loves me, and is proving it by kissing me out of my senses, out of my worries. And I know I'd give anything to never lose this feeling.

A car honk makes me jump back and we both turn to the cab that has been waiting for Ethan.

I stifle a laugh as he curses after realising he kept the driver waiting.

"Wait here, love." He says to me as he walks over to the car and hands the driver some money. I watch the man smile in grattitude before driving away and Ethan begins walking back to me, but pauses, observing me now.

"You came out to seduce Santa?" He asks, gesturing to my silk nightie and I laugh, suddenly realising that I'm freezing.

"Nah. That happened during Christmas."

Ethan walks over to me now and picks me up, bridal style.

"You must be freezing. I bet he didn't do a good job?" He says as he carries me inside.

"No. He was ho-ho-horrible." I say and he laughs as he walks into my room and shuts the door.

"We'll see if we can change that." He says then adds in a whisper,

"Then make your toes curl from something with a mind boggling heat."

His suggestive words make me gasp before swatting him on the shoulder but he just laughs as he drop me on the bed, staying above me.

"I've got relatives all over the house." I say and he nods.

"I know. So be quiet."

And his warmth takes over.

Author's Note

Super long chapter because you guys deserve it and also my way of saying sorry for leaving you hanging for so long. School approaches.

Also I hope you love it and I'm thinking whether to do an epilogue or not? Please comment and tell me what you think.

I'm super sorry for the late update.

Thank you all so much for helping me and encouraging me to finish this book.