Chapter 23: Chapter 23

"You spilled hot coffee on her face?" Ginger asks and I nod, still looking down while she bursts into laughter.

"Damn, April. Brutal. I'm proud." She says with a smile and I roll my eyes at her.

Trust Ginger to be the tough one.

I didn't even know I had it in me.

"I'm not. I can't believe I did that, I should have just walked away."

"Are you kidding me? She deserved it."

"No. No one can make another person cheat. If he didn't want to, he wouldn't have."

I avoid her pitiful eyes and continue,

"Besides, it wasn't exactly cheating. Ethan and I were nothing anyway."

Ginger is suddenly quiet and I look up at her from where she is sitting across me on the bed.

"What is it?" I ask and she sighs, looking at me again.

"Looking at you now, I just realise how much pain you went through over and over when I made all those guys leave you. I'm sorry."

Her sudden apology catches me off guard.

"I'm sorry, April." She says again and I smile, shrugging it off.

"It's okay. If anything, you helped me realise what jerks they were. They would have cheated on me anyway." I say with a shrug.

Ginger's eyes go wide all of a sudden with a look I know all too well when she is excited about a plan.

"What?" I ask.

"So let's do it."

"Do what?"

"The whole helping you to realise what jerks are. Let me do it to Ethan." She says.

I do a double take.

"What? No way. There is nothing to prove anyway, I saw everything I need. It was bad enough. Plus I don't want to keep fighting for something that never stood."

Before I can finish talking, she already has my phone in her hand and switches it on.

"I'll just call him and--"

"Ginger, no."

She doesn't seem to hear me as she is staring at my phone in shock.

"Oh. My. God." She says, fingers tapping all over the screen.

I frown at her but she looks up at me, eyes dancing.

"You've got 28 texts and 12 voicemail messages all from Ethan."

She turns the screen to face me and I want to take it from her hand and look at the messages and listen to the voicemail but I look away instead.

No.

I can't give in now.

This is what happens every time we both have an issue. He shows up with apologies and I stupidly turn to melted butter in his presence.

Or in his eyes.

Or lips.

"I don't care." I say, getting off the bed and towards the sealed carbon box I had packed the day Heather showed up.

For the life of me, I couldn't bring myself to leave the room and return it because somehow I had given him the benefit of doubt.

And look where it got me.

Idiot.

"This is a lot of apologies, April." Ginger says, scrolling through the phone as I pick up the box.

"I have to go and drop this box with him before we can go home for thanksgiving." I say to her as I slip on a hoodie because of the dropping temperature and grab my wallet.

"Wait, listen this." She persuades.

"Ginger, no--"

***'April, please. Please, just give me a moment to explain. It was nothing, I swear to you. I would never, ever hurt you on purpose. There is nothing going on between Heather and I, it's all just a big misunderstanding. Just please, pick my calls so we can talk. Please, April.'***

Dammit. There he goes, calling my name like that when he knows it'll get to me.

Why does he sound do bloody innocent?

Why can't he just let me hate him in peace?

Why am I doubting myself?

Ginger is staring at the phone quietly.

"April, maybe he is--"

"No." I cut her off, shaking my head. It was bad enough that I was already doubting myself but if I hear another person's encouragement, I'll fall back to him again.

And I can't.

I just cant.

"No, Ginger. Its no use. I've made up my mind." I say, opening the door.

"But, April--"

"I'll be back soon." I say to her and leave the room. Not trusting myself to stand there and listen to someone other than my conscience telling me that Ethan is innocent.

He can't be innocent.

I saw him.

Hands on her waist, with her shirt buttons open and that skirt was up so high, I swear I saw a birthmark.

There is no use deceiving myself...

Or convincing myself otherwise due to my pitiful state...

The taxi ride to the place is shorter than usual and I'm in the elevator in no time.

The wide hallway is empty as usual and I stand in front of the door, hesitating.

I can just drop this here and leave.

I should just drop it here and leave.

Knock on the door and scram....but I won't.

I'm not going to keep running, because I have to drop this by myself. I have to show him he has nothing on me at all.

I take a deep breath and knock on the door, suddenly regretting it as I hear an immediate response.

"Coming!"

Oh. Thank goodness.

Its Trevor's voice.

Idiot. You're not supposed to be happy.

You're supposed to see Ethan and shove this box in his---

The door opens, saving me from my sociopathic thoughts and Trevor's eyes immediately go wide as he sets his gaze on me.

Please don't say my name out loud.

Oh, please dont.

"April." He mutters and I try to get the words out quickly before Ethan gets here.

No. I'm not strong enough to look him in the eye.

Yes, I'm a coward.

I attempt a weak smile.

"Hi Trevor. Could you please give this box to Ethan, I'm in a hurry."

The box is already in his hand before I'm done talking and just as he gives a hesitant nod, Ethan appears behind him.

Oh God.

He looks awfully troubled.

Hair disheveled beyond possibility, eyes dull with...pain? I don't know how long we stare at each other before I draw my eyes away from him and back to Trevor.

"Thanks." I mutter with a nod and start heading towards the elevator quickly.

"April." His voice is rushed behind me and I can hear fast, pacing footsteps behind me.

"April, wait." He says but I'm at the elevator, begging the bloody thing to come to the 20th floor already as I'm tapping rapidly at the button.

Open dammit.

"April." His voice is almost directly behind me when the elevator door slides open and I hurry in.

Ethan is behind me in a second.

I reach for the the down button but he stops my hand.

"April, please--"

"Get out, Ethan. Just go." I say, using the slipping the hoodie head warmer over my hair and hugging myself.

"Leave me alone." I whimper, realizing that I'm crying already. His eyes go soft and he reaches for the door. I'm almost positive he is about to leave when he hits a bunch of random floor numbers.

"What are you doing?" I say and the elevator door slides shut. Ethan turns to me now and I back away but my back hits the elevator wall.

"Don't you dare come near me." I demand even though my voice is weak as my fight and he must have realised it too because he advances me with more ease.

"No." I say but he reaches for me instead, like my protest means nothing to him.

"No!" I say as his hands pull me into his embrace, his warmth engulfs me in waves and it's the hardest struggle ever.

Like being thrown into the sea with bricks tied to my feet and I'm sinking down fast and hard.

Yet I'm struggling to find air.

Its a pointless struggle but I don't stop anyway.

"Let me go!" I weep against his hard chest as I try with all my effort to hit him and push him away.

"You lied to me! You tricked me! You jerk!" I yell, hitting him and crying but Ethan's hold on me is firm yet gentle and warm.

My tears roll uncontrollably now as his hands smooth over my hair and I hate myself.

Hate myself for being unable to hate that soothing feeling.

"April, Please stop crying."

"I trusted you." I cry stupidly, letting my weakness speak for me at the sound of him calling my name.

"Why? Why did you hurt me like this?" I sob on his chest, my weakness completely taking over as I lean into him.

My tears are steadfast as I cry more and I can feel his other hand rubbing my back.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He is muttering with face buried in my hair.

The elevator is still moving from floor to floor and I don't know how long I stand there with him holding me so close and comforting me.

"Shh...shh..." He's muttering until my tears are all gone and yet I don't want this aura of comfort to end. This moment of calm in the roaming elevator till I realise that....

He was apologising.

I'm sorry...I'm sorry.... He had been saying.

So he did it then.

I begin to pull away and he feels it and doesn't give way but instead, his hold on me is becomes more firm.

"Let me go." I say, trying to pull away from his comforting warmth.

"Look at me." He says in a pleading voice and one hand comes around to be under my chin as he tries to lift my face up.

I pull away from his attempt but he keeps trying to get hold of my chin.

"No." I say, pulling away.

"Please."

"No. Let go of me." I say but he doesn't give up.

"April." He says my name like a fragile treasure and I don't know why that does it but I stop struggling and let his hand lift my chin up to look at him.

Oh, Ethan.

His eyes are filled with so much worry and pain, like he is suffering.

Why does he have to look like that?

"I would never, ever hurt you on purpose."

"But you did." I say spitefully to him, trying not give in to his eyes.

"I saw you, so why do you keep lying?  Just stop." I say and try to look away but he keeps my chin up and holds my gaze.

"I'm not lying. I will never lie to you."

"You were just apologising right now."

"For hiring her." He persuades, holding my gaze and I try and fail to look away.

Because I cant.

Because his eyes hold me, proving to me that he is saying the truth.

"I never should have accepted her, I just...."

He closes his eyes and opens them again, never leaving my gaze.

"I just wanted to have closure with her and get it all over with. To be done with everything that concerns Heather so I can...So I can be completely yours."

"Don't do this to me Ethan, don't put me in this position." I say tearfully and continue, "I saw her straddling you comfortably! Your hands were on her waist, her skirt was up, her buttons were open. I know what I saw!"

He firmly and gently cradles my head in both hands as he stares into my eyes.

"April, she has been trying to seduce me since I hired her and I never let it happen. My hands were only on her waist because I was trying to get her off me. In fact, I fired her seconds before you showed up." He pleads and I stare at him, searching his eyes, unable to utter a word and Ethan continues,

"I can never pick someone over you. I can never be that stupid. You're the one I want."

His voice strains with eagerness for me to believe him and I know that deep down, I have.

I just don't want to show it...that I will always have a weak spot to believe him so easily.

My lip is quivering and I let the words slip out.

"You hurt me so bad." I admit.

"I know, baby. I'm sorry."

The effect of him calling me baby warms me as I lean into him but the words keep spilling,

"I thought I was repulsive to you, I thought you didn't want me."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He is saying over and over again and I wrap my arms around him and pull him even closer to me.

The elevator stops roaming and opens at the ground floor.

"Stay with me." His words are whispered against my hair but I hear him anyway.

I shake my head, even though I want to stay with him, more than anything.

"I cant. I have to go home for Thanksgiving." I say and he pulls away away little to look at me.

"Then let me prove this before you leave." He says and his hands caress my face as the elevator door slides close but doesn't move.

"What?" I ask, caught in the spell of his eyes.

"No more playing things out. We are done with that. Let's make it official now, you and me."

I don't know why my heart flutters at those words...even though something is biting at the back of my excitement and I let it out.

"Really? But wouldn't it be too soon?" I ask.

"I don't care. As long as it's you, then I'm ready. Let's go for it, what do you say?"

"I'm going to need that box back." I say and he laughs, resting his forehead on mine.

"So, you'll be mine."

"Yeah," I agree with a laugh,

"I'll be yours."

Author's Note

Busy moments.

Late updates.....

Extremely Sorry! !!!

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